(authors note: I wrote this as an extra credit project for my English class! Lol so here is the human version of the three little pigs catcher in the rye style!)
So, if you really want to know, here is my story of how my family ended up living all in one stupid large brick house. So there is me, and my 2 siblings. My name is Tri, and my sister is Di and my younger brother is Mono. No kidding, our goddamn names are prefixes for numbers 1, 2, and 3. It's depressing really that our parents could not be more creative with names other than naming us 1, 2, and 3. Anyways, the three of us decided to move out to the goddamn west. You should have seen our parents, they were so against it. No kiddin you should have seen it, all fired up about us not leaving even though they had no choice in the matter. It was a racket. Their faces got so red! Goddamn I can even see it now.
We did move out west though to a region in the goddamn "tornado alley". We found 3 plots of land fairly far apart but close enough to walk to see each other. It's depressing having to leave, but it was even more depressing how the other's houses turned out.
I swear the sunsovbitches wanted their houses to be blown down! Seriously! It was boring making my house I will admit. But, when they offered to help after getting theirs done, it was depressing how eager they were to help. They acted so phony wanting to help with placing the bricks, making it so solid, when Di's house is a wooden house, and for Chrissake Mono lives in a flimsy barn where the only thing that seems to be holding up the roof is straw. It was depressing after a while of placing bricks for days. And what really got me is that they wanted to talk when they worked. I mean like talk! Chrissake, I did not want to goddamn talk to them, more or less have them help with my goddamn house. So I shot the bull with them for an hour until I got bored and depressed because they took everything so goddamn seriously, and they laughed the whole time. It really depressed me. We did get the goddamn house done that day. All made of brick.
Anyways, the town we moved into was boring, phony and depressing all in one place. No kiddin, for Chrissake I don't even know why we picked this goddamn town. It was so full of itself, makin everyone else feel "left out" if you did not go to the "Wolfs" football games or the "Fighting Dogs" baseball game. The whole town was obsessed with wolfs and dogs that even the News station calls themselves the most phoniest name ever: "The Wolf Pack". No kidding, they really called themselves that. All around town you could hear all the little people sayin stuff like "The Pack predicted sunny weather and it was!" or "The Wolfs are so smart they report on everything". I'm serious that is what they say. Sunsovbitches were so goddamn obsessed with the things that I could see all of them growing fur and becomin them! No kiddin almost the whole town had a goddamn pet dog or something.
So, I don't feel like sayin this part because it was so depressing and boring and all I usually don't feel like talkin about it but I'll tell you anyways. So one time 2 months ago it was goddamn tornado season. I mean like the wind usually picks up a little but nothin too much. Anyways, the "Wolf News" predicted a large storm. Like the one that you would want to be like Dorothy from the Wizard of goddamn Oz and hide underground. That movie was depressing. I usually did not go down to the cellar cause it was too dark and depressing. No kidding, there was not even electricity down there. It was all spooky too and there was a horrible draft. For Chrissake, you felt like you were in a goddam freezer with no light.
That night I was huddling around a candle like a madman, almost lighting myself on goddamn fire and a wind rushes through the small basement window. I got up so quickly that if getting up out of a goddamn chair was an Olympic sport I would have gotten gold metal. I ran like a madman over to close it. It depressed me how drafty it was down there and I stayed the whole goddamn night. The next morning I go back up and for Chrissake nothing happened! Everything was still there, nothing was even touched.
Apparently "The Wolf" was right though, Mono's house was blown down. I went to go take a look out of curiosity, not because I cared or anything, I just wanted to see how the poor bastard was doing is all. So I go down to his "home" if you could call it that. It was literally a barn, just held up by straw for Chrissake! He did want to start a farm though so it was understandable but still, he lived in the goddamn straw! And it was everywhere after the storm. No kidding it really was. Spread out for miles. So the sunovabitch went to go live at Di's house. I goddamn did not want him living at my house. He lived like a complete pig.
Later that same exact mouth "The Wolf Pack" of the phoniest of all phony news stations predicted to have another storm. I was not surprised that there was going to be another one so soon but it depressed me. Di started preparing for the storm so quickly it killed me. Her house was all of wood and seemed as stable as mine. She was running around like a chicken with her head cut off. You should have been there. She was running around bringing everything of value down to her basement. She really did look like a goddamn chicken runnin around though. You know how they just run around and bump into random goddamn things when they don't have their heads to see. Even when she was done she just plopped on the floor like one after it died from not havin its head.
"Aren't you gonna prepare," Di asked me. It depressed me, how concerned she looked and all. So I gave her the answer that she wanted, but it wasn't like I was actually going to prepare. No kiddin, at least 2 other tornados came through right over my goddamn house, and nothing happened! Anyways I told her yes, a big lie. But it made her happy, which depressed me farther. At that point I just got up and left to go home tellin her that I got some work to do, which was a complete lie.
That night I just sat there in my bed listening to the wind rush through the goddamn house. I really needed to fix that draft. No kidding you should come on a windy day, it is so cold and I can't do a goddamn thing about it other than start a fire! That morning I hear a knock on the goddamn door. It depressed me that I had to get up this early in the morning to answer the door. I should not have to answer the door this early in the morning. There really should be a rule about it somewhere.
I sighed opening the door and my sister and my goddamn brother walk in with small suitcases. I had no idea what they were doin coming in to my house and just imposing like that. I should have gotten mad and thrown them out, but they were family and all so I bit my tongue and asked what happened. I didn't really want to know though, I knew it would depress me even more but I had to ask out of curiosity.
Di's house got blown down! For CHRISSAKE! It was gone, completely and utterly gone. So being the amazing brother that I am I offered them to stay at my goddamn house even though I did not want them there. I had to though, cause they had nowhere else to go. The thing that killed me was Di and Mono kept goin on about how much they wanted to thank me, and how much they were happy to have someone like me. It felt like they were being so fake, so phony. They just wanted to use my goddamn house. And what depressed me farther was that very night there was going to be another storm.
It ended up the three of us in my goddamn basement huddlin together for warmth almost lighting our hairs on fire from the candles that we had down there. It seemed like we stayed up all night that night. No kidding, it seemed drafty and windy for hours. I actually started to get worried that there was going to be nothing upstairs when the storm was over, considering all the bad luck we were all havin. But low-and-behold everything was still goddamn there. Some papers were blown around, and some of the windows were broken but other than that the house was still safe. "The Wolf's" storm did not get my house. I smiled because they were wrong about this storm. Then when I realized that the other two sunsovbitches were still here, I had to think of something so they did not have to live here. That is how I convinced them to build their own brick houses so they did not have to come live at my place. But what really depressed me is when they built their houses attached to mine. I am not even kidding you; they were literally attached to my goddamn house. I eventually got used to them though, it was still depressing seeing them freak out whenever there was a storm though. So that is my depressing story about how my 2 siblings came to live in one large brick house.