The walk home was always the most tiring; the most boring.

The guys are always catching up with each other from afar. Fighting. Laughing. Arguing. Running.

I'd be the observer.

On this particular night lots of people were out. Games were what got these kids together.

A crowd of girls managed to prevent Jason from walking off with Kenyan, stopping him with their short skirts and seductive purrs.

Kenyan stands, trying not to be a part of it. As far as I could tell he had a girl. As for Jason he was free as anyone could ever be, and he pulled one of the girls into his embrace.

Sometimes I'd see that being me. I was that girl they'd pull close, my small hands feeling the muscles underneath their Ts and their large arms keeping me close.

I never thought about it too long.

All thoughts would die when I stepped into my house. All thoughts would disappear so it was just me and the crappy stairs leading to my place of residence.

It wasn't even a house. I lived in an apartment. An apartment with low maintenance. An apartment with no high expectations. An apartment I am stuck in.

As I walk up the stairs a voice calls at me. I turn for a moment, seeing it is nothing but a group of drunken dropouts, and I ignore them and keeping walking up the steps. Don't get me wrong. I'm no dipshit snob or whatever. I just try to mind my own business. I've learned that it's what's best most times. To just shut up and keep on walking.

I make it to the door and pull out my key from my pockets. I fumble with it but finally put it inside, a huge whiff of food coming from the kitchen. Dad's making dinner.

"Hi son!"

A hand ruffles my hair, "Sup, bitch?"

I push the hand off and walk into the apartment, "Hi Darry."

Darrel Buckman; a dropout with a full ride to Duke University that he just tossed his senior year of High School. I remember being there when he got the letter.

"Darry, why are you so happy?"

"I got in, Will."


"I got into Duke!"


"Fuck yeah, man! I'm gonna go to college!"

He never talked about it since.

It was the damndest thing, you know? I never understood it. He was thrilled to be going to college when he got the letter. And the very next day it was as if it never happened.

That was three years ago.

I placed my backpack down and proceeded to do homework. I had gotten a good amount of it done before the game, just some math to finish. And once it was done I stood and walked into the kitchen. Dad was still cooking but wasn't making much, like always. Poured some beans from a can into a pot and had some meat to go with it.

Darry sat down on the couch and turned on the game.

"How'd it go, Will?"

I pulled out the plates, focusing my attention mostly on them, "Fine. We lost as always."

"That'll change. Sorry I couldn't go. Work's been a bitch."

I got the forks, "Yeah."

Dad walked into the living room, "Damn it, Darry, get your ass up and help set the table!"

Darry grunted, standing and walking over, making the TV louder.

He walked into the kitchen, "How was the game, Willy?"

"Don't call me that."

"Whatever. How was it?"

"We lost."


"Darry, leave your brother alone and put the plates out."

He took them from me and stomped out the room.

I took the forks in and placed down one for each of us. Darry sat down and made me get the water. I stared at him, but he just adjusted his plate and said "Bitch, get to steppin'."

I got the glasses and we all sat down, Dad turning off the TV. Darry started serving himself.

"Darrel say grace."



He rolled his eyes and put his serving spoon down, closing his eyes, "Bless God and all this food thank you thank you Lord for all the good shit you've done and please please one day let my brother's team win a fucking game in your name we pray amen now let's eat."

We ate.

Dad finished serving himself and put his elbows on the table, leaning into his food, "How'd school go, Will?"


"Dad, he don't pay attention to that shit. All he do is look up the girls dresses and try to picture 'em naked like I did. Ain't that right, Will?"

I thought of Worm's chest.

"Yeah."And Jason's. And Timo's.

I stuffed a fork full of beans in my mouth to prevent it.

"Yea, I would be able to ask your brother over here how classes have been going but what did he do?"

"Dad don't start-"

"He dropped out. Just up and drops out. With a full scholarship to one of the best schools in the country and he drops out."

Darrel put his fork down and leaned back in his seat, angrily cracking his jaw.

"Ain't that the stupidest shit you ever heard?"

"Dad just shut up."

"What you say to me?"

They stare at each other. Fights like this happened often between the two of them. Dad would bring up school and Darrel would get all defensive. I knew that all dad wanted was for us to get the fuck out of this place, but Darry didn't take the chance, and all that did was make dad angry.

Darry went back to eating and dad continued to talk.

"You ain't never gonna learn, are ya? Is this what you wanna be? A lazy piece of shit with no life? A lazy piece of shit with no means or opportunity to makes something of y'self? Nothing but a worm?"

"Dad, you better-"

"And what you gonna do?"

Darry glared at him, biting his bottom lip. Finally he stood, tossing his fork down and rushing to our bedroom, slamming the door.

Dad sighed. He wiped his mouth and continues to eat, a frightening silence.

He leaned back in his chair and looked at me for a minute. I looked back, trying not to look concerned. Then he forced a smile, standing, "Help me put this all away, Will."

I stand and do as told.

Once I'm finished I tell Dad "Good night" and he goes to his room. I turn off the lights on my way to my room. I open the door, a pair of underwear thrown at my face. Darrel laughs. I take them off, looking at him.

"I get you every time with that, man!"

I toss them aside and he lays back on his bed, stretching across the top bunk as always.

I take off my shirt.

"I still don't understand what the fuck that tattoo means, man."

I looked down at it. I got that tattoo on my fifteenth birthday. Lied about my age and everything. I just wanted to do something permanent. Something I knew would never change.

I shrug, "You don't have to get it."

He rolls his eyes. I take off my pants, him laughing, "You wear fuckin' briefs?" I walk to my bunk. He keeps laughing, "Are you for real? Dude, I thought I told you to get rid of that shit. Boxers give it more room. But briefs? What the fuck's wrong with you, man?"

"'Night, Darry." I shut the light off that's next to the bed.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Dude, get some boxers or at least wear the pair I threw at ya, 'cause briefs?" He cackled, "Dude that's some faggoty-ass shit right there."

I hear him roll over and I lay there. Staring at the wall. Staring at nothing, trying to fall asleep with my eyes open.


It's such a rush.

All of them. Naked. All of them bathing. All of them in the showers. No arguments, no fights, but naked. Bare. Bathing. Naked.

One of them stands there, his body slowly shaping as I walk closer.

It's Worm.

I walk, my own body bare. Closer. Closer. His body growing. Shaping. Forming. Evolving.

He sees me. His brown eyes bright. His body, his entire body...beautiful, dunked underneath the trickling water.

I make it to him, us only inches apart. But I can't walk anymore. I just look. I soak him in. I watch him. I observe.

I put my hand out. I reach.

I reach out for him.

He smiles, "Go ahead."

I keep reaching.

"Go ahead, Will."

I go to touch him.

"Come to me."

And I gasp, throwing my head back, the semen coming out onto my chest, dripping onto my hand, going in between my fingers and curling into some of the light hairs on my stomach. Warm and familiar.

I take a moment to breathe. My eyes wide as I stare at the bunk above me, trying to catch my spattered breath.

I sigh, closing my tired eyes and holding my shivering body.