CB shuffled down the sidewalk, staring at his beat up converse. After about 5 minutes, flowers in hand, he finally got to where he was headed.
CB couldn't believe any of this was real. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to hit something. But it didn't matter what he did. He knew it wouldn't make a difference, Beethoven was dead, that was that.
"Hey. I um- I miss you." CB said. Why was this so hard. "I wish you were still here. I wish I could've stopped Matt. Stopped you from-" he stopped. He couldn't bring himself to say it. "I just wanted you to know...I uhh-I love-"
He stopped. He heard something-no, someone. When he turned his head, he saw Matt. Suddenly, he saw red and felt the blood rush to his ears.
"What the hell are you doing here?" CB spat.
"Look man," Matt started, voice soft, "I just came to pay my respects."
"You don't deserve to come here and 'pay your respects.' If it weren't for you, Beethoven would still be here!" CB shouted, getting angrier and angrier by the second.
"HE WAS MY FRIEND TOO!" Shouted Matt, finally losing his cool.
"Oh really? Tell me, do you threaten all of your friends and tell them how stupid and gay they are?"
CB couldn't take it any longer. He dropped the small bouquet of flowers to the ground and pushed Matt as hard as he could. Matt stumbled a but but walked back to where he stood, in front of CB.
"Come on man, don't do this. You're my best friend." Matt said trying to calm CB down.
"NO! You killed him! You killed him Matt!" CB yelled on the verge of tears. "I-I loved him, Matt." CB said finally and broke into tears. "I loved him." His body now shook from the quiet sobs and he dropped to the ground.
"Hey, it's ok," Matt assured him, sitting on his knees next to his friend. "It's gonna be ok." Matt took CB into his arms and let him cry.
CB pushed Matt away from him after about 10 seconds. "I think you should go." CB told him calmly.
"Yeah. Just- just let me know if you need anything." Matt told him. "I'm still here for you. I know you may never forgive me, and I know I deserve much, much worse than that, but, just know I'll always be here for you. A shoulder to cry on."
CB's silent crying was enough of an answer for Matt and he stood up and walked away.
After taking a few steps, Matt turned to look at CB. "I'm so sorry." He whispered, not loud enough for CB to hear him. He knew though, that the person it was meant for could hear him. And he meant it.
He was so sorry. For everything.