"Only a little bit. Just cut a little," I recommended, Jay and I watching Craig cut a slice of cheese. "We've got to make it last."
Danny licked his finger and wiped it on half the cheese block, "That's me. That's mine."
All of us groaned, yelling at him about how disgusting it was.
"C'mon, Danny! That's gnarly." I scrunched my nose in disgust.
James came up from behind me and put his chin on my shoulder. "Hey, Blake. Can I talk to you for a minute?"
I looked at him. He was all scruffy with his beanie on. He looked like a sexy hobo. I nodded, and he took me by the hand. He led me over to the corner of the room, a secretive look on his face. He smirked at me, and handed me four saltines. He whispered, "For my main bitch, from your favorite douche-bag."
I smiled up at him.
"Where'd you get these?" I asked, and he shrugged.
"Hide 'em," He said, and I put them in my back pocket. Once I did, he hugged me, bringing me close to him, "'Cause we're a team."
He brought me to face him, pressing my forehead to his, "Freaks forever, Spring Breakers for life."
I smiled at him. "Always."
"That's my girl." James said, smirking and walking past me, playfully smacking my behind. I rolled my eyes as I watched him walk away.
Starring in Spring Breakers last year with James was the weirdest experience I'd ever had.
He'd been cast first, then recommended me for the role of one of the girls that he starred alongside. I was hesitant when I read the script, knowing I had to do full frontal nudity. But James assured me that it wouldn't be that bad, that he'd seen me ass-naked countless times, and that he'd do the movie only if I did. I had been pushed by all the boys to do it, them telling me that it was going to be a psycho movie that everyone was going to be talking about. I agreed.
Being in movies with James was always a chaotic roller coaster ride of teasing, banter, sass, hilarity, and craziness. I loved it. And even though I was in it with James, I had shit on and teased him for weeks because of how he looked in that movie. I remembered how hard I'd laughed when he'd shown me the costume on set. He'd walked out of his trailer, decked out in fake tattoos, a Hawaiian shirt, cornrows, and grillz. I laughed so hard that I'd felt like my guts were going to burst out of my stomach.
Even on the DVD of Spring Breakers, the blooper reel consisted of, almost all the way through, me cracking up mid-scene because I couldn't take James seriously. When we had a kissing scene, I laughed and it turned into a blooper. The funniest was a sex scene we had in a pool, in which James and I had to be completely bare naked. I couldn't take his accent and grillz seriously, so the sex scene must've had at least fifteen bloopers of me cracking up, howling in laughter, as James and I stood there in the pool, nude.
"Don't you dare say a word." He had muttered, when he stepped out of his trailer for the first time, "I look like a fucking psychopath."
"You look like a such an idiot," I had choked out in between fits of uproarious laughter.
"And you're playing a slut who wants my dick," He had playfully mused with a smug smirk. "So who's the idiot now?"
I had pranced over to him and hugged him, "We both are."
Seth grinned at me. "Let's do all the drugs."
"Eh…I don't really want to." Jay said, drinking his can of Arizona Ice Tea.
Seth's wild eyes stared at Jay, and he smirked, "You should've thought about that before you drank a can full of ecstasy."
Jay spit it out, and yelped, "What?"
I burst out laughing at Jay's reaction, already fucked up beyond belief.
Within minutes, all of us were fucked up beyond belief. Colors surged through our brains, hallucinations took their toll. I was seeing stars, seeing the universe, and trying to forget about the Apocalypse.
Seth and I blew bubbles into each others mouth. James and Seth fought each other with the tall stand-up lamps, swinging them around like swords. James and I danced like absolute freaks to Blurred Lines, causing the rest of the guys to holler and laugh in approval as James and I grinded and dirty-danced onto each other. Danny and I pondered the meaning of life, meanwhile tripping so hard that we saw each others' faces as a single giant mouth. We put Jay in a chair and lifted him up like he was in a Bar Mitzvah. Jonah, Craig and I linked arms and kicked our legs high up in the air. Jay gave me a piggyback ride around the house. James and I wrestled each other and the guys stood around us, cheering and betting on who would win the wrestling match.
FROM THE CREATORS OF SUPERBAD & PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
I fly like paper, get high like planes
if you catch me at the border
I've got visas in my name
Seth and I, decked out in our Pineapple Express costumes, watched as James, who was dressed as Saul, did the worm on the floor. We were reenacting James's plot for the Pineapple Express 2 trailer out of boredom.
COMES THE MOST ANTICIPATED SEQUAL IN HUMAN HISTORY
James and I lit Seth's seven-pointed joint, afterwards James and I taking puffs. The three of us coughed heavily.
"Should we call Red, get more weed?" Seth asked the two of us.
James, as Saul, shook his head, "I dunno, man. That guy's gone crazy."
The scene cut to James, Seth, Danny and I sitting at a table, a suitcase on the table.
"Good thing I have a lot of fucking weed for you guys." Danny's Red said. "I hooked you guys up. Now I need you guys to assassinate [dramatic closeup] Woody Harrelson."
Jonah's face was shown, wearing a cowboy hat and a dumb expression on his face.
"If pot's legalized, my business will suffer. If my business suffers, then I suffer. So much suffering, all because of that in-bred, Hep-C Woody Harrelson." Red said.
"I do what's right. Weed is for the people." Jonah said in a pretty good Woody Harrelson accent.
Cut back to Red, Saul, Seth's Dale character, and my character, Saul's girlfriend, Riley.
Pirate skulls and bones
Sticks and stones and weed and bombs
Running when we hit 'em
Lethal poison for the system
"If you don't assassinate him," Red said, grabbing a fake gun and pointing to Saul and Dale, "I'm gonna assassinate both of you."
Red grabbed me and held me to him, putting the fake gun to my head, "And your woman!"
The scene cut to a montage of chaotic and mischievous clips. Saul running away from Red, me in his arms. Craig's character, Matheson, trying to catch Dale and Saul, who tried to elude him. Red holding me at gunpoint.
All I wanna do is (BANG BANG BANG BANG!)
And (KKKAAAA CHING!)
And take your money
"B.F.F.F.F. forever!" Saul said to Dale.
"B.F.F.F.F.!" Dale replied.
A clip of Red dragging my character, who was screaming, "Saul!" down a hallway. Saul chasing after me, screaming, "No! Let her go! Riley, I love you more than weed!"
Another title card showed up: PINEAPPLE EXPRESS 2: BLOOD RED
Me and the boys laid on the floor on bean bags, pillows and blankets, watching the fake Pineapple Express 2 trailer on James's TV as we smoked some weed. I laid between Danny and James, my head resting on James's stomach. He put the joint to my lips and I inhaled, laughing as we watched the trailer.
The boys were laughing, too. Seth choked out that obnoxiously infamous laugh of his, "We should make sequels to more of our movies."
"How about we not do Your Highness 2?" James laughed.
"Blake, we're doing Tropic Thunder 2," Jay chuckled.
"You got it, Sandusky." I laughed, looking up at Jay and winking, referencing his character from that movie.
"You and Franco gotta do Spring Breakers 2," Craig said with a chortle.
Danny coughed out a laugh, "I agree. Show the people what they wanna see; more boobs, more weirdness, more of Franco giving head to a gun and eating Blake out and snorting cocaine off Blake's boobies. That's basically all the movie fuckin' was, man."
"What do you say, Blake? Grab that bikini, I'll grab my fuckin' Hawaiian shirt." James laughed goodheartedly, resting his hand on my head, running a hand through my hair as he took a puff.
"Do you still have your Alien costume?" I laughed, turning around to face him. "Your grillz and Hawaiian shirt? I'll cornrow your hair."
Before James could reply, we heard a bashing at the door. We all scrambled up, forming a cluster in the middle of the room for defense. James took out his prop gun from Flyboys, and I ducked behind him and Danny, cowering in fear as the banging on the door became louder and louder and louder. Things we had used to build a barricade up against the front door came flying off onto the floor. An intruder was trying to get inside. We all screamed, clustered together like a bunch of two-year-olds. Someone stepped through the door and stood in front of us.
It was none other than Emma Watson.
"Emma?" I gasped, arching my eyebrows in surprise.
"It's Emma!" Jonah sighed in relief. The boys all relaxed, seeing that it was just her.
"Oh my God, you guys are alive!" Emma said, an axe in her hand and a head to her forehead in relief. "You're actually alive! Thank God."
Emma told us the tale of her survival, how she hid in a drain pipe for days on end until she didn't hear humans anymore, only growling. Jay tried to ask her if there was any Rapture-like instances or clues, but she denied them. Emma believed it was the zombie invasion. I looked at Jay, who looked annoyed at the fact that no one seemed to believe his theory of the Rapture.
I'd been friends with Emma for about a year now, having met her at one of my movie premieres. She was a nice girl, a great actress, and one of the few actresses in Hollywood that I could stand to be friends with. While the boys were making her something small to eat, I sat with her on James's couch.
"How's everything been? Besides the obvious, I mean?" She said with a sad laugh, "I mean, being in here with the boys?"
I smiled at her, shrugging. "It's like babysitting sextuplets. They run around, yelling at each other, acting like five year olds, acting like maniacs and lunatics. But by the end of the day they're cute and quiet. I'm trying to keep my sanity, you know? But I love them. So, I guess it's okay. They keep me safe."
Emma looked at me knowingly. "How's James?"
I laughed, and sighed. "We're always on each other's ass. But he's fine."
Emma gave me a look.
"What?" I asked.
"Oh, come off it. All of Hollywood knows you two are into each other," Emma said, "It's so obvious. You need to go for him, Blake. He doesn't bite, and it won't kill you."
I felt my cheeks redden, "I…I know. I'm too terrified to."
Emma shrugged, "It's the end of the fucking world, Blake. It's now or never."
James gave Emma our bedroom for the time being so she could rest. Seth, Jay, Craig, Jonah, Danny and I stood in the hallway as James shut the door to the bedroom. James gave us a funny look.
"What are you guys doing out here?" He asked.
Seth cracked his knuckles and sighed. "Here's what I think we should do. She's British. She eats shitty food anyway. We should just give her the shitty food that we don't want."
"That's fucked up, Seth." I commented, giving him an are-you-kidding-me look.
"I for one am very excited. I myself am I massive Harry Potter fan." Danny said.
All of us looked at him, staring at him blankly.
"What?" James asked.
"I'm a huge Harry Potter fan. I fuckin' love Harry Potter. I can't wait 'til she fuckin' wakes up and ask her all kinds of amazing questions on how they made those motion pictures." Danny replied.
"Take it easy, Dumbledore." James snapped, and I laughed at his comment. He smirked at me.
Danny gave a vengeful glare at James.
"Stop arguing, the two of you." I said, looking to James, then to Danny, "Stop."
"Guys, listen. Listen." Jay called our attention, "I think we need to address the elephant in the room."
"Whoa, Jay. Don't talk about Craig like that." Seth said.
"That's fucked up. I'm right here, man." Craig sighed.
"I'm not calling Craig an elephant! I wasn't referring to him. I'm referring to the issue that's on all of our minds." Jay said, "You know, that we're not give off a vibe."
"What vibe?" We all asked in unison.
"He's talking about us giving off a rapey vibe." Danny snorted.
We all shushed them, "What the fuck, man?"
"Why are you putting that fucking shit in the mix?" James said, disgusted.
"I didn't! He's the one who said it!" Jay said, pointing at Danny.
Danny shook his head at Jay, "You're the one who said it. Nobody here was thinking about raping anyone."
We all began quietly arguing, pinning blames to either Danny or Jay. Jonah shushed us.
"Guys, guys! Jay's not rapey. Jay wouldn't rape a fly." Jonah said, and Jay nodded. I stifled a laugh.
"Nobody here is going to rape anyone," James assured, "But if anyone was to going to rape anyone, it would be Danny."
I was seriously trying to hold back my laughter.
Danny looked pissed off and insulted, "What the fuck, Franco? Why do you think I would be the one who was going to rape somebody?"
"I'm just tryin' to lay it out there," James concluded.
"If anyone's gonna rape someone, it's Jay." Danny barked at him, "He looks like a police sketch of a fucking rapist."
"Stop fighting!" I snapped at them, "You sound like a bunch of fucking psychos. You're all giving me rape vibes now, Jesus. Cut it out, end this conversation. You guys are creeping me out."
"Good job, man. Now you're freaking out Blake," Danny taunted Jay, "You fucking rapist."
I glared at Danny, "For the love of God, stop arguing. You guys have more sass than me when I'm on my period. Fucking hell."
"You're one to talk, McBride," James snapped at Danny, slinging an arm around my shoulders, "You're the one sending rapey vibes to Blake."
"Look, the only reason why I brought this up is because Emma's a woman and we're all guys, and I didn't want her to feel intimidated. She's one girl, in a house with six men. I want her to feel comfortable and safe." Jay said, raising his hands in defense.
I glanced over at him with annoyance and sarcasm in my voice, "What am I, Jay? A man?"
"No! No, that's not what I mean, Blake. You know that. You're used to us, she's not." Jay replied, "You're a part of this group, we'd protect and make you feel safe anyway. But Emma doesn't know that."
"What Jay means is that you're our woman anyway, you're Franco's girl, you're used to our fuckin' shenanigans, and you participate in them with us. So therefore you wouldn't feel threatened in the first place." Danny explained, "And you know we'd keep you safe."
I felt my cheeks burn red when he called me Franco's girl. I looked at James when Danny said that, and I caught the smile that spread across his lips.
The rest of the boys nodded in agreement.
"And if anyone tried to rape you, I'd kill them." James said while clutching me tighter to his chest, and narrowing his eyes at Danny, "You know I'd keep you safe."
"And I would help," Seth chimed in.
"Same here, you're like a little sister," Craig said.
Jonah nodded, "I would never let anyone hurt Blake."
"Sometimes I forget why I love you guys, and then you remind me." I said teasingly with a smile, accepting James's affectionate gesture, and hugging him back.
"Enough with the rape talk, okay?" Jay said, but was cut off when the bedroom door was bashed open.
Emma came out, wielding her axe. The boys all screamed and backed up, freaking the hell out.
"HEY! Back the fuck up!" Emma snapped at them. I stared and watched, holding back laughter.
The boys all asked her what was wrong, fumbling on their words in nervousness.
"What's wrong? I just heard you guys talking about which one of you was going to rape me and Blake!" She shouted.
"No, no! That's not what we said!" Seth assured her, the rest of the guys chiming in in agreement. Seth walked towards Emma, "No, no. We were specifically talking about not raping you…ah! Motherfucker!"
Emma took the handle of her axe and smacked Seth right in the nose with it. We all screamed in surprise, and I rushed over to Seth to see if he was okay. Blood gushed out of my best friend's nose, crimson red liquid splattered all over his nose and hands.
"Fuck!" He shouted, covering his nose with his hands, "Blake, get me a tissue. Fuck, fuck, fuck!"
After Emma backed the boys downstairs by swinging the axe at them countless times, she demanded for all the alcohol in the house. I tried to explain to her what had happened.
"Emma, listen to me!" I shouted, standing in front of the guys, who had clustered together in a group in fear, "You heard wrong. No one's raping anyone. Don't rob them!"
"I'm not fucking around!" Emma shouted, "I know what I fucking heard, Blake! They're going to rape us!"
"I was standing right with them!" I defended them, "They were saying they weren't going to rape you, or me!"
"I said, I know what I heard. It's not safe here!" She replied.
James frantically put all of alcohol in the green duffle bag used in Pineapple Express, and handed it to Emma. Emma axed down the door again, and she turned to me and the guys, who were still huddled in the corner in absolute fear.
"Shoot her!" Jay shouted.
"I'm not going to fucking shoot Emma Watson!" James shouted back.
Emma looked at me, "Look, Blake. You're my friend. That's why I'm going to make you an offer. Now's your chance to get out of here, Blake. You can come with me, or stay with your pack of fucking rapists. We'll be safe out there, much more than we are in here."
I bit my lip, and looked back at the boys.
There was no way in hell that I'd leave them. They were my nitwits, my losers, my rag-tag team of idiots who I'd grown up with, worked with, and loved. I'd gone through Pineapple Express, Freaks and Geeks, Eastbound and Down, Spring Breakers, Tropic Thunder, and many more movies with them. Partying hard, late nights, award shows, the good times, and the bad. Leaving them there was not an option. They watched out for me, were protecting me, and had given me and were responsible for some of the best years of my life. They were the only reason I was happy I was famous, that I'd met them.
They looked at me, worry on their faces.
"Don't leave, Blake," Jonah peeped.
Seth glared at me, "You leave, and I'll kill you, Blake Reid."
James broke off from their cluster, carefully approaching me because of Emma's axe. James took my hand in his.
I looked up and him, and he looked at me, "Freaks forever, Sprang Brake for life."
He said the "Spring Break" in his character Alien's voice. I laughed, smiling at him.
There was no way I could ever leave those guys.
"I can't leave them, Emma. I'm sorry." I said, "I'm safe here, with them. They protect me."
Emma shrugged, "Suit yourself."
She climbed through the door, and Emma Watson disappeared into the yellow fog that swallowed up and clouded the streets of Los Angeles.
The guys broke up their cluster. Seth hugged me, thanking me for not leaving, as did Jonah and Craig. James put his chin on my shoulder as I looked outside into the fog.
I sighed, and laughed. "Hermione Granger just stole all of our shit."
Reviews would be lovely! :) And very much appreciated!