Disclaimer- I don't own TDI, and probably never will. All credit goes to the creators. I do, however, own the OC's in this story.

Author's Notes- Yes, I am indeed attempting to juggle stories. But this one will be updated whenever I have writer's block for World Tour Two. However, if it somehow proves popular with the readers, then I'll try to update it more frequently.

So... yeah. I hope you guys like it!

Spoiler: Mentions the (canon) winner of TDRotI.


Chris McLean stood on the rickety dock at the edge of Wawanakwa Island, the very same spit of land where the Total Drama series had first premiered. Nothing much had changed since Cameron's epic victory a few months earlier during Season 4, except that the island was now seemingly free of hazardous toxic waste. Chris gave a smile to the camera that masked his sadistic anticipation of the things to come.

"Welcome, loving audience and adoring fans, to a great new season of Total Drama called... Total Drama Rewind!" the host announced excitedly. "Like last season, we're back on Wawanakwa Island for another summer of fun, stress, and humility! The twist is that the challenges will be more or less the same as the first season's. Does that mean we're bringing back the ever-familiar veteran cast for another chance for glory?... Nope! Since Duncan is refusing to participate and face his past mistakes like a real man would, that automatically means the other veterans can't compete either. We can't have a veterans season without Duncan appearing in some way or another."

Chris frowned and quietly muttered something that sounded like "Biased producers" before smiling again.

"So we eventually decided to find an entirely new cast of campers, since the Revenge of the Island cast was too small for what we have planned. The new campers will have to conquer old obstacles and challenges in their quest to win one... million... dollars!"

An old, barely functional boat that looked like it had escaped from a ship graveyard slowly pulled up alongside the dock.

"Continuing on that train of thought," Chris smirked, "let's give it up for the first new contestant of Season 5... Jayla!"

A lean yet well-built girl playing with a paddleball stepped off the boat. She wore a sky blue jacket over a red undershirt, brown cargo pants with several pockets, and light blue sneakers with white soles. Her blood red hair was tied up in a single long braid that fell down her back.

"Welcome to the island, Jayla! You're the first person to arrive; how does that make you feel?" asked Chris.

Jayla didn't seem to hear him, being very engrossed with her paddleball.

"Yo, Earth to Jayla, I'm talking to you! How does it feel to be here first?" Chris repeated impatiently.

"Hm? Oh, it's pretty cool. Maybe it's a sign; you know, I might come in first place in the game, since I'm the first to arrive... or something like that." Jayla replied, not taking her eyes off the paddleball for a second.

"I see. So, do you think you have what it takes to win the game skill-wise?" Chris continued.

Jayla shrugged. "I guess so. I've won a lot of sports tournaments at school, so I'm sure to be an asset in the dodgeball challenge, or anything else that requires physical endurance. I'm the type of girl who isn't afraid to get her hands dirty!"

She left to stand at the other end of the dock as another boat dropped off the next contestant. He was a small boy who couldn't have been more than twelve years old. His well-groomed dress shirt and pants were colored black, and his polished black shoes gleamed when sunlight hit them. Under his dress shirt was a crisp white undershirt and a black tie. He was clearly Jewish, judging by the Yamaka he wore over his short brown hair. He also had comically oversized glasses.

"Hello, Mr. McLean," he greeted politely, shaking the host's hand. "My name is Yehuda. I'm here to compete for the one million dollar prize."

"This is known to be a tough game, Yehuda. Especially for someone who's your age. Are you sure you're up for the risks and potential danger?" Chris asked cautiously.

"I must assure you, Mr. McLean, that I am quite capable of taking care of myself. Besides, I'll have a team to protect me for the first half of the game... assuming that I don't get voted off too early. But I doubt that'll happen if I try my hardest." smiled Yehuda.

He then walked off to join Jayla at the other side of the dock.

"Hello, Miss. My name is Yehuda; I hope we can become good friends!" he greeted with a handshake.

"Well, you're a polite little guy, aren't you? Your parents must've raised you right!" giggled Jayla. "Say, you up for some football later?"

Yehuda raised a brow. "Umm... perhaps. Though I must admit that I'm not thoroughly educated in the subject of football."

Chris was watching the two converse, when he suddenly felt a tug on his arm. Swiveling his head around, the host was surprised to see a girl tracing her fingers along the palm of his hand.

She had long and full black hair tied back in a low ponytail. Her bra was visible under a transparent, pink silk "sweater" that exposed her stomach. Her pants were purple and baggy, and her shoes were goldenrod. She also had a pinkish-purple veil covering her mouth and nose, along with a fair amount of mascara around her eyes. Several golden bracelets hung loosely from her wrists.

"Oh my, this is quite troubling... I foresee a bleak future ahead of you, Mr. McLean. If my readings are correct, then you'll die at the age of fifty-three after getting hit by a truck driven by a disgruntled former intern. To avoid this future, my advice is to start actually paying your interns, unless you have some sort of strange death fetish... which, now that I think about it, is actually somewhat likely..." the girl mused.

"And who are you supposed to be?" Chris asked in annoyance, shaking the newcomer off his arm.

"Desiree," she chirped.

"Oookay... so, are you some kind of creepy psychic or fortune teller?"

"Correct!" Desiree nodded happily. "Ever since I bopped my noggin on a fire hydrant when I was a little girl, I've been able to foresee the future. However, I can only get a proper reading if I make physical contact with the person or object I wish to learn about. And in games of unpredictability and character development like this one, there's no way for me to know if I'll win or not. But I guess that's a good thing; surprises are fun!"

"I like her; she looks like she'll be a ton of fun to spend time with!" Yehuda beamed.

"For the record, I don't believe in any of that gypsy crap," Chris scoffed. "But we'll discuss that later. I see another boat over yonder!"

When the boat stopped at the dock, its sole occupant was revealed to be a muscular boy carrying, of all things, an anvil. With a grunt, he tossed the anvil onto the dock. It immediately broke through the rotting wood and fell into the sea with a loud splash, leaving behind a gaping hole.

"Uhh... that wasn't supposed to happen," the boy noted.

He was wearing a sleeveless, unbuttoned white coat over a red tank top. His trousers were black and his boots were a rugged brown. A brown beret sat atop his frizzy black hair, and a five o' clock shadow ran along the length of his firm jaw line. Tan metalworker's gloves covered his hands.

"What the hell, Roland! You destroyed part of the dock!" shouted Chris.

"I, um, I can fix it!" Roland said hastily. "Just let me get my anvil back first!"

"Excuse me sir, but why did you bring an anvil in the first place?" Yehuda inquired.

"To craft weapons and equipment with, what else? Back home, I'm known as the greatest blacksmith in town... and also the only one." Roland stated proudly.

Jayla looked intrigued. "'Weapons and equipment'? You mean like swords and shields and suits of armor and stuff? Cool!"

"I thought the profession of blacksmithing disappeared at the close of the Middle Ages," mused Desiree. "It would appear I was wrong."

"It appears so. Besides, you never know when medieval weapons could come in handy," Roland said with a smirk.

The next boat dropped off a thin girl in a lime green sweater, a pink skirt, and pink shoes. Her medium-length light brown hair was tied in a side ponytail. She looked incredibly excited.

"Omigosh, omigosh, omigosh! I'm on Total Drama!" she squealed. "This is so great! So what should I do first? Ooh, I know! I'll form an alliance! A really really big one! In fact, everyone on my team can be in it! But then I'll have to blindside one of my allies if we lose... oh, I'm probably over-thinking things. Hi! I'm Janice!"

"Nice to have you on the show, Janice!" greeted Chris. "So what's your game plan?"

"I... umm... I honestly don't know yet," Janice admitted. "But it'll definitely involve strategy! I've watched Heather, Alejandro, and Scott compete, and they all got really far using strategy, so I'll try it too!"

"Scott's only strategy was being a dick." muttered Roland.

Janice gasped in horror. "Don't say that! Scott was obviously a great strategist; he got all the way to the final four because of his genius! He was only taken out because Zoey went berserk for no apparent reason!"

"No, Scott was eliminated because he was a terrible person. Are you sure you know what you're doing?" asked Desiree.

"Yes!" Janice pouted.

"This is sure to be comedy gold," chuckled Chris. "But moving on. Say hello to a big guy with a big heart and an even bigger tolerance to pain, Melvin!"

Melvin stepped off his boat and waved enthusiastically to the others. He was heavyset with a few chins. He wore a grey T-shirt with a yellow smiley face on the front, badly faded jeans, and dark green shoes. His thick glasses had a layer of tape holding them together. Melvin's hair was brown and curly, and fell to his shoulders.

He stepped forward to greet the others. "Hello fellow adventurers! It's great to be he- whoa!"

His sentence was cut short when he fell through the large hole in the dock that Roland's anvil made earlier. A painful sounding 'clang' was heard a second later.

"I'm okay!" Melvin's voice called out from under the dock. "I just fell onto this random anvil under the dock. But geez, my nuts feel like they've taken a charged Megawave attack from the Shadow Queen in Paper Mario 2!"

Nobody was quite sure what to say in response.

"He's a bit odd... but at least he seems nice," Yehuda shrugged.

"And I bet he'd make a great ally!" added Janice. "We'd dominate the game together! Until I'm forced to betray him near the finals. Wait, did I just say that out loud?! Oh no, I hope he didn't hear that!"

Melvin, meanwhile, was trying and failing to pull himself out of the hole.

"Umm, a little help here?" he called out.

Jayla and Roland both stepped forward to assist him. They each grabbed one of his hands, and with a firm tug, successfully pulled the chubby boy out.

"Thanks, you two!" Melvin said gratefully. "Though I can't say I'm terribly surprised that happened. I'm kind of a pain magnet; disaster follows me around like a bad smell."

"Aww, you poor thing!" Desiree said in sympathy.

Melvin waved a hand dismissively. "Don't worry about me; I'm used to it! I have a naturally high tolerance to pain. My philosophy in life is that when you get knocked down, just stand back up and keep smiling!"

"That's a very inspiring point of view," Yehuda nodded approvingly.

The next arrival had a look that clearly screamed "FAKE". This girl was incredibly skinny, with bleached blonde hair, a heavy spray tan, an obvious boob job, and lips that had seem some Botox injections. She had on a lacy red tank top, baby blue shorts, and platform sandals.

"Hey dolls," she greeted in a raspy voice. "The name's Mimi. Ain't I the most drop-dead gorgeous thing you've ever laid eyes on?"

"Lord help me!" Yehuda screamed in terror, covering his eyes with his hands and sobbing loudly. Desiree wrapped her arms around him in a gentle embrace, whispering words of comfort. Jayla and Roland glanced at each other before backing away slowly. Janice was trying to talk strategy to Melvin, who had taken a PSP out of his pocket and was currently engrossed in a game.

Mimi huffed. "Um, hello? Beautiful girl over here? Someone pay attention to me!"

"I'm gonna go get some plywood for the dock... be back soon!" Roland exclaimed hastily, running off into camp.

Melvin glanced up from his game, shuddered in disgust, then resumed playing. "I'm sorry, but I'd rather fight Sasquatchanakwa than be anywhere near you. I might be a geeky pain magnet, but even I have standards."

"Well fine! That guy with the beret was much hotter than you, anyway!" Mimi snapped.

Melvin shrugged, not bothering to look up again. "Think what you want; I'm perfectly fine with the way I am now."

Roland then returned with a mallet, nails, and two large sheets of plywood. He first boarded up the hole in the dock, then nailed the second sheet in front of Yehuda and Desiree.

"What's that for?" the fortune teller asked curiously.

"It's a shield. So this kid's innocent, youthful eyes won't have to gaze upon... that," Roland explained, gesturing to Mimi.

"I can hear you, you know!" growled Mimi.

"Let's keep introducing people, shall we?" Chris said quickly. "Hey, I see a boat approaching! Thank goodness..."

When the boat pulled up to dock, a wiry but strong boy departed with an ugly scowl on his heavily pierced face. He wore a black shirt with the sleeves torn off; the shirt had a rather gruesome picture of a screaming, flaming skull on it. His boots were dark grey, and his jeans had several tears, hanging low enough to show his skull-patterned boxers to the world. Around his neck was a spiked collar, with two smaller spiked cuffs on his wrists. His hair was dirty blonde and mostly shaved.

"'Sup," he grunted. "I'm Pierce. I'm here to win, and maybe bang my idiot girlfriend when the cameras aren't watching. Just don't piss me off and we'll get along fine."

Everyone stared at him in silence, trying to wrap their minds around what he had just said.

Pierce turned around and faced the boat. "Brooke! Get your skinny ass out here before I drag it out!" he shouted.

"Coming, coming!" a female voice said from below deck.

A moment later a slim, pretty girl with mocha-colored skin and deep brunette hair exited the boat quickly. She was wearing a navy blue T-shirt, sandals and grey shorts. Her eyes were emerald green, and a few freckles were sprinkled across her face and arms.

"Hello," she said meekly. "I'm Brooke. It's great to meet you all. Maybe we could be friends?"

Pierce smacked her on the back of the head.

"Dammit Brooke, did I give you permission to talk to them? Because I sure as hell don't recall doing so!" he barked.

"Sorry, Pierce," Brooke apologized timidly, sorely rubbing the spot on her head where Pierce had hit her.

Jayla narrowed her eyes. "Dude, you did not just do that."

"Well I did, and I'll happily do it again if she keeps disobeying me!" snarled Pierce. "Brooke belongs to me and me only. She agreed to be my girlfriend, so that gives me more control over her than any of you. Isn't that right, Brooke?... ANSWER ME!"

"Yes, Pierce!" Brooke nodded nervously.

Pierce acknowledged her response with another grunt. Grabbing her wrist, he dragged Brooke to the other end of the dock, then punched Melvin over the side just for fun.

"I agree with his methods; women need to learn their place." nodded Chris. Many of the campers gave him disapproving glares.

The next camper to arrive on the island was a small and scrawny boy who kept his eyes fixed on the ground. He wore a midnight blue hoodie with the hood up, tan pants, and red sneakers. His hair was silver with the tips dyed red, slicked down to partially cover his smoky grey eyes. A guitar case was slung over his back, and in his hands he carried both a flute and violin case.

"Tobias, my man, what's up?" Chris asked him.

"Not much." Tobias said in a very soft voice, barely above a whisper.

"I take it you like music, right? Judging by all the instruments you're carrying," Chris continued.

"Yes."

"Think you stand a chance at winning the million dollar prize?" Chris persisted.

"No."

Chris looked shocked at his response, but didn't follow up on it. "... You're not very talkative, are you?"

"Not really."

"Then what the heck are you still standing here for? Go to the other side of the dock so I can interview more interesting contestants!" the host ordered.

Tobias shrugged and walked over to stand with the others.

Brooke checked to make sure Pierce wasn't listening, then whispered to the smaller boy, "Hi, I'm Brooke."

Tobias kept his gaze on the ground and said nothing.

Next came Haley, a red-haired girl with a very punk-esque style similar to Pierce. She was wearing a dark red T-shirt with a ghoulish face printed on it, black jeans, white track shoes, and a black bandana. Her eyebrows, nostrils, and lips were all pierced.

"Hey, what's up? My name's Haley. You guys ready to rock this game or what?" she said with a relaxed smile.

"Ew, what a disgusting excuse for a woman," Mimi scoffed.

"Says the girl who could give most Hollywood celebs a run for their money." Haley replied without hesitation.

Mimi scowled while the rest of the campers laughed.

"So Haley, do you plan on making any big moves during the game? Anything to stir up some drama?" Chris asked once the laughter had died down.

"Maybe... I dunno. If I need to, I guess. But I'd rather just chill out and let things come as they please. It's a lot simpler and less taxing than being a strategy bot." Haley answered.

Janice, finally realizing that Melvin wasn't paying attention to her babbling, instead rushed over to Haley and got right in her face.

"Hi! I'm Janice! Wanna be in an alliance with me?!" she offered.

Haley shrugged. "Sure, if we're on the same team. That'd be cool."

Janice clapped happily. "Yay! My first alliance partner! And we're not even done with the introductions; that must mean I'm a great leader!" she squealed.

Haley rolled her eyes.

A somewhat tall and lanky boy departed from the next boat. He had straight black hair that fell past his shoulders, glasses, a plain black T-shirt, jeans that were ripped at the knees, and black sneakers. On his left hand was a black wristwatch.

"Wawanakwa Island; at first glance a paradise. Possessing lush forests, tranquil waters, and crystal caves that hold a natural beauty of which few have ever laid eyes upon... and for good reason. For though it seems peaceful and serene at first, some of Mother Nature's darkest secrets are contained within, watching and waiting for those who are brave or foolish enough to knock on their doors. The forest conceals a beast of strength and savagery, the sea shelters the aquatic world's greatest and hungiest predator, and within the caves dwells a creature of fur, teeth, and claws. But for the rare individual who can withstand this unforgiving environment, a great treasure awaits them at the end of their journey... assuming they don't get torn to bloody ribbons beforehand." he said in a relaxed poetic tone.

Everyone stared at the newcomer in total silence. Noticing the strange looks he was getting, he scratched his head and blushed in embarrassment.

"... Too scary?" he asked sheepishly.

"You think?" Mimi replied flatly. Yehuda shivered behind his plywood shield, partly from hearing the boy's creepy words and partly because Mimi had talked.

"So, um... what's your name?" Jayla asked in attempt to change the subject.

The newcomer approached her with long strides, taking her hand in his and shaking it firmly.

"Oh dear me, where are my manners?" he chuckled lightly. "Gideon Grimm. A pleasure to make your aquaintance."

"Dude, what was up with that speech? That was almost as scary as the Slender Man games!" Melvin shivered, pocketing his PSP.

"Technically that was meant to be a poem, not a speech," Gideon explained. "I've always loved creating poetry, especially the Gothic variety. But I've been told that my poems are a little too... 'descriptive' for most people to handle."

"Again, you think?" Mimi spat. "That was possibly the worst piece of crap I've ever heard in my entire life. Granted I don't give a damn about poetry, but my point still stands."

"Everyone's a critic these days," Gideon muttered as he walked over to the growing group of campers.

"You'll have plenty of time to say your creepy poetry later, Gideon. Now let's meet Riley!" Chris announced.

A tall girl with waist-length black hair casually stepped off the boat. She wore a light purple T-shirt with a digital camoflauge pattern, dark green pants with a matching headband, and blue running shoes.

She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could speak, Janice was already in her face.

"Hi there! My name's Janice! I'm gonna be, like, an alliance leader! How cool is that?! So do you want to join me?! DO YOU?!" she shouted, grabbing Riley's shirt and pulling her closer.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down. I don't even know you!" Riley exclaimed, trying to push Janice away from herself.

"Oh, don't mind her. From what I've seen so far, Janice is a bit... eccentric," Brooke explained.

Pierce shot her a dark glare for speaking out loud. Brooke gulped and shifted her attention to the ground, as though something there fascinated her.

Riley finally managed to shove Janice aside and greeted the others with a warm smile. "So yeah, as Chris said, I'm Riley. I'm the class president at my school, I volunteer in my spare time, and I've been told I have great leadership skills. So I decided to audition for the show to test these so-called skills. And I plan to win this whole game fair and square!"

"Now that's the kind of attitude I like to hear!" Yehuda exclaimed with a smile, peeking around his shield.

Tobias suddenly looked up. "Wait, did you say you like to volunteer? I do too. I sometimes do volunteer work at my town's local animal shelter. It's so fun to play with the-"

He stopped when he noticed that Riley wasn't paying attention to him, instead having an animated discussion with Jayla about hockey. Tobias sighed and returned to staring at the ground with Brooke.

"Our next contestant lives deep in the Louisiana bayous and is a crack shot with a shotgun. Give it up for Cletus!" declared Chris.

A skinny guy with dark hair departed from his boat. Cletus wore a stained white tank top, pants that were covered in a multitude of patches, and heavy black boots. A small straw hat sat atop his head, and a large, double-barreled shotgun was slung over his shoulder.

"Hey y'all, I'm Cletus, and I comes from them swamps way down south. Mah pappy tought me hows ta hunt, and I knows a thing'r two 'bout wilderness survival. I hope I sees none of them gators on this islan', though. Thems is nasty sons-a-bitches." he said in a stereotypical redneck accent.

"So Cletus, how did you come to learn about the show?" Chris asked.

"The big boss in mah village owns one of them TV-visions, or whatever ya city folk calls 'em," Cletus explained. "So we had a lil' contest to decide who would get ta audition. Whoever killed the largest goose would get ta be on the show. And, well, I won... so here I am."

"Cool story bro!" Melvin cheered.

Cletus looked down and tilted his hat over his eyes. "Well, I actually exploited a loopy-hole in the rules. I killed the big boss' pet goose- Morbidly Obese Lucy was her name- and showed the body ta him."

"Holy crap; he was probably mad as hell!" Pierce snickered.

"Naw; he was actually impressed with mah plan. 'Sides, he can get another goose real easy." said Cletus.

Yehuda eyed his shotgun nervously. "Mr. Cletus... are you sure it's safe to carry a loaded gun around? Admittedly I'm a bit scared of it."

"Y'all will be fine, ya gots nothin' ta worry 'bout. I brought Ol' Reliable here with me fur huntin' purposes and self-defense only. If one of them critters out there tries ta eat me... I'll get 'em first." Cletus stated firmly.

"Hey, do you think you can teach me how to shoot that thing sometime?" asked Pierce.

"No."

"Asshole," Pierce growled.

Chris interrupted, "Our next guest is... well, pretty much the exact opposite of Cletus. And some of you might even recognize her. Introducing Winona!"

A slender and beautiful girl arrived, swishing her hips as she strolled over to greet the host. She wore a purple midriff-baring tank top, white short shorts, and purple flip flops. Her platinum-blonde hair was tied up in a terra twist. She also wore purple lipstick.

"Hey Winona... how about a hug for your favorite host?" Chris asked her, eyes twinkling.

Winona glared at him. "Get lost, you perverted little man. You're obviously trying to ride my fame to convince people that you're not just some B-rated loser... which you are."

"Hey, you can't talk to me like that! I'm the great Chris McLean! I... I'm totally hip!" Chris protested feebly.

Winona ignored him and instead began to look over the other campers. "And who the heck are these guys? My competition? Pathetic; even if one of you wins, you're still not going to be as rich and famous as I am."

"I don't gets it. You say you're famous, but I ain't never heard of ya before. You some kind of celebrity?" asked Cletus.

"I'm not just 'some kind of celebrity', I'm an internationally known teenage supermodel!" Winona informed him. "I'm been on the cover of numerous magazines, guest starred in several hit movies, and I plan to add 'reality show champion' to my already extensive list of accomplishments."

Haley snapped her fingers in realization. "Oh yeah, now I recognize you! You're Winona Sanderson!"

"Took you long enough," Winona scoffed.

"I have a picture of you in my room that I like to throw darts at." Haley grinned.

A few people laughed; Haley herself had a hard time keeping a straight face. Winona scowled at her, but swallowed her pride and walked to the other end of the dock quietly.

"Don't worry about that; I'm sure she didn't mean it." Gideon said to Winona once she had made it across. "I'm Gideon, by the way."

"Oh shut up, you glasses-wearing freak!" Winona hissed.

Gideon seemed surprised at her hostility, but didn't say anything further. Instead he shrugged and turned away.

"Contestant number sixteen has a questionable past but good intentions; let's meet Caleb!" said Chris.

A stocky boy departed the boat with his hands in his pockets. Caleb wore an unzipped forest green jacket with a black checkered outline over a white T-shirt. His sneakers were light grey and his jeans were very baggy. A triangular red bandana concealed his nose and mouth, and a second, matching bandana covered most of his curly brown hair. A few freckles were visible around his cheeks.

"Cool, a gangster!" Pierce grinned.

Caleb winced.

"'Gangsta' is a strong woid... I prefer da toim, 'groupie'." he said in a heavy Brooklyn accent.

"Yo, Caleb! What's sizzlin' mah homie?" Chris greeted in a very bad immitation of Caleb's accent.

Caleb winced again. "Nevah... do dat again, Chris."

"No offense, but why the hell would the producers allow a gangster... err, 'groupie' to be on the show? Especially when there's a kid here!" Riley exclaimed, pointing to the piece of plywood Yehuda was hiding behind.

"Err... what kid?" Caleb asked in confusion.

Pierce kicked down the plywood, exposing Yehuda. The boy whimpered in fright when he saw Caleb and hid behind Desiree again.

"Oh please, Mr. Caleb, I haven't done anything wrong! Please don't hurt me!" he begged.

"Hey hey hey, easy!" Caleb exclaimed, holding his hands up peacefully. "I ain't gonna hurt ya. And if you must know, then yes, I'm a membah of a gang back home in Brooklyn. But we're not like a regular street gang, heck no. We're more like an organized vigilante group."

He made a peace sign with one hand and a 'hand-gun' with the other, then crossed them over his chest. "Grey Angels forevah!"

"And here I was thinking we were going to get a real gangster," Chris muttered to himself. "So why'd you audition for the show?"

Caleb thought for a moment. "Well, in addition ta winning a million bucks, I also wanna do all dose summer camp activities dat kids sometimes partake in. I've been with da Angels for... a long time, and nevah got ta do tings dat most teenagers consider normal."

Having nothing left to say, Caleb moved to join the others at the end of the dock. The campers, however, couldn't help but notice that he walked with a bad limp in his right leg.

"And now we come to..." Chris trailed off, "Sheila!"

The first thing Sheila did when she arrived was slowly move her gaze over each of the contestants, as if trying to bore into their souls with her eyes. Her face was remarkably toadlike, and she was rather chubby. Her black hair was done up in a neat bun. She wore a bright pink sweater and a black skirt, and red high heels. Her glasses were nearly a half inch thick.

"Pathetic, the lot of you," she finally said. "I see before me a collection of juveniles and misfits that will no doubt fail where I shall succeed. Tell me, do any of you honestly think that you're going to get anywhere in life? Don't fool yourselves. Your untamed teenage idiocy will only place you in the lowest class of society for the rest of your miserable lives."

"... You're like a real parade rainer, huh?" Desiree pointed out.

"Say what you want, but I'm already set for life. Call me back once you're as famous as I am." Winona added, taking out a nail filer.

"You'd say that, wouldn't you? All pretty girls think the same. I know you wouldn't be above cheating to win the game, just for your information. You'll probably try to seduce our lunkhead of a host to have him tilt the game in your favor." Sheila sneered.

Winona looked up to face her, eyes blazing with anger. "Excuse me?!"

"Hey, I'm not that easy!" argued Chris.

"But I will not allow that to happen!" declared Sheila. "If any of you so much as think of cheating, I will know about it. And I'll also sniff out any alliances, villains, player strategies, etc. This will be a season of fairness and order."

"Hey Sheila, you have something on your face," Haley spoke up.

Sheila pulled a small handheld mirror out of her skirt pocket and examined herself. "Where is it? I don't see anything."

"It's written all over your face. It says 'early boot'!" Haley giggled.

Several others laughed while Sheila stewed in rage.

"You're going home first!" she growled.

Another girl arrived once the laughter had died down.

"Hi guys!" she said happily.

"Everyone, meet Miranda," Chris introduced.

Miranda had long and messy blonde hair that reached her back. She was wearing a sleeveless white jacket, baggy jean shorts, and green sneakers. She had cute, angular cheekbones, and there was a mischievous gleam in her sparkling blue eyes.

"So tell us about yourself, Miranda," Chris instructed her.

"Well, I grew up in Newfoundland, and I like to- hey look! Gangster!" she suddenly exclaimed, pointing towards Caleb.

"Groupie," Caleb corrected her as she rushed over to greet him.

"Gangster, groupie, tomato, tomahto. It makes no difference. Put 'er there!" she smiled, extending her hand for a shake.

Caleb took it and was immediately zapped by a jolt of electricity.

"OW! What da hell was dat?" he groaned, rubbing his sore hand.

Miranda giggled innocently. "Just my way of saying hello! Oh, come on, don't be a Mr. Grumpypants about it. It's just harmless fun!"

Caleb was about to retort with a comeback, but when Miranda made puppy dog eyes at him, he suddenly found it impossible to be angry with her.

"Just... just don't do dat again," he sighed.

Miranda shrugged. "I make no promises."

The next contestant was a short boy who didn't seem to have an ounce of muscle on him. He wore a grey button-up shirt with a black tie. His trousers were black and his shoes were white. His hair was brown and done in a bowler cut.

"Greetings! My name is Franklin. Now before you write me off as useless because of my clear lack of physical prowess, I feel the need to inform you all that I am quite the intellectual being. I also like video games." he stated.

Melvin perked up. "Really? Me too! Although I once played this really awful game called Big Rigs-"

"Shut the hell up, nerd!" Pierce snorted. He kicked Melvin in the side and knocked him off the dock yet again.

Franklin frowned. "Was that really necessary?"

"What can I say? He annoyed me." Pierce grunted.

"... Right," drawled Franklin. "So in conclusion, I, like Harold, possess 'mad skillz'. I hope that's a good enough reason for you to see me as a valuable asset, and that we can all get along. I look forward to competing with you guys."

Sheila nodded approvingly. "A very fine speech from a proper young man. You could all learn a thing or two from him."

"Pricks," spat Winona.

"Time to take the manliness up a notch. Here's Emmett!" Chris announced.

A tall and muscular African-Canadian boy stepped off the boat with his bags in hand. Emmett had short black hair and a green fotball jersey with "00" printed in gold on the back. His cargo shorts were brown and his sneakers were dark yellow.

"'Sup y'all? I'm Emmett and I'm gonna play this game to the fullest! YEAH!" he cheered.

"How wonderful. A Lightning clone." Gideon groaned.

Emmett looked startled. "Whoa, hey, let's not make hasty judgments! Lightning was tough, sure, but he was also rude and practically brainless. I like to think of myself as a nicer guy than him."

"Hey handsome," Mimi purred as she approached him. "Wanna use those big strong hands to give a pretty girl a massage later?"

"Wait, you mean like her?" Emmett asked, pointing to Winona. "Well... sure, if she'd let me."

Mimi slapped her forehead in frustration. "You might be nicer than Lightning, but you're just as brain dead."

"Look who's talking," Haley quipped.

"Hey shut up!"

Emmett gave the others a passing wave as he joined them at the end of the dock, deciding to stand next to Franklin. He didn't notice when the geek gave him a look of utter disgust.

"We're almost done!" Chris interrupted. "Our second-to-last contestant is Autumn!"

A thin girl wearing a flowing, faded orange dress with a white ruffle collar stepped off her boat daintily. Autumn's long hair, which was the same shade of orange as her dress, was tied in a loose braid that draped over her shoulder. She also had tan hiking boots.

"Hello," she said in a soft voice. "It's nice to meet you all."

"Well mah golly gee, ain't she a purdy lil' thang," Cletus grinned, tipping his hat in respect.

Autumn chuckled lightly. "Thank you for the compliment. So, let me tell you guys about myself. I'm an environmentalist and I sometimes join in protests, but not any of the more violent ones, goodness no. I'm something of a pacifist. I also enjoy long walks in the woods and taking care of animals."

"I like animals too," Tobias interjected, raising his hand.

Autumn walked over and pat him on the head.

"Good to hear! Anyone who likes animals and nature is a friend of mine!" she smiled sunnily.

"Nature is scary," Melvin winced. "The last time I was in the woods I got attacked by a family of owls."

"Oh my, how on earth did that happen?" Autumn asked curiously.

"I found a dead squirrel on the ground and poked it with a stick out of curiosity. The next thing I remember, was being swarmed by angry owls!" Melvin shuddered. "I guess they were hungry and that made them reckless. Ever since then I've been happily living in the safety of my own home."

"That's an interesting story, but I'm not sure if I approve of poking a deceased creature of Mother Nature with a stick." frowned Autumn.

"Squirrel don't taste all that great anyway." Cletus added helpfully.

"Only one more person to go!" Chris said happily. "The final contestant of the season is... Spike!"

Spike was tall and very skinny. He wore a ripped black shirt with a flaming fist pictured on both sides, bright red shorts, black tennis shoes, and a spiked collar around his neck. His red hair was styled into a rediculous looking spiky mohawk. He was listening to headphones and constantly headbanging, seemingly unaware of his surroundings.

"WAKE UP, GRAB A BRUSH AND PUT A LITTLE MAKE-UP, HIDE THE SCARS TO FADE AWAY THE SHAKE-UP, WHY'D YOU LEAVE THE KEYS UPON THE TABLE, HERE YOU GO CREATE ANOTHER FABLE! Man, I love System of a Down!" Spike cheered.

"Spike?" Chris tried to get his attention.

"YOU WANTED TO, GRAB A BRUSH AND PUT A LITTLE MAKE-UP!"

"Spike?" Chris tapped him on the shoulder, growing increasingly impatient.

"WOOOOOOO! GUITAR SOLO!"

"SPIKE!" Chris hollered in his face.

Spike finally snapped back to reality and turned down the volume on his headphones. "Huh? Oh hey Chris, what's up man?"

"Host stuff that you wouldn't understand or care about." Chris drawled.

"Oh, well that's cool. I'm just listening to some metal... wait, I do that every day. Haha!" Spike laughed as though he had just come up with the world's funniest joke.

"What's your favorite kind of metal?" Pierce asked with genuine interest.

Spike stopped laughing and thought for a moment. "Hmm... all kinds! I listen to alternative metal, light metal, heavy metal, death metal... you name it, I listen to it! Metal ROCKS!"

"Cool; Brooke and I also love metal, don't we Brooke?... I SAID DON'T WE?!" Pierce yelled at his girlfriend.

"Yes, yes, I love it just as much as you do!" Brooke nodded nervously.

"Dude, you don't have to yell at her," stated Spike.

"Whatevs," Pierce grunted indifferently.

"I'm just amazed that you haven't gone deaf yet!" Miranda grinned.

Chris whistled to gather the twenty-two campers' attention. "That does it for the introductions, folks! And since this is the probably the only time the whole lot of you will be in the same place at once, how about we take a commemorative group picture for posterity?"

Jayla crossed her arms and frowned. "I don't think so. Back in the first season, the whole dock collapsed under the contestants' combined weight. What's there to stop it from happening again?"

"Nothing, but I have dock insurance so who cares?" Chris smirked. "Now everyone gather together!"

The campers collectively groaned in disappointment but followed their host's order. Chris took a small digital camera from his shirt pocket and faced the group.

"Okay everybody! When I count to three, say 'Wawanakwa'! One... two... three!"

"Wawanakwa!"

"WHOA!"

The dock gave way under Melvin's weight just before the picture was taken. When Chris checked the image on his camera, it showed the twenty-one other campers staring at a newly formed hole in the dock.

"Eh, good enough." he shrugged.

"I'm okay!" Melvin's voice called out from under the dock. "And look, there's that anvil again!"


Ten minutes later, the twenty-one teenagers and one kid were gathered around an unlit campfire pit. Half of the campers sat on thick tree stumps rooted to the ground; the rest were forced to remain standing. Chris stood behind a wooden podium facing away from the infamous Dock of Shame.

"Welcome to the bonfire ceremony area! Take a moment to look around you. Tall trees, a great view of the ocean, and a roaring campfire to keep you warm. Nice place, isn't it? But trust me, this is the last place you'll want to be during the teams portion of the game. This is where the losing team in a challenge will vote off one of their members. But I'll get to the specifics of that part after the first challenge."

"To the losers go the spoils I guess." Gideon chuckled.

Caleb raised his hand. "Can we hang out here when we ain't havin' a challenge or ceremony? Maybe roast some weenies or somethin'?"

"Sure, feel free." Chris shrugged. "And now for the sleeping arrangements. There are two cabins located near the center of camp. Each team gets one cabin; the guys sleep on one side, the girls sleep on the other. I asked if they could be co-ed this season to help bring in ratings, but the producers shot that idea down. Lame."

"That's bullshit!" Pierce yelled.

"Tell me about it. Now, you all know that you're competing for a million dollars, so I'll skip that part. Let's instead move on to the teams!" declared Chris.

There were a few scattered cheers from the crowd of campers.

"If I call your name, please stand to my right... Haley."

Haley smiled as she got up off her stump and walked to Chris' right side.

"Spike."

Spike wasn't paying attention; he was too busy headbanging to whatever song he was listening to.

"Spike, go and join Haley, dammit!" Chris shouted.

"Huh? Oh, okay!" Spike said, jogging over to stand near Haley.

"Riley."

Riley shrugged and moved to join the other two.

"Pierce."

Pierce grunted and sluggishly walked over.

"Brooke."

Brooke gulped in fear, but stood next to Pierce nonetheless.

"Emmett."

"Awesome!" cheered Emmett as he made his way to the group.

"Miranda."

Miranda just grinned mischievously as she sat up from her tree stump.

"Yehuda."

Yehuda exhaled to calm his nerves, timidly stepping over to join the growing crowd.

"Janice."

"Yaysies! I get to stick with my alliance partner!" Janice squealed, glomping Haley.

"Caleb."

Caleb may have smiled; it was hard to tell under the bandana. He slowly limped over to the others.

"And... Jayla."

Jayla simply smiled at her new teammates.

Chris tossed a small green banner to Riley. She unfurled it, revealing the team's logo of what appeared to be a rabid groundhog.

"From now on, you eleven shall be known as... the Screaming Groundhogs!" Chris announced.

"Wow, way to be original." said Haley sarcastically.

"You're losing your mojo, Chris!" Miranda giggled.

"Shut up!" Chris whined. "You're gonna be Groundhogs and you're gonna like it, and that's final! And now for the other team, who will stand on my left... Roland."

Roland hauled his anvil over to Chris' left side and sat down on it.

"Shiela."

Sheila stepped next to Roland and glared at him, searching for anything suspicious.

"Cletus."

"M'kay partner." said Cletus as he stood up from his tree stump.

"Desiree."

"Just as I foresaw," Desiree commented with a dreamy expression.

"Gideon."

"They say the pen is mightier than the sword, but when eleven swordsmen stand together, they can slay even the most formidable of foes." Gideon said poetically while he walked over.

"Mimi."

Mimi winked flirtatiously at the boys on the team, making them shudder.

"Tobias."

Tobias remained silent as he took his place with the others.

"Winona."

The supermodel got up off her stump, stretched her legs for all to see, then walked over to her team.

"Autumn."

Autumn smiled and skipped over happily.

"Franklin."

Franklin looked at each of his teammates before nodding in approval.

"And last but not least... Melvin."

"Woohoo!" cheered Melvin as he rushed over to join his new team. He then tripped over a rock and face planted in the dirt.

The handsome host tossed a red banner to Franklin. It unfurled to show a logo of a pissed-looking fish.

"The rest of you will be called... the Killer Trout!" Chris declared.

"I personally liked Bass better," Roland shrugged. "But this works too."

"I'm glad you like it. But there are still a few more things I have to show you, so follow me!" ordered Chris.


The next stop on their tour of the campgrounds was the familiar, rancid-smelling outhouse that we all know and love.

"This is the Confessional Cam. If any of you have something that you want to say in private, step inside this outhouse and tell the world your thoughts." Chris informed them.

"Sweet! Can we use it right now?" Janice asked eagerly.

"Hmm... how about no?" Chris smirked. "First I want you guys to get settled into your cabins. You'll have half an hour to do this. You'll be allowed to use the confessional during that time, then you're all required to report to the mess hall for lunch."


(Screaming Groundhogs, guys' side)

"Dibs on one of da top bunks!" Caleb exclaimed, plopping himself down on a higher bed.

"Well, you seem excited," noted Emmett.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Caleb asked rhetorically. "Ta me, dis whole contest is like one big vacation. Plenty of sunshine, a whole ocean ta swim in, and a chance ta win a million dollahs ta boot. Yep, I tink I'm gonna enjoy dis game."

Pierce tossed his battered suitcase up to the other top bunk. "This one's mine. No arguments."

Emmett chose the bed under Caleb's, while Spike decided to bunk with Pierce.

"I guess this means I get the single bed. That's fine; I have no preferences either way." shrugged Yehuda.

"Shut up, runt. You don't get to talk!" Pierce threatened.

Yehuda blinked in surprise. "Excuse me? What do you mean?"

"You're a kid, a Jew, and you're stupid," Pierce listed in annoyance. "You're much better off being seen and not heard. Although even 'seen' is debatable."

"Dude, that's just low," frowned Emmett.

"I'm with Emmett; dat was just uncalled for." Caleb agreed.

"Whatevs," Pierce grunted. "But it's still the truth. You agree with me, don't you, Spike?"

Spike was headbanging to another song, completely oblivious to what was going on around him.

"See? Spike agrees with me!" Pierce justified.

Emmett snorted and Caleb rolled his eyes. Yehuda simply watched the whole exchange nervously.


(Confessional)

Yehuda- "When I signed up for this show, I never expected for there to be so many 'tough guys' around! Emmett is a jock, Caleb is part of a gang, Pierce is just horrible, and Spike... well, he looks intimidating, but I don't think he's a violent person. At least the first two seem nice enough. Also... first confessional! Woohoo!"

Emmett- "So... we use this outhouse to confess stuff? Okay then. I'll admit that I need a little extra help in school, and that I'm secretly a fan of Glee... please don't laugh at me."

Pierce- "This island sucks donkey ass. But it'll all be worth it once I have the million dollars. And Brooke's gonna be there to help me through every step of the game, whether she wants to or not. She will if she knows what's good for her."

Spike- (He's still headbanging like an idiot.)

Caleb- "Well, as long as I'm in here, I might as well confess... my pop is da head of da Grey Angels. Also, I ain't really a membah anymore. Y'see, pops didn't want his little boy gettin' hurt, so gave me a job as a courier- like a messenger delivery boy. But one day I was in da wrong place at da wrong time, and my leg got shot up real bad by a rival gang. Aftah dat, I decided I wanted a change of scenery, so I signed up for da show. And just ta remind you all, da Angels' purpose is ta spread order by puttin' down dem more nasty gangs. We ain't criminals!"


(Screaming Groundhogs, girls' side)

Riley had just finished unpacking her things and sat down on one of the bottom bunks. When she did, a loud farting noise echoed throughout the girls' side of the cabin.

She reached under the sheets and pulled out a whoopee cushion. "What the-? How did this get here?" she asked in bewilderment.

A giggle from the bunk above her gave away who did it.

"Miranda, why did you put a whoopee cushion on my bed?" Riley sighed.

The prankster poked her head down to face her.

"For the lulz!" she exclaimed happily.

Brooke watched the two from her bunk beneath Haley. "How'd you put it there so quickly, anyway? And without anyone else noticing?"

"A prankster tells no secrets," Miranda smirked slyly.

Janice climbed into the third top bunk, with Jayla underneath her. She waved excitedly at Haley.

"Haley! Hi! Hi Haley! Guess what? Our alliance is going to dominate the competition!" she squealed.

"You know, you won't have much voting power with just an alliance of two," Jayla pointed out.

Janice sat upright. "Ooh, you're right! I should expand my influence! And just like Heather did before, I think I'll have an alliance of three, so... WHICH ONE OF YOU WANTS TO JOIN ME?!"

"Sorry, but I'm more of a leader, not a follower." said Riley.

"Alliances aren't really my thing; there's too much strategy talk and that bores me!" Miranda added, hanging upside-down from her knees off the side of her bed.

"Pass," Jayla yawned.

Brooke curled a strand of hair in her finger. "I'd volunteer, but Pierce forbid me from joining any alliances. Sorry."

"Speaking of Pierce, how'd you meet him anyway? Are you and him together?" asked Haley.

"Well, Pierce and I met about a year ago. It was shortly after I moved to a new neighborhood and transferred schools." Brooke explained. "I was so scared and I didn't know anyone there... but he found me, and helped me to adjust. We started going out about three months later. We're... we're very happy together."

She said that last part rather forcefully.

"No offense, but he seems like kind of a douchebag!" Miranda pointed out cheerfully.

"He's nice when he wants to be; he just gets in a bad mood sometimes," Brooke protested meekly.

"... You're spineless." Haley concluded.

"Okay, suit yourself. But my offer still stands!" smiled Janice.


(Confessional)

Brooke- "... Okay, they're right! I'm scared to death of Pierce and I want out of our relationship! But if I try to leave him, or even talk to another guy, he threatened to torture me. But then again... maybe I deserve this. Maybe I was a complete monster in a past life, just like Pierce is now, and this is my karma for whatever wrongdoings I did." (Brooke sighs.)

Riley- "My goal in the game is to be a good leader and try my hardest to win challenges. I've watched all the episodes of the first season so I have a pretty good idea of what to expect. You're looking at the ultimate jack-of-all-trades!"

Miranda- "Yeah, I'm just here to prank people and have fun. I don't care much about the money to be honest. Additionally, if someone I pranked gets mad at me, I have a trump card! (Miranda makes puppy dog eyes.) Tell me, who could resist this innocent face? Heeheehee!"

Jayla- "The girls on out team each seem to think differently, but we're still getting along, so that's a plus. I'd say that I like Riley the best out of all of them; she's smart, and claims to be a great leader. A worthy rival in my opinion!"

Janice- "OMG, I'm so excited for this season! With Haley at my side, I will triumph! Even though I have no idea how to run an alliance... or how to think up creative schemes... but I'm sure I'll do fine! I'm gonna make my heroes proud!"

Haley- (Smirking.) "Poor, delusional Janice. She thinks she's in charge, but I'll be the one who's really running this whole show. I lied about not having a game plan at the dock; I know exactly what I'm going to do: Join any alliances that form, then rip them apart from the inside out. They always end on bad terms anyway. But before you all label me a villain, please realize that I have no malice towards the others; it's just how I choose to play the game."


(Killer Trout, guys' side)

Roland set his anvil down at the foot of one of the bottom bunks, then unzipped his duffel bag and began to unpack. Inside the bag were all sorts of pieces of equipment used for smithing.

Franklin closed the X-Men comic book he was reading and glanced down from the above bunk, annoyed at the clanking of metal for breaking his attention.

"Is all that noise really necessary?" he asked sternly.

"Sorry," Roland apologized, "but it'll all pay off in due time. If our team ever needs weapons or armor, I'll be there to make it!"

"I see. And just why would we ever need medieval weaponry in a reality game show?" Franklin continued.

Roland shrugged. "Better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it."

"Whatever." Franklin muttered. "At least you're a far cry better than that Emmett guy."

"Why, what's wrong with him? He seemed like a nice guy," Roland pointed out.

"... It's because he's a jock," lied Franklin. "And jocks and nerds never get along. That's just the way it is and always will be."

"I know the feeling," muttered Tobias from nearby. He was sitting on a bunk above Cletus, tacking posters of various musicians on his bedside wall. Among them were Herman Li, Jimi Hendrix, and Mozart.

"Y'all like music, little fella?" asked Cletus, inspecting the intrument cases lying on the floor nearby.

Tobias sighed. "First off, my name is Tobias. And yes, I've been interested in music for as long as I can remember."

He dropped his voice to an inaudible whisper and added, "Though no one at home appreciates it."

"Interestin'. Me personally; I plays a mean fiddle." Cletus stated proudly.

Tobias didn't respond, though he smiled a bit as he continued to tack up more posters.

Gideon was lounging on the remaining bottom bunk, reading a Gothic poetry book to pass the remaining time. His peace was interrupted, however, by a painfully loud creaking noise above him. Gideon looked up and blanched in fright when he saw just how dangerously close the top bunk was to breaking- with him right underneath it.

"Isn't this awesome, Gideon? We're gonna be bunk mates!" Melvin's voice whooped.

"Uhh... yeah," Gideon replied softly, eyes fixed on the looming mass of mattress mere inches from his face.


(Confessional)

Roland- "Unfortunately, my smithing skills will be useless if I don't have access to a powerful source of heat- how else would I melt the raw metals I brought with me? I already have a mallet and several different moulds, but I'll still need that heat source... hmm... (Roland's face lights up.) I got it! The oven in the mess hall kitchen!"

Cletus- "I seems ta have... what's the term... 'luckied out' with mah roommates. I think we'll all gets along swell... long as none of 'em touch mah shotgun. I've had it since before I learned how ta walk."

Melvin- "Wow, this is even better than playing Super Mario 64 with hacks! I got a great team, and the adventure of a lifetime ahead of me. I have a really good feeling about this season! (A raccoon drops from the ceiling and latches onto Melvin's head.) GAH! Get it off get it off get it off!"

Gideon- "I don't mean to sound offensive, but... in that one brief moment, my entire life flashed before my eyes. But I'm getting off track. Do I have some kind of complex and elaborate game plan for the season? Nope. I'm just going to hang out and watch what goes on around me. Hopefully it'll give me inspiration for future poems."

Tobias- "I have a hard time trusting jocks and other physically fit people. The high school I go to places a very heavy emphasis on sports, so if you don't like football, that automatically makes you an outcast. I'm more interested in things like band class and drama club, and I get bullied because of that. All. The. Time. It's made me quite antisocial. Still... it's nice that Cletus is willing to give me a chance."

Franklin- "The reason I dislike Emmett isn't because he's a jock, though that's part of the problem. No, I dislike him because he's a filthy, wretched, abominable black person. The thought of blacks and Latinos intermingling with our pure Canadian society makes me sick to my stomach. But I mustn't let the others know these thoughts; I'd get voted out quicker than the Flash on coffee!"


(Killer Trout, girls' side)

The girls of the Killer Trout team had quickly decided which beds they's take. Desiree meditated on one of the top bunks while Autumn unpacked beneath her, Sheila glared hard at Mimi as the latter took the second top bunk, and Winona had declared that she'd get the single bed. She still wasn't satisfied, however.

"This sucks!" Winona complained, lying on her bed and facing the ceiling. "The sheets are itchy, the pillow is rock hard, and there's no electricity in this whole cabin! What was Chris thinking, making me sleep in here? I should've gotten my own private trailer like he has!"

"I don't need to be a psychic to tell that you're in great distress." Desiree stated, still meditating with her eyes closed.

"Shut your mouth, gypsy!" Winona snapped. "And there's no such thing as psychics and fortune tellers. You're nothing but a big phony."

"I have to make physical contact with a person before I can see their future. Strange, I know, but that's the way it works. Would you like me to read your fortune?" Desiree asked nicely.

"You keep your gypsy hands away from me," growled Winona. "Nobody is allowed to touch me."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Nobody is allowed to touch my perfectly tanned bod unless I allow them to." agreed Mimi.

"Oh please; you're even more of a fake than Desiree!" Winona snapped. "You had to stuff your body full of unnatural substances to make yourself pr... no, ugly as hell. I was lucky enough to be born as supermodel material."

Mimi glared murderously at her teammate. "I thought maybe we could've been friends since we're both gorgeous. Evidently I was wrong!" she hissed.

"Go cry about it to someone who cares," Winona retorted, taking out a vial of nail polish.

"Hey, you can't talk to me like that!" Mimi shouted.

"Oh yeah? Says who?"

"Says me!"

Autumn was watching the argument nervously.

"Girls, please, we're all the same children of nature. We shouldn't be fighting!" she pleaded.

"Order!" Sheila squawked. "If you two don't settle down, I'll tell on you to Chris!"

Autumn sighed and looked up at Desiree. "We're not going to get any peace around here, are we?"

"Not a snowball's chance in hell," the fortune teller answered.


(Confessional)

Autumn- "Oh dear, this isn't looking good for team morale. Neither Winona nor Mimi seem like pleasant people, and we don't need them breaking out into arguments at every given opportunity. I pray that things will settle down soon enough."

Desiree- "Autumn is the only girl I can tolerate on our tram, so maybe we could be gal pals! Sheila... well, she kind of bugs me with that shrill voice and attitude of hers. And do I even need to say anything about the two princesses?"

Sheila- "This kind of behavior will not be tolerated! I'll tell on them both! I'll-" (Camera cuts to static, thank God.)

Mimi- "Who does that little brat think she is?! She's all like, 'Ooh, I'm a model, I'm above everyone else and deserve to be pampered'! Big freakin' deal! If I wanted to be a famous supermodel, I could do so in a heartbeat!"

Winona- "If my idiot teammates have a shred common sense in them, they'll vote out Mimi the first chance they get. She's an annoying walking pile of silicone. Not that many of the others are much better, though. Like, did you all see that fat kid with the smiley face shirt, or the creepy goth guy? Blech! This team needs a serious makeover."


(Mess Hall)

Once the campers had finished settling in and unpacking their things, they all stood in a line in the camp cafeteria to await their food. Chef Hatchet was glaring at the campers through his serving window, not having changed a bit between seasons. He was still as grumpy and sweaty as ever, and it was likely that the 'food' he served hadn't improved either.

"Listen up and listen good, new maggots!" he barked. "I'm gonna be cookin' for you all this season, no questions! Now you're gonna eat what I have for you, and you're darn well gonna like it! Do I make myself clear?!"

"Sir, yes sir!" all tewnty-two campers exclaimed in unison.

"I can't hear you!"

"SIR, YES SIR!"

"Aye aye, cap'n!" Melvin joked.

He was then conked in the head by an expertly thrown spatula courtesy of Chef Hatchet.

"No SpongeBob references!" the cook hollered. "Now which one of you lucky chumps is first?"

Caleb limped to the serving window with his tray in hand.

"What's on da menu, Chef?"

"YELLOW STUFF!" Chef declared, dropping a plateful of something yellow and fuzzy on Caleb's tray.

Caleb shrugged and limped over to his team's table. Autumn was next in line, though her reaction upon receiving the food was far less pleasant; her expression was one of utter horror as she stared at the thing on her tray.

"This is not natural, at all," she whimpered.

One by one the campers received their lunches, with each one force-feeding themselves to keep the disgusting slop down.

"This stuff tastes like crap. Brooke, go make me a better meal!" Pierce ordered his girlfriend.

"Anything for you, Pierce." Brooke sighed, getting up from her seat.

Chef banged his fists on the counter to get the couple's attention. "Hey! Nobody gets to cook but me!"

On the Killer Trout table, Gideon's food suddenly exploded in his face. He took his glasses off, wiped them clean, then put them back on. He didn't look amused.

"That wasn't me, I swear!" Miranda called out to him.

Chris' voice suddenly crackled to life over the intercom in the center of camp.

"Attention campers! Finish up your lunch and change into your swimwear, because your first challenge begins in one hour!" he announced.

"Wow, a challenge already?" Yehuda noted in disbelief.

"Trust me kid; this is just the tip of the iceberg," informed Riley.

Yehuda shrugged. "It's only our first challenge. I never watched the first season, but I'm sure Chris wouldn't go all out on us in the very beginning of the game."


(The Cliff)

The campers and Chris were standing at the top of the famous 1,000-foot cliffside. Everyone (except the smiling host) was dressed in their swimsuits.

Yehuda peered over the edge of the cliff at the water, far, far below him. He gulped.

"Well, I've been wrong before."


And that does it for the first chapter! Personally, I think that this is the best chapter of any story I've ever written (and the longest). And again, if this story is well-received, then I'll try to update it more frequently. In the meantime, feel free to review and tell me what you liked, didn't like, favorite characters, or whatever else you can think of.

I'm not a Duncan hater, just FYI. I'm only poking fun at the fact that he's a karma Houdini and gets way too much screentime in the actual show.

Here's a quick rundown of the contestants and their stereotypes:

Screaming Groundhogs:

Jayla- the Playful Tomboy

Emmett- the Tough Jock

Riley- the Born Leader

Pierce- the Abusive Boyfriend

Brooke- the Abused Girlfriend

Miranda- the Cute Prankster

Spike- the Raging Metalhead

Janice- the Trainwreck

Caleb- the Ex-Gangster

Haley- the Infiltrator

Yehuda- the Kind Jewish Boy

Killer Trout:

Cletus- the Hillbilly

Desiree- the Freaky Fortune Teller

Roland- the Blacksmith

Sheila- the Snitch

Franklin- the Racist Geek

Winona- the Supermodel

Melvin- the Nerdy Pain Magnet

Autumn- the Flower Child

Gideon- the Nice-Guy Goth

Mimi- the Wannabe Beauty Queen

Tobias- the Bullied Blend-In


Next Time: The two teams face off in the cliff jump challenge! Friendships are formed, conflicts heat up, and at the end of the day, the first loser is sent packing.