Literally don't even look at me this is all Britt and Abi's fault oh my god


Several nights after their date on the Pier, they're at Beck's place. Hudson had taken a weekend trip to Palm Springs with some friends, leaving them the house to themselves. They've spent nearly every waking moment together since that first kiss, and everything about their relationship radiates passion.

Beck pours two glasses of wine and returns to the living room, where Jade is sitting on the couch. As he bends down to hand her a glass, he plants a chaste kiss to her lips and takes a seat next to her. They're curled up together, watching some horror movie that both of them love.

Jade's not quite sure how it happens—but it's quick. Their empty wine glasses are back on the coffee table and, instead of laying next to Beck, she's laying under him. He's dropping light kisses from her jaw down to her breasts, caressing her body with each movement of his hands and lips.

She lifts her arms above her head, helping him take her shirt off, and then busies her hands with unbuttoning his. With the exception of her bra, their chests are bare as they rub against each other. She welcomes his tongue into her mouth as the kissing becomes more intense, and it's just a few seconds later when she feels something sharp pressing against the inside of her thigh.

Jade laughs, and Beck is thankful that the darkness hides his blush as he quickly pulls his pants down. He decides it's a good time to get her shorts off, too, so he unbuttons them and slides them down her smooth, long legs until they've joined the pile on the ground. He kisses his way back up, dragging his lips up her stomach and causing her body to release an involuntary shudder.

Beck scoops his arms underneath her and her legs wrap around his waist so he can pick her up. He carries her back to his room, where he gently drops her onto the bed. Though she's slept in it practically every night for the past few weeks, she's never been in this particular position. She and Beck had gone plenty far—and had even been naked with each other—but he'd been holding off on sex and she knew enough about him to respect that.

More times than she'd admit, Jade has caught herself wondering about whether or not she'd still be a virgin had she not been so pressured by Ryder. Her only high school boyfriend had insisted on their love coming with the price of sex—and Jade had given in.

Little did she know, there was someone waiting for her. Someone who was mocked for it by the guys in school and praised for it by the girls; someone who refused to lose his virginity to a girl he didn't love.

Beck Oliver has always believed in proper timing—and as he pulls away from kissing his girlfriend, he knows he has some things to say.

"I want you to know why I waited to do this with you," he says, hoping she won't be frustrated with his pause in their fun. She's giving him her full attention, though, as he crawls onto the bed to hold her. "I know you haven't had the best experiences with guys. I don't want you to think that you're just somebody to sleep with. You're worth so much more than that, Jade."

It's quiet for a minute as the impact of his words sink in. As much as he can sense her insecurity about not being good enough for him, she can feel his nerves about being compared to her ex-boyfriend.

"Beck?"

"Yeah?"

She turns her head to face him again. "I feel more comfortable with you than I ever did with him." Beck smiles and rolls himself to hover over her body. "I love you," she reminds him.

"I love you so much, Jade," he replies, leaning in for another kiss. This time, his kisses drop all the way back down her body, and he uses delicate fingers to pull her lacy underwear off. He tosses her legs over his shoulders and then he's kissing her there, and everything is wonderful. Waves of pleasure wash over her as he skillfully works her into a climax. Beck doesn't bother asking for anything in return; he's ready enough as he drops his boxers to the floor and climbs back up to her.

Once Jade's bra has found its place on the ground, Beck begins moving and neither of them think they've ever felt this good. As their bodies begin to synchronize, it's again not lost on Jade just how different he is from Ryder. Unlike her selfish ex, who only ever cared about pleasing himself, Beck's kind of love is soft and passionate—not to mention all about her.

They go for fifteen minutes before she orgasms again, and he follows shortly after. When he rolls off of her, they're both grinning and Jade tilts her body to rest halfway on his. She slips one of her legs between his and places her hand on his toned, slightly sweaty chest.

"How'd I do?" Beck asks playfully, leaning down to look at her.

"If I weren't concerned about your ego, I'd give you a ten out of ten," she answers. "But I am, so you get a nine."

"A ten. Damn, I'm good," he says, and Jade rolls her eyes and hits him. "Did I blow your mind?"

She laughs—a sound he doesn't think he'll ever get tired of hearing—and stretches up to kiss him. "If I say yes, does that mean I'm too tired for another round?"

"I don't think so."

"Then yes."

Beck stares at her, completely mesmerized. "You're really sexy, Jade West. You know that?" She grins and he kisses her. "You up for more?"

"Only if you keep telling me how sexy I am," she deadpans. He chuckles and nods his head as he pulls her to lay over him again.

"I think I can do that."

.


.

She hates herself.

What the hell had been going through her brain when they'd had that awful conversation? She'd started it—she knows that much—and now she's lost him and it's all her fault. As much as she'd like to blame her age-old insecurity and fear of commitment, she knows well that Beck had been different. Beck had been the one with the chance to change that. And now she'd taken it from him.

Before she'd started saying things aloud, it all made sense in her head. She'd planned to give him an out—one he clearly didn't want—but things seemed to spiral from there.

"People don't do this, Beck! People don't just fall in love over the summer and stay together. It's not normal!"

"Jade, how many times do I have to tell you? We're not normal! What I feel for you isn't normal. I love you—can't you understand that?"

Her breathing is becoming more irregular due to the pattering occurring in her heart. "Beck," she sighs, at a loss of what to say. There's no way she can explain to him that he won't be happy with her for long, or that he'll soon realize he deserves better; he's going to have to learn it on his own.

"Jade, please," he begs. "Don't do this. I know we're going to different schools but we'll still be in the same city. We can work it out, I promise you."

"You say that now," she says, wiping an embarrassing tear that drops from her eye. "But this was just a fling and we both know it. I'd rather end it before we get in too deep. Just trust me."

Beck wonders if she feels as miserable as he looks. "I'm already in too deep," he wants to say. But he can see that this conversation is difficult enough for her, and he decides not to push.

"Okay," he finally says, a look of defeat painting his face. "If…this is what you really want."

She'd pushed him away. And for that, she hates herself.

When it comes time for the Back-to-School Bonfire, neither one of them wants to go. It's only been two weeks since the breakup, and Jade is in no mood to socialize or pretend like she's even the least bit okay. Her best friends, however, seem to think that the only cure for her to get over Beck is to "put herself back out there."

Tori and Cat pick out her outfit—even under her harsh critique of each thing they put together—but she (much to their dismay) refuses to drink. Beck, on the other hand, is plastered by the time he even gets to the beach. It's around midnight when he's standing by the bonfire alone, brooding as he drunkenly sips on his seventh (eighth?) cup of beer.

"So," an unfamiliar voice says from behind Beck. When he spins around, he still doesn't recognize the person standing before him. "I hear you're the jackass who was screwing my girl. Well, until she dumped you."

Beck's eyebrows patch together and he blinks a few times to get his vision straight. "Who are you, man? Relax. Have a drink," he slurs, offering out his red cup in a lazy gesture. It's not lost on the stranger that Beck has clearly had too much to drink. Unfortunately for Beck, this guy plans to use that to his advantage.

"I'm sure she told you about me. How could she not?" He says, a ugly, cocky grin on his face. "I was her first everything."

Beck retracts his hand and drains the cup before tossing it into a nearby trash bag. "You're Ryder."

The paler boy brings his hands up in a gesture of grandeur. "Bingo," he says, and his voice is so arrogant and condescending that Beck decides within seconds that he hates this guy more than he had before.

"Jade's not your girl," he says after a minute. "She may not be mine anymore, but she sure as hell isn't yours. She doesn't even like you." Sober Beck could probably come up with a better response than that—but Sober Beck disappeared for good after the fourth beer.

"Oh, really?" Ryder asks, stepping towards Beck. "Because I think she seemed like my girl when I fucked her in the bathroom a few minutes ago. It definitely sounded like she liked it—"

"You shut the hell up," Beck growls, grabbing Ryder's shirt between his now-white knuckles.

"Hey, hey. Relax, man," he replies, and Beck lets go momentarily. "Listen, Jade was upset after our breakup and I get that she needed a shoulder to cry on. You were there, and that's cool. I just wanted to come let you know that we're back together—so you can back off now."

"I don't believe you," Beck says firmly, clutching his fists as his insides boil with uncharacteristic anger.

"I know this is hard to hear," Ryder feigns sensitivity. "But I can't let Jade get away again; she's way too fun to fuck."

Beck's had enough, and his hands go back to gripping Ryder's t-shirt. "Hey! Don't talk about her like that!"

The older guy immediately pushes Beck off of him. "Come on, man. It's not like she even has a personality! She's way too screwed up to—"

And then Ryder is trying to regain his normal vision from the blow to his left eye. He's quick to retaliate, thrusting himself entirely against Beck to tackle him to the sand.

It's around this time that Jade—who has hardly had anything to drink due to her promise to keep an eye on her friends—spots the guys rolling around. They're hitting each other, but it's mostly (a clearly drunker) Beck getting destroyed by his underestimated opponent.

She bolts to the scene, where tons of people have now gathered around a circle to cheer and shout for (instead of stop) the brawl. "Hey!" She hollers, pushing her way into the center. "Hey! Cut it out—both of you!"

It's her voice—and her voice only—that draws both of the guys' attention upwards instead of on each other. "Jade," Ryder says, immediately rising to meet her eyes. "I'm so glad I got to you before he did. He's a maniac, babe. I can't believe he's never hurt you befo—"

And then Ryder is back on the sand, because Beck had tugged on his jeans enough to pull him down. Jade has to stifle a chuckle, unlike the laughing crowd, when the older guy slips right on his back.

He looks like he wants to kill Beck but, before someone else has their hands on him before Ryder.

"Come on, stand up," she says gently, and Beck complies as best as he can. As she walks with him out of the circle of drunk people, she ignores Ryder's cries of indignation. Jade doesn't feel like reminding him that she doesn't care about his bigger muscles, friend circle, and cock.

Besides, the last one wasn't even true.

"I'm sorry," Beck says hoarsely as he stumbles beside her. Jade keeps her arm looped in his to help his stability, but he's still leaning on her quite a bit. "He was saying things, Jade. And I don't want anyone to ever say those things about you. They're not true."

The brunette remains quiet as she shoots a quick text to Andre to let him know she would be leaving. She walks with Beck to her car and helps him into the passenger's seat before buckling him in. "Jade?"

"Mhmm?" She starts the car and keeps her eyes on the road as she begins driving.

"Are you and Ryder dating? I'm sorry if I'm not s'posed to ask, but he said that you guys were sleeping together and I don't wanna ruin—"

"Stop talking," she says, and then sighs. "Ryder would tell you your house had just exploded if he knew it'd get a rise out of you. He's just like that. I haven't touched him since high school, and I don't plan on ever doing it again. Don't worry about him—try to rest. Your head is going to be killing you tomorrow."

Beck does as he's told, and Jade drives straight home because her parents are out of town. Jade is thankful that he hadn't fallen asleep—there's no way she could have carried his dead weight into the house and up the stairs to the guest bedroom.

He collapses onto the bed and she runs down to the kitchen to find a plastic bowl and a bag of frozen peas. "If you feel like you need to throw up," she says, placing it next to him, "do it in this. I'm not lugging you to and from the toilet. And this goes on your head." She places the bag of peas halfway on his eye and halfway on his head to hopefully help relieve some of the throbbing.

"I'm so sorry, Jade," he mumbles, and his breath reeks of beer.

"I know you are," she replies, running a hand through his hair. She thinks about returning to her own room (it's past one, after all), but Beck doesn't look too good and she worries about him being alone in his particular condition.

"I still love you. And I miss you all the time."

Jade sighs and looks at his brown, foggy eyes. "I know, Beck." She pauses to remind herself that he's not going to remember this tomorrow. "I miss you too."

Beck looks pleased, and then disgusted. And then he promptly vomits into the bowl she'd brought him. "Well, that doesn't ruin the moment or anything," she mutters, but she's smiling and pulling his near shoulder-length hair out of his face. "You're gonna hate yourself tomorrow."

But maybe she's wrong.

When Beck wakes up, head pounding and vision hazy, he notices several things. First, that there are a few Advil and a bottle of water on the nightstand. Second, that he's in the guest bedroom of his ex-girlfriend's house. And third, that that same ex-girlfriend is curled up beside him.

She seems to feel him stirring, because soon her eyes flutter open as well. A pause, and then,

"Why am I…here—"

He stops talking then, because she's raised her palm in a motion that tells him to stop. It's then that Beck reminds his stupid self that she hasn't had coffee yet. And Jade West, as he knows quite well from having spent his entire summer with her, barely breathes in the morning before she has at least a few sips in her.

They relocate to the kitchen (Beck hobbles down the stairs due to his injuries) and she makes a pot of coffee. After ten minutes, Jade finally speaks. "Do you remember last night—any of it?"

Beck's forehead crinkles up and he runs a hand through his hair. "I think I… I think I was in a fight? Did I get in a fight with someone?"

"It wasn't so much of a fight," she tells him, leaning against the island counter. "More like a beating."

"Are you sure I didn't get like, hit by a car, or something?" He asks, rubbing his head. "Cause that's what it feels like."

"You might as well have," Jade says. "Ryder's a big guy."

"Ryder?" Beck asks incredulously. "I got in a fight with Ryder?"

Jade laughs and takes a sip of her coffee. "I told you, it wasn't really a fight—"

"Alright, alright I get it. I got my ass handed to me. That's not embarrassing or anything," he mutters, letting his face fall into his hands. He pauses for a few moments, but promptly looks back up at her. "Wait a second, that doesn't explain why… I'm here. Please don't tell me I passed out and you had to take care of me, or something. I think I've lost enough dignity for one morning."

Jade laughs, and then she's laughing so hard that he might get frustrated if it weren't for the fact that he thinks it's the most beautiful sound in the world.

"You threw up," she says, almost with a look of pity for him. "You said a lot of things and you threw up and then you fell asleep. It wasn't that bad."

"Oh, god," he moans, sliding his palms down his face. "I am so sorry, Jade."

"Yeah, you said that last night, too. Like thirty times," she laughs.

Beck groans again and looks up at her with wide, brown eyes. "What else did I say?"

Jade finishes her mug and pours herself another one, facing away from him to say her next words. "You don't want to get into that. You said stuff you don't mean, and it doesn't matter anyways." She adds her sugars and Beck watches her stir it from where he sits at the bar behind her.

"It can't have been that bad, right? I mean, I guess it could have been, but I don't—"

"You said you still love me."

Beck sets his coffee down and makes straight eye contact with her. "Jade, I—"

"Like I said," she interrupts. "It doesn't matter. Don't worry about it."

It's quiet for a few minutes, until it's Beck who starts laughing. His laugh is softer, calmer than hers—but she's looking at him like he's absolutely crazy. "You know," he says. "I thought Drunk Me was just a stupid idiot who tried to pick a fight with your ex."

"Um, and?"

He sighs, and a small smile appears on his face. "If it took me getting hammered to finally man up and tell you that I'm still in love with you, or that things suck without you, or that I think about you and miss you all the time—then I guess I'm a little thankful for Drunk Me."

Jade doesn't have a response; she's not exactly surprised at his words, but she's certainly shocked at how he'd just laid it all out in front of her like that. Beck stands up and limps over to her, and she doesn't move when he stands to face her. He takes her coffee cup gently from her, and she tries to ignore the butterflies that flutter in her stomach when his hands brush against her fingers. He takes her hands in his and she doesn't stop him.

"I love you. And I don't know if you love me, too, but I want you to know that—when and if you're ever ready to get back together—I'm in. I'm really sorry that you had to take care of me last night, and I hate the fact that you think I said all that stuff just in a drunken mess. But, Jade, I just need you to believe me when I say that—"

"Beck, stop."

"No, I need to—"

"Beck," she says, cupping his face in her hands. "Stop talking. I would shut you up with a kiss but you threw up last night and I just can't make myself do that."

A grin spreads onto his face. "You'd kiss me?"

Jade drops her hands to his shoulders. "Well, I love you, so yeah, a kiss would probably make sense."

And then he's pulled her into a hug and picked her up off her feet. And his body is aching in pain and he thinks he might be sorry he did this later but it's worth it to feel her body around his arms again. "I love you, I love you, I love you," Beck says, before setting her down to look at her again.

"So," she says, playing with his hair behind his neck, "do you think my boyfriend might be up for a shower? You know, since he smells like ass."

Beck laughs. "Only if my girlfriend joins me."

Jade grins and lets him pull her up the stairs. "Deal."