Ranma ½ XY + C

The Integral of Ranma ½ with (Dis)respect to XY

Disclaimer: "Ranma ½" belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. I make no money but take great enjoyment in messing with the characters in such unusual ways.

Formatting Notes: Double quotes indicate spoken dialogue, while single quotes indicate thoughts. Italics indicate flashbacks. I'm not very familiar with Japanese honorifics, so I won't be using them, except of course for the few exceptions used in the English translations. I will also be using English translations for most terms except for the technique names that are left untranslated in the Ranma animé. As for the Amazon names, the naming theme can't be a coincidence (as with the Musk naming theme). I feel that the Chinese Amazons purposely name their children after the English words for hygiene products and then write the names as the closest Chinese equivalent. Therefore, they will have the same names even when speaking to each other in Chinese in the context of the story. In keeping with Ranma fan fic tradition, Mrs. Tendo will be given the first name of Kimiko.

Chapter 1: Here's Akane

"Mr. Tendo! Your mail!" announced the mailman as he handed a postcard to a middle-aged man with long hair and a mustache.

The postcard read: "Hi. Bringing Ranma from China – Saotome"

"R-ranma? Coming here? Oh, how I've w-w-waited for this day!" the man shouted in delight with tears in his eyes.

Now, I'm sure this story looks very familiar so far. In fact, you've probably read a similar opening to several different stories by now. You may be thinking this is just another run-of-the-mill alternate universe that tells the story in a slightly different way. However, that is where you'd be wrong, for this story is about to become very twisted and eerie compared to the canon universe. Now sit back and enjoy the ride as the manga is put through a blender and duct taped back together in strange new ways.

"Hey! Tofu! Miroku! Hazumu!" Mr. Soun Tendo called for his three children.

He found Tofu in his room reading a book on pressure points. "Yes, father?" he replied.

Miroku was also in his room, but his reading selection was a little more...unorthodox. "Mm?" he asked as he looked up from his perverted manga. Discovering he was needed for a family meeting, he sighed and put down his manga as he removed his hand from inside his pants.

"Hazumu! Where is that boy?" Mr. Tendo complained.

As it turns out, Hazumu was just getting back from his morning jog. He quickly changed into his martial arts gi, tied his long black hair up in a high ponytail, and went across the yard to the family dojo. He got out a bunch of cinder blocks and arranged them in the shape of a piglet. "Ah, that's so cute!" he declared. He giggled and then proceeded to break each cinder block one by one with his bare hands.

"Alas, little brother. This is why the girls think you're gay, not to mention several of the boys as well," stated Miroku as he entered the dojo.

"So why should I care? Not everybody thinks the world revolves around girls, Miroku," Hazumu replied.

Miroku shook his head in dismay. "Dear Hazumu, I have failed you as your older brother in teaching you to fully appreciate the wonders of the fairer sex. I guess this wouldn't interest you."

"Fiancée?" asked the three boys in unison.

"Yes," confirmed the Tendo patriarch. "As you know, your mother was trained in Anything-Goes Martial Arts by Grandmaster Happosai. Now Happosai had a second apprentice, a woman named Nodoka who eventually married a man named Genma Saotome. She was also Kimiko's best friend. Master Happosai, um, died without naming a successor, so the two women created their own schools in the Anything-Goes Style. The three of you were trained in the Tendo School until your mother passed away."

"However, the two of them did not wish for the schools to remain separate forever," continued Soun. "They vowed that the schools would one day be reunited through the marriage of their children, and Genma and I have always fully supported that decision. As it happens, the Saotomes have a daughter named Ranma, who has been trained by Nodoka in the Saotome School of Anything-Goes. If one of you three were to marry her and carry on this dojo, then your mother's legacy would be secure."

"Wait a minute!" interrupted Hazumu. "Don't we have some say in whom we marry? Besides, I thought I was getting the dojo. Tofu is a pacifist, and Miroku hasn't even practiced in years."

"Hazumu makes some good points, father," agreed Tofu. "I have little interest in running the dojo, and we've never even met Ranma."

Soun sighed. "While I agree that Hazumu would be the logical choice, each of you has the talent to be a worthy heir, yet none of you have been able to complete your training due to the untimely passage of your mother and sensei. This makes the engagement with the Saotome girl even more important, as she and her mother are the only other practitioners of Anything-Goes left. They can help run the dojo as well as finish your own training. Ultimately the choice will be up to Ranma, and if she happens to pick Miroku, he'll simply have to start training again," he explained. "Although, I highly doubt that will be an issue," he added under his breath but not softly enough not to be heard by his sons. Tofu chuckled and Hazumu smirked, while Miroku pouted at his father's lack of faith in his skills with the ladies.

"As for the issue of meeting Ranma," Soun continued with a grin, "that's easily fixed..."

Meanwhile, in the rain-filled streets of Nerima, a young girl ran by at a very quick pace. She was dressed in a simple short-sleeved white blouse, red wrist guards, and a red pleated miniskirt over black tights. Her brilliant red hair was tied back in a simple medium-length ponytail.

Suddenly she was cut off by a very similar looking woman in her late 30's. Her auburn hair was done up in an elaborate bun, although the effect was now ruined somewhat by the rain. Her clothes consisted of a modified green qipao over black pants and matching wrist guards. "Just where do you think you're going, young lady?" she asked the girl in a disciplinary tone.

"Away from you!" the girl snapped back as she launched into a series of aerial kicks which were blocked by the older woman. "This whole thing sucks, picking my fiancé without even asking!" The young girl managed to throw the woman over her shoulder, but the thrown woman merely performed a couple of mid-air somersaults before landing back on her feet. "I'm going home! Suck on that, Mom!"

The girl started running in the opposite direction only for her mother to nail her in the back with a ki blast and send her crashing to the ground unconscious. The woman sighed as she walked over and picked up her rebellious daughter. "You know that a young lady does not speak that way, especially not to her mother."

They were soon joined by a huffing middle-aged man carrying a large umbrella and duffel bags for the three of them. They had stopped by their old house after getting back into town and packed more appropriate overnight bags for their trip to the Tendos' house. He was rather overweight and wore glasses as well as a bandanna over his prematurely bald head. The woman gave the man a sharp look and asked, "Genma dear, why did you have to tell her about the engagement? She would've been much easier to manage had we already arrived at the Tendos' before we told her." Genma gulped and involuntarily took a step back. He had a feeling he would be sleeping on the Tendos' couch tonight.

The family of three continued their trek across Nerima, completely ignoring all of the astounded and muttering onlookers.

Back at the Tendo compound, Mr. Tendo was further explaining the engagement to his sons: "Ranma and her parents have been on a voyage of training. Recently, it seems, they crossed into China," he told them.

"China, very impressive," remarked Miroku.

"What's so great about walking to China?" asked Hazumu sarcastically.

"Is she pretty? How old is she?" asked Miroku excitedly with a gleam in his eye.

Tofu just remained silent thinking of how no girl could compare to a certain woman he had his eye on.

"What kind of girl is this Ranma?" asked Miroku in exasperation, desperate to get the low-down on his potential fiancée and frustrated at the lack of answers he was receiving from his father.

"No idea. I've never met her," Soun finally conceded, causing Miroku to face fault.

Suddenly, they all heard scuffling coming from outside along with a soprano voice shouting, "Leggo! I don't wanna go! I don't wanna!"

"Girl, this is no way for a young lady to act. Just do as your mother says," called a male voice in response.

"We have visitors!" exclaimed Tofu.

"Oooo! It must be Ranma!" concluded Miroku as he rushed to the front door with his father right behind him. They arrived to discover a woman carrying a whining teenage girl over her shoulder while a man with an umbrella and a trio of duffel bags trailed behind them. As the man closed the umbrella, the woman put the girl down at her feet facing Soun and Miroku. However, the girl decided to cross her arms and look to the side with a pout.

Soun's face lit up with a grin. "Genma, Nodoka, it's so good to see you again! It's been years! And this must be your darling daughter Ranma." He enfolding the girl in a big hug. "It's so good of you to come! So-"

Whatever Soun was going to say was cut off as Ranma easily broke his grip and pushed him away. "Get offa me, y'old fool! I'm not here 'cause I wanna be," she retorted.

"Don't worry about her, Soun," Nodoka hastened to explain. "She's not too happy at having this sprung on her. She's a little rough around the edges, but she's a good kid as well as an excellent martial artist. She'll make a great wife for one of your sons and help restore your dojo to its former glory."

Miroku took the opportunity to get a closer look at Ranma. He saw a short, petite girl with a cute face and lovely red hair, yet she also had a curvy figure with very large breasts. He quickly took her hand in his and proclaimed, "Oh, Ranma, you are absolutely gorgeous to behold! Will you do me the honor of bearing my children?"

Ranma's jaw dropped in shock at the utter brazenness of this particular suitor dressed nicely in a purple golf shirt and jeans. Her shock then turned to anger as Miroku's right hand reached behind her and squeezed her butt. "Aaaahhhhh! Pervert!" she screamed as she kneed the groin of the despicable young man who had dared to grope her, followed by a vicious punch to his face that sent him flying through both walls of the downstairs guest room to land unconscious on the engawa floor outside the tea room.

Tofu and Hazumu rushed over at the sound of the commotion. While Tofu pulled Miroku into the tea room and grabbed the first aid kit to start treating his black eye, Hazumu looked through the holes in the wall at the seething girl now being chastised by her mother. He grinned at the thought of this slip of a girl finally giving Miroku what he deserved for his continuous lechery and so-called "cursed" right hand.

Making his way carefully through the improvised construction, Hazumu approached the others as Nodoka was hurriedly apologizing to Soun and offering to pay for the damages. "It's okay, Mrs. Saotome," Hazumu interjected himself into the conversation, "the dummy deserved it. The lech does the same thing to all the pretty girls he meets. Not surprisingly, none of them have ever taken him up on his offer, although that's the first time he's ever received that level of punishment for it." He giggled and turned to the still pouting girl. He couldn't help but notice that Miroku was right in recognizing that she was a very pretty girl. "Hey, don't worry, we're not all like him. Join me in the dojo? I'm Hazumu. You want to be friends?"

Ranma still felt disgusted at the way the other boy had touched her, but this Hazumu guy was very sweet. At his friendly offer and the brilliant smile that lit his face, Ranma couldn't help but nod and smile in return. It would be nice to have a new friend, something she hadn't had a lot of during the very long training trip, just as long as this guy didn't get any ideas about marrying her like their parents wanted. With their parents still discussing things, Ranma followed Hazumu out the side door and along a covered walkway to the Tendo Anything-Goes Dojo.

"Let's have a little match, okay?" suggested Hazumu, who was conveniently still wearing his gi from his earlier practice. "You're probably quite a bit better, since I haven't had anyone to train me since my mom died when I was 8 years old, but I'm still pretty good, so don't you think about going easy on me or you'll be sorry."

Ranma winced in sympathy as she recalled her mother telling her about the unfortunate loss of her best friend on the way over here, but she quickly put it out of her mind and took a deceivingly simple stance and signaled for Hazumu to begin.

Hazumu charged forward and started with a simple right jab, which Ranma dodged by jumping in the air. Hazumu tried to catch her off guard with a high kick, but Ranma pulled off a graceful mid-air dodge, only to land behind her opponent and quickly sweep Hazumu's remaining leg out from under him.

Hazumu quickly rolled back to his feet and rushed at his opponent once again. He struck hard with several powerful attacks, but Ranma managed to dodge them all easily. Ranma threw a punch of her own with her right fist, which Hazumu barely managed to avoid and attempted to counterattack to Ranma's other side. However, he realized too late that Ranma's initial attack was merely a pulled feint, as Ranma blocked his punch in her left hand and delivered a roundhouse kick to his side in one smooth motion that sent him flying back a few meters.

Hazumu got to his feet and took new stock of his opponent. 'Why...why am I missing her? Is she reading my moves?' he thought. He knew she would be good, but she hadn't expected her to be this good. Her technique was practically perfect, while her speed was off the charts! He believed he had the advantage in pure strength, so he needed to use that to his advantage and have Ranma come to him. He took a ready stance and gave Ranma the universal "come hither" gesture with a grin on his face. He hadn't had this much fun in a long time.

Ranma complied and dashed forward with her tremendous speed. Hazumu figured he only had one chance to win this and prepared to hit Ranma with his strongest punch at just the right time. His timing was perfect, but Ranma surprised him yet again by using her arm to vault herself into the air over his head. As overextended as he was, Hazumu could do nothing to prevent Ranma from gently landing behind him and poking him in the back of the head to signal her victory.

At the shocked look on Hazumu's face as he turned his head towards her, Ranma starting laughing, and it wasn't long before Hazumu joined in. "Wow, you're incredible!" remarked Hazumu once they calmed down. "I don't want to be forced into a marriage engagement, but I'd love to have you and your mom teach me how to move like that."

"You're pretty good yourself, especially for someone who's had ta train himself for so long," replied Ranma. "Also, you recognized when ya needed ta change strategy and adjusted accordingly. That's the true spirit of Anything-Goes. It's just too bad for you that Ranma Saotome never loses," she proclaimed with a cocky smirk.

Hazumu couldn't help but chuckle at the display of arrogance. "Man, Ranma, ego much? We can't all go on training trips for years at a time." Hazumu smile fell as he slumped his shoulders and sighed. "Seriously, though, I know I've got a long way to go. As I am, I'm already the best martial artist around, but there's this jerk at school named Katana Kuno who always beats me with her kendo. She's not too bright, but she's a bully and a huge pervert. She's not into guys, but she chases after the girls just as hard as my brother does. Even worse, she sometimes deludes herself into thinking certain girls are interested in her even when it's clear that they're 'straight as an arrow.' She's always causing trouble, but I can never do anything about it. Whenever I try, I just wind up in the nurse's office with a bunch of nasty cuts and bruises. She can funnel some serious ki into that stick of hers."

"Wow, she sounds pretty nuts," agreed Ranma. "Is that typical for the girls at your school?" she wondered out loud.

Hazumu sighed. "Believe it or not, the boys are even worse. While none of them are as bad as Kuno on their own (although Miroku is a close second), they more than make up for it with numbers. They're all a bunch of perverted jerks. You wouldn't believe the kind of things they talk about in the locker room! Plus, they always tease me about not being manly enough. Half of them think I'm gay, and the other half just think I'm really weird. The only friends I have are girls."

"Why would they do that?" asked a puzzled Ranma. "Besides, can't cha just beat them up?"

"Well, a few of them have learned the hard way not to go too far to my face," admitted Hazumu, "but otherwise it's just easier to ignore them. Anyway, despite my love of martial arts, I'm otherwise what you'd call metrosexual."

"Huh, what's that?" asked Ranma.

"Well, I'm basically a straight transvestite who doesn't see the need to crossdress, although I think it would be fun to wear some pretty dresses if I actually was a girl. In other words, aside from martial arts I'm actually very feminine, and hanging out with a bunch of girls doesn't help my case," explained Hazumu.

"Well, I'm quite the tomboy, so I guess we'd make a pretty ironic couple," joked Ranma, "not that I'd wanna be a couple, ya know," she quickly added.

Hazumu suddenly got a dreamy look in his eyes. "You know, sometimes I wish I actually were a girl. Some things would be a whole lot easier that way," he said.

Ranma's head snapped like a rubber band to look at Hazumu in sudden interest. "Wait, do you really mean that?" she asked excitedly.

"Well, not really, I mean I still want to get married and have kids one day, but otherwise, yeah I really would like to be a girl," replied Hazumu.

Ranma's face lit up in a brilliant grin. "I think I can actually help with that. Be right back," she said mysteriously before rushing back to the house."

"Ranma, wait!" Hazumu called too late. 'What could she possibly be up to?' he wondered.

Ranma ran back to the tea room where she found her parents having tea with Mr. Tendo and another young man she hadn't met yet. "Mom, Dad, where's my bag?" she asked in a hurry.

"Calm down, dear. It's in the upstairs guest room where we'll be staying," replied Nodoka.

"Tofu, why don't you show her the way?" suggested Soun, jumping at the chance to introduce Ranma to his oldest son.

"Of course, father," Tofu replied. "Right this way, Ranma," he said as he headed for the stairs.

Once Ranma collected her item and they were back downstairs, Ranma asked, "Do ya think you could heat up a kettle of hot water for me as well?"

Tofu agreed and the two of them went into the kitchen to fulfill Ranma's request. As the kettle was heating, Tofu took the opportunity to talk to the young girl. "Ranma, I can understand that you aren't ready to be engaged, especially to someone you just met, but this is a matter of honor between our families, so it would be nice if you tried to cooperate and gave the engagement an honest chance." He adjusted his glasses and continued. "That being said, I really wish that you wouldn't pick me as your fiancé. Not only do I think you're better suited for Hazumu, but I've already got a girl that I'm crazy about, sometimes quite literally. I just don't know how to talk to her," he admitted. As his thoughts turned to their lovely local chiropractor, the lenses of his glasses fogged over as he stammered, "D-d-doctor Kasumi!"

Seeing the oldest brother slowly lose his mind at the thought of his so far unrequited love, Ranma quickly turned off the stove, grabbed the kettle, and rushed back to the dojo before anything strange could happen.

Back in the dojo, Hazumu gave a confused look at the grinning redhead holding a water bottle and a kettle. The bottle had a label on it that read "DANGER! Do NOT Open!" "Alright, Ranma, what's this all about?" he asked.

Still grinning, Ranma began her story. "Two weeks ago, Pop dragged me an' Mom to this weird valley in Western China called Jusenkyo. It consisted of a bunch of freshwater pools with bamboo poles in 'em. Pop said it was some kind of legendary training ground. He was about to lead me over to take a closer look when the guide ran over to give us a warning. Pop tried to ignore him, but Mom stopped us and forced us to listen. It turns out that the whole place is cursed. If ya fall in one of the springs, ya transform inta whatever drowned in it. Hot water will change ya back to normal, but cold water activates the curse again. Anyway, long story short, we eventually found out that Pop had managed to snag a Japanese map of the place a while back and had planned on knockin' me into the Nannichuan or Spring of Drowned Man. He's always wished that he had a son to be his heir, and he was apparently very desperate to get one if only part of the time. Needless to say, Mom an' I were not very happy and gave him his biggest beating since the Cat Fist incident, which was incidentally why he can no longer have a son in the first place."

"Cat Fist?" asked Hazumu.

Ranma groaned. "Long story. I'll tell ya about it some other time. You and your family will need to hear about that eventually. Anyway," she continued, "once the Jusenkyo Guide heard about Pop's crazy scheme, he took me aside and gave me this bottle of Nyannichuan water, the Spring of Drowned Girl, just in case Pop ever managed to succeed in magically turnin' me inta a boy by Nannichuan water or some other means. Worst case scenario, I would still be able to turn back ta normal with cold water. Now I may be a tomboy, but I still like being a girl, so I accepted it and keep it around just in case. However, it looks like you might need it more than I do. If you pour this water over yourself, you'll be able ta turn yourself into a girl very conveniently yet still turn back into a boy when it matters."

Hazumu sighed. "Ranma, it's a nice story, but you don't actually expect me to believe that there are magic springs that can someone's gender, do you? I'm sure you really did go to this Jusenkyo place, but it sounds like a bunch of local superstitious c*** that managed to fool your father," he said doubtfully.

"No, the magic is real," Ranma said in complete seriousness, "and not just gender swaps but animal transformations as well. The guide showed us this stray dog he kept that had wandered inta the Spring of Drowned Frog. One cup of ordinary cold water, instant Kermit, hot water, it's a dog again. This stuff will grant your wish, but you'd better be sure this is whatcha want, as it will be very difficult ta find a cure."

Ranma held out the bottle, to which Hazumu slowly reached out and took into his own grasp. However, he had one more question he needed answered before he would consider using it. "Ranma, why are you doing this? We could end up engaged after all, so won't it be weird for you to be involved with someone who spends most of his time as a girl?"

Ranma gulped. She was hoping she wouldn't have to confess her darkest secret so soon but knew there was no avoiding it now. She peeked outside to make sure noone was listening and made sure the door was securely shut. "Hazumu, you can't reveal what I'm about to tell you to anyone, especially not my parents. They're both so traditional that I'm afraid they'd disown me if they knew. I'm just gonna come out an' say it: I'm a lesbian. I have no interest in marryin' any guy, which is why I was complainin' so much when I got here. When you said ya wanted to be a girl, and I realized I had the means ta make it happen, I couldn't pass up this golden opportunity. Now I'm not ready ta pick out curtains or anything, but it would mean a lot to me if you would use that water on yourself. Then I could take Tofu's advice and give the engagement an honest shot. Otherwise, I'd have ta figure some way ta get out of it without spilling my secret."

Hazumu smiled in understanding. He had nothing against homosexuals. Ranma's plight reminded him somewhat of his own but recognized that it was even worse for the feisty redhead, especially with how attractive she was. Still, there was one major flaw in the plan. "What about children?" he asked. "If we do get married, our parents are definitely going to expect us to provide an heir to the dojo and the Anything-Goes Style."

Ranma blushed and nervously ran her hand through her ponytail as she replied, "Honestly, I don't know if I'll ever be willin' to sleep with your guy form. If I was married to a normal guy, definitely not, but I could see myself eventually warming up to the idea if I got to know you as a girl first. If not, there's always artificial insemination."

Hazumu conceded to himself that that was an acceptable answer. He thought through the proposed scenario in his head one last time. Did he really want to do this? Weighing the pros and cons, he decided that yes this was worth doing. He unscrewed the plastic cap on the bottle and tilted it over his head as he prepared for the biggest change in his life...

Ranma and Hazumu nervously entered the tea room where the rest of their families were all waiting. Soun gave a confused look at Hazumu's wet hair and gi top as well as the fact that Ranma was holding a glass of water in one hand and a kettle in the other, but he decided there were more important things on which to focus. "Good timing, you two," he greeted. "We need to get down to family business."

Ranma gulped nervously. They had decided to explain Hazumu's new transformation as an accident. She just hoped the others would buy it. "Yeah, well, before we get inta that, we need to tell you something," she began nervously. "Ya see, the Jusenkyo Guide left me some Nyannichuan water in case Pop here in his infinite wisdom tried somethin' else, but this dummy here didn't listen to me and poured it over himself.

Nodoka gasped. "You mean he, he becomes..."

Ranma nodded solemnly in confirmation.

Hazumu huffed and crossed his arms in anger. "Well, if someone hadn't left such dangerous magic lying around, this wouldn't have happened to me!" he shouted, although he winked at Ranma out of view of everyone else to let her know he was just playing along.

"Well, maybe someone should learn to read warning labels!" Ranma yelled back while also returning the wink.

Soun was very confused now. "Mrs. Saotome, what's this all about?" he asked Nodoka.

Nodoka rubbed her forehead in irritation. "If what they're saying is true, then Hazumu is now cursed to turn into a girl whenever he's splashed with cold water. I'll explain the rest of the story later, but for now please show them, Ranma."

Ranma poured the glass of water over Hazumu's head, and the rest of the Tendo family was shocked at the transformation that took place. The brown eyes remained the same, but Hazumu suddenly shrank a few centimeters in height and adjusted into a curvy, more petite figure with twin not insignificantly sized mounds extending from the chest. The face became less angular and more feminine, while the hair strangely changed color from black to dark blue. When the change was complete, everyone could tell that Hazumu was now female even though ultimate proof would've required Miroku to suffer another vicious beating.

"Waaahhh!" Soun cried as tears gushed from his eyes. "My baby boy is now my baby girl!"

"Dad, it's alright! I can change back with hot water," said Hazumu in her new higher voice. Ranma complied to the unspoken request by pouring the other half of the water from the kettle that she hadn't used earlier, thereby restoring Hazumu to his birth form.

Soun instantly calmed down. "No sweat. Your problem isn't so terrible after all!" he exclaimed in relief as if his son was merely recovering from a cold. "Now, to business!"

Ranma took a seat in between her parents, while Hazumu sat next to his brothers. Soun pointed one by one at his children as he formally introduced them. "My son, Tofu, 19. And Miroku, 17. And Hazumu, 16. Pick the one you want. He's your fiancé."

Miroku put down the bags of ice he was holding to his eye and his crotch and rose to his feet to once again shower her with affection. Ranma shuddered in disgust and leaned back behind the safety of her mother. "Definitely not him!" she proclaimed. "Touch me again, pervert, and I'll make sure no girl will ever bare your children!" Miroku gulped as he sat back down in disappointment. The risk that she would actually follow through on her threat was too much of a risk for even a ladies' man like him.

Once Miroku backed off, Ranma sat forward and said, "Look, I'm not agreein' to any fiancé or anything here, but if I have to pick, then I'll go with Hazumu, but it will be our decision as to if and when we'll marry." However, Ranma had the feeling that their parents weren't listening as they started celebrating the long awaited engagement between their children.

Later that evening. Ranma went to take her evening bath. She was so worn out from the long day that she didn't notice the occupied sign on the door of the bathroom. She walked into the changing room and removed her clothes. However, when she entered the inner bath she was shocked to find Hazumu already there in female form as she sat cleaning her body on the washing stool. With her hair untied, it now fell freely down her back to her waist. Hazumu was facing the doorway and therefore left nothing to the imagination as she likewise stared at Ranma's fully exposed naked body. The same thought went through both their heads: 'D***, she's hot, not to mention friendly and an excellent martial artist! Maybe this engagement won't be so bad after all.'

Once Ranma was finally able to tear her gaze away from the blue-haired goddess, she squeaked and ran back to the changing room, her face as red as her hair. She closed the door and collapsed against it, breathing heavily while fighting the strong temptation to reach for her chest or between her legs.

About a minute later, there was a knock on the door, and Hazumu's female voice called out, "Hey Ranma, I think I want a more feminine name in this form."

"You've thought about this before, haven't you?" asked Ranma with a smirk.

"Yeah, I have," confirmed Hazumu. "When I'm a girl, please call me Akane."

Meanwhile, three teenagers were separately trying to track down the Saotome family across Japan...

"Where am I now?" cried out Yoiko Hibiki, a tall, muscular girl with messy, shoulder-length brown hair. "When I find you, Ranma Saotome, I will have my revenge!"

In a different part of Japan, a beautiful Chinese girl with long indigo hair was attempting to track down leads on the elusive Saotomes. The patriarch of the family may not be any good in a fight, but he was very good at sneaking around and avoiding people. Someday she would find the girl who defeated her and restore her honor by fulfilling her Kiss of Lesbian Marriage. In some ways the Chinese Amazons were rather like their Greek counterparts. This girl Shampoo personally batted from both sides of the plate, but she would give up men in order to settle down with her beautiful airen.

Yet elsewhere, a male Amazon warrior named Mousse was searching for his love Ranma in the middle of a city. She was an amazing fighter yet she wasn't like any of the stuck-up girls back at the village. He had to find her before that b**** Shampoo managed to get her hands on her.

Suddenly, Mousse spotted a head of bright red hair. He wasn't wearing his glasses, but he knew how rare such a hair color was in Japan, so he figured this must be Ranma. "Ranma, my love! I've finally found you!" he shouted as he ran to embrace her.

Rinne Rokudo was returning home (such as it was) after successfully helping another restless soul to pass on to the Wheel of Reincarnation. It had been an easy job, so he hadn't bothered to bring his scythe or Rokumon along to help. All of a sudden, some weird guy with long black hair dressed in Chinese robes was hugging him very tightly while shouting declarations of love. "Ack! Get off of me, you freak!" he shouted as he unsuccessfully tried to remove himself from the full Amazon glomp.

"Rinne, what's going on?" asked a girl's surprisingly calm voice.

Rinne panicked at being caught in such a compromising position. "Sakura Mamiya! It's not what you think! This weird guy just grabbed onto me!"

Finally, Mousse pulled down his glasses to discover that he had been hugging the wrong person. However, he then spotted the girl that had been talking to this guy. She had brown hair styled in twin braided pigtails, but he would recognize that face anywhere. "Ranma, there you are!" he cried as he ran to hold her instead. She shrieked in surprise and tried to push him away but otherwise managed to remain calm.

Suddenly, another male voice cried out, "Get away from her, you creep! BIBLE CORNER BASH!" Mousse felt a sharp pain in the back of his skull and fell to the ground unconscious.

Author's Notes: Well, role reversal stories aren't exactly new, but I hope to include quite a few new twists in mine. You've already seen some here, and I have plenty more weird ideas to mix things up.

Hazumu is named after the main character from "Hashimashi: Girl Meets Girl," a metrosexual teenage boy who gets revived as a girl by a space alien after nearly being killed by his crashing spaceship and subsequently winds up in the middle of a yuri love triangle. However, unlike Miroku, he is not a transplant character. He's meant to be canon Akane if she was born a boy and was attracted to girls.

Speaking of Miroku, I didn't want to just turn Nabiki into a boy, so I thought about what male manga/animé character I knew who could make a suitable replacement and decided on the resident perverted con artist monk from "Inuyasha," although this version of him has no spiritual powers nor Wind Tunnel curse. Sango will show up as his eventual love interest (but not as a replacement for any of the Ranma cast), but otherwise I have no plans to bring in any other characters from that series.

I realize that the story title is rather obscure, as someone would have to take Calculus 3 in college to fully understand it, but I thought it was too clever not to use.