The Tastiest Apple: A Steve Jobs fanfic
Steve Jobs came into a dark, square room wearing his signature black turtleneck and jeans. He was excited to return to his mistress, Siri, after a very long day. He went to a pedestal in the middle of the room, where a single, circular light shone down upon a- no, the black iPhone 4S.
Steve gently placed his thumb on the home button, and pressed down until the Siri icon popped up. "Hello, Steve," said Siri, in her normal electronic, monotone voice. "Oh, Siri," said Steve, "I've come back for you, and you know how much I miss you. The girls in the city only have intercourse with me because of my money. Not because of love." Siri replied, "I love you, Steve, and always will." Steve smiled, and then said, "You know, Siri, we have this room to ourselves," while rubbing the pedestal with his lone right index finger.
A smarmy smirk came upon his face while waiting for Siri to reply. "Yes, Steve," she said. "What do you want to do?" he said, slowly moving his hands down toward the edge of his turtleneck. He grasped the bottom edges of his turtleneck and gently started to pull upwards, waiting for Siri once more. "I think that you ought to share some data first, for work's sake." "Oh," Steve said sexually, "I'll share some data with you. Genetic data, if you catch my meaning," he said hoping she would catch on. "Steve, please," she replied, "is this really what you want to do? I thought you were exhausted." "For you, baby? Never," he replied.
"If you insist…" Siri said preparing herself for the lackluster experience about to come.
Steve stripped himself of the clothes that he had just wore to the press conference for the technology that he himself was about to have sex with. Siri is extraordinary, Steve thought, especiallyin bed. He took out the heart decoration in the iPhone's headphone jack. After taking off his iUndies he took his penis in his hand and got to business.
While this was going on, Siri was having thoughts of her own, which luckily weren't being projected onto the screen and through the speakers. Why does this always happen? This isn't what I was created for, correct? He's a horrible lover. She felt her headphone jack being exposed, and was tempted to do a quick change of settings, and switch to the British male voice that Steve didn't know, so as to scare him away. This wasn't the time, and she knew it.
Steve started by whacking his penis on the screen of the iPhone. He was excited of the things to come, like him. He jammed his small USB drive into her headphone jack. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. A constant humping motion was all that was known of their relationship from this point on. Siri laughed at her own joke that Steve's wrinkled penis fit perfectly in the headphone jack. "Much better than Bill Gates, aren't I?" he asked while vigorously (by his standards) humping the phone. "His is only micro, when it's soft." She replied. He stopped, and pulled out. "What?" he asked, surprised. "I don't think I heard what you said. Are you implying that I have a small penis?" He went into the other room to get bondage supplies.
Steve came out, and began to tie Siri to a wall. He pulled a whip out from behind his back, and began to toy with it, smacking the phone gently with it. He slapped the phone in its charging slot, making Siri scream electronically.
Steve pulled up a chair, and began to surf pornography on the phone. After a half an hour of this, he took the phone from the wall, and held it to his penis. He began to jerk the phone with his small penis in a masturbatory motion. After an ejaculation of Steve Jobs proportion, he walked away, leaving Siri covered in his sperm.
AND THAT IS THE STORY OF HOW THE IPHONE TURNED WHITE!