Ok so I was a huge fan of the Twilight series a long time ago. I was always curious of why Bella did some things. So I figured, why not get inside her head? I started writing in her perspective a bit and I got this. What would happen if Bella had never jumped off the cliff? This is what I think.
I sat down on the wet sand and curled up into a ball. I couldn't. I have to wait for Jacob. I rocked back and forth and clutched my sides to hold the hole closed. I closed my eyes.
I don't know how long I sat there crying silently. I was still rocking when a warm hand touched my arm. I jumped and almost screamed.
"Shh, Bella, it's just me." Jacob said. I hadn't seen him sit down next to me. He reached out a hand and brushed away a tear. "You were thinking about him again, weren't you?" He asked in a concerned tone. I nodded and closed my eyes again. We just sat there for a minute. After a while, Jake decided it was time to intervene.
"Hey well are you still up for cliff diving? We can still go…" He started and dropped off as looked out over the water. The beginnings of a hurricane were brewing out in the open waves. "Maybe not." He finished.
I looked up at him. He was smiling impishly at me. I couldn't help but smile back. I slowly uncurled from my ball.
"Come on. Let's go to my house we'll find an old movie or something. We can go cliff diving after the storm passes." He got up and offered his hand to me. I took it and he dragged me up. We started walking back to my truck. I glanced at the churning waves and was glad I waited for Jacob. As I turned my head I thought I saw a flash of red. It looked like a small fire in the middle of the water. I squinted trying to see it better.
"What's that?" I asked Jacob. "It looks like a boat might be on fire out there. Should we call the Coast Guard?" I said. That got his attention. He stopped and looked out into the water. His eyes widened and he started shaking.
"Jake? What is it?" I said getting more anxious as started dragging me faster toward the truck. "Jake!"
"Bella, go to your truck." Jake said through his teeth. His shaking was getting worse. I ran to my truck. I unlocked it and turned around expected to see Jacob behind me. Instead I saw the huge russet colored wolf where he had been standing; it was surrounded by sheds of what used to be his clothes. It was facing the water. The flame was getting closer to shore. Then I got it. Flame, red hair, Victoria. I started shaking myself and got into my truck. I was terrified. I watched as more huge wolves emerged from the woods.
The flame that was Victoria was getting closer to shore and a really fast rate. Suddenly the flame was gone and was replaced by Victoria standing soaking wet on the sand at the water's edge. She looked at me and I met her deep red eyes and she smiled.
I stifled a scream as she lunged at the wolves. The wolves attacked as a whole all moving at once. I wanted to move closer, to somehow help but I was frozen in place. All I could see of the wolves and Victoria were blurs of colors. I was almost glad it was a bad day; there was no one around to witness this.
I was eventually able to close my eyes. I took a step back and backed into my truck. I sat in the seat and curled into a ball like I had earlier. I could still hear the snarls and the screech of something else. I thought I might know, but I didn't want to think about that. It was only a fleeting memory of before this, when I had almost died. But I had been saved by-
I stopped myself just in time.
Suddenly, all the snarls and screeching stopped. I found to courage to open my eyes just a little. I saw a pile of pieces. I didn't want to know what the pieces were so I closed my eyes again.
A hand was suddenly resting on my shoulder. I jumped, a tiny squeak escaping my mouth. I opened my eyes to find them blurry. I had been crying. I wiped my eyes to find Sam standing in front of me.
"Bella" he said softly. Behind him, I saw all the wolves but a few evaporate into the woods. The Jacob wolf was one of the few. "Bella, go home. Jacob will be there in a few minutes." I nodded. He took his hand away and lit the pile, which was now covered in dried pine needles, on fire. I shut the door of my truck and started it. I drove home in a daze. When I got there Charley wasn't home. I went and sat on the couch and curled up again. I don't know how long I sat there.
A knock on the door woke me from my endless well of shock. I got up and walked to the door. When I opened it I was instantly enveloped in a huge hug.
"Jacob, can't breathe." I was barely able to choke out the words. He instantly released me from the hug and looked me in the face. He dragged me back to the couch and sat me down. He paced for a minute and then sat down next to me.
"Bella, are you ok?" He finally said.
"Yes, I'm just… in shock." I said.
"She's gone you know. You'll never have to worry about her again."
"Don't say that just to comfort me, she'll be back. She always comes back. She won't stop till I'm dead."I was shaking now. Only I knew how true this was.
"No, Bella. She's not coming back this time. She's dead."
I stared at Jacob. Could it be true? Could the horror I'd been running from for so long finally be gone? I couldn't speak.
Finally, I said the most intelligent thing I could manage.
"What?"
Jacob cracked a grin. There was no more stress in the lines of his face or in his shoulders. He picked me up in a big hug and spun me around.
"She's gone! Really gone! You're safe from her forever!" He laughed and laughed and as reality sank in I joined in.
We both laughed and hugged. My relief flooded all my senses. For the first time in a while, I wasn't scared of impending death of my loved ones or myself. I felt light and purely happy. This was the happiest I had ever felt sense He left.
Eventually, Jacob and I ended up on the floor lying down. We stayed that way for a long time. We didn't talk. We just basked in joint relief.
Sometime later, we heard the front door open and heard Charlie shuffle his way inside. I got up to go meet him and Jacob followed. We found him in the Kitchen leaning his forehead against the fridge.
"Dad?"
Charlie turned around and I could see that his eyes were blotchy and swollen. I rushed over to him and put my arms around him.
"What happened?"
He took a deep breath and let it out.
"Harry Clearwater died." He said. I was shocked into silence. "He had a heart attack this morning." His voice broke at the last part and I quickly led him to the couch.
"I better get home to my dad; this is going to crush him." I nodded and made shooing motions at him and sat down next to Charlie. I heard Jacob go out the front door and drive off. I hugged Charlie and let him cry on my shoulder for awhile.
Eventually I left him to warm up left over casserole for dinner. After I got him to eat I sent him to bed, there is nothing to be done with grief, and you can only find relief in sleep.
Unless you were me.
That night, I dreamt the same dreams and I woke up screaming. I knew this would happen what with all that happened yesterday. I sat in my bed awhile and calmed myself down. When I finally got up and went down stairs, I found a note from Charlie saying he had to help Sue with funeral arrangements and he would be gone all day.
Perfect, a day alone with only my thoughts for company, unless I went to see Jacob. But Jacob had to take care of Billy.
So I cleaned. There was lots of laundry to be done so I started with that. Then I moved on to the bathroom, the bedrooms, the living room, the kitchen, until there was nothing left to clean. By then it was almost time for Charlie to be home. I started cooking and was finished by the time he came home.
Charlie looked worse than he had the day before. I let him eat and turned on the TV. I sent him to bed early again, he would need it; tomorrow was Harry's funeral.
That night, I was lucky enough to escape my nightly dreams.
I woke up early that morning and made Charlie his favorite breakfast. He came down in a suit I had never seen before. He looked his age for first time. His face was grim and his eyes were dark and cloudy. He would be gone all day again; he was staying to help Sue again.
I decided to work on cleaning cabinets today. I took all the fishing hooks out of the scattering of drawers they were in and gave them their own drawer by where Charlie kept his fishing gear.
I was well into organizing the kitchen supplies when the doorbell rang.
"Just a minute!" I called. I carefully made my way out of the mess that was the kitchen floor to the door. And there I found Jacob. He looked tired and sad. I immediately hugged him and brought him to the kitchen where I was working. When he saw the mess he gave me a small smile.
"If you're trying to get the award for messiest kitchen, you still have a ways to go." He said. I punched him lightly on the arm and went back to my organizing and cleaning. We talked about unimportant stuff for a little while and I eventually got a real smile and some laughs from him.
As the day wore on Jacob started helping me with a particularly hard section. I tried to work faster, I knew Charlie would be home soon and so would Billy. We finished with an hour to spare. Jacob and I moved to the living room.
Yesterday we had been in this same room happy and laughing, now we were both weighed down with grief for the lost family friend. What a contrast. We sat quietly, lost in our own thoughts. Jake sat up straighter all of the sudden, making me jump. He turned to me so I could see his grin.
"Just so I'm prepared for the future, are there any other vampire enemies I should know about?" he said. I punched his arm.
"No, I'm enemy free, finally. So you and the others can sit back and relax. Maybe you'll get so bored, you'll eat yourself fat." I laughed and poked at his stomach. He gave me a look of fake offense.
"Me? Fat? I think not." He said. I laughed at the fake superior tone he used. We lapsed back into comfortable silence. A disturbing thought occurred to me.
"Jake? You probably already know this but I still love them. The Cullens, I mean. They were like my second family. Even Rose." I smiled at that thought. "Even now when they're gone, I love them, and I just want to know if we can still be friends knowing that." I looked at the couch when I said that, I didn't want to see the expression on his face. He took awhile to answer.
"Yeah," he said, and I sighed in relief, "I'll always be your friend, no matter what you love."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
I sighed again and leaned my head against his shoulder. Jacob shifted a little and put his hand under my chin and tilted my head up. I could see in his eyes what he wanted. I'm not ready for this yet was all I could think as he leaned in closer, never breaking eye contact. I finally found my voice.
"Wait." I whispered. "Wait. Jake, I can't." I put as much of the pain I felt into those words so he would understand why.
"Be happy…" I heard the whisper. I heard it just as clearly as I'd heard it on the motorcycles. It was Edward's voice. I heard sadness in those words, just as I imagine there would be if Edward were really here. The voice froze me in place.
Jacob leaned back and smiled sadly.
"It's because of him, it makes you think of him and how he hurt you, how he left you. Bella, I would never do that to you. You have to know that by now."
"'Be happy', how is that supposed to help me?" I mutter to myself. I look back up at Jacob. "I just can't. Even if it didn't remind me of him, I couldn't. I love the Cullens, all of them." I said sadly. I felt Jacob flinch. There is no way to save him from this pain, as much as it hurt me to see him hurt, he had to know. "I love you, Jacob. You're my best friend, I can't live without you. But I'm not complete, I might never be again, and you need to know this because I look better than I was and I know you've noticed it, but I'm not whole. I can't give you what you deserve. You deserve a whole person, I can't give you that."
Jacob was about to protest, but just then Charlie got home. There has never been better timing.
I jumped up off the couch and rushed to help Charlie.
Jacob went home after that, without another word about our conversation.
That night I dreamt the same old dream and I woke up screaming in the middle of the night. I was so delirious; I thought I saw Edward sitting in my rocking chair.
I'm messed up.