A/N Hi guys! Thank you for the reviews and as promised, here is not one but TWO more chapters!:) Please read and review, it means the world to me:)

The italics is a flashback/memory and the bold means a texting conversation

Chapter 1:

It's the night before the start of my senior year and I can't sleep. Am I nervous? Probably. Excited? Not really. Not anymore. It is my last year of high school, but I always used to picture it with Hannah by my side, walking her to class, writing her cute little notes, eating lunch with her, maybe even being on Prom court. Stupid Hannah...she is now nothing but my own personal heartbreaker. I still can't believe she cheated on me. After all we had been through..almost three years together and she blew it. It hurts now more than ever now that I know her 'reasons' behind her actions at that fateful party.


I remember finding a note taped to the outside of the door of Sunset Arms after I arrived home from work. Hmm.. Gerald wants me to meet him at the park at 5 to play catch? I glanced down at my watch seeing it was already 4:45. Looking back now the handwriting did seem a little off, but I was in such a rush to get my glove and ball and get to the park that I didn't stop to question the weird feeling I had when I first read the note.

I quickly rushed off to the park after saying goodbye to Grandpa who told me to have fun and be back by 7 for dinner. I walked up to our usual meeting place and suddenly, all color drained from my face and my blood went cold. Gerald was nowhere in sight, Hannah was the only one there. The park was deserted except for the one girl I had been doing my best to avoid since the party. She spotted me and immediately rushed over to me, grabbing my wrist as I was just about to make a run for it. I tried to pull away but in vain but she refused to let me go and tackled me to the ground. I was pinned and she was on top of me, there was no use, I couldn't escape. She waited for me to stop struggling as she looked at me with her bright green eyes going wide, begging for me to listen to her. She finally spoke with a hopeful tone in her voice saying, "Arnold please just hear me out okay? I'm sorry I tricked you into coming here, it was the only way I could think of to get you to agree to talk to me! Please just let me tell you what happened that night!"

"You won't let me go until I listen to you will you?"


Arnold grumbled and said, "Fine I'll listen but please get off of me?

"Oh sure sorry, I just wanted to make sure that you wouldn't run away from me!"

"I wanted to" he mumbled under his breath, but luckily Hannah didn't hear him, or if she did, she chose to ignore it.

We stood up and sat on a nearby bench. "Alright...I'm listening"

She took a deep breath and began, "Look, I know I messed up! I'm sorry okay? I love you it's just you are so innocent! You never want to do more than cuddling or making out! We have been dating since freshman year and we have been doing the same things when we hang out since then! I was hoping you would open up and want to try more than just making out! I'm curious to try more...why aren't you? Everytime I try to do something more, you move away or stop me and then pretend like nothing happened. Curly feels the same curiosity as me, we want to find someone who loves us and actually proves that they do! And I'm mad that a lot of the time when we would be kissing, you didn't even seem into it! I know you are a daydreamer but still! I feel like you would rather be somewhere else and that hurts. So although I do feel bad that I cheated on you, I also don't regret it. You won't give me what I want and you hurt me already...so I don't regret it as much as I probably should. You always say you love me, but you never prove it anyways. How do you think that makes me feel?" At this point tears were falling down her cheeks and mixing with the light rain that started to fall. Her face had a mixture of disappointment, pain, and anger.

Arnold sat there dumbfounded, his mouth agape, utterly shocked. He quickly peeled his eyes off of her and thought, 'she doesn't regret breaking my heart? And so what if I'm innocent? Maybe I am just not ready for that stuff yet? Oh who am I kidding, of course I am...But I am just not interested in Hannah in that way. I do love her but i don't really want to do anything more than the very basics of a relationship with her..why is that? She does kinda have a point...if I love her, shouldn't I want to prove it to her? And I guess she is right, I am not always focused on kissing her like I should be. That's not how I felt when I kissed..Helga.' I quickly pushed that thought away though. 'I had to say something to Hannah. But what do I even say? I'm sorry? You shouldn't have cheated? Get lost? Ugh nothing sounds right.' I looked at her finally meeting her eyes again. She still looked hurt but also satisfied? Like she wanted to see me hurt and confused over this. I can't explain it but the look was there, an omnipresent look in her eyes.

I took a deep breath and without really thinking, I blurted out the first thing I could think of, "It probably made you feel hurt. Lost. Unloved. I'm sorry, I guess i wish I had done a better job proving my love to you."

She got a mischievous grin on her face and said, "Alright you want to prove it? You can now!" And before I could react, her lips were on mine, kissing me hungrily. I slowly reciprocated the kiss but all of a sudden, it felt wrong. Kissing her suddenly made me feel...sick. Like I knew I shouldn't be. Like I knew that somewhere deep down, I didn't want to kiss her. Like I wanted to kiss someone else...Helga. The FTi incident. That memory flashed in my mind, turning my blood cold and bringing a tingling, bright red blush to my cheeks. I was stunned to even be picturing that old memory. Suddenly I snapped back to reality as I felt Hannah reach down and start to undo my belt. I panicked and quickly jumped away from her.

I turned my eyes towards her, glaring at her coldly. I felt my anger coursing through me as I shouted, "Stop! I can't do this anymore! You know I'm not ready for this! You hurt me that night at the party and you just hurt me now! You have no respect for my boundaries, I know what you really wanted to gain out of this meeting. You wanted me to feel bad for what I have not done in the past, you wanted to guilt me into taking you back and doing more than i am ready for! It's not going to happen not now, not ever! Just leave me alone, I want nothing to do with you anymore!"

Hannah's expression turned from surprised to angry as she threw her hands up in the air and shouted, "fine! I'm done! You obviously don't love me if you can't prove it to me and you can't compromise! And boundaries? I know for a fact part of you wants to break them, just not with me obviously! Go back to that first girl, the one who confessed to you on a rooftop and then denied it and left you! Go hurt her too, you may as well. I don't want anything to do with you either! Jerk!" If she said anything else, I wouldn't know because I had already turned and ran away, upset as could be.

I made it home and pushed past my grandpa, who had been about to ask me something, and I ran up the stairs and locked myself in my room. Hot, angry tears spilled down my cheeks. I was mad that I let myself kiss her, that I feel for her stupid tricks again and got hurt. Oddly enough, I was also mad that she insulted Helga. Even if she was my first kiss and she did move away, she didn't hurt me. This was the first time the memory had ever resurfaced in broad daylight, since the memory normally exists only in my dreams. The recurring memory with Helga had me confused than ever...


As my memory of that day faded away, I rolled over for the billionth time tonight. I checked the clock. 1:03. Great. I'm not going to get any sleep tonight. Trying to distract myself that I had to get up in a few hours, I started questioning the recurrence of the FTi incident. 'What could it mean? It doesn't mean I miss her does it? I haven't seen or spoken to her in years, ever since she moved. I wonder what she looks like now. I wonder if she still wears that pink bow, or the color pink since she always looked nice in it...wait did I just think Helga looked nice in something? Woah. Weird. Although I do wonder if she mellowed out at all, the few rare times that I saw her let down her walls, she was really nice and sweet and even loveable. Not to mention her wide, ocean blue eyes that always looked adorable when she was surprised. What am I thinking..? Wow I must be tired. Last thing I want to do tonight is try and figure out the confession, that's just too confusing to think about. She moved away anyways, so why even think about it? It's not like it matters anyways. The less I know about my feelings towards the confession, towards her...the better. Especially with what Hannah just did to me...Suddenly, the idea of loving someone again scares the living daylights out of me. I never want to be hurt again, the heartbreak Hannah caused me was too hard. I don't trust love, I am terrified of it. I had to work all summer and spend as much as possible with the guys trying to keep my mind off of it and build up walls to protect myself. But now I have to go back to school and I know I am going to see her. I just hope I can handle it...I thought as my thoughts began to blur and I finally drifted off to sleep...

A/N If you have any suggestions for me, please let me know! Keep reading :) You guys are the best!