Sometimes I Don't Know Where I Am
Charlie walked down the streets of his neighborhood. It was one of those good days outside again where the sun was shining and the sky was a beautiful blue. He thought it was perfect to walk today from school.
The 18 year old boy finally got to his house, but he was surprised to see Sam's truck parked in the driveway. Charlie inches closer to the truck and as his feet grows closer he hears a song playing from the radio in the truck. He knew the song because it was from the Smiths called "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want" and it's an amazing song.
Charlie knocks on the truck's door, "Sam?"
Sam sits up slowly, "Hey, I've been waiting for you. Your mom said that you were coming any minute."
"Yeah," he nodded, "are you having a hard time in Penn State again?"
She swallowed her throat, "Sort of...Do you want to get in, Charlie?"
He nodded and gave her that familiar smile, "Okay."
"Where do you feel like going, Charlie?" Sam catechized.
"Um, we could go to Big Boy? They're having your favorite special again."
Sam touches the steering wheel gently and says, "I was thinking somewhere more private. Do you want to go to the park?"
Charlie paused for a minute, "Sure, sure."
Sam started to drive. He took some glances at her and he noticed something. He noticed her sad. Very sad. Charlie didn't know the right question to ask her because he didn't know why she would be sad. Then he looked out the window and wondered why people would be sad.
Charlie tapped his fingers, "Sam are you sad?"
She didn't answer until the truck was parked, "Yes, Charlie."
They got out of the truck at the same. Both of them sat on the swings and everything got quite until Sam said, "I feel like flying."
She wiped her eyes, "Because of life. That's what always happens. Life."
Charlie still didn't understand her, "What do you mean?"
Her eyes became more sadder if it was possible, "I don't either."
He went closer to her and hugged her. He felt in his heart that it was the only thing he could give her. Charlie also knew that what she needed was a friend, "It's going to be okay, Sam."
She lets go of his hug and slumps back down on the swing, "You don't even know what happened."
"You can tell me."
Charlie sits back on his swing again and looked at her as a sign that he was going to listen. Sam held back for a moment and said, "Do you remember when I said I promised to not be the young little girl I was?"
He smiled, "Three years ago. I remember."
"Yeah, well apparently I'm not good at keeping promises."
Charlie didn't say anything because he didn't know how to react at all, "What do you mean?"
She sighed, "I-I slept with George."
"Who's George?" He asked.
"My English professor."
Charlie's mouth was still open, but he quickly closed it, "Oh."
Sam looked down and swallowed, "I'm so stupid."
He slumped down on his swing, "No, you're not Sam."
"I am Charlie, I slept with him because I wanted a better grade in the class."
Sam covered her face with her hands. Charlie stood up and went closer to her, "It's going to be okay Sam."
"No, it's just that what ever I do I can't change and I just keep making more mistakes."
She stood in front of him and he hugged her. Charlie wanted to hug her so badly because she was sad and he felt like a hug was the only thing he could do. And then he hesitantly whispered in her ear.
His words moved her. Which he usually does, but this made her smile. That's why she came to him in the first place. Sam smiled at him. And that was enough to let Charlie know that she's happy again. That's the Sam he knew.
After a little bit more time of talking they went back to Sam's truck and thought it would be the perfect time to grab some food at Big Boy. While in the car Charlie tried to make her feel even better.
When they were in Big Boy Sam started to tell Charlie about everything else that was going on with Patrick, Mary Elizabeth, Bob, and Susan. They both started laughing and smiling again because the worse was done.
After that, Sam drove Charlie back to his driveway. The young driver kissed him, "Thanks."
He nodded shyly.
She added, "Thanks for always being there for me."
Charlie smiled, "Anytime."
She drove away as he waved goodbye and then he went inside the house. Charlie started playing his cassette and the first song that played was "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want" by The Smiths. He went to his desk and started writing his letter.
November 25, 1994
I started to remember again why I kept writing to you. Sam visited me again. At first I didn't know why since she's usually busy with college and we mostly just see each other when it's Christmas or the usual holidays, but today was different. She was really sad when I saw her because she told me that she slept with someone again.
At that moment I found out why she wanted to fly or listen to The Smiths or be crazy because she wanted to be free. I think the English teacher that Sam didn't want to sleep with made her and she just couldn't escape.
I think about these things at night sometimes. I lay down on the floor and stare at the ceiling and start to think. And I think about different people in the world. And I wonder who's crying tonight, who's smiling, who's sleeping, who's made a mistake, or who's done something right. I think about all those things.
That's why I knew exactly what to say to Sam when she was really sad. I whispered to her that you need to forget the things you think you did wrong or the things that you know you did wrong. The mistakes you've done in your life aren't mistakes, but lessons. The things that people think you've done wrong in your life isn't even true. The real truth is, you didn't do anything wrong. You did just fine.
It made her smile and happy again. I just hope that writing this to you will make you smile and happy again, too.
I hope you like this one shot because I thought I'd write something differently than what I usually write. I've had this idea for a long time, so I'm just happy to let it out. Also I've been listening to "Sanctuary" by Paradise Fears and it always make me happy. And I love The Smiths and Perks of Being a Wallflower!