Author's Note: OMG hi guys. Longest chapter yet. This one has been by far my favorite one to write. For those of you who read my crossover, I'm sorry I haven't updated, it's just that this story feels so close to me because it originated from a dream I had, a dream to which I woke up crying. And also I love this story because I love the way it deals with true love and unrequited love at the same time.
For those of you who haven't yet read my crossover, here it is! I mixed Percy Jackson and The Olympians with TMI, more specifically, Malec. s/9462617/1/I-ll-always-find-my-way-back-to-you
Anyway, I love you guys so much for reading, the views have been going up and I am truly grateful. Please, if you like this fic review! If you didn't like it, also review! I'll truly love you. I hope you like this chapter. I'll post the next one as soon as I can
For someone that wasn't used to drinking, Clary held her liquor surprisingly well.
When Isabelle had been the first one to pass out, she had almost kissed her immobile body. She would have been too ashamed it had been her. Simon, who had a bored expression, came to her aid quickly. With Clary's help, Simon lifted her to put her on the bed. Or that was their intention until they noticed Jace, Magnus and Alec were already on the bed, apparently trying to discover who could poke Alec in the more body parts at the same time. They set Isabelle on the small couch instead.
Clary had seen drunk people before, especially in movies, but she would have never imagined it would be similar to what she was seeing. In movies, people threw up after some drinks, felt awful and started slowly sobering, but neither of that happened to them. In movies, even if people were really, really drunk, they always noticed their partner cheating on them, but Alec hadn't even cared when Magnus and Jace had kissed. He had even encouraged them!
Clary wasn't sure if her sudden urge to throw up was because of the liquor or because of her thoughts. She had stopped drinking as soon as the kiss had happened and she had gone incredibly sober in the hour that had passed. She wanted to cry. When she had agreed to drink, she imagined having fun, having a good time with her friends, maybe drunkenly slipping and saying something to Alec she would never say being sober; but it all ended in heartbreak.
"Hey, are you okay?" Simon put an arm around her shoulders reassuringly.
"I'm fine!" She replied way too brusquely. "I'm not Izzy, I can stand on my own." Simon pursed his lips.
"Clary, can we talk about something?" Her mood softened a bit, instantly grateful for the distraction.
"Sure, what is it?" she asked. Simon sighed and sat down on the floor. Clary did the same.
"You know I love Izzy, right?" He asked shyly, looking at the floor.
"No. I mean, yeah, I guessed, but I didn't know for sure." Simon smiled. The urge to cry returned to Clary. Everyone in the group had someone to love, someone to care for them, someone with whom they could be with. But she didn't. She loved Alec but Alec loved Magnus, and Jace loved her but she didn't love him back. How unfair, she thought, caring so much about someone who doesn't give a damn about you and not giving a damn about the one who cares about you so much.
"I want to be honest with you, Clary. I wouldn't have dared say this before I met Isabelle, but now I can say it and I don't want to stay quiet about this." He finally looked at her. His brown eyes looked straight at her green ones. "Before I met Izzy, I was in love with you. I had been for ten years. I was too much a coward, Clary. Too much a coward to tell you how I felt and to even fight so you could love me back. I still love you. Madly. Not in the same way, though" He quickly added as Clary gasped in surprise. "You're my best friend; you have always been there for me, even in the hard times, even when I turned. God, Clary, I could never love any friend the way I love you."
"Why are you telling me all this now?" Clary asked with a small voice. Simon looked at the floor again, his sudden boost of confidence apparently gone.
"Because I don't want the same thing happening to you. I've noticed Clary." Clary's stomach turned violently. No, Simon couldn't know about her feelings for Alec. There was no way he could have found out. "I know you think about Jace all the time." Clary's heart slowed, her secret was safe. Simon made a sour face. "He may not be my favorite, but he's a good person, Clary. And if you love him, you shouldn't hesitate. I've seen the way he looks at you. He may not say it, but he loves you back."
"But—" Clary started. Simon raised his hand in protest.
"Let me finish. You think I don't know what all that conversations with Alec had been about? You're always looking at him when Jace is near you, like waiting for reassurance. Clary, you could have told me. I'm supposed to be your best friend." The hurt in his voice was impossible to miss.
"WHAT?" Clary practically yelled. She was certainly taken aback by what he had said. "Simon, it's not that—"
"Oh." A look of understanding crossed Simon's face. "Oh." He repeated. His eyes widened as he looked at Clary. She closed her eyes and bit her lip trying to avoid crying, but a silent tear ran down her face anyway. Simon reached for her hand but she pulled away.
"Promise me." She said, her voice surprisingly bold. "Promise me you won't say anything. Not even to Isabelle." She looked away so Simon wouldn't see her crying.
"I promise?" He said hesitantly. "You shouldn't hide it, you know." He said reluctantly.
"Simon, I can't just say it." She answered angrily. "You know what would happen if I did."
Simon was about to answer when a loud thud interrupted their conversation. They looked towards the direction of the bed and saw Jace lying on the floor. Alec was extending a hand to help him get up but he suddenly erupted in laughter.
Magnus threw a pillow at him and Alec followed his example. When they had thrown the last pillow, Alec started to remove the comforter from the bed to throw it at Jace.
"The three of you, stop it! THAT'S ENOUGH!" Simon yelled at them, suddenly angry. Jace stopped laughing, Alec and Magnus froze, their hands still on the comforter. A guilty look crossed their faces. "You three, get off the bed!" He instructed angrily. Incredibly, they obeyed. Clary would have never thought about Jace or Magnus actually listening to Simon, but they did. "Clary, could you please help me move Isabelle?" He asked, much more gently.
Between the two of them they lifted Isabelle and set her down on the unmade bed. Simon lovingly put a pillow behind her head and re-arranged the comforter on top of her so she wouldn't get cold. Clary helped him turn on the heat. Simon then opened the cooler and drew out three water bottles.
"What? Four dollars for plain water? This is insane!" He said, looking at the price tag the hotel had set.
"It's okay." Clary reassured him, thinking about all the cash in the big bag. She remembered about their bag for the first time in hours and felt suddenly guilty. She was supposed to protect the Mortal Cup; and there she was, getting drunk and completely forgetting about it.
"You're not going to drink any more alcohol, understand?" Simon asked them boldly. Alec was the only one to nod. Simon told them to sit down on the floor and so they did. Clary and Simon did the same after a while. Magnus drained the whole water bottle in less than a minute. He bowed his head and rubbed his temples with his fingers.
"I think I have a headache." He frowned. "What does a headache feel like?" He asked innocently as he closed his eyes.
"Uh I duhnno, buht I'll hulp yah with da pain" Jace said, slurring his words. Clary hadn't noticed how drunk he really was. Way drunker than Alec or Magnus. He then got up from the floor and walked towards Magnus, kissing him again. Magnus didn't open his eyes and seemed to accept the kiss at first, but he then frowned and pushed Jace away not too gently.
"Uh, what the hell are you doing?" He asked. It seemed to Clary that he was trying hard to contain his anger.
"Dunt play innuzent, ya kissed meh fehrst!"Jace punched his shoulder a little too brusquely.
As soon as Jace said it, Clary's world stopped as she saw something slowly dying in Alec's eyes. He had been silent until then, just frowning a little when Jace had kissed Magnus, but those words seemed to bring him back to life and kill him at the same time. He looked up at Jace and then at Magnus. With every passing second, Clary thought he looked paler and his eyes even darker. She wasn't sure if he was angry or just incredibly sad. He slowly opened his mouth to say something, but Simon, sensing what was about to happen, interrupted them.
"Hey, it's late, we need to figure out where everyone will sleep. Isabelle stays here, of course." He said nervously, trying to break the tension.
"Magnus and I'll go to the other room with someone else. If that's okay with everyone." Alec said way too calmly.
"I'm nut stayung in da same rum as dis idioht in ah meelion yurs" Jace said, pointing at Magnus.
"Oh, neither would I want it." Magnus snapped at him.
"Oh, suh fehrst ya kissed meh and naw yah duhmp meh for mah brohder?" Jace said with actual hurt.
"I'll go with them." Clary intervened.
She knew it was an awful idea, but she didn't want to stay in the same room as drunk Jace. Besides, Alec and Magnus would probably break up. A small spark of hope ignited within Clary. Maybe Alec would even go to her for consolation. It didn't seem so bad an idea after all. She grabbed the big bag and proceeded to open the door that connected both suites. She went inside the other room without waiting for Alec or Magnus to follow.
The room was identical to the one she had just come from, but this one was completely clean. She dropped the bag and instantly headed to the bathroom. She let the cold water running, waiting for it to turn as cold as possible. She splashed her face multiple times, as if it would somehow make her feel better. She ceaselessly combed her hair with a disposable hairbrush she found in the cabinet with the purpose of being delayed as much as possible.
Ten or so minutes after taking a shower, Clary ran out of things to do, so she finally got out. The wooden door between rooms had been closed, the heat had been turned up. Alec and Magnus were sitting on the -still impeccably made- bed, quite close together but looking towards opposite sides. Clary wasn't completely sure, but Magnus's eyes looked as if he had been crying. Alec still looked pale and he also looked incredibly tired. She could think about a dozen different things to say, but she decided to stay quiet instead. This was not her business. If Alec and Magnus broke up, it was not going to be with her intervention.
She grabbed her sleeping bag from the big bag and dragged it all the way to the couch on the small suite living room. She lay down and covered herself with it. Neither Alec nor Magnus commented anything about her choice of place to sleep, since it would have meant discussing their current situation. Clary closed her eyes, trying to sleep.
She heard footsteps and then the bathroom door closing. She opened her eyes and uncovered her face. The bed was empty. Alec and Magnus must have locked themselves in the bathroom to talk without Clary listening. She tried to sleep, but deep down she knew she would probably stay up all night. She was really surprised when she heard her name yelled from the bathroom door.
"I thought Jace was kissing Clary!" Alec yelled angrily at Magnus. "You weren't the only one who was drunk. But the difference is I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO YOU!" He snapped.
Clary buried her face in the couch cushion. By the Angel, she wished everyone would stop linking Jace to her. Yes, he was in love with her, but that didn't mean they were a couple, even if everyone assumed so. There was a time when she wouldn't have minded. There was a time when she had actually loved Jace.
When they first met, Clary had instantly developed a crush on him. He was handsome and he was funny when he was so full of himself. She had really liked him, and he had amazingly liked her back. They had shared an amazing first kiss on the greenhouse of the Institute, but there hadn't been much after that. Slowly, her feelings changed. Gradually, Jace didn't seem so attractive or so nice anymore. But nobody understood it. Nobody cared about whether she still liked Jace or not, everyone just assumed she did. Even Simon.
Her life-long best friend hadn't actually cared about what she felt, he had just assumed what he wanted to until she had proven him wrong some hours ago. Nobody cared. The worst thing about the world was that everyone was just another fucking egocentric bastard.
After lying awake, lost in thought, for almost an hour she heard the bathroom door open. She expected to be woken up or moved so Magnus and Alec didn't have to share the same bed. Or she expected one of them to angrily stomp to the other room, but none of that happened. What she heard truly surprised her.
"She's asleep." Alec whispered happily, not that far from her.
She didn't dare open her eyes. She heard some footsteps, followed by the sound of the comforter being moved. She then clearly heard both of them getting into bed. She wasn't sure what to think of it. Maybe they had decided to make peace just for the night and keep being angry at each other the next day? Clary hoped so, even if she hated herself for it. She loved Magnus, he had become her second best friend after Simon in the last weeks. She didn't wish him ill, but she loved Alec and couldn't stand seeing them together.
She could almost feel her heart shattering in tiny little pieces when she realized none of that was happening, since she could hear them kissing and the sound of their bodies moving, maybe closing to each other. She didn't dare look for fear of them noticing she was awake, but also because she couldn't have stood the sight of them happily together.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I love you." She heard Magnus say, followed by the sound of more passionate kissing.
"You're awful at getting drunk, but I love you so fucking much." Alec answered, his voice raw with love and passion.
"I will never do it again, I promise, sweet pea." She heard the soft rustle of fabric and them something hitting the floor, probably a shirt. She buried her face deeper on the couch and pressed her sleeping bag as closer to her ears as possible.
"I love you and I need you. Make love to me."
When she heard Alec faintly whisper it, so low he probably said it into Magnus's ear, the last string inside her broke. She let the tears start falling as she listened to them having sex and whispering words of forgiveness and how much they loved each other.
She didn't notice for how long did she stay awake, but she cried herself to sleep, thinking that if people were domino half her piece had just become amazingly empty.
I'm currently crying *lame*
The last sentence is my attempt at making some beautiful metaphor like John Green's If people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane. I literally cry every time I think about that metaphor, it's so fucking beautiful.
Anyway, TMI doesn't belong to me, it belongs to Cassandra Clare. The only thing that belongs to me is my desire of having a relationship like Alec and Magnus's. u.u
PLEASE REVIEW YOU'LL BE EVEN BETTER THAN DRUNK JACE AND I'LL LOVE YOU!