6Dear Monika,
I never thought that training would end! I figured it would only last maybe a day or two, but I was wrong! So, I am sorry that it took two weeks to finally write a letter to you. By the way, I was told I had improved since we were back in Italy. I bet my will to come out of this alive and to see you again are helping in my strengths! However, I was told even though I have improved, my capabilities still are considered weaker than average, but we all have to start somewhere, right?
I miss you a lot. When I'm in bed, all I can think of is that last night. I keep thinking about when you said you'd be my girlfriend, and the kiss we shared afterwards. Then, I think about how I was able to lay with you for a few hours as you fell asleep. I still remember how flustered you got when I started stripping. It still makes me laugh thinking that you expected me to lay down in that uncomfortable uniform of mine. Plus, it was as if you've never seen a man's chest before! You're probably mad at me for mentioning that in my letter, but I can't help it, because you were too cute! I wish we didn't have to say good bye though. I was close to crying as I hugged and kissed you before leaving. To be honest, I did cry once I left your room.
Anyway, I can't say much about where I am, or what the plan is for getting through this battle, but something tells me it isn't going to be easy. I overheard the French armies are getting tougher allies, and will be backing them up for reinforcements. But don't worry! I'll do whatever it takes to come back to you!
I hope you're doing well back in Stuttgart. Does your brother, Gilbert know about us? Does he know I'm the soldier he yelled at that one day? I know you said he doesn't like the war, so knowing your new boyfriend is a soldier might upset him. Best to tell him soon if that's the case!
Oh, Monika. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared for what my fate might be. Yes, I said in this letter I'll do whatever it takes to survive, but I don't know if I have true survival instinct. Perhaps maybe a little more motivation might help? I already have you mentally right now, but maybe when you write back, you could attach a little photo of you? I already miss how beautiful you are.
I can hear my superiors saying the lights are going to be shut off, so I should finish my letter quick. I hope you get this letter soon. It'll also be nice to know you're having a good time back where you live. I'd give anything to be there right now.
Your boyfriend,
Feliciano
Feliciano folded the letter he recently wrote to Monika right as the light in the room was shut off. He was going to miss sleeping in somewhat of an actual bed. The next morning he'd be assigned with specific soldiers and sent off to actually fight in the war. The thought of sending someone to their grave made Feliciano cringe. He made up scenarios of a man he would shoot was a newlywed, a soon-to-be father, or something else that would cause the poor boy to be struck with guilt for the rest of his life. The more he thought to himself, the more he tried to think of ways he would prevent killing anyone. He hadn't seen battle yet, and Feliciano felt traumatized. He beat himself up over how he shouldn't have rushed into the army as quickly as he did. Maybe he would have found a somewhat steady job that gave him just enough money to get by. He wouldn't have had to deal with this stress that way, and he could have lived the easygoing life he had prior. Yet, if he never joined the army, he never would have gone to Germany, and he never would have met Monika. Feliciano frowned as he started wondering if joining the army and risking his life was worth meeting her?
Feliciano placed the letter in the envelope placed under his pillow. A booming and intimidating voice shouted in the room as all light was cut. The dark had always made Feliciano uneasy, but now, he was terrified. The room felt cold, and if it weren't for the creaks of fellow soldiers tossing and turning in their beds, he swore he was alone. Feliciano was lucky to fall asleep as easily as he did; otherwise his fear could have kept him all night.
The arms that held Feliciano's weapon trembled violently as the vehicle that carried him and his group to their positions. As he looked at every other soldier, he noticed they all looked confident. They were determined to either win this war, or get out of it alive. Feliciano took a deep breath to calm him down. Perhaps talking with them would ease his tension.
"So, why are you all here?" he asked with a bit of a squeak in his voice. All soldiers broke focus about the war, and directed it at the coward sitting amongst them. "I mean, we all enlist for a reason, right?" Maybe talking was a bad idea.
One soldier relaxed and smiled at Feliciano. He was rather muscular, and Feliciano wondered if he could one day look like him. "I'm here because I want to make my parents proud," he said with a deep, intimidating voice. "Ever since I was little, they had been proud, but now they can say their son is a soldier, fighting because he loves Italy."
"I'm here because I'm starting a family," said another soldier. He was thinner than the other, but Feliciano could tell he did have muscle. "My wife is pregnant, and enlisting in the army is going to help cover some financial issues we might have. "
Feliciano listened carefully to each individual's stories. Everyone's reasons were fascinating, and it made him think about what kind of person he would be if he had the same motivation as others. Finally, as everyone had told their stories, they shifted their attention to the boy once more. They were eager to hear why such a weak, but strong-hearted boy would join. Feliciano kept the smile he wore through the earlier conversations.
"I was an unemployed kid whose brother fled to America. I couldn't find a job, so I thought enlisting might help. That was the first reason, but when we were in Germany," a small flush ran across Feliciano's cheeks and he sighed dreamily, "I met the most gorgeous woman I had ever laid eyes on!" The group all looked surprised from Feliciano's last statement. It dawned on all of them that this was the soldier that others were talking about. He was the one who was spending all his time pursuing a woman. "And to make it a long story short, she agreed to be my girlfriend and so being here, I can become stronger for her! I have to make it out of here alive!"
One soldier turned his head away from Feliciano. "Kid, I pray for you. Falling in love is the worst thing to happen to a man on the battlefield." Feliciano wasn't one to read emotions, but this time he could tell that this man knew what he was talking about. He didn't know if this man had experienced it himself, or if he saw it happen to another. Feliciano had tried to ask how he knew this, but he had refused to answer. The group grew quiet, and the focus on the battle ahead of them had continued. Even Feliciano tried to get his mindset into war.
The soldiers were lucky nothing happened to them on the way to their positions. The vehicle stopped, and they were all pushed out onto the snowy terrain. As Feliciano was shoved, he landed ungracefully into the snow. The rest of the soldiers tried to hold in their laughter at the sight of the boy belly-flopping onto the snow. Feliciano quickly got up, brushed the snow off of him, and readjusted that helmet he hated so much. He picked his weapon back up, and stood alongside his fellow troops. Their surroundings were empty, and there was no sign of life anywhere. Ahead of them was a manmade trench. The soldiers were to be positioned there for defensive purposes. Feliciano started to tremble again.
"Calm down," the muscular soldier commanded. "It won't do you or any of us any good to be afraid of what will come next. What would your girlfriend think if she heard you died because you were a coward?"
Feliciano looked at his group again. None showed a trace of fear on their faces, and it made him wonder if he really was the only one afraid of the possible fate they had. But that soldier was right in saying fear would get in the way of survival. Feliciano followed them down into the trench. If it weren't for their heavy uniforms, he swore he would die of cold before anyone would even shoot him.
The soldiers waited for hours in the trench. They kept themselves hidden from any detection as they listened for any sign of soldiers crossing the area. Feliciano wondered the entire time why there wasn't anybody in the area. He figured his first battle would consist of the bloodiest warfare in the history of wars. Perhaps the enemy hadn't made it to the area yet. Even though Feliciano and the army were in France, the land they waited in had already been conquered by the Germans, and the French were persistent in holding them off and getting land back.
Feliciano was losing his focus after hours and hours in that trench. He shouldn't have complained, as the quiet meant he'd stay alive longer. He needed to stay positive and hope every day would be similar to this. Unfortunately, nobody can get their way in war. Sounds of gunfire flooded the air, and in a matter of minutes, hell broke loose. Feliciano's group was signaled to arise and shoot from the trench. Everyone, even Feliciano, obeyed. The boy took careful aim at the French soldiers, but he didn't have enough willpower to shoot. When his group realized this problem, all yelled at him to fire. Every shot counted as long as it hit an enemy. Feliciano's shaking resumed as the sounds of gunfire and yelling swarmed his ears. Tears formed in his eyes from the confusion and stress of it all. Was this what war was?
Feliciano screamed in terror as he pulled the trigger.