This was requested by kaitlin1198 - hope you like it! :)


"You're pregnant, Joan. Congratulations."

Her doctor's words echoed in her mind as she took the elevator back down to the lobby. She crossed the parking structure, heels clicking on the cement. Joan remembered being in that exact office six years ago, being told she wasn't pregnant. That she might never be.

She and Arthur had both wanted to start a family a few years after they got married, but after 2 years of trying, they had failed to conceive a child. It was one of the hardest times in Joan's life – all she had wanted was to start a family with her husband, the man she loved more than anyone else in the world and knew better than she knew herself, and she couldn't. She cried herself to sleep often, and no matter how much Arthur held her, she still felt awful. Inadequate, like she couldn't do the one job she had as a wife. She didn't understand how

When she reached the car, she paused before putting it in drive to touch her stomach. It was something she had wanted for as long as she could remember; she remembered a time when she was a little girl and she took her baby doll to the park and pushed her on the swings. When Joan's mother had asked if Joan wanted to go on the swings, Joan shook her head and said, "No, it's Jessy's turn. She's my daughter, so I need to do stuff for her and not stuff for me." Joan must have been 7 or 8 at the time, but even that memory broke her heart. At a young age, she had known that having a child meant sacrificing. When she and Arthur first started having problems, she thought that it was her fault for being a selfish, indulgent addict when she was younger. That she was being punished for all the bad things she had done. Not that she had ever been a believer in karma.

Driving down the freeway, Joan turned on the radio. An annoying pop song was blaring, with the nasally vocalist chanting, "Careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it, you just might get it." Joan gulped and changed the station, jarred by the odd coincidence. She had wished for a child, but now that she had one, she wasn't sure what she wanted. Arthur had been distant lately, and while it was an awful thing to say, she didn't think he would be happy when she told him that she was pregnant. He tried too hard to protect her, because he thought she was some sort of fragile bird, incapable of fending for herself. It was both sweet and maddening. Every time he tried to shield her from something within the Agency, it caused problems between them. The distance grew, and sometimes she wondered if he would ever just trust her enough to tell her what was wrong.

Life threw a ton of shit at you all at once, and Joan and Arthur's marriage was no exception. When she had relapsed last year, she made the mistake of hiding it from him and he almost left her. Everything always seemed to fall apart at once, and something was telling Joan that now was going to be the wrong time for her to be pregnant. But just like she never believed in karma, she didn't often believe voices in her head. She didn't believe in signs, or omens, just facts.

Honestly, her heart was all over the place. She was scared, uneasy, happy, and slightly depressed at the same time. The only thing that was clear to her was how much she hoped that Arthur wanted this baby as much as she did.