Richelle Mead owns these characters.

Chapter 1: Honesty.

I used to think change was good. It meant getting a chance to change an aspect of your life that you didn't think you could or maybe you were afraid to. I used to think having any chance at all to change my life and it's unfortunate events, were far beyond any kind of reach I could ever possibly have. I used to think once I got that chance; it would never be taken from me. I would hold onto it with a Kung Fu ninja grip and nothing would pry it from my fingers.

I was wrong in that, I was wrong because the first opportunity fate or the universe had given me; my mother snatched it right from me. And she did, she cut off any and every hopeful chance I had at anything beyond her. Anything beyond having my own life. It was weird, once I finally got used to being on my own and fending for myself, I had the hardest time grasping the point that I didn't have it anymore. I did for a minute, like maybe three seconds but in a flash it was all gone.

My new friends, the nice professors and even the love of my life; all gone in merely minutes. The hardest thing to do in life is leave someone you love but when you have a situation like mine, it didn't matter how much you love them; family comes first. Always. I think about these things as I pack up the last few months of my life. Those wonderful few months where I thought all would be well and my life was getting where I wanted it to be. I had everything I could ever want, a college education I was working hard for, new friends who actually gave a shit about me and Dimitri.

I had it all, all the things I use to think would never happen had happened and with just a phone call; they were gone.

'Shes been missing for three days now... I've been waiting to give her the benefit of the doubt but I don't know, Rose, I can't wait any longer... Meredith won't stop asking for her and she hasn't been sleeping well... I can't take care of her like this...'

The words sound off like a broken record in my head. It makes me even more sad and angry that this was happening. That the little taste of a life I had only dreamed about was now over and I had no way to hold onto it any longer. If I had a superpower I would want to control time. So I could stretch these last few months out as long as possible. I could drag them on and dwell in the good moments I know now, were the last ones I was ever going to get.

'You have to come back and find your mother, take care of Meredith, she needs you.'

She would always need me now because I think it's time I did something that I should've done a long time ago.

When you give someone a second chance, you better make sure it's worth it. You better make sure you know, for a fact, that they really want another shot at whatever it is your offering them. If it was a chance to help themselves out, a chance to make money or even a chance to change their life in order to stay in their daughters. A second chance should not be wasted, not by anything and not by anyone.

However, once it's gone, it's gone and there is absolutely no taking it back after that. There's no more chances, no third or fourth and don't even think about a fifth. If you were selfish enough to take my kindness for weakness and think I would ever even consider listening to you beg for another shot, well, you were wrong. So very wrong. And that's exactly what had happen. Where it leaves me now is somewhere I honestly thought I would never be back at. Silly me, I guess, to think my mother really wanted the chance to make things right.

'Hey...'

That voice, that voice that brings out that light within me and comforts me whole again. It's a dim light now considering everything that's been happening lately, but it's still something. 'Hi.'

I turn around slightly to face him as he steps through the open door of my dorm room and slowly makes his way to sit on my bed. The tension is full blast and the quiet between us now a heavy blanket smothering us both. I never in a million years thought any silence between us would ever be so full of tension.

'I didn't think you were going to come...'

My voice sounds shaky with uncertainty. Not after everything that had happen and my meltdown two days ago. He had no obligation to be here, no matter how we felt about each other, he didn't need to be here but he obviously wanted to. Some small hope I could hold on to maybe.

'I wasn't sure I should but I wanted to see you.' I don't know whether that makes me happy or sad, or maybe both.

It was awful to think this is where we stood now. I mean it was just a month ago that you couldn't separate us for anything. A month ago before the train wreck of my mother and my once old life crashed into us. And it making us realize that maybe we couldn't fix it this time. A month ago and my life was perfect, happy even.

He sighs and looks around my room, sitting on the bed a good few spaces away from me. I stand and resume packing as the cab was going to be here in about twenty minutes. I hate this, I hate this distance keeping us apart and the tension built like a wall keeping him from holding me, when that's all I really wanted right now. All I'll ever want period. I try to keep my eyes on the task of folding clothes into my duffle bag but it's hard when all I want to do is look at him for as long as I possibly can. I wanted to have the last sight of him carved into my brain so I'd never forget what he's brought into my life. Or how much I love him and will always love him.

'Roza, I'm sorry all of this is happening to you right now and that I haven't been much help...'

This small soft spoken sentence snaps my eyes right to him and I forget to keep my distance any longer. 'What are you talking about, you've been nothing but a huge help to me.' He finally meets my eyes and the second he does, I can't breathe, I can't even think.

In those eyes he wore his heart and like always I read them like a book. His eyes told me everything, how much he loved me and how much he adored me. Now they're telling me something that I can't quite understand and I honestly hate that he's thinking this. 'Dimitri, none of this is your fault. It's just bad timing, an unfortunate circumstance… but I'm dealing with it the best I can. It isn't your fault, you have to know that...'

He only nods his head once and with his eyes to the floor and his hands hanging from his knees. I know whatever I'd just said didn't change his mind. It hurts me, it makes my heart sting that we were once able to talk about anything and everything, and there would never be space between us. We were always touching, always close whenever we talked or were around each other. There were times he couldn't keep his hands off of me and now, now I was aching for him. I hated the distance. I hated the events of these last few weeks and I hated my mother.

I knew that now, I truly did. It was awful to say you hated someone, especially if it's the person who brought you into this world but how else was I supposed to feel?

In a way she did this to me, to us. She cost me a chance at my own life, which if I'm honest I didn't think I'd ever get, but she has also cost me Dimitri. I had always promised myself I wouldn't let her take him from me.

I sigh as I zip up my bag; lay it down next to all my other luggage and sit a few feet away from him on the bed. I really hated the space, it could go fuck itself for all I care but he needed it. He needed to be away from me at the moment. It's quiet at first and the silence just fills up to the brim making it hard to breathe right. I don't know if he feels it too but I feel it all over, taking my body hostage. I just wanted him to touch me; it didn't even have to be on purpose just as long as he touched me somewhere, somehow. I would be fine, except the accidental brush of our skin doesn't occur and the silence just lingers.

'Is this really how it's going to end between us, Roza?' He asks after a moment.

That question is full of so many possibilities it's ridiculous. But I knew what he meant and I didn't have an answer for him. I think that's what set off all the tears. 'I don't know...'

And I didn't, I didn't know anything now it felt like. All I knew was that I had to get home to Meredith and find my mother. All I knew was that I could never come back to school, to my new friends and Sydney. I couldn't come back to him. And Dimitri's life had spanned with so much potential recently.

With desperation clear in his deep brown eyes, he turns to me and mine just fill with tears all over again. 'This can't be it, Roza, it can't be!'

He finally touches me, taking my hands in his warm ones he grips them firmly and squeezes with so much hope I almost lose my already faltering emotions. 'We can make it work! We have before, when I was here and you were home, remember? We can do that again, we can go back and start over! Start slow-'

'Things are different now, Dimitri, everything is different now.'

As much as I hated disappointing him, I can't even count on both hands how many times I've done it lately. 'It isn't the same as it was then. I have a responsibility now and it's one I have to carry on my own.'

The hopeful gleam in his eyes dims quickly but I catch it none the less and it tears me apart inside. I had never intended to hurt him or break his heart, but things happen. And as much as I never saw myself ever telling them there was no way we couldn't be together, it was something I had to do. I hated it and myself so much right now. 'How can you say things are different, there just the same as they were then!'

I'm already shaking my head no before he even finishes talking. He sighs frustratingly at my action. 'Its not the same, it's far from it actually and you know that.' I grip his hands now and get him to look at me, even with all that despair in his eyes. 'Im not coming to school after a few months to meet you this time. This is it for me. I have to take care of Meredith and you-you have a life here now... I'm not going to stand in the way of that, Dimitri, I refuse.'

The disappointment just grows and grows with him; soon his hands are not clutching mine anymore and are folded in his lap. I really hated this; I hated hurting him by telling him I was not only leaving school behind but him as well. But it was something I had to do, I didn't want to but I had to and that's where this makes me angry all over again with my mother. It makes me hate myself so much because right after we thought everything had worked itself out, this happens and I have no control over it this time. And he knew it; he knew I was doing what was right. What I had to do even if it did rip us apart. I hated hurting him, he didn't deserve it but there was no other way.

He doesn't look at me but the despair in his voice strikes me just as hard. 'What good is a life if it's not with you?'

Then he just had to go and make me fall in love with him all over again. Without thinking about it or even knowing I was going to do it, I reach for his face and bring his eyes to mine. Our foreheads touching lightly, there's still a small sliver of hope in his eyes and I hate to crush it but how else were we to make this work?

Another reason I hated distance, there would be too much of it between us now. Not only would the miles from here to back home but time would distance us as well. He had school and everything that came with it, I had Meredith. I had to find a job now and make sure I kept us surviving. I also had to find my mother and that in itself was looking like a mission impossible. Although starting over and trying to work it out sounded great and something that I wanted to do more than anything. It is what it is though and we both knew it.

In fact I had a feeling this was coming because of everything that happen leading up to this. It was only a matter of time and I shouldn't even have bothered to even think I could do this. I should've just stayed home since I'm going back anyway, coming here was irrelevant. 'Im sorry for everything. I'm so sorry, Dimitri, but this is my life now. This was my life before, I just thought for some stupid reason it didn't have to be.'

He shakes his head no and grabs my wrist, leaning into it lovingly. 'Roza, don't think that way, you did what you could. That's all you can ask for. I just-I just don't know what else to do...' You and me both.

After a tired sigh and an unsure battle within myself, I lightly kiss his nose and watch as his eyes swirl with emotion. Sniffling back all the sobs I want to release, I say the words we both don't want to hear. 'Theres nothing else to do.'

But let me go.

I didn't say that last part but I don't think I had to. I was hoping for a time where we could be together but nothing in the near future looked like there was a chance for that. We were both on different paths in life now and as much as I loved him and wanted him with me, there were things we both had to figure out. We just couldn't do it together this time.

A honk sounds outside the dormitory, I was on the first floor which was great because all my classes were upstairs in buildings spread across the whole campus, not that that matters anymore. I stand the same time he does and we both glance out the window to spot the cab I had called this morning. This was truly it, the last time I would be with him for who knows how long, maybe even ever.

Once outside, Dimitri helps me pack all my bags in the trunk of the cab. With a last glance to the dorm building, I see Sydney and Ivan walking toward us from the door. Who knew I would come to college and become good friends with a girl from a small town where she was home schooled. But she was one of my best friends here and we promised to keep in touch.

'It sucks that you're leaving, Rose, but I can't say I'll miss you... because I won't.' Ivan always has to joke at the most inappropriate of times.

I smile sadly and hug him anyway; he was a good friend to Dimitri and me both. Yes, even though he tended to get on my nerves at times. Sydney's already crying when she rushes to me, squeezing me tightly, she mumbles into my shoulder and I almost lose myself again. 'I can't believe this, Rose, your leaving me here with stupid Ivan, and stupid boys and a stupid lonely dorm room!' I laugh a little as she goes off, already missing my best friend.

I squeeze her to me once before we break apart and smile. 'Hey, it's okay; you got Dimitri to handle Ivan. I'm sure you'll be fine without me trying to get you into all those slutty clothes and dragging you to all those deranged sex parties.'

We both laugh at the memories. 'Hey, if you hadn't I'd still be some bookworm stuck in my room or trying to save you with all my Jesus loves you hoopla.'

We laugh again and I admire how much Sydney's changed since meeting her on that first day of school. She's come a long way from the quiet shy girl she used to be, and I had some to do with that. With helping her become her own person and not living by anyone else's rules but her own. We had become great friends over the months and if it wasn't for her, I most likely would have lost my mind a long time ago.

And she was a great roommate. Another hug and I'll miss you and Sydney with Ivan goes off back to the dorm building.

A sad sullen wind flows through the moment. This was it, the hardest goodbye I will ever have to say. Dimity stood with his arms folded against the back door of the cab. I turned and watched as his eyes slowly worked their way up to mine, and that was it.

That was the last straw; I couldn't hold it together anymore. As I rushed into his arms, the tears fell and I cried silently into his strong chest. He just held me, kept me to his warm body and mumbled things in Russian as I nearly squeezed the life out of him. I couldn't get out the words I wanted to say with all the crying right, but I got them out none the less. All broken and painful as they were.

'I don't want to leave... I don't want to lose you.'

He sighed all broken and tucked my head under his chin, just like he does when we'd fall asleep together. He takes a deep breath before replying, 'You'll never lose me, Roza. I will always be here for you, I promised.'

And it was the truth.

He had always been there for me, even though lately there were a few times he couldn't but I understood why that was. And honestly, I never held those times against him. I just couldn't drop the feeling that eventually I would lose him.

And even though he says I wouldn't, I think I just have.

So should I go on with a sequel or leave it be?