The Weird Life of Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard Hofstadter was having a weird day. That wasn't to say many of his days weren't weird, rooming with a psychopath (No matter how many times Sheldon said he wasn't crazy Leonard was almost certain he was); dating an emotionally damaged woman (Well, only sometimes was she emotionally damaged and the sex was great with Penny); his other best friends was a perverted Jewish engineer who was engaged to get married, yet he still lived with his mother (Or something like that. Leonard never really knew with Howard); and an Indian man who couldn't speak to woman (And sadly Raj was probably the most normal of his friends).
But this day…. Boy did it take the icing that would make his stomach run. First; he awoke only to be told by his psychopath roommate that the word of today was coitus. Apparently Sheldon decided that this circle of friends needed to upgrade their vocabulary, starting with replacing all words for sex with coitus. And the only way for them to learn it was from Sheldon saying the word every five minutes. On the dot, because Sheldon. Literally because Sheldon.
Once he entered work, a new set of problems arose. Somehow Raj and Howard managed to get their hands on some Acid. And they took said Acid, because they are idiots. So they come running up to Leonard, and commandeer his office, demanding they be called the dread pirates Raj and Howard. So Leonard spent the whole day preventing them from destroying his office, and keeping them from being caught while high. That was interesting to say the least. Leonard swore never to think or speak of this incident ever again; so damaging was it on his psyche.
Then after work he went over to have some coitus, dammit Sheldon, sex with his beautiful girlfriend. Only to find her a mess since she didn't get a part she wanted. So he spent the rest of his night comforting her Gay Best Friend style. Because dammit it again; Leonard was a good guy underneath all the nerd.
Which led him to (at five o'clock in the morning) come back to his apartment, bent on getting some rest. But this….. this took the cake.
He could hear ShAmy in the bathroom; talking quite loudly.
"Sheldon, this is quite stiff, and hard."
"I know Amy. Such a shame really. Would you mind taking care of it?" Leonard could scarcely believe his ears. They were having coitus, SEX SEX SEX, in the bathroom. "Oh that feels so good Amy."
"I'm glad Sheldon. You know….." Leonard burst into the bathroom; his face seething mad.
"SHELDON! NO…" And Leonard stopped. There was Sheldon, his shirt off. Amy was rubbing a spot on his back. "Um…" Leonard ran out of the room; plowing into his room. This was definitely all a nightmare.
"Well," Amy said a minute after Leonard left, "As I was saying Monkey's generally…." And the weird life of Leonard Hofstadter continued in all of its glory.
A/N: This is dedicated to my Brother (Who is totally Sheldon) and his Girlfriend who I had a very interesting conversation with at three in the morning, when I wanted to take a shower but they were hogging up the bathroom; doing who knows what to each other. At least not coitus, I hope, because when I say my brother is Sheldon, I mean he is Sheldon. And his girlfriend wanted to read the fic I wrote about them and Sheldon.
Oh, and yes this is terribly written, but they are about to go; so I had to finish this fic before they leave.
And the italics are Leonard correcting his thoughts.