I always have Sam/Jack ideas in my head. Sometimes I write them down.
I don't know if it's normal to mix angst and humor though! Thanks to Cags for the beta work.
"Samantha, whether you are packing or putting clothes away in a drawer, it's important to fold them correctly. It will help to keep wrinkles at bay."
Lying on the bed in her quarters curled into a fetal position, Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter stared at the clothes she'd carelessly thrown on the floor and decided that there must be something really wrong with her.
Truth be told she didn't even want to come here, but General O'Neill ordered her to.
"Carter, when was the last time you slept? Go get some rest, in the meantime I'll take care of everything and I will come to wake you up in a couple of hours."
So here she was, an hour after her father's death and her thoughts were wandering back to her great-aunt Janice.
She'd met her just a few times when she was 8 years old and her dad was stationed not far from where her great-aunt and her family lived; she never liked her though.
Sam remembered that every time she had gone to visit aunt Janice, her mother insisted she had to wear a dress and she discovered the reason quite soon.
"Samantha, dear, come here and help me with this needlework. Every girl should learn how to sew."
"A telescope? Why do you want a telescope for your birthday? Samantha, you have to stop living in a dream world. I think a new pair of black shiny shoes would be a better gift to ask for."
"Samantha! Stay sit like a lady. Stop fidgeting or you will ruin your dress!"
It was probably the only time that Sam was glad when, six months later, her father told her they had to move to another State.
One evening not long after she overheard her parents talking about Janice and the reason for her aunt's behaviour became clearer.
At the age of 25 years old she was still unmarried. She was so afraid to remain maid for the rest of her life that, when the first man interested in her asked her hand, she immediately said yes. After a year she got pregnant and gave birth to a little girl. Four other girls followed the first one before she finally bore the male heir her husband wanted.
That night Samantha Carter swore to herself that she would have always follow her dreams. Some day she would go to space and no man would decide her future in her place.
Thirty years later, the image of her great-uncle Carl suddenly mixed with the one of her fiancé and, with horror, Sam pictured an older Pete with a large belly sitting on the couch watching a football match and yelling at her to bring him a beer and start making dinner.
God, I really need to sleep.
I'm clearly sleep-deprived and I shouldn't trust my mind in this condition, should I? I'm thinking about my great-aunt and uncle for crying out loud!
Maybe it was really time to be sincere about her feelings for General O'Neill.
No. Her feelings for Jack.
Had she really thought she had moved on from him? She had believed so and for a while it worked. It was fun to go out and have someone take care of her, but she should have never let things go so far with Pete. Deep inside her she always knew that, but the idea of normal life outside the SGC was too tantalizing to admit the truth.
She remembered the discussion she had with Daniel and Teal'c some months before. The societal pressures on women hadn't really changed too much in the past seventy years.
She had almost broken the promise she made to herself when she was a child.
Samantha Carter now understood why her sleep-deprived brain had reminded her of her aunt Janice. She was about to repeat her history.
There were no sure evidences that Pete would have become like her uncle Carl, even though he did buy a house without asking her opinion and he did have a tendency to fatten. He had already gained weight since she started dating him.
Maybe her sleep-deprived mind was right.
She rewrote physic laws in three months with almost no sleep.
Hell, she saved Earth a dozen of times while being sleep-deprived.
Yes, she could trust her head in this state.
Concussion instead was a different situation.
Note to self: never take life altering decisions while suffering a head injury.
Don't let rules stand in your way
She thought about her father's words and a tear started rolling down her cheek.
He knew her feelings for Jack, maybe even better than her.
He was with Kerry now. A pang of jealousy hit her.
Had she lost her chance with him?
Sam slowly removed her engagement ring form her finger, she set it down on her nightstand and finally closed her eyes.
She had an engagement to break.
An angry brother to face.
A funeral to organize.
She didn't know where she stood with Jack.
Yet she remembered her dad's last words.
You can still have everything you want
Her last thought before she surrendered to sleep was about Jack's promise.
Maybe her father was right.
Maybe she could still have the only person who made her happy.