I do not own Spamalot in any way, shape or form. I am a simple fan who's mind wanders to places it shouldn't.
He didn't know exactly when it started, but he could give a rough estimate.
Lancelot sighed and thought to himself in his newly acquired castle. It had been a month since him and his husband, Herbert, had gotten married. Even after the honeymoon and puppy love stages, they still loved each other dearly. Lancelot smiled to himself thinking about his one true love. But recently….
Recently Herbert had been going out more and more often not saying where he was going but simply saying he was "going out". Now Lancelot didn't want to limit his partner. He was fine with him going out. He was even fine when Herbert didn't tell him where he was going at first, but now it was too frequent. Too suspicious.
Lancelot frowned to himself and sipped some tea. He was relaxing on the terrace after taking a break from sword practice. When had it all started? Thinking back on it, Lancelot remembered that it was sometime after he had formally introduced Herbert to the other Knights of the Round Table. They were at the after party and they were all having a few drinks in Camelot. Lancelot didn't remember too much about the event, as he himself had gotten himself quite smashed. But he did recall that Herbert and Robin had hit it off quite well.
Was it possible? Was Herbert…. Cheating on him? Sure, Robin was attractive (so attractive that Lancelot had found himself interested in the knight), but neither his husband nor his friend would do that to him… right?
Lancelot contemplated this and then got up from his seat. He would venture himself to Sir Robin's castle to see for himself.
"No no no. You're doing it all wrong! Its tap step ball change! Not Step tap ball change!"
"Arggg! Can we take a brake Robin?" Herbert wined loudly after getting a simple dance move wrong for the umpteenth time.
"Fine fine. Come over here and we'll rest." Robin rolled up his sleeves and went to sit at a table placed in the corner of the room. Herbert giddily went to follow him and took the chair opposite.
Recently, Herbert had begun to frequently visit Sir Robin at his castle. They had become fast friends when they realized that the other was interested loved singing and dancing. Since then, Robin had begun to give Herbert singing and dancing lessons, or they just talked about Broadway.
Soon, tea was served to them. They both took a sip.
"You have a lot of potential, Herbert, you just need to practice." Robin commented to Herbert.
"I know! It's just hard to practice at home because I'm usually with my hubby!" Herbert squealed thinking about his husband.
"I still don't know home Lancelot managed to pick up a cute chap like you," Herbert laughed.
"Oh Lancelot is so nice, and he's so handsome and sexy, especially in bed-"
"I didn't ask," Robin closed his eyes in displeasure. He did not need to know about his friend's sex life. "I was so surprised when Lancelot got married to you. I never would have guessed he was gay."
"I know right? He was just a closet case who was trying to hide his gayness behind his masculinity!" But that part of him is very attractive too… Herbert smiled in a dreamy way, putting his head in his hands. Then, as if remembering something, he snapped up. "Well aren't you gay?" Herbert asked Robin.
Robin raised his eyebrows and put his tea down before he started to choke on it.
"No, no," Robin wiped his face with a napkin. "I'm a femininely straight man who is interested in musical theatre. You do know that there are straight men on Broadway, right?"
They dropped the sexuality subject after that and instead, switched to the topic of the most recent musical play to come out and how they should see it together.
Lancelot rode up to Sir Robin's Castle, which was now much easier with an actual horse. The guards welcomed him, recognizing him immediately, and helped him get off his horse. When Lancelot's horse, Harris, was taken to the stable, a young maid approached him.
"Hello Sir Lancelot!" She curtsied to him. "Shall I go inform Mister Robin that you're here?"
"No, that's alright. I just have a question," the maid nodded and waited. "Is my husband- is Herbert here?" Lancelot was still not entirely comfortable with being out of the closet. It wasn't that he was ashamed about Herbert (well sometimes a bit embarrassed when he acted up), Lancelot was still just awkward about himself and his sexuality. The maid piqued up.
"Oh! Why yes he is! He's been coming over so often now! I think the two of them are up is Mister Robin's room!"
"I see…" Lancelot spoke through gritted teeth and then marched into the castle. I'm going to stake Robin's head through my sword…!
"No way! No way!" Herbert was fanboying over the fact that his favorite actor, Fred Blanque, was going to be in the upcoming musical of Les Miserables. That had always been one of his favorite plays!
"That's right. And I may get to sing and dance with him!" Robin said as calmly as he could without sounding too proud of himself, which he was.
"What?!" Herbert put his hands on the table and stood up.
"Well, nothing is set in stone yet. I auditioned, but I'm still waiting for a callback," Robin slightly blushed at the attention he was getting. Herbert just loved to praise everything.
"Ohmygod! Congratulations! You'll definitely get the part!" Herbert went up to Robin and gave him a big hug, jumping up and down. It's probably not the best time to tell him I auditioned for the minor role of a backup dancer/singer. Still, Robin hugged him back.
Then, all of a sudden…
The bedroom door burst open, nearly breaking the poor door. Lancelot stood there in the entryway, sword in hand. He saw his husband and his so called "friend" embracing each other. That evil little bastard! Lancelot stepped forward his sword pointing directly at Robin's head. They were a good 10 feet or so apart from each other.
"Eeeeeeeekkkkkkkkk!" Herbert squealed in fright when he saw his husband with his sword drawn, looking terribly angry. Herbert quickly jumped behind the table and hid.
"Lancelot? How are you good buddy?" Robin smiled at his friend and took a few steps forward, his hand outright to shake hands. He was clearly not reading the atmosphere.
"You bastard!" Lancelot lunged forward aiming for the man in front of him.
"Whoa!" Robin dodged just in time. Because he was a dancer, he was very nimble and had quick reflexes. "What the hell man?!" Robin fell into a bookcase, almost knocking it over. Lancelot turned back around and prepared for another attack.
"Lancy!" Herbert called from behind the table, confused and scared.
"I'll deal with you later!" Lancelot glared at his husband, never once moving his sword that was pointing at Robin.
"What is going on?" At this point Robin was trying to scale to the top of the bookcase. Lancelot turned his glare back to Robin.
"Why are you even asking? You damn adulterous faggot!" Lancelot lunged toward Robin, only for Robin to finally reach the top of the 8 foot bookshelf. He was now out of reach of Lancelot's sword.
"What?" Robin's voice squeaked. "I'm the faggot out of the 3 of us? I'm pretty sure I'm not the one that loves to suck di-"
Lancelot lost it and threw his sword down and started to climb up the bookcase as well, shaking it. Robin gave a small scream before leaping onto a nearby hanging chandelier, his feet dangling in the air. The bookshelf fell and Lancelot jumped off it. He started picking up books and throwing them at the flying Robin.
"Wait a second, Lancy!" Herbert ran up to his husband and restrained him. "Now tell me, what exactly do you think is going on?"
Lancelot struggled for a minute before falling limp. Herbert was stronger than he looked. Robin was clinging to the Chandelier for his life.
"It's clear what's going on…" Lancelot mumbled looking down, heartbroken. "You're cheating on me with Robin…"
Robin gaped from up above, very shocked. Why does everyone think I'm gay? Herbert shook his head and let Lancelot go.
"Why would you think that? I love you too much," Herbert looked at his husband and gave him a tight hug. Lancelot was still gloomy.
"Then why have you been coming here so often? Why didn't you tell me where you were going? Why did you hide all this from me…?"
"Robin's been giving me vocal and dancing lessons. We've also been chatting about other things too, such as musicals, new and upcoming singers and actors, and other things. I didn't tell you because it's embarrassing. I know you are not particularly fond of the side of me that loves to sing and dance and I know I need to improve. I was hoping to surprise you when I could sing more on-key. I didn't know you would get so jealous… I'm sorry, Lancelot…" Herbert looked down and held Lancelot's hand in his, embarrassed. It was embarrassing to admit his faults so bluntly, especially the love of his life. He didn't want Lancelot to see the horrible parts about him.
Lancelot turned around and looked up at his husband, his hands on top of the others. "What are you saying? Not fond of that side of you? I love that side of you! I love it when your voice breaks in the middle of the song, of when you trail off-key! I love it when you mess up a step in a dance! I love all of it, because it's you. I love all the good things and the bad things about you! You don't need to improve for me. If you want to improve for someone, improve for yourself, because I love you just the way you are!" Herbert was on the verge of tears, seeing this emotional side of his husband was something he rarely saw. It made his heart flutter to see Lancelot care so much for him.
"I love you too…" They shared an emotional hug full of love. At this point, Robin was feeling very awkward watching all this. He carefully leapt down from the chandelier (a good 13 feet) and landed on his feet, much like a cat.
"Alrighty then… now that that's misunderstanding is cleared up," Robin dusted off his shirt and took a few steps towards the couple, but was interrupted.
"Robin, I would like to request a private room in the castle," Lancelot told Robin without taking his eyes off of Herbert.
"Huh?" Robin asked, not expecting such a demanding request.
"Not for the night or anything. Just one we could use for about an hour or so, with preferably a bed…" Herbert flushed and smiled looking at his husband. Lancelot still never let his eyes wander from his husband's.
"What? No! Get out! Ew! No!" Robin was repulsed by what Lancelot wanted to do in his home.
"Well, I suppose there doesn't have to be a bed-"
"No! You're not doing that in my castle!"
"How about the stables?" Lancelot was set on this. Herbert giggled.
"Go home!" Robin kicked the 2 lovebirds out of his room. "You better not do anything on my grounds!"
Lancelot and Herbert hurried back to their own castle.
I feel like I did horrible things to these characters… I'm so sorry…
Thank you for reading this. Please review! I want to get better at writing