The Mustache Minions broke down the Castle doors in no time and started running amuck through the court yard.

Peeves smiled in sadistic pleasure as the students ran for their lives to no avail, as the Mustache Minions could run up to 50 miles an hour, had skin that could deflect a Killing Curse, and apparate at will.

"Well Mopey, what do you think?"

Myrtle placed her chin on her right hand for a minute, thinking it over, before she had an idea.

"It's nice Peeves, but I have a better idea."

With a snap of her fingers, the Earth broke apart again and dark haired, pale form rose from the depths of Hell.

"MORGAN LE-FAY! YOU SHALL OBEY MY COMMANDS!" Myrtle yelled out, the Ghost understanding. With that, Myrtle floated away, with Le-Fay right behind her, leaving Peeves to his own devices.


"DIE! DIE!" yelled out Mad-Eye Moody as a Mustache Minion closed in on him, with Moody casting curse after curse onto it, but to no avail, as the skin bounced off them, destroying random objects in the Defense Against The Dark Arts classroom.

Realizing that his wand was doing nothing, his Magical Eye darted all around the room, looking for something, anything, to fight it off, before it came to rest on one particular item he had found in his travels.

"COME GET SOME!" He yelled out as he grabbed the Katana from off the wall and unsheathed it, before dashing forward. He gained the Katana from his studies at a Dojo when he had become a Master Swordsman.

Before he could make any cuts, however, another Mustache Minion came from outside through the window and football tackled Moody, before tearing the sword from his hands and swallowing it whole.


"OH HELL NO! NOT IN MY CLASSROOM!" yelled out Professor Binns as the Mustache Minions entered the room. With that, he pulled out a detonator.

"YOU WILL NEVER TAKE ME!" he yelled out before pressing the button, causing half the room to explode and crumble down on top of the Minions.

As the Ghost began laughing in triumph, the Minions emerged from the rubble, and threw their secret weapon: The Mustache Grenade, a grenade capable of inducing Walrus Mustaches in anyone and then turning them purple.


"HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?!" demanded Myrtle as Morgan Le-Fay trashed the Slytherin Common Room, the Slytherins running for their lives.

But alas, it was to no avail, as the Mustache Minions had already broken in as well and rounded them all up after putting their Grenades to good use.


Peeves' Mustache Minions ran amuck throughout the castle, breaking things at will, throwing mustache bombs and mustache grenades at everyone they saw and even managed to get a few blows in on Mrs. Norris before Filch appeared.

"MY CAT!" he yelled out in sort of a barbaric tone before unsheathing the Sword of Gryffindor and charging the Mustache Minions. But try as he did, as brave and valiant as it was, they soon overwhelmed him and his cat.


Peeves, in the meantime, had somehow gotten his hands on a rocket launcher and was on his way to blow Gryffindor Tower to smithereens for the Hell of it.

As he rounded the corner, who should he come to face, but Harry Potter himself, armed with a sword that Peeves had no idea where he had gotten it from, except that it looked razor sharp and that Harry had a look of determination on his face.

Peeves smirked and asked, "Let me guess, Potter, you're going to try and stop me, right? Like yell out that I shall not pass?"

Harry smirked back. "How'd you know?"

Without a warning Peeves suddenly was in Harry's face and before Harry could react, he punched his lights out.


As the students and teachers alike wore Walrus Mustaches and Purple Skin, as well as various horns and spines that had sprouted from their bodies, Peeves and Myrtle hovered above them, laughing in sadistic glee as they struggled to get free of the Minions that were holding them down.

"So what shall we do with them, Peeves?" asked Myrtle, finally calming down enough to stop laughing. Peeves then sat down on top of one of his many Demons again to try and think of something.

After nearly five hours, he had reached full Poltergeist Zen and had come up with an idea.

With a smile on his face, he hovered high again and cleared his throat.

"THROW THEM INTO THE LAKE OF DEATH!" came in an inhuman tone, with his right arm pointing in the direction of the Black Lake.


"You know what?" finally demanded one Albus Dumbledore as he stood up from his desk, tranquil fury fuming off him, as well as his wand in his hand. "I am not even going to go over WHAT you did to the Giant Squid, OR what you did to Azkaban Prison."

As Peeves and Myrtle smirked at him, smugness filled their eyes, as well as glee.

"Give me one good reason why I should not throw you both out of Hogwarts myself."

"Because, Professor Headship, if you do, I will reveal your dirty little secret."

Albus' eyes bugged out as Peeves continued.

"You see Albus; I've been reading your mind the whole time. I know full well that you intend to use those Dead Fish as Bait to lure Fluffy the Three Headed Dog into overthrowing the Goblin Tax-Collectors and evade taxes for the rest of your life. If you throw us out, I am going to tell the whole World about it."

As everyone in attendance gasped in shock, Albus sank into his chair, cheeks blushing like mad.

"Tell me, Peeves and Myrtle, what do you want?"

Peeves looked to Myrtle and they both nodded their heads.

-1 Hour Later-

"WE'RE BACK BABY!" yelled out Peeves before he and Myrtle both burst into the Great Hall and started blowing their brand new, straight from the factory, Golden Trumpets that Albus had procured them in exchange for them keeping their mouths shut.

Luna stared from her table, with a dreamy look on her face, before saying, "That's just wrong."

Fin.