"…it's a blessed thing to love and feel loved in return." – EA Bucchianeri

Tonks finds out that Remus is a werewolf through Sirius, who lets it slip after ingesting one too many Firewhiskeys. Remus is furious and mortified, angry that Sirius would be so careless when he knows Remus' feelings on the matter, and convinced she won't want anything to do with him anymore.

This is the first time she proves him wrong.

"What's the big deal?" She asks, as though he'd merely told her he likes jam on his toast instead of butter and not the kind of information that sends most other witches and wizards running in the other direction.

"The big deal?" He snaps incredulously. "The big deal, as you so eloquently put it, is that I am a monster! An ugly, dangerous monster!"

"Yeah," she says, unfazed. "Once a month, maybe. But I challenge you to find me one woman who can't say the same." She slams her glass on the table emphatically, as though the matter is entirely settled. "The rest of the time, you're just like everyone else. Nicer than most, actually."

Remus shakes his head in disbelief, still reeling over her easy acceptance of his condition. Tonks can see that he's brushed aside the last part of what she said, refusing to acknowledge any positive attributes he possesses.

There's a quiet strength to the way he bears his lot in life, and Tonks finds his humility charming. From that day forth, she pays close attention to Remus Lupin and she learns a lot more than she bargains for. She notes that he prefers it when her hair is pink or purple, so she wears it those colours whenever she knows she'll see him.

She morphs her face into funny variations when she sees he's upset and doesn't stop until he laughs, or at least gives a small smile.

Clumsy is something she's always been, yet she gets worse when he's around. He makes her so happy she feels like she could burst with joy, and he simultaneously makes her jumpy and terrified, so desperate for him to respect her. She trips up stairs and down stairs, she trips into people and out of doorways and most embarrassingly, she trips over her own two feet, but Remus is always there to catch her, and he never laughs or makes her feel stupid. She does glimpse the beginning of an amused smile starting at the corners of his lips sometimes, and it's not a mocking one. It makes her feel like she's special, like they share a joke too precious for the rest of the world to know.

She hugs him in greeting just as she does Sirius, and if she occasionally hangs on a little longer than would be proper, well, there's nothing too telling in that, is there? As long as he can't tell how much she wishes she never had to let go.

Her behaviour changes in a multitude of ways, great and small, all because of Remus Lupin, and he doesn't seem to notice in the slightest. She'll never be brave enough to voice her feelings to him – because it gets to the point where she can't deny it any longer, she most definitely has feelings for Remus and those feelings might even be love. Instead of telling him, she tries to show him, and by so doing, determine if her feelings are reciprocated.

He's unpredictable and nigh on impossible to read. Sometimes, she's certain there's something between them, when she catches him staring at her during Order meetings, when they talk late into the night at Grimmauld Place and Remus is more relaxed than she has ever seen him.

The greatest indicator is his smile. It's rare for him to smile at all, but when he does, it's usually just a customary slight upturning of the lips in greeting, and it doesn't reach the rest of his face. Then there's his genuine smile that only Sirius seems able to bring out, when they reminisce about their Marauder days, time that were happier than this. Tonks thinks – dares to believe – that he has another smile, the rarest and most honest of all. It's one that emerges when they're on guard duty together and she's fiercely defending him against the prejudice of Umbridge's legislations, or when she visits the morning after full moons, bearing chocolate and enormous concern. This smile is for her eyes alone, and it shines from inside him, lighting up his face and making him seem years younger.

And yet they sometimes feel like strangers. It's usually before or after the full moon that he becomes cold and distant towards her. The smiles he gives her don't seem to reach his eyes, he'll retire to bed rather than stay up with her and Sirius and the closeness they've developed might never have existed.

"It's because he's more conscious of being a werewolf around the full moon. Don't take it personally, he thinks he doesn't deserve to be around you, and you shouldn't have to be around him," Sirius explains when they're alone one day.

"How did you know - ?"

"I've known Moony for years; he has an unfortunate habit of keeping a low opinion of himself and adjusting his behaviour accordingly. As to how I knew what was bothering you, you've been staring into your glass the whole time we've been sitting here, and your hair's slowly going duller. You're not good drinking company if you're going to sit and pine over my best friend the whole time."

"I'm not pining!" Tonks protests, her eyes flicking to the door as though she thinks Remus might be crouched behind it, listening.

"Tonks, I reckon the only person who's completely oblivious to your attempts to woo Remus is Remus himself. I'm not saying it to discourage you," he adds quickly, as she starts to blush a bright red that matches her hair. "Quite the opposite, I think you and Moony would make a beautiful couple, and if you were together, I could take all the credit for it."

"I'm being stupid. There's no way Remus could ever fancy clumsy, immature me." Ignoring the end of his statement, she leans her head on her hands morosely, the very picture of defeat.

"I beg to differ, dear cousin. Not only does he fancy you, I could quite easily say that he loves you. Not that he'll ever admit it for fear of ruining your life through association with a werewolf. What I'm telling you is not to give up. Remus can be a hard-headed idiot, but you two would be great together, and he'll see it in the end."

"Thanks Sirius," she says gratefully.

"Not a problem. Now, enough sobering conversation, I'm ready to get drunk!"

Those words become enormously important to Tonks over the coming year. When she's ready to give up on Remus and the relationship they might have, when she gets stuck in the belief that his apparent indifference means that he feels nothing for her, she replays Sirius' words over and over in her mind until she remembers the reason she's fighting a seemingly endless, ultimately worthwhile battle.

Written for:

The Three-part canon Competition
The Legendary Gods and Goddesses Competition - Ma'at (write about an Auror)