Sorry for being away for so long, lot of stuff has been happening in my life and just havent felt up to writing lately. Hopefully this makes up for it!
Lying! How dare she accuse me of such a thing. Yet as much as I wanted to yell at her for accusing me of being a liar I just couldn't tear myself away from her touch. The feel of her lips against my own made my heart jump in a way it has never done before. My stomach felt tight and weird, maybe that butterflies feeling you always read about and hear about in movies; it really did feel like I had butterflies flying around crazily in my stomach. As much as I hated her, as much as I hated the whole idea of who she was I couldn't help but crave more of her, need more of her. I despised this woman, daughter of Snow White, biological mother of MY son, yet at the same time I didn't hate her at all, and found myself grabbing that stupid red jacket she always wore and pulling her closer towards me. Our lips moved against each other in a way that felt right, and like they were made for each other, fitting perfectly together like two pieces of a puzzle. Nothing felt wrong about this situation, and the thought of that scared the hell out of me. This shouldn't feel so right. I hated this woman. Didn't I? No, I did, but why then could I not tear myself away from the taste of her lips? I kept thinking, and soon my breathing became ragged and I was forced to stop kissing her. She held onto me, still standing close, as I kept my eyes closed trying to catch my breath and make sense of this all. I'm not sure how long I stood there, eyes closed, breathing deeply, but eventually I managed to open my eyes and form a single word,
"Emma.." I wasn't sure where I was going with this, but she cut in before I could say anything more.
"I told you, you were lying." She simply smirked and walked away from me, leaving me standing there to my own thoughts. Before I could even think about whether or not I wanted to follow her I heard the front door open and Henry call down the hall.
"Mom! I'm home." I love Henry I do, but his timing really was ill-timed right now.
"H-hi honey, how was school?" I ask, managing to move my feet and make my way down the hall towards him.
"School's school." He replied casually, shrugging his shoulders, chucking his bag in the hallway and walking past me. "You okay mom?" he suddenly asked, making me turn once again towards him. I simply looked at him quizzically, wondering if he could possibly know what had just happened.
"Of course dear, why do you ask?" I answer, trying to sound as confident as possible.
"Well, you didn't yell at me because my bag is in the hallway like you always do… and I don't know.. you just seem like you are thinking." He responds slowly, studying my face. He was definitely too smart for his own good.
"I'm fine dear, I think Emma headed towards the kitchen, why don't you go get a snack and then you can move your bag." I watch as he rushes off towards the kitchen, where no doubt I'm right about Emma having headed there. Should I join them? What if it's awkward though? What if Henry can tell? He could tell something was wrong, is he smart enough to figure it out? Then again, I can't just stand here waiting for him to return, it will be too obvious that I'm avoiding her. Am I avoiding her though? I'm the mayor for Christ's sake, the Evil Queen, feared by many. Yet, why am I so afraid to walk in there and be in the same room as Emma Swan? I can't go in there, but I can't stay standing in the hallway. Making my decision, I head towards my office, grabbing a large glass of apple cider on my way. This isn't suspicious at all, everyone knows I love apple cider, and I'm always working in my office, they'll never know I'm hiding in here. Even though, I, the Evil Queen, Mayor of Storybrooke, do not hide from anyone.
I must have been in my office for quite some time because before I knew it Henry was walking in carrying a pizza box and half a slice of pizza hanging out his mouth.
"Pizza?" he asked, offering the box and a napkin in my direction. I looked up from where I was sitting, behind my desk, hands on my head staring down at paperwork I'd not read a single line of. For the first time tonight, I realised the sun was no longer out and I was sitting in darkness, with only the moonlight dimly lighting the room.
"No thankyou dear, I'm not feeling too well." I reply quietly, smiling slightly at him. I watched as he put the box down on the edge of the desk and walk closer to me. I could smell the pizza on his breath which was not making me feel any better.
"What's wrong? Can I do something?" I don't know if I will ever get used to the kindness he shows towards me lately. Years of giving me the cold shoulder, and not caring for my well-being, it's just hard to get used to being treated differently.
"I'm fine Henry, go finish your pizza and then finish your homework before bed." I respond, subtly trying to move my face away from the smell of pizza which was only making my nausea worse. Thankfully, he agreed and left with the pizza.
I really did feel awful. I definitely drank too much cider. I don't exactly want to say I was drunk, but the room was definitely spinning when I moved my head too fast. Stupid Emma Swan, this was all her fault. If it wasn't for that kiss I wouldn't be in this mess right now. How dare she mess with my head like this. I hadn't meant to drink that much, honestly I have no idea exactly how much I drank. The bottle of cider is empty now though. I just didn't want to think about it anymore. I tried to distract myself with work but my mind just kept going back to that kiss. The warmth of her touch, the way her hand caressed my face... NO stop I can't think about this. The kiss meant nothing, she means nothing. This whole thing is just some game of some sort. She's just messing with me and has me all confused.
Regardless though, everything has seemed to feel different lately around Emma. I hate to admit it but I have grown to not hate her as much as I used to. Maybe it was because we talked more now; maybe because for a long time I was the only person she seemed to trust to not hide away from. I still don't quite understand why that was, but I didn't exactly hate the idea of being the one she turned to did I?
"Regina stop! Stop thinking this way. You are confused, you are tired, and you have certainly had too much to drink to be thinking about this." I mumbled to myself, trying to shake away any thoughts of Emma Swan. Ok bad idea, shouldn't have shaken my head. Ow, head, dizzy. Slowly, every so slowly, I begin to stand. Both hands on the desk, I slowly push off and begin to rise out of my seat. Just as I manage to stand upright I hear the door click.
"Regina?" The raspy voice of Emma Swan comes echoing through my once quiet office. Great, not only does her voice, in my present state, sound piercing, even in her attempt of a whisper, but she is the last person I need to be seeing right now. Emma Swan cannot see me drunk, not that I am drunk. Firstly, I am Henry's mother, I am the evil queen and I am Mayor of this town. Secondly, it is just downright embarrassing. Thirdly, and most importantly, she cannot know it was her kiss that made me succumb to such a state.
One bad thing about my current situation is that I cannot move my hands from the table or I feel as if I might fall, which coincidentally, at this present moment, especially with the lights being dimmed, is the only way of communicating with Emma. So I have no choice but to just stand here until she manages to find me through the darkness.
Hazily, I watch as she takes a further few steps into the room. By the small chuckle and 'Oh' I hear slip from her lips I can only assume her eyes have adjusted to the darkness and she has seen me standing wearily behind my desk. She walks closer to me reaching out her hand and gently turning on the lamp at the end of my desk.
"Uh…" I accidentally murmur at the sudden brightness. It felt as if someone had blasted a torch into my face.
"Regina… what happened?" I can hear concern in her voice, but mostly I can hear amusement. She was taking joy in this situation.
"I'm fine." I reply with as much ferocity I can manage, although it sounded more like a harsh whimper than anything else.
It was probably a clever idea on her part to turn the lamp on, at least now she can try to lip-read what I say. However in this light it was easier to see me.
"Regina…" she started off slowly, carefully, "are you drunk?"
"No!" I yell, effectively knocking myself off balance and stumbling back into my chair.
"Well ok then." She laughs awkwardly, "Can I at least help you upstairs?" She cautiously reaches out to steady me and try and lift me from my chair. Reluctantly I try to squirm out of her grip but a wave of dizziness overtakes me and I find myself holding onto her for support.
"I'm not drunk…" I whisper.
"Of course you aren't your majesty." She chuckles as she slowly helps me move from behind the desk and towards the door. Pausing at the door she placing my hand on the bookshelf closest to the door, "Just wait here a second ok." I have no choice but to trust her as I hold on to the door tightly for risk of toppling over. She quickly ducks out of the room, a ray of light streaming in before it is quickly closed behind her. Within minutes she is back, this time however, no light follows the open door. Once again she grabs onto my arm and gently guides me from my study into the now dimly lit house.
There's pure silence as we make our way through the house towards the stairs. I wonder for a split second if this was what it was like for Emma all the time, but even as I thought it I knew it was stupid. It wasn't silence, or at least nothing like what Emma was experiencing. At first thought we may think of it as such, but if you actually pay attention there are a million sounds that fill that 'silence' the soft breathing of myself and Emma, the echo of the grandfather clock at the end of the hall, the quiet squeaks of windows and doors as the wind from outside tries to find a way inside. When I thought about it, it wasn't silent at all.
We make our way to the bottom of the stairs and I thank Emma silently that she was smart enough to turn a light on upstairs to light the path. A few steps up and Emma finally speaks,
"So… my kiss was that bad huh?" she whispers jokingly, but I can hear the insecurity hidden beneath the laugh.
"What.. no, that's not.. that's not why I…" I ramble, trying with all the effort I have to escape the conversation and continue my way upstairs, effectively tripping on my own feet and once again find myself in her strong arms holding me steady.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.." she averts her gaze as I wearily look up at her. Emma has nearly all of my weight now and I can't help but admire how strong she is in this moment. Had she always been this strong? How had I never noticed before? It was definitely an attractive quality... no… not attractive… no, there is definitely not anything attractive about this woman. Yet, why then when she finally let go of my arm when we reached my door did I immediately miss her warmth?
I finally reached my bed after what seemed like the walk to my bed would never end, and cautiously lay down on the pillow. Closing my eyes, I could still feel where she had held me, and couldn't shake the feeling that everything was about to change.
Thanks always for reviews! Hope you enjoy!