And So The Loon Has Landed
Beautiful pallies of the reading, viewing, commenting variety... I HATH RETURNED TO YOU! Now now, simmer down, simmer down, no need to get worked up, Libby has also returned! Of course I must apologise many times over for never updating and suddenly going missing, only to be found again writing Harry Potter fanfiction... yes, it was silly of me, I know, and I apologise. Here, have some midget gems and secret Galaxy choccy bars!
Once again I want to wish many beautiful thank you's, non-Lezzy hugs and extra toppings of galaxy choccy bars and midget gems to you all for reading this story, it does make me happy! Also once again to the beautiful, kindly, saintly and absolutely LUUUURVELY IWishIHadWeasleyHair for commenting and messaging me, asking if I was still alive and all that jazz! Truly, it makes me twinkle and shine to hear from you darling!
At the end, I will deliver unto you all a Mad-Bio on Joshu-PHWOAR, or Joshua. THIS IS FOR YOU, MAD READERS!
DISLCAIMER: I do not own in any way, shape or form, the characters or Universe of the Georgia Nicholson series or any existing characters that we have grown to love, bond with and care for. I do, however, own some of the new characters! Some may be based on real people (Not kidding!) and I will tell you so if they are! This is a fanfiction written for the fun of the Loon Wagon, and FUN IT SHALL BE! MWAH!
I shamelessly copied and pasted last Chapter's Disclaimer, OM...
Thunder Thighs and Foreign Goodies (Like, PHWOAR)
(Still) Monday September 5th
Period One, English
Sitting in English with the Fab Crowd at the back, waiting for Miss Bailey, otherwise known as Batty for her, er... dress sense and excitable nature (even worse than Lou, I kid you not). Tegan is sitting in the corner, trying to hide her (very) red eye.
I think she's bruised her eyeball, to be honest with you.
"I don't want to walk around with an eye patch, I don't want to be a pirate..." She moans, constantly looking in her mirror to check if the swelling and redness has gone down.
"Teagsy, we all have to sacrifice something for the good things in life." Lou says wisely, patting Tegan's shoulder boldly as she strokes her drawn-on goatee. "And today, your looks have been sacrificed for the greater good of Hawkeye leaving. Suck it up, lass, and wear that eye-patch proudly!"
"Lou, no offense, but not all of us want to look like idiots." Hannah says, sunnies on once again and chewing a pencil.
"Now now, Beckworth, mon Sex Monkey of the Sunnies, there is no need to offend le Goatee of Life, is there?"
"I swear, you need dropping off at the Loony Bin."
"How will I ever face boys again!?" Tegan wails, dropping her head dramatically on the desk. Good Lord, are all my friends (except Lizzeh and myself, that is) Drama Llama's!?
"My Spring Onions, my gentle Moths to the Flames, this is the year of magic!" Batty suddenly storms in, a flurry of colour, printed skirts and jingling bangles. Oh, and she was giggling away, like a kid. I am not joking. "I can feel it in the air, my little ones! This year, we shall create a theatrical production of MAGIC!"
A Trillion yonks later (1 minute, to be exact)
The nub and gist of it all; This year, we are going to put on a show of Alice in Wonderland, and we have to audition. Yaaaay...
1 second later
Oh Good Lord Sandra in Pantaloons-a-kimbo, Batty has just knocked some poor little sod out cold with her bangles and hand!
This is why she isn't allowed to get excited about her MAGICAL plays, and I am not kidding, Hawkeye actually told her that.
Well, at least Batty will keep English interesting once again this year.
Skulking around the Art Block... aka Detention
Currently trying to get rid of gum in the crummy old Art Block thanks to Hawkeye and her evil deeds. Her way of punishing us for being 'cheeky little sods who have no respect for the elderly idiots called staff' is forcing us all into slave labour. All being me and Lou, that is.
The Loop is standing behind the wobbly chair I am standing on, watching and nodding.
"Bibbsy, please restrain yourself from pressing your nungas into my face. I repeat, please restrain yourself from pressing your gigantic nungas into my face. I am not a Lezza." Lou states matter-of-factly as I try my hardest not to whack her on the head with the paint scraper-thing I am holding. Bloody cheek!
"Even if I was a Lezza, it wouldn't be you I thrust my massive bosoms towards, Lou." I try not to fall flat on my face as I stand on the chair, trying to scrape off the dried gum on the ceiling. Whoever thought placing it there would be a good idea is one giant drongo.
"Oh, I am hurt, Bibbsy-Boo." Lou grins as she watches me, her smeared goatee a dark mess of gray on her face. No wonder people think she's a bit out of the loop, she looks a right state. "But I don't blame you; Tegan is a wonderful choice if you ever did turn on us." Christ, that girl is mad.
"Could you two stop yapping about nungas and Libby's preference and actually do something?" Hannah snorts, giant sunnies perched perfectly over her eyes as she watches us (me) scrape dried gray gum from the Art block ceiling, eating crisps. How she gets away with those things (the sunnies, not the crisps you twit) is beyond me.
"Wait... Libby's on the turn?" Lizzeh blinks slowly, staring at me with an open mouth. Good lord, she is dim.
Before I can say anything, Lou grins proudly and almost shoves me out of the way, sending the chair teetering about wildly like a mad dance. Oh Christ...
"Yes indeed she is, my little Lizzeh Duckling!" Lizzeh looks alarmed at being called a duck. Then again, Lou literally swooped down on the poor lamb and bellowed it in her little ears. "And she is after you! Prepare the nunga's, for our dear Bibbsy wants them all!" Oh Good Lord Sandra, Lou the Loop will be the death of me!
Poor little Lizzeh looks completely confused, but doesn't dare question Lou; I'm glad she doesn't too, it's far too dangerous to try and ask what the heck is going on in Loop's Noggin.
1 second later
Seriously, I've tried to understand her, and it ended in a Clown Nose, some knickers made of fur and her baby brother wearing a permanent-marker goatee and twirling moustache. It was not a pretty day or a pretty sight, believe me.
2 minutes later(ish)
"Is lunch over yet?" I hear Tegan call from the other side of the room where she is trying to soak up the non-existent rays of sun through the window, staring at us all.
Her eye is no longer red, and she looks human right now which has pleased her, because it means that she can meet the Mad Mob (especially Fitty Ricky) without scaring the poor sods off with one giant eye and a normal sized one.
"Keep wishing." Hannah snorts, vair attractively might I add, "We've got another 30 minutes of this excitement." and throws a packet of secret crisps at Tegan's head.
She shrieks and falls off her chair at the sudden act of kindness.
Dear Lord Sandra in the Manger, the Bell!
Before old Mr. Strong can say anything, everyone is running out of the Science lab and getting stuck in the door. Okay, that may just be Betty the Buffoon blocking everyone in, but I just duck and crawl under everyone's feet. I need freedom!
"Nice knickers, Libs." Hannah sounds like she's smiling from behind me... wait, she saw my knickers!?
5 minutes later
Walking with my bestest pals in the whole wide world, The Fabbest Crowd ever, as we leave school behind for another day, to forget the Hells that reaped those bloody Halls... until tomorrow, that is.
"I wonder if we'll see Ricky today..." Tegan is checking herself in the mirror for what is the millionth time today.
1 second later
Oh dear, Tegan has the mascara out again. That girl won't learn how dangerous she is with anything pointy and small until she's poked her god-damn eyeball out.
30 seconds later(er)
"Do I look okay? Is my hair frizzy?" Tegan is sooooooo insecure with her looks. Seriously, that girl could wear a bin bag and still look PHWOAR. Seriously, she is just that naturally pretty.
If only I was as lucky as her to be naturally blessed with the beauty gene. Sadly, my father stopped that from happening with his thunder thighs that I (regrettably) inherited.
"Arooooooooooo, look at all them lasses!"
"Get them legs out, girlies!"
"Owww, watch where you're swinging yer bag, yer great idiot!"
Oh great, the Foxwood Sleazebags have been released, and they're playing their favourite game… hit each other with their bags, and try to trip each other up. Seriously, for boys who are supposed to be smart, they sure are stupid.
5 seconds later
"Hello, ladies, your Sex Beast is here!" I hear behind me, and an arm soon finds it way around my shoulder. I then see Loopy, who has the other offending limb attached to her shoulders, biff the dolt who has dared grope our shoulders in public with her school bag.
"Who hath dared to touch the shimmering shoulder of Le Sex Monkey Master!?" She is proudly wearing her giant clown glasses and sporting her half-smeared goatee. Oh, and she's grinning wildly at our boy pally, looking a tad Loopier than normal.
This girl truly has no shame.
"Ahhhh, Lou, looking as gorgeous as ever I see." Jacob, now named Sex Beast since the end of last year's Hell of Fury (school), is grinning. Somehow, he finds Lou's weirdness attractive.
Then again, he calls himself Sex Beast, so he probably feels like he has a mutual connection of idiocy with my silly mate. Hmm…
"Oi, Jacob," Hannah swishes towards him, like a flowing scarf. Except she's not a scarf, but a person.
Actually if she swished like a scarf, I would be worried. Because then that would mean she has no bones, and would just wriggle everywhere. Kind of like Slim.
Oh crap, now Slim is in my mind! Get out, get out get out!
"Sex Beast to you, babe." Jacob winks at Hannah playfully, but she just flips her hair and adjusts her giant sunnies maturely. She is immune to idiots. That's why she manages to stand Loopy more than the rest of us.
Basically, Hannah is like Jesus. She is just good with idiots, and people in general. It's an amazing trait to have, I assure you.
"Whatever. Where are the rest of your Mad Mob? I hear you have some new eye candy for us lot." Straight to the point as ever is my Hannah.
"Ahhh, Miss Hannah, you do break my heart, you know that?" Jacob pretends to fall over, which isn't a good thing when you have your arms wrapped around the shoulders of two girls. Ouch, ouch!
"Sex Beast, you're not the lightest of chaps, so please let go of me before you decide to take a tumble and die. Thanks sweety, knew you would understand!" Lou chirps, and ducks from beneath Jacob's hold. He falls to the floor, only I end up falling as well.
On top of him.
"Whoah now, Libs, I may be a Sex Beast, but don't go man-handling me! You can cop a feel when I've mentally prepared myself!" Jacob laughs, winking away.
Good Lord Sandra, he is a div. Thankfully he's a sweet div, and funny.
"Well well well, looks like we have a bit of a party going on here." I look up, and I see the rest of the Mad Mob watching us.
Oh dear Lord Sandra in pink knickers!
Sitting in the park under the giant tree with the Mad Mob and my Fab Crowd. The boys have all stripped from their blazers and are lounging about, prattling on about blowing toilets and setting fire to their science teachers toupée., or something equally stupid and funny.
They also introduced us to their two new mates, honorary Mad Men Peter (who is short but adorable, and a little bit freckly) and Marcin (who Hannah has dubbed as The Foreign Goodies, because seriously, he is mega PHWOAR and a half. Two halfs… okay, maybe more than that, but you get what I mean).
The nub and gist of it is that they are both good-looking, and Hannah, Lizzeh, Tegan and I have our new eye candy, whilst Lou has a new piggy back giver (Peter).
2 seconds later
"So Marcin, where are you from?" Lizzeh is flipping her hair and batting her eyelashes like crazy. And the Dope has swooped! I have no clue how, but I swear, all of the Mad Mob love Lizzeh. I think it's because she's adorable, and a bit stupid. And mega good at flirting.
So good, she's managed to have all the boys look at her, even though she's talking to Marcin! I think all of their brains have dropped out, especially Peter, who looks both amazed and surprised at the same time. Like a surprised twiglet.
"I am from Poland." Good Lord, Marcin is sooooo dreamy! His accent is just… oh, it's just oh! And he is vair good at English, which is surprising. "I have lived here for four years, but we just moved here." Oh, well that explains why he is so good at English then.
"Ooooh, is Poland nice?" Lizzeh is practically luring in the boys with her batting eyes and hair-flipping. She's amazing!
"Yes, but I like England. There are many beautiful women here." Marcin drawls in his delicious accent and deep voice. Oh, he is so so gorgeous…
2 minutes later
I think that we all love Marcin. Even the boys. He is just sooooo yummy and gorgeous!
"I see you are in love." Josh sits next to me, crossing his legs and doing his raising one-eyebrow trick. Oh no, not this game again!
"Indeed. I may just have to elope and marry him!"
"Sorry to say this Libs, but I think that Lizzeh has the same plan, and right now she's in the lead." He grins as I pout. I am a vair good actress, and looking like a moody teenager is my speciality. Mutti and Vati constantly remind me of that, by saying I act and look like a stroppy cow.
It is the genius of moi acting skills!
3 seconds later
Josh has found a secret stash of galaxy bar in his school bag and is sharing it with me.
This is what best boy mates are for. Secret choccy stashes and resting my legs on, ahhh…
In moi Boudoir of Calm, om…
Laying in my bed with an egg, banana and orange zest mask on. Homemade, of course. It is nice to pamper ones self after a day of idiocy (school) and boys (The Mad Mob and Yummy Marcin).
I must continue to look my best, especially if Marcin and Fitty Ricky are around.
5 seconds later
Even if they do stare at Lizzeh a lot.
10 minutes later
Actually, Gazza (Gary, a complete knob, but what can you do? You might meet him again) wasn't paying much attention to anyone.
Actually, he was running around like a drongo and yelling at random girls walking by. Even Mousey Molly, who I hate hate hate!
Gazza has no taste. It is official.
I wonder if Lizzeh will officially make one of the Mad Mob her boyfriend this year? I have a feeling it might be Marcin, though I think Harvey will be tripping over himself just to even sit close to her…
1 second later
Why are boys such divs? In fact, why are my thighs so enormous, that they could take over Mars?
These are questions in life that we shall never answer, my Mad little Loon Lander.
A/N: The characters Marcin, Tegan and Hannah are loosely based off of people I know in real life. Actually, scratch that, Marcin is pretty damn accurate. Looks wise, Tegan is also damn accurate!
Character Intro Bio: Joshua Smith - Josh/Joshy/Joshu-PHWOAR
The bestest boy-pally around you could get, always stocking me up on a stash of secret Galaxy choccy bar goodness. One of the few blokey-types who isn't a right Div and also immune to all girls, especially the charms and hair-flipping of Lovely Lizzeh. Vair smart and also amazing, but what can you expect when he is Moi bestest friend of the boy variety? For some reason, his Mutti hates me because I helped him cut his hair when we were toddlers.
A/N: AND SO ANOTHER CHRONICLE OF THE LOON LANDERS HATH ENDED, MON PALLIES! HOOOOOOORN PARTY! This one should not have taken so long to upload, it's been completed for a stupidly long time, so I am sorry! Here, have some midget gems, cola and other things so that you forgive me! TAKE IT ALL!
Also, YIPPEE, CHARACTER BIO'S! If there are any characters you want me fill you in about, then don't hesitate to request, MON PALLIES OF THE LOONY VARIETY!
Now, MIDGET GEMS! -pelts you all-
Until the next time, mon pallies! Let us all Jump into the Loon Wagon and sing our National Anthem of the HORN! HOOOORN!