Faceless - Chapter 2
"How long have you known about this?" Alice asked, looking at me with a confused expression.
"Almost a week. I wanted some time to think before I told you," I confessed.
"Well, what are you going to do?"
I knew I could trust Alice with anything, even if she was nosey and overbearing most of the time. She was my best friend.
"I have a doctor's appointment today, so I'll be able to figure things out afterward. I don't want things to turn out like..."
"Renee." Alice finished the sentence for me.
"Yeah, like her."
When I was seven years old, my mother and father sat me down in the living room and told me I was going to be a big sister. They were so excited, and so was I. We went out for ice cream and I decided I wanted to have a little sister so we could play dress-up. Every morning, I'd say good morning to the baby and pat my mom's stomach, hoping that it would grow into a girl instead of a boy.
Weeks later, Mom was in the hospital, but she didn't come home with a baby. Instead, she came home with cancer. I was angry with her and my dad, because all I'd wanted was someone to play with. I hated being an only child-I was alone all the time. But then I noticed how sick she was.
When I was old enough to understand, Charlie eventually told me what really happened. She'd had an ectopic pregnancy, and when they found out about it, they also discovered that she had uterine cancer, which was quickly metastasizing.
She died when I was ten.
"I was hoping you could go with me..." I said, feeling small. I was terrified, but with Alice, I didn't need to say it out loud. She already knew.
"Of course, we'll just take the day off together. I'll cancel everything else."
A few hours later, we were sitting in the strangely comfortable waiting room with a few other women who were obviously pregnant and showing. I stared at them all nervously, and tried to focus on filling out all of the paperwork on the clipboard I was holding.
"You can't be very far along, right?" Alice asked, quietly. "Probably only like four or five weeks?"
"I don't know, it was almost two months ago," I muttered back. "I guess we'll just have to wait and find out."
I got up and handed my clipboard to the receptionist. She smiled up and me and, though I thought I smiled back, I'm sure it came out more as a grimace. No more than five minutes later, a nurse called my name and Alice and I were led into a medium-sized room. The nurse was quiet, but she took my vitals and asked me to give a urine sample. She showed me where the bathrooms were and instructed me to change into of the provided gowns when I was finished.
It was frustrating how slow time was moving.
By the time I heard a knock on the closed examination room door, I was ready to jump out of my skin. The door opened and a beautiful doctor with caramel colored hair poked her head into the room.
"Bella?" she asked, with a soft, kind voice.
"Yes, that's me," I said, looking up at her and attempting to smile again. She reached out and shook my hand, then Alice's.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Dr. Cullen. So, what brings you in today?" she asked, hopefully routinely. I bit my lip nervously, eyeing the manilla envelope she'd placed on the countertop.
"Um...I think I'm pregnant?"
She nodded in agreement. "Well, I believe you are, but we should take some of your vitals first and go over a few things before we make a definite diagnosis. Sound good?"
"Sure," I said, trying to swallow my fear.
"When was your last period?" she asked, sitting down next to Alice began scribbling notes down on her chart.
"I think the last day was April 30th, but I might be off a day or two."
"Okay, so you've definitely missed a period. And I'm assuming you took a home pregnancy test. Is that correct?" She looked up at me, and I instantly felt more comfortable under her warm gaze.
"Yes, I did. It was positive."
"From what I can tell based off the paperwork you filled out, you seem to have a pretty clean family history as far as any illnesses and diseases go. You did, however, mark down that you have a history of cancer. Can you explain that to me?"
"My mother died of uterine cancer," I answered. "They found it when she had an ectopic pregnancy, but it was pretty far progressed by then."
She nodded and made one last scribble on her chart, then moved towards me. "Well, Bella, I think it's safe to say you are pregnant. Your urine sample was confirmation enough, but I like to talk with my patients as well just to see what's going on. I'd like for us to do a transvaginal ultrasound. We might be able to get a clearer picture of the baby this way, and we'll probably be able to predict a due date at this point. Depending on how far along you actually are, we may even be able to hear a heartbeat. Will that be alright with you?"
"That's fine," I said, even though my knees were suddenly clamping together. Dr. Cullen stood up and moved a machine from across the room right next to the bed I was sitting on. As she prepared everything, Alice walked over to the other side of the bed and held my hand.
"Okay, we're ready to begin now." Initially, I winced, and when Alice noticed, she gave me a reassuring squeeze.
"What's good about this ultrasound is that I can also get a good idea of how your ovaries are doing and we can tell if you have anything else to be concerned about. Considering your mother's history, it could be very beneficial," Dr. Cullen explained.
"Okay, it might not look like much, but there it is," she said, smiling.
She turned the monitor toward us and flipped a small switch. After turning the monitor towards us, be began working with the machine again.
All I could make out was a dark blob in the middle of a blurry looking picture. And yet, I felt an odd pressure in my chest, almost like I was going to cry. I had a hard time grasping the fact that the blob inside of me was going to grow into my baby.
"I think we'll be able to hear the heartbeat too," she said, moving things around a bit more. "Ah, there we go."
A tiny, rapid echoing sound filled the room. All of the air in my lungs rushed out in a whirl.
"That's it's heart?" I squeaked. She nodded, giving us some time to just listen.
"Now, going based off when your last period was and the measurements of the fetus, I'm going to say you're just shy of eight weeks. Everything else looks good though, Bella. You don't have any ovarian cysts or foreign masses. I'd still like for you to get some lab work done before you leave today." She cleaned up the machine and wrote more things down on her chart, giving me some time to get comfortable again.
"When is her due date?" Alice asked, speaking up for the first time.
"It's tentative right now, and I'll probably be able to give you a more specific answer once we get her lab results back, but as of now we're looking at some time around January 26th."
I sat up on the bed, pulling the gown back around me.
"Do you have any questions for me, Dear?" Dr. Cullen asked.
"Yeah, I guess. Should I start taking any prenatal vitamins, or do I need to start doing things differently? I'm still not sure what I'm even going to do..."
"Ah," she said, sitting up straighter in her chair. "You should start taking your vitamins immediately. Now, as I'm sure you know, you do have the choice to terminate your pregnancy. That's a very difficult and personal decision to make, but until you do know what course of action you're going to take, I would like you to take the vitamins anyway. This is a critical time for a developing fetus. Aside from that, make sure you're drinking plenty of water and sleeping regularly. Eat healthy, balanced meals. Basically, just make sure you're taking care of yourself."
"So this isn't an ectopic pregnancy? The baby's healthy?"
"As of now, everything looks good. It is not can always change, and you do need to be prepared for that, but for now it looks like you have a healthy, growing baby on the way."
"Thank you, Dr. Cullen," I sighed, feeling relieved.
"My pleasure. I'd like to see you back here in about a month. You can schedule your appointment up front with Heidi," she said, and excused herself out of the room. As soon as she left, Alice squealed.
"It's so cute!"
"It's a blob, Allie."
"But a cute blob! We should name it!"
I reached forward toward the counter and grabbed my clothes off of it. "Go ahead," I sighed.
She was suddenly quiet. I pulled my pants on, trying to ignore the fact that I still felt sticky from the ultrasound.
"I'm sorry, Bell...I wasn't thinking. I know you still have some difficult decisions to make, and I hope you know I'll support you. I- I'll be there for you if you don't keep it, and I'll be the really cool aunt if you decide you do want to. Okay?"
"I think there's coffee shop downstairs on the first floor or something. Can we stop a get a drink after I get my lab work done?" I asked, shrugging on my sweater. In Seattle, the June gloom was laying on thick.
"Well, there's a coffee stand outside, yeah. But you get decaf."
Downstairs, I ordered a hot chocolate and tried to convince myself there was caffeine in it. I grimaced when I thought about having to get used to this. We sat down on a small bench and I relaxed as the sun hit my face. Alice was dying to ask me questions, I could see it in her every move.
"I can't not keep it," I said, with my eyes closed. When I felt her tiny arms wind around my shoulders, I knew that was all I had to say for now. We both sat for a few moments, and the other questions I had for myself seemed to become more crowded in my head. Like they were screaming at me.
Alice's cell phone ringing interrupted my thoughts and she fumbled around trying to answer it.
"Damn it, it's Emmett," she sighed. "What do you want Em? I'm kinda busy right now?"
I looked down at my stomach, imagining what was going on inside of it. I could no longer deny that there was something alive and growing inside of me. I'd heard it and seen it with my own eyes. I kept waiting for feel something other than shock.
"I don't give a shit about the damn cake right now!" she hissed. "Your appointment isn't for a couple of hours anyway, so who cares?"
Emmett was getting married to a now close friend of ours, Rosalie. When he'd first introduced her to us, we had a hard time seeing things work out between them. Rosalie didn't look like much more than a tall, blonde, supermodel. It didn't take long for us to figure out that she was extremely smart and kind hearted. And a veterinarian.
"Fine. Whatever, I'll be there in a couple of hours." She hung up the phone. She threw it angrily back into her purse and sighed.
"Everything okay?" I asked, preparing to hear her rant.
"I have to go meet Rose for a cake tasting. Emmett got caught up at the high school and he has to run practice late, so he can't make it. God, if I had known agreeing to be Maid of Honor would consist more of filling in for the groom than planning the wedding, I would have never done it!"
I laughed quietly and shook my head. "Go ahead, I'll drop you off at home so you can take your car and meet her. I need to run an errand anyway."
After I'd dropped Alice off, I drove toward the cemetery where my mother was buried. I hadn't been to see her in a while, but I thought now would be a good time to talk. I'd made it a point to go see her at least every couple of months, but lately, I'd been busy with work...and life.
I leaned against her headstone and immediately apologized for not bringing flowers. The more time I spent talking to her, the clearer things became in my head. I asked her all of my questions, knowing I wouldn't really get any answers back.
Instead, I felt a light breeze and a few strands of my hair blew across my face. That was how I knew she was listening. In those moments, things didn't seem so scary any more, and I didn't feel as alone. But more importantly, I knew exactly what I had to do.
Thank you to everyone who reviewed and sent me their thoughts and opinions. I really appreciate it! So...when do you think Edward's going to show up now? It'll be soon, I promise. Otherwise, I'd just be really lame.