1Written 2013 - June - 19.
The most painful thing about it all is that he doesn't mind the body that much.
The breasts are nice. He has nothing against the breasts, though he has a thing about underwear. Bras are uncomfortable and expensive and honestly just silly, and they make his back ache and his shoulders itch and really, who cares if the sacks of meat on his chest droop or if, God forbid, his nipples are visible through his clothing? It's not his problem if people want to stare - that is their business, and it's his body, and really, those people can just fuck off.
And his hair. He likes his hair. It's long and smooth and pretty, and he totally gets why one might want to brush one's hair a hundred times before bed. Or a thousand. It's so nice. He doesn't want to cut it short, like he doesn't want to bind his breasts or lower his voice or start forcing his body into all those postures that most men use to try to prove points. He didn't even do that when he was in his first body.
His voice isn't even that much of a problem. This body sings soprano, and he was a tenor before, and it's just an octave's difference, really. The tone's completely different, but he likes the tone. He's not used to it yet, but one day he will be, and he thinks that that will be a nice day.
But all this adds up to people telling him that he should expect to be misunderstood, misread and misgendered. That it's somehow wrong to want to be called 'he', though that's who he is, or 'sir' instead of 'miss'. Even after he's told them a hundred times. Even when he's explained it.
He feels so alone, and he wants to blame the body. But it's not really the body's fault, is it? The body's good. He likes the body, and he doesn't want to change it, not a whit. It's beautiful and it fits him and it's so much stronger than he ever was before.
But sometimes when they're at it - looking at him in the wrong ways and calling him by the wrong words and judging him so hard he can feel it over his skin - he wishes he could change. That it could feel just a tiny bit hateful, and that he could hate it.