23To the lovely person who signed their review as guest, instead of having the balls to leave their name, I'll address you here. Yes, it's Tanya's fault. Anyone who willingly exposes another human being to drugs is at fault. Second, Edward is a big, strong fighter. I'd like to see 5 foot, 4 inch Bella get past a six foot, 4 inch Edward on a drug comedown.
Also, whether or not it's pot, cocaine or heroin, if you have an addictive personality, like my Edward has, you're basically screwed.
I'm a nursing student. That entails psychology, physiology and terrible subjects such as drugs, domestic abuse and rape/sexual assault. I've also done a lot of research on this subject. If you'll read the author's note of the prologue, I stated that I've been thinking about this for years. I've spoken to doctors, addicts and lecturers, as well as looking at encyclopaedias and online sources.
Also, dear guest, how can you blame someone when they aren't 100% aware of their actions, like most addicts are? Addicts are addicts, whether they're addicted to the gym, like Kiel, or to drugs, like our friend. There are healthy addictions. Anorexia, bulimia and cutting, are all addictions. Are you suggesting it's their fault they don't see their self-worth? Is it their fault they starve themselves, binge eat and vomit, and slice their wrists? Because I can assure you, those are all addictions.
So, my dearest guest, if you've had a bad experience with drugs, or a loved one has, I'm legitimately sorry. But before you mouth off about your 'facts', please remember I also know facts. This story is based on facts, not your opinions.
I would like to make it clear to everyone that reads this that I have absolutely no problem with constructive criticism. I enjoy it, in fact, because suggestions are based on good intentions. Someone saying to me, "Oh, you had a bit of a grammar/tense slip here, just a head's up", I appreciate. It motivates me to proofread better. But for someone to just come right out and say I'm wrong, when I know for a fact that I'm right – again, based on research – I will get pissed off. So next time, dear guesty, log in, sign your name and I will send you my sources, notes and lecture slides.
Stephenie Meyer owns all original Twilight characters. All new characters, storylines and even some places are products of my imagination.
Please see me at the bottom, as I have an excuse for being absent for such a long time!
RiRi17
Esme knows. I know she can tell we've had a fight. Well, it's not like we were subtle about it. After Edward got out of the car, grabbing the pizzas and going inside, I sat in the driver's seat, contemplating how one tiny question could lead to this. Could it have been my fault? I mean, my insecurities are well known to Edward. He knows I'm wary of Tanya. He knows that she's a complete psycho that wants him back.
"Bella, dear, do you want to come and look at some magazines in the kitchen?" Esme asks kindly, her eyes flickering between Edward and me. We're sitting on complete opposite end of the couch, eating the pizza silently. We haven't even looked at each other since we got back.
Rosalie doesn't help matters by appearing downstairs again when we arrived with food. She doesn't speak to anyone though, instead eating her pizza quietly, with downcast eyes. Even so, her reappearance makes both Edward and I go rigid.
Alice picks up on what Esme is trying to do. "Oh, Bella, I have so many pictures to show you!" she gushes, also looking concerned about her brother and I. "All you have to do is pick out the things you like and we can draw them up for you!" She starts bouncing, almost vibrating, in excitement.
I get up, grabbing one of the pizza boxes so we can continue eating in the kitchen. "It sounds great." I'm lying. All I want to do is go home and get into bed, maybe get myself trashed beforehand. I hate it when Edward fight, because we don't do it often. In fact, this is probably the third real argument we've had since we got together.
Esme and Alice follow me into the kitchen, shutting the door firmly behind them. "Do you want to talk about it?" Esme asks softly, pulling out a chair at the table. Alice sits beside her, heaving a huge pile of magazines onto the table.
I'm surprised her bird like arms can actually lift the stack up, to be honest. "We just had an argument about the gym." His family isn't aware of his fighting, which is pretty much his main source of income, because it was hard enough on them when he was discharged from the Forces. If they ever found out that he's been putting his body on the line to help pay the bills, it'll break their hearts.
"Oh." Alice bites her lip, obviously uncertain about whether or not it was appropriate to continue asking questions. "Will you be okay tonight?"
Esme reaches out, placing her hand on mine, squeezing gently. "You're welcome to stay here," she offers quietly, smiling at me kindly.
I shake my head, feeling my heart swell at their compassion. "I'll be fine. We'll both be fine," I assure them, tugging my hand from Esme's grasp and picking up one of the bridal magazines. The Cinderella style ball gown on the front cover makes me shudder. "I'm not entirely sure what I want yet," I tell them, fixing my eyes on Alice. I'm not even sure if there will be a wedding after tonight. I tap my finger on the picture of the blonde on the cover. "But I don't want this."
My future sister in law eyes the ball gown appreciatively before meeting my eyes. "I didn't think you would. That's why I have all of these!" She pushes the stack towards me with a flourish and a grin that could be considered evil.
I want to groan in disappointment. Alice won't even think about allowing me to leave until I go through at least half of them. But it's taken the Cullens such a long time to warm up to me; I'll do anything to keep me in their good books. After Tanya broke Edward's heart, and I am not exaggerating here, they all rallied around him, practically refusing to allow any girls, decent or otherwise, to come near him. Luckily for me, Edward and I had already met before the lockdown. Alice is still particularly protective over her younger brother, even though he's almost twice the size of her.
"Bella, I know you'll probably say no, but would you like Rose in here?" Esme asks, getting up to put the kettle on.
Alice scoffs before I have the chance to answer. "Considering Rosalie brought that fashion disaster into our home, I don't want her in here trying to take over again." She flips open the magazine, puts her chin in her hand and starts perusing the magazine with an intensity that frightens me.
I want to sigh in relief, but that would be rude.
"Bella, do you like this one?" Alice suddenly demands, shoving a magazine under my nose.
I flinch back in surprise, but look down, genuinely shocked that I don't hate the gown. It's an A-line dress with a little beaded belt. It has organza and tulle flowing down from the empire waist line, where the belt was attached. "I like it," I breathe, tracing my fingers over the picture. "Is there a place that would have it?"
Esme gets this gleam in her eyes.
"Close by!" I hurry to add. "It has to be somewhere close by! I don't want to be flying all over the country!" It was more than that. I can't even hope to keep up with their lifestyle. If Alice hears about a sale in some high end boutique on the opposite side of the country, she'll just fly over for the day to shop. I haven't been back to Forks to see Charlie since Edward and I got together because I can't afford it right now. I'm just lucky the Cullens decided to pitch in, or Edward and I would have gone down to the courthouse.
Alice pouts. "We can make it a girl's week!" she exclaims excitedly.
"I have work until the summer," I remind her regretfully. "And I was planning on using the money we've saved up to go visit Charlie." He's been hinting at me going down since I'd last spoken to him via Skype call to tell him about the engagement.
"Bella, you know money isn't an issue here!" my future sister in law exclaims, obviously not willing to let the subject go. "We can go anywhere you want."
I bite my lip, unsure of how to deny Alice Cullen anything. Everyone in the family has had trouble doing it at one point or another, me included. Luckily for me though, Esme steps in with a gentle touch to her daughter's shoulder. It makes me ache for my own mother. "Alice, darling, if Bella wants to go see her father, we have to let her do that." My shoulders slump in relief. "We always have her bachelorette party," she finishes with a wicked grin.
She squeals and claps her hands together, which brings Emmett into the kitchen. He's holding a slice of pizza in each hand, looking at his younger sister curiously. "What's with the screeching?" he asks around a mouthful of pizza.
I dare to peek through the doorway to see Edward and Carlisle having some sort of staring contest. They have an uncanny ability to communicate silently, which freaked me out when Edward and I first started dating. "Wedding dresses," I answer shortly, suddenly exhausted. All I can think about is my bed and how comfortable it is, even if I wasn't in Edward's arms.
He nods in understanding, finishing the first slice and then inhaling the other before resting his hand on my shoulder. "Can I speak to you outside for a minute?"
I get up from the kitchen table, following him out to the deck overlooking the huge back garden. "What's up, Em?"
He scuffs his huge foot into the wood, biting his lip. I'm literally blown away. Ever since I met him, Emmett has been the life of the party, confident and sure of himself, even when he's the butt of the joke. I've never seen him look…ashamed? "Bella, I am so sorry about Rosie earlier," he mumbles, his face changing to frustrated. "I swear she's not like that when we're alone. She's trying so hard…" he trails off, looking into the trees at the edge of the property line and scrubs his face with his hands. "Look, I can't tell you everything, but she's been through a hell of a lot. She wants to impress the family so badly."
I raise my eyebrows. "She's not doing a very good job."
He sighs. "I know. I've tried to tell her to just… be nice, but she's like a coconut–"
"A coconut?"
"Yeah, she's all hard on the outside but on the inside she's soft and sweet."
"The entirety of the English language and you chose coconut to describe your girlfriend," I muse, dumbfounded. Emmett is adorable. "As weird as that is, that's pretty cute."
He looks down at the ground, bashful, muttering something I don't catch under his breath. "I promise I didn't know she was going to bring Jane with her tonight. She said she'd just meet me here."
I bite my lip. I want to give him fair warning that I'm at the end of my rope with Rosalie. I want my wedding to be my own, not someone else's. "Em… I know she's your girlfriend, but this is my wedding we're talking about now. If every decision I make is going to be undermined and disrespected, I have to ask that you don't bring her."
He barks a laugh, making me flinch back in surprise. "Bella, you're the only person I know that asks someone who's being a complete cow to them not to come to their wedding."
"I'm not asking."
I spin around to see Edward standing in the patio doorway, arms folded over his chest, his face neutral. "Edward, if she stops–"
"No, Bella," he interrupts, striding forward to stand next to me, wrapping an arm around my waist.
I can't help but melt into him. Whenever we're out, we're usually touching in some way, whether it's holding hands or arms around each other. To sit on opposite ends of the couch all night has been bothering me. Tanya, however, bothers me more.
"Ed, I'll talk to her," Emmett says, looking between us pleadingly.
My fiancé's fingers flex on my hip. "You've already spoken to her about this shit, Em, and we all know it. Tell her to keep her fucking mouth shut about anything to do with Bella, or I will."
I shiver at the threat in his voice. "Let Emmett speak to her, Edward. After tonight, maybe she'll realize that what she's trying to do won't fly with us. She's just trying to be intimidating." She's succeeding, but no one else had to know that. I slip my arm around Edward, squeezing him gently.
"If Bella or I have to sit through her shit one more time, I'm going to literally throw her out of the house."
Emmett nods, eyes downcast. "I am sorry, Ed," he says quietly. "Rosie said she'd be okay tonight."
It appears that Edward is finished with conversation, because he turns to me, completely ignoring his brother. "Are you ready to go home, Bella?"
I look between the two brothers. "Em, it's fine. We can talk about it another time." I attempt a smile for him, wanting to see him back to his normal self. It's unnerving to see him in such a bad place in his own mind. He nods, a tight grin on his face before he turns and walks back into the house.
"Let's go," Edward says, removing his arm from my waist and taking my hand to gently pull me back inside. "You have work tomorrow," he reminds me, grabbing my bag from the now empty kitchen table. He leads me back into the living room, where the Cullens are sitting, watching us with wary looks on their beautiful faces.
"Are you leaving?" Esme asked, looking upset.
I bite my lip, wringing my hands together. I hate disappointing Esme and Carlisle, and tonight Edward and I definitely did that. Luckily though, Edward saves me from answering. "Bella has to work early in the morning, Mom," he says gently, releasing my hand to stride over and hug her goodbye.
Carlisle stands and claps his son on the shoulder, shaking his hand. "Thanks for the pizza, Edward. Will we be seeing you this weekend?"
"My students have a test on Friday afternoon, so I might be grading their papers this weekend," I reply, looking at everyone except Rosalie.
"Take a day off and we'll start looking for dresses," Alice says simply, shrugging her shoulders.
"Maybe," I appease, glancing towards the front door. The awkwardness in the air is making me cringe on the inside, because Emmett hasn't come back inside, and Rosalie is trying to burn holes into the side of my skull with her eyes.
Even though Edward and I aren't exactly happy with each other, he still sees my discomfort and moves the farewell process along like a pro. He hugs his sister and mother again before handing me my jacket and taking my hand in his, squeezing gently. "Bye, Rosalie," he throws over his shoulder, not even looking at her.
She doesn't reply.
We leave the house in silence, Edward shutting the front door softly behind him. I still have the keys from earlier so I open the car and slide in behind the wheel, gripping it so tightly that my knuckles turn white. "Well, that was fun," he says sarcastically, leaning his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes.
I cringe internally. He's not going to get over this quickly. The drive home passes in tense silence when I don't reply and he's up and out of the car the second I pull into the parking garage. He grabs his gym bag from the backseat and walks to the fire door, waiting as I hurry over to move through, wanting to avoid any more confrontations. I can feel his eyes on my ass as I'm walking up the three flights of stairs, but he never touches or reaches for my hand like he normally does.
After the longest stair climb of my life, we finally arrive at the door. I unlock it quickly and stride through, dropping the keys in the little dish by the door. "I'm having a shower," I say over my shoulder, refusing to look at him.
He grunts in acknowledgement and I hear the bedroom door open before I shut the bathroom door, locking it silently. I look in the mirror, hating the sting of tears building in my eyes. I swipe them away furiously and turn the shower on, yanking my hair into a bun. I shower as quickly as possible, wanting nothing more than to go to bed and forget about this awful evening. When I enter our bedroom, Edward has his back to me, pretending to be asleep.
Those stupid tears appear again as I crawl into bed and turn out the light, my heart breaking.
Okay! Long time, I know, and I'm very, very, very sorry! My excuse is that real life is a bitch. My depression came back, hitting me hard, and then Kiel and I broke up, a little over a month ago now. That basically threw me into a huge downward spiral and I was almost hospitalised before I went back on antidepressants. All I can say is that I hope we manage to work things out, because I want him in my life, either as a friend or significant other.
That also explains why the quality of this chapter went downhill halfway through, but I would rather give you guys something, instead of nothing at all. And I can always go back and replace it later, if need be.
As always, thank you for reading.
RiRi17