Warning:

Swearing. Unnecessary violence.

Humour. Chaos. Killing. Stupidity.

Character death. Innuendos.

Bros being bros. O.o.c-ness.

Gore. Movie quotes. Pranks.

~Thoughts~ 'Speech.' '#singing#'

'Speaking at the same time.'

'Different language.'

Will be M-rated for later chapters.

Loki`s P.O.V

This idea came to me, when my friend Steph (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) ahem,

Asked me to tell our other friend –whose name escapes me at the moment- of Sleipnir`s

Birth…over dinner. And kinda evolved into this! We had a full-blown conversation at Yo!Sushi and while walking through town…I think we may have traumatized him…

And the rest of the cosplay group…mwahaha! XD

(If I`ve got some of the pregnancy things wrong, please tell me…it`s been a while since

I last looked at pregnancy books…so my knowledge of it might be a bit rusty.)

HOLY SHIT I am so fucking SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING! My life has just about killed me, due to my Grandad passing away earlier this year…

I am sooo sorry! I blame Tumblr and college…and R.L in general.

Also…I might`ve misspelled Jorgumandr`s name a few times, due to me referencing two mythology books (the Poetic Edda, and the Elder Edda) and my general derp.

Also, I`m using my mum`s laptop to write and post this, and for some reason, Microsoft Word isn`t on it, so I apologise in advance...hopefully there will be no mistakes!

Chapter 2

Once upon a time in Midgard.

I groaned and tried to massage my stomach. The little one doesn`t hesitate to use my bladder and ribcage as punching bags, whenever the feeling arises.

'Baby, please don`t kick mama…now I need the toilet. Stark, do you know where the, un, bathroom is?' I asked, all the other Avengers minus Thor stared as Stark very gently grabbed my elbow and escorted me out.

'You called yourself "Mama"…why? we`ve waited a full day, and now we need answers. And how the fuck did you get yourself pregnant?' he asked after we left the room. I smirked a little at him.

'Well, I`m clearly pregnant…and as for the other question of as to how I managed it? I`m not entirely sure to be honest…stranger things have happened to me…' I replied, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door.

Stark waited until I had finished, washed and dried my hands and left the loo, before asking his next set of questions.

'Like what? Wait…did you actually give birth to an 8-legged horse? And a huge snake? And, and a wolf?' I nodded the affirmative after each question.

I did birth Sleipnir…that was hard, he was a really difficult birth. Thor, bless him, helped me through it. Hela was not as bad, neither was Fenris`s…Jormungandr was by far, the easiest birth.' I explained, Stark smiled. ~should I call him "Tony" or should he forever be known as "Stark" ? ~ I mused to myself.

'Hey, you okay there Loki? We could stop and sit for a bit, if you want or something?' Tony asked me, I snapped out of my train of thought and pushed some hair out of my face, I smiled at Tony.

'I would sit, but if I sat down, I won`t get back up.'

'Oh, so…you have 4 kids then?'

'No, I have 6 children…Nari and Narfi live with their mother Sigyn.' I told him, Tony ahh-ed and we began walking again.

'Let me guess…did she fill out a retraining order against you?' Tony um, Stark joked.

'She did actually, we used to be best friends! But we got drunk, we slept together, a few months later she`s giving birth to the twins and her father tried to kill me…she then told me that she`s leaving for Vanirheim and I will be severely punished if I try to follow her. I miss them, but we cannot go against the will of the mighty AllFather! Who knows what might happen!' I waved my hands, Tony laughed at my sarcasm.

'I don`t get your world…at all, it`s weird in my opinion.' He smiled.

'I don`t get Asgard either, and I used to live there! Am I even making sense, Stark?' Stark nodded at my question.

'Call me Tony, and in my honest, professional opinion…you kind of do. Our kind of people are too far and few in between, so whenever we are together, we cause such chaos that we must be separated as soon as possible…am I making sense?' Tony asked, I think he lost his train of thought.

'In a way, yes. I`d like to say, that if anybody tried to read our minds in such an occasion, they would be terrified of us!' I smiled. As soon as we crossed the threshold, I wandered over to Thor, a chuckling Tony at my heels.

'Can you imagine, how much therapy would cost?' he asked, as we stopped at the table, I laughed at the thought.

'For us or for them?'

'For them!'

'It`s not even worth thinking about, Tony, it would only make thing worse!' I laughed, Tony shook his head and frantically waved his hands at me. Thor shook his head at us, I know he knows what we`re talking about…and I think he`s far too amused to interrupt us. Tony jumped in front of me and waggled a finger at me.

'Nope, nope, nope, nope, not going there! Don`t even consider it, Stitch!' he yelled, I snorted when he went into a mock-fighting pose.

'You would harm me? I`m pregnant, how un-heroic.' I said in mock hurt…it was Thor who very gently grabbed my shoulders and just as gently sat me on a chair.

'And pregnant people should not try to fight their friends.' He admonished, I merely smiled at him. He raised an eyebrow, I batted my eyes at him, Thor smiled at me.

'Wait, how are you pregnant? Who`s the dad?' the Captain asked.

'He got himself pregnant…Loki is the mother and the father, how weird is that?' Tony said, sitting next to me. The Avengers (minus Thor and Tony) stared at me in shock.

'Precisely, I just woke up feeling sick, so I went to the healers and here I am pregnant and very much male, thank-you very much.' I gestured to my very pregnant belly for emphasis. I watched the captain drew closer, a look of awe in his eyes. I had to squash the urge make a loud, unnecessary sound to scare him.

'So, you`re basically like the Virgin Mary, then?' Barton said with a grin reminiscent of my own, why do I feel nervous all of a sudden?

'I`m not a virgin…I haven`t been one for a VERY long time, I can assure you.' I stated. I suddenly noticed a brown-haired boy in some type of school uniform, in my peripheral vision.

'Uh…hi, I`m Peter Parker…also known as Spider-man.' He smiled at me, I gave a small wave and a grin back, to hopefully put him at ease.

'Hello, I`m Loki, God of Mischief, Chaos and probably the only person to get oneself pregnant, without any help.' I replied, Peter just shrugged in reply.

'You`ll be okay, dude…' he told me and gave me an apple, a smile on his face.

'An apple a day, keeps the doctor away.' Peter said in jest, I snickered as I held the apple in my left hand…the apple was such a dark red, it looked black.

'Yeah, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.' Barton said, winking at Doctor Banner, who flushed red and looked away. I rose a brow…there is something going on between the pair. Barton gave Banner a heated stare, yep…they`re probably courting.

'E-excuse me.' and Banner fled. I sat back, Tony at my right, Peter at my left, and Barton sat in front of me.

'What are you waiting for? Go after him, Barton!' I hissed at the archer, when I spied him check Banner out, when the beast in disguise run with his tail between his legs.

'What? Eh? Righto!' and off, the hawk went. Tony snickered, Peter chuckled and I merely smiled.

'Have fun!' – Me.

'Be careful!' – Peter.

'Try not lay any eggs!' – Tony.

'Ehehe! Nice one Tony!' I grinned, high-fiving him. The Captain Steven Scowled At Us. –you could practically hear the capital letters there…I swear to…um, pudding!

'Tony, Loki, must you be so crude, he only went to talk to Bruce.' Steve/Captain protested, Romanov snorted in a un-lady-like manner, Thor took a single glance at my face, sighed and rubbed his beard.

'Of course he does, how would I ever know? Right Loki?' Tony said, you could practically see the sarcasm dripping off each word there. Impressive.

'Yeah, since there is clearly nothing going on between them, I mean, it`s not like it`s obvious or anything.' I snarked at them, Tony toyed with a slim metallic device.

'Well forgive me, for not having a dirty mind!' the captain glared at us…well, me and Tony, really.

'I don`t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination!' Tony defended, I threw back my head and laughed. The captain huffed and then he walked off, Romanov hummed and sat opposite me, brushing scarlet curls out of her face and sipped delicately at her drink.

'I would say that nothing is going on, but that would be lying…and I`d rather not get picked apart by the Lord of Lies himself.' She said, smiling lightly at me. I smirked and lightly drummed my fingers on the table.

'Oh? Care to shed some light onto this newfound discovery, Miss Romanov?' I asked, resting my face in steepled fingers.

'Nothing is how it seems, I`ve been observing their behaviour as of late. And there is definitely something going on, I`m probably not allowed to say, sordid going on there…I know that you are smart enough to guess what happened earlier.' She replied, I found myself liking her, just a little bit more.

'But we heard nothing of the sort, Miss Romanov…only explosions.' I smirked back at her, Tony and Peter just looked confused, looking between us. I tried to not laugh at how they looked like adorably confused puppies, the Widow took pity on them.

'Loki, you may call me Natasha. Hm, apparently Clint has been going to Bruce`s lab for "science lessons" if that is the lingo these days…' she gave a mischievous smile, Peter laughed at the hidden message as Tony practically hooted with laughter, like some kind of demented owl and smacking the table like a spaz.

'Of course, Natasha…is that what they say, Peter?' I addressed the brunette on my left as Tony managed to calm himself, long enough to drink his coffee. Peter hummed in thought and rested his head on his hand and stared off into the distance.

'Sort of…kinda, I wonder what our "loving" fans, would say about them? And, uh…what would they call us if we all paired off with each other?' he pondered, Tony and Natasha looked contemplative at his words.

'I think that Tony and the Captain would be called "Iron Captain" or something along those lines…' I grinned, the two in question just sighed and gulped their drinks.

'Nah, it would be "Super Husbands" don`t you think? It seems to fit better.' Peter suggested, Tony clapped his hands and sat up.

'Super Husbands"? I like it!' he said, nodding to himself.

'What would Bruce and Clint`s be?' Peter asked, the beginnings of a smirk curling at his lips, I shrugged in reply as Tony waved his arm to get our attention.

'I got it! : "Angry Birds"!' he crowed…I finished my apple and left it on the table, Thor picked it up and threw it in the direction of the bin, but it missed and hit a passing agent in the face, Natasha snickered at the agent`s expression.

'Pass me a pear, Spider-Child.' I asked. Peter nodded and reached for the bowl of fruit.

'What? Why that one, I was gonna say "HulkEye" for it.' He said as he handed me a pear upon my request and grabbing a few grapes for himself.

'Angry Birds, because Bruce is always angry and Clint is a bird!' Stark smiled, I found myself cackling as I remembered a certain word of Midgardian slang that I had heard.

'I just remembered, in the U.K…the word, bird…has two meanings: the first one is an actual bird, the second one is slang for a woman whom you are courting!' I giggled. Their reactions were instantaneous: they burst out laughing. Hysterically, I must add.

'Oh my God! PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!' Tony howled with laughter, making all the other agents turn around and glare at us, for all the noise we were producing. Peter fell off his chair and into Thor, who carefully helped him back up, a huge grin on his face.

'That has to be the funniest thing I have heard all week!' Natasha grinned into her juice.

'I…cannot…' Peter managed to gasp out, before he fell onto the floor this time, I merely smiled a little wider as they slowly calmed down from their fits.

'Oh! Okay! I`m okay now…' Peter rasped as he climbed back onto his seat, Tony drank some water and sighed in relief. Natasha looked at me, her gaze dropping to my rounded stomach.

'I wonder what my child will look like…am I the only person who wonders what their babies will look like?' I asked them.

'What does yours look like, brother?'

'How in the nine should I know? I gave birth to an eight-legged horse, once…remember?' I reminded him, Tony hummed in thought.

'What would it be this time? You`ve already had a horse, a snake, a wolf, and a skeleton girl…good God, it`ll be like a lucky dip!' he stated, I snorted at the analogy. Peter cleared his throat for attention, I explained a bit of my history in a very low voice when I saw the confusion on his face.

'Whoa…you literally became even more of a badass in my eyes…you are a B.A.M.F.' he replied, a look of awe in his eyes when he put his hands on my shoulders to emphasise is point. I heard Natasha laugh and then I saw her nodding.

'Hey, since you are the only one of us that have kids, can you tell us what it`s like to be a parent?' she asked, Tony and Peter shuffled closer and leaned closer, as if I was telling them the secrets of the universe.

'It was, and still is an amazing feeling: knowing that you created life, instead of the destruction you are known for, it`s a bit hard to properly explain…' I explained, I then saw Thor out the corner of my eye stand next to me.

'What stories are you telling, brother?' he asked, sitting down next to Tony and giving me a bowl of pudding, I gave him a nervous smile.

'Um…parent-hood.' I said, shoving a spoon of pudding into my mouth so I could take my time and to deal with the cold remarks Thor was going to make.

He…smiled? Thor smiled, got comfortable in his chair and began talking fondly bout my kids?! What the shit?! This is weird as fuck…fuck is now my favourite word…

'Hela was a beautiful child…she especially enjoyed head-butting me, if I recall correctly…' Thor said, rubbing his nose in memory. I cracked a grin in reply.

'Fenris liked destroying furniture and Jorgumandr enjoyed scaring the servants…' I smiled at the slightly pained look Thor gave us…probably remembering all the times I set Jormugandr and Fenris on him.

'Sleipnir was the worst though! I was very young when I had him, so I pretty much encouraged him to do what he wanted…he used to make the most horrible noises when he got bored, and it would echo around the palace…so you can imagine what happened.' I grinned, Thor burst out laughing.

'I remember that! Oh, Norns…the only people who knew about Sleipnir was Loki and I, father once barged into my rooms, yelling that he could hear a howling horse of the damned! He had began to believe himself mad when I told him that I had heard no such thing!' Thor told us proudly, I swear I have never laughed so hard in my life! The rest of our table was in hysterics, their reactions when like this:

'Awesome mind-fuck Point-break!' – Tony.

'That kid of yours sounds amazing! When can we meet him?' Clint. (when did he come back from his tryst with Banner? He stinks!)

'Aww…how cute.' – Banner. (he looks more relaxed, and whiffs a bit, too.)

'I don`t even want to guess, as to how old you were when you had your child, but you seem to…' the Captain trailed off. I stared at my hands in my lap.

'Loki? How old was he at the time?' Natasha asked, glaring at me when I stole her glass of juice. I hummed and set the glass down.

'Around 2-years-old.' I smiled back at her and drained the glass. Mmm, pears…

'Toddlers are amazing! I really wish I could`ve seen that, was your place like a castle? Like if somebody sneezed, the whole palace could hear it?' Peter asked me, I nodded.

'Yes they are, and the palace was like a castle…it was very easy to get lost if you wasn`t paying attention to your surroundings, and I could spend days avoiding people with little to no effort. I could not tell you how difficult it was, to be utterly silent without the aid of magic, it was ridiculous!' I stated, Thor took my empty bowl and replaced it with another…I think Thor is plying me with sweets, so I would stay calm and not attack…like I would attack Midgard when pregnant! Best to wait until my child is born and grown a little…ehehe!

'Whenever you got bored, did you hide behind stuff and make freaky noises to scare people for fun?' Clint asked, I rose my brows at him and ate more pudding.

'I am called the God of Mischief for a reason.' I dead-panned, Peter laughed and casually raised his hand for a high-five. I smiled and gently smacked his hand.

'Anyway…the All-Father soon found out, and he was taken from me…' I finished somberly, I wish I could destroy Odin for what he did, I would kill him! If only…I could if I would, but I can`t so I shan`t…

'Anyway, father soon found out and Sleipnir ws taken from me, shortly after.' I finished somberly.

'I have this image in my head of Loki and this little kid running around and scaring the shit out of people, Mission Impossible style, and like, a horde of guards chasing the both of them! Anybody else getting this picture with me?' Tony asked, a grin on his face

'Well, you are not far from the truth there, Tony...that happened to some extent.' I smiled, I then accepted some juice from Bruce.

'That is very similar as to what happened, friend Tony.' Thor said, a smile on his face, I found myself smiling wistfully at the memories.

(Written: 2013)