97Summary: The cast gets interviewed, and their bloopers are shown. However, the host is more offensive than they'd expected.
Christopher Caine and his show belong to Dan Schneider.
An Evening With "Calling Agent P"
Christopher Caine presents: An Evening With "Calling Agent P."
Christopher Caine - a puppet in a gray dress shirt, gray dress pants, and a beige blazer - sat in an armchair onstage, held a glass of apple juice, and looked at the camera. He spoke with a British accent. "Good evening. My name is Christopher Caine. In my hand, you will find a glass of apple juice, which I intend to drink, at some point. Today, I'll be interviewing the cast of 'Calling Agent P.' We will also be looking at the cast's comical mistakes, commonly referred to as 'bloopers.'
My first guest is recognizable to anyone with eyes or nostrils. He plays Phineas, the boy, who is way too optimistic for his own good. Ladies and gentlemen, Vincent Martella!"
Vincent, in a blue sweater and gray dress pants, sat in the chair beside him. "Hiya, Christopher!"
"Greetings, Vincent," Christopher greeted. "Tell me, what is your favorite beverage?"
"Um, I really like apple juice."
This pleased the host. "Of course! Finally, someone, who gets it. Follow-up question: Would you like to join me in a glass of the previously mentioned beverage?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Well, you can't have any." Vincent frowned. "Would you agree that your character on 'Calling Agent P' is a bit young to be doing the things he does?"
Vincent smiled. "Yes. Yes, I would."
"Indeed. Shall we look at your bloopers?"
"I don't see why not."
"In that case, please turn your head, so you can see the high-resolution monitor behind us, and view said bloopers."
Vincent's bloopers began playing on the monitor.
Mind Over Monotreme
"You know, we don't very much about Perry." Vincent said. Dan and Thomas looked at him expectantly. "What? That's my line."
"It's not your whole line," Jet Engine called.
"Oh."
To Speak, or Not to Speak
Vincent and Thomas spoke at the same time. "I know what we're going to do..."
Thomas stifled laughter, and Vincent grinned and said, "I forgot. I remember, now. Okay."
The Spy Who Lusted Me
"The owner of that amusah-" He shook his head in frustration. "Mmm!"
It's the Grant Pumpkin, Agent P!
"Well, maybe you'd feel better if...something about Perry's whereabouts..."
The Best Adventure Ever (Part Two)
"Can we pet Elizabeth? Nope, that's not-"
Elizabeth Gillies, who voices McKenzie, reminded him, "McKenzie."
"McKenzie. Right."
The West is History
"It's Shtumpelgimpian outl- I-I mean Drusselsteinian- Can-can I try that again?"
Ex's and Oh No's
"I know you can hear me... Um... Line?"
Parental Guidance
"Phineas was just- Whoa. I'm Phineas."
The Pianist Project
Alyson asked, "What's he doin'?"
Vincent replied, "Well, you know what's great about music?"
"Movies," Jet Engine called.
"Movies. Right."
Heart Attacked
"Or, what if one of us moves to another state? Or, what if the- Planet explodes? Seriously?"
The clips ended, and Christopher turned to Vincent. "My, someone screws up a lot."
Vincent chuckled, "I guess."
"I'm implying that you screw up a lot."
"I know."
"Now, leave." A little offended at the host's tone, Vincent walked off-stage. "You can recognize my next guest more by his hair color than his voice. He plays Ferb, the man of action, who doesn't say very much at all. Whether the sun is shining, or you live in Seattle, please give it up for...Thomas Sangster!"
Thomas, wearing a gray dress shirt and black dress pants, now sat in the chair beside him. "Hello, Christopher."
"Hello to you, too. Now, as good-looking British fellows, we have to stick together. Wouldn't you agree?"
Thomas considered this. "Hm. I suppose so."
Christopher was offended. "You hesitated. Which means that you had to think about it, first. Come on, Thomas. We're both British. We're both attractive. Why don't we do something, together. Like, go to London and see...whatever there is to see in London."
"You mean, like, Big Ben?"
"Who?"
"It's not a 'who.' Big Ben is the name of a famous clock tower in London."
"I've never heard of it. But, enough small talk. Let's view your bloopers, shall we?"
Thomas nodded. "We shall."
"Then, let us pivot our heads."
Thomas's bloopers played.
Heart Attacked Redux (Another Story)
"Don't you think I'm...too young for...that? I'm sorry. Let's try that again."
Jurassic Platypus
Thomas tied his rope to a tree and accidentally tripped over the remaining rope.
Calling Phineas and Ferb
As Vincent and Thomas walked up to an empty table, Thomas tripped over a wire.
Mind Over Monotreme
As he was running away, Thomas tripped over a book.
Unbalance of Power
Thomas yelped when turned a page in his book. "Paper cut."
Stick With Me
"You're just in time for the song," Vincent said. "Ferb?"
Thomas strummed the guitar, and a string broke.
The Pianist Project
A green light hit Thomas, and he jumped, falling backwards in the process. He, Vincent, and Alyson started laughing.
"I wasn't ready for it!" Thomas laughed.
Doof's Documentary of Doom
"You have many good qualities, but if I-if I had to - choose one, I'd, um..."
"Seriously, you can't think of one thing you like about me?" Dan joked.
Unhappy Holidays
"We made it snow, Ferb!" Vincent exclaimed in excitement. "We actually made it snow!"
He, Thomas, and Ashley raced to the door. Thomas tripped on the way, but got back up and continued running.
Bad Doof Gone Good
As Vincent and Thomas walked into 'Candace's' room, Thomas tripped.
"Your shoe's untied," Ashley told him.
"I've noticed," Thomas replied.
The bloopers ended.
"You fall down a lot," Christopher said bluntly.
Thomas shrugged. "I can be a little clumsy."
"I've noticed. Now, leave my sight, but try not to fall down while doing so." Thomas nodded and left, a little offended. "I'm not even sure who that was. My next guest yells a lot. Of course, I suppose, if you played Candace, you'd yell a lot, too. Everybody, Ashley Tisdale!"
Ashley, wearing her purple gown from 'Happy New Year!' sat in the chair. "Hey, Christopher."
"Hey, indeed. Your neck is very long. It reminds me of a giraffe."
Ashley wasn't sure how to respond. "Okay...?"
"I despise giraffes. They freak me out in ways I can't understand."
"Uh, I think giraffes are kind of cool."
"Of course, you would. What is your favorite fruit?"
Ashley was a little surprised at the sudden change in subject. "Um, grapes."
Christopher paused to think about this. "Grapes? As in, not apples?"
Ashley suck in her chair, feeling uncomfortable. "Um, I guess?"
"Hm... Why don't we look at your bloopers?"
Ashley sat up. "O-okay. Sure."
"Pivot your head towards the monitor behind you."
Ashley's bloopers played.
So, You Think You Candace?
"Today's mine and Jeremy's first anniversary, and...my urge to...to bust- Sorry. I'm sorry. Let's try that again."
Best Frenemies Forever (Part Two)
"Mom, I swear! They were train-na-na. Nope. Nope." She laughed sheepishly.
The Best Adventure Ever (Part One)
"Why ya gigglin'?" Vincent asked.
Ashley ran off-screen, then she ran back on-screen. "My bad. I forgot to yank you guys over there."
"We don't mind," Thomas commented.
Unbalance of Power
"So, this thing can give you any power you want?" Ashley asked.
Vincent answered, "At the moment, just ones in Ferb's boo-"
Ashley sneezed. "Sorry. Allergy season."
Ex's and Oh No's
"What? You have a patch for sickness and-"
"Motion sickness," Jet Engine reminded Ashley.
"Oh, right."
He's No Guard Dog
"Unless, of course, Phineas and Ferb decide to build... What are they building on Venus?"
Birthdaze
"Do you wanna help, Candace?" Vincent asked.
"Hm..." Ashley grinned sheepishly. "I totally forget." She chuckled.
Parental Guidance
"And, I was all, 'Oh, no, you di-in't," and she was all, "Oh, yes I d-" she laughed, when the cellphone she was holding beeped. "I swear, I thought my phone was off!"
Truth Be Told (Part One)
"Why did I say that?" She waited. "Hey, where's the artificial fire that's suppose to erupt on my pants?"
Jurassic Platypus
"Did you guys bring a bird back to- Dinosaur! Where'd I get 'bird' from?"
The bloopers ended.
"Goodness," Christopher commented, "you are a hot mess! Seriously, where did you learn to act? Clown college? Ah ha ha ha!"
Ashley stood up, angry. "Alright, I can take a hint. Ashley Tisdale is out. Peace!" She stormed off-stage.
Christopher turned to the audience. "Oh, thank heavens, she's gone. I wasn't sure how much longer I could stand staring at Giraffe Girl. Any who, my next guest is cute as a button and enjoys the taste of bacon. But, I suppose most people enjoy the taste of bacon. You know and love her as Isabella, but here, she's known as...Alyson Stoner!"
Alyson wore a magenta dress and a matching bow. "Whatcha doin'?"
Christopher giggled. "You couldn't help but ask, could you?" Alyson simply shrugged. "Tell me, Alyson, is weird playing a character, who is friends with a girl named Alyson?"
"Actually, I think it's kind of cool."
"Do you like ping-pong?"
Alyson frowned. "That's very specific. Um, I've never played ping-pong, before."
"Well, perhaps I could teach you. Oh, you'll love it. It'll be just the two of us, ping-ing and pong-ing the night away."
"M-maybe some other time..."
"It's a date. A playdate, of course. Obviously, you're much too young, for me. But, enough of that. Let's get down to business."
Alyson wasn't sure she liked where this was going. "Um... What business?"
"Why, the business of watching your bloopers, of course."
"Oh," Alyson smiled. "Okay."
"Now, let us view them on the high-resolution monitor behind our seats."
Alyson's bloopers played.
It's the Grant Pumpking, Agent P!
"I'm sensing a distur-urbance i-in-" Alyson laughed. "I-I'm sorry. I can't say that."
Heart Attacked
"I just don't know what to tell her, Ferb," Vincent said.
Alyson came up to him and Thomas. "Don't tell what who- Yeah, that makes sense."
The West is History
"Doesn't that seem a litt-ah-na-na?" She started laughing. "S-sorry. Sorry. Let's do that, again."
Truth Be Told (Part Two)
"Whatcha doin' here, Phineas?"
Vincent kissed her on the cheek. Alyson smiled.
Vincent just looked at her. "Uh, you're not suppose to smile."
"That was-that was weird." Alyson started laughing.
Vincent laughed, too. "I-it really was."
The Pianist Project
"So, where's Dee? Perry? What's-His-Face?"
Unhappy Holidays
"I mean, somebody just used my catchphrase. Okay, seriously, how would I know that?"
Stick With Me
"Oh, forget it."
Dan asked, "What should I be forgettin'?"
Alyson started laughing, which transitioned the others on-screen.
Unbalance of Power
"I brought us some snacks." Alyson realized she wasn't holding anything. "I did not bring us some snacks."
Humanized
"Not sure. But, like you said, it's Perry's...dream! It's his dream! Sorry. I forgot my line, but I remember it, now."
Birthdaze
"You mean your friend, who contin-boo-da- Well, that happened."
The bloopers ended.
"Wow," Christopher said. "Even your bloopers are adorable."
Alyson grinned. "Thank you."
"Unfortunately, your presence disgusts me, so leave, before I call security." Alyson frowned in hurt and confusion, then walked off-stage. Christopher turned to the audience. "Contrary to what most believe, my next guest is not a pharmacist. He plays Dr. Doofenshmirtz, who looks like a pharmacist, but he himself is not one. Here he is now. Dan Povenmire!"
Dan was wearing a white dress shirt and gray dress pants. "How's it going, Christopher?"
"It's going rather well. So, what's your favorite thing about acting?"
"Hm... Tough question. Well, I think my favorite thing is that moment when you really become the character-"
"I hear you used to date Avril Lavigne. Why did you dump her?"
The question confused Dan. "Um, I-I never dated Avril Lavigne."
"Oh, come on. Spill. Why'd you break up with her?"
"I just told you I never dated her."
"Was it because you were jealous, because she has an actual music career, while you sing badly on a children's show?"
Dan narrowed his eyes. "Are you here to interview me or insult me?"
"I tend to do a bit of both."
"Will you just show my bloopers?"
"You're very pushy, but alright. Please, gaze into the monitor."
Dan's bloopers played.
It's the Grand Pumpkin, Agent P!
"I'm just writing a last-minute letter to the Great Pumpkin."
"Grand Pumpkin," Jet Engine reminded.
Dan muttered, "Dang it."
The West is History
"I'm taking Isabel for ransom. That-that's it? I'm just gonna say it? Seriously?"
The Best Adventure Ever (Part Five)
"And, this whole incident with my father and the clones and giant flo-oating-" He stopped to control his laughter. "I'm sorry. That baby head is just so ridiculous."
Bad Doof Gone Good
Squirrels ran up Dan's pants, and he started screaming. Suddenly, he took a sharp intake of breath. "It bit me in a bad place," he squeaked before collapsing.
Now angry, Dee said to Jet Engine, "In the pants? Really?"
"How was I supposed to know one would bite him?" Jet Engine retorted.
To Speak, or Not to Speak?
Dan waved at a trapped Dee, before starting to giggle. "I don't have any lines in this episode. It's weird."
Unhappy Holidays
"I don't want a present. I want my baby! Girl. I messed that up."
The Lack-of-Beauty Pageant
"We need to practice for the first annual L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. Beauty Pageant. That's not right."
Dee grinned. "You're gonna enter a beauty pageant?"
Dan grinned too. "Yes, and I am totally gonna win, because I'm so gorgeous."
They both started laughing.
Heart Attacked Redux (Another Story)
"I figure I could return the favor and sit through you bab-ba-ba- That word is a tongue-twister. Seriously."
Jurassic Platypus
"I guess I should have...thought about... I have way too many lines."
Birthdaze
"Eh. Thanks. Are there shells in the- Okay, seriously, who puts shells in their eggs?"
"Norm does," Jet Engine stated. "Now, quit questioning your dialogue."
"My dialogue doesn't make any sense!"
"Have you ever read this fanfiction?"
"Hm. Touche."
The bloopers ended.
"So," Christopher pressed, "why did you break up with Avril Lavigne?"
Frustrated, Dan leaned in and spoke slowly. "I never dated Avril Lavigne."
"Perhaps I've heard wrong."
"Uh, yeah, ya have."
"Perhaps she broke up with you."
"Bye." Dan stood up, annoyed, and left.
Christopher turned to the audience. "That was Avril Lavigne's ex-boyfriend. Now, we have one final guest toni-"
"HELLO."
Christopher noticed the robot standing next to him. "What are you?"
"I'M NORM." Norm replied.
There was an awkward pause, then Christopher said, "Please, go."
Norm walked away. "CERTAINLY."
Christopher looked at the audience. "Well, that happened. As I was saying, we have only one guest remaining. He is, without a doubt, the first animal I have ever interviewed. And, I'm pretty sure he's also the last. He plays Perry, or Agent P, whichever you prefer. Introducing, Dee Bradley Baker!"
Dee was in a black tuxedo and his character's signature fedora. "G'day Christopher."
"Technically, it's night, but whatever. I couldn't help noticing your pants. Or, dare I say, lack-of them."
Dee glanced down at his bare legs, suddenly feeling self-conscious. "Um, it's never been a problem before. I mean," he shrugged, "I'm a platypus."
"And, that gives you the right to not wear pants?"
"Uh..."
Christopher suddenly changed the subject. "Is it true that platypuses sweat milk?"
"Um, yes. Yes, it is."
"That is disgusting."
Dee shrugged. "Well, sweating water seems pretty gross, to me."
"Let's take a look at your bloopers."
"Yeah. Alright."
"Then, join me in the pivoting of our individual heads."
Dee's bloopers played.
Truth Be Told (Part Two)
"What do you want that's evil? Wait a minute-"
Dan couldn't help but tease him. "Oh! Oh, you want me to do something evil?"
"I really don't."
The Lack-of-Beauty Pageant
"I'm telling you; this lab coat is a hazard...of tripping. Okay. Let's do that again."
Best Frenemies Forever (Part One)
"Says the man, who's afraid of fish."
"Shellfish," Jet Engine reminded him.
"Whatever. They're both stupid."
The Pianist Project
"Who'd you, uh...drive insane! That's it."
Heart Attacked
"Long story short, never kiss- Wait, I don't think I should say that. The Perryshmirtz fans'll go nuts."
Parental Guidance
"Well...I don't want to meet the...nuts, who- Can I see script, real quick?"
The Spy Who Lusted Me
"See what have I- I don't know what I'm saying."
Stick With Me
Dee flew across the stage and, instead of grabbing the curtain, landed in a pile of scenery. "I'm okay."
Unbalance of Power
"You reala-na- That's wrong. Sorry."
Ex's and Oh No's
Dee tried to get behind the couch but... "I don't-I don't fit. I just don't."
His bloopers ended.
"Seriously," Christopher said, "pants. Think about it."
Dee's face flushed. "U-um... I'll just go..."
"Please, do." Pulling his tuxedo down over his 'area,' Dee walked away. Christopher turned to the audience. "This concludes tonight's interviews. I'd like to thank everyone for reading this. And, now, as you may hear my character, Rex, on Victorious say," he spoke in Rex's voice, "'Here's a shout-out to all my girls from Northridge.'" His voice returned to normal. "Good night, everybody."
The End
Well, that's about it. I hope you guys have had as much fun with this series as I have.
Review, and be on the look-out for the sequel! I've posted some episode ideas for it on my profile, if you're interested.