Hey, this is my newest fanfic, as well as my first fanfic not involving Sonic the Hedgehog (I'm not worthy of my pen name). I got this idea a while ago after reading numerous jokes about LucasFilm being bought by Disney.
The Galactic Civil War was raging. The spies of Rebel Alliance had managed to steal the plans of the Death Star, the most dangerous space station known to man. The Rebel leader, Princess Tinkerbell Organa, was in possession of the plans, but her ship was intercepted by a massive Imperial Star Destroyer.
Rosetta, one of the Rebel commanders, entered the Princess' room.
Rosetta: "Princess, we're doing everything we can, but Darth Vader is too strong."
Tinkerbell: "Don't worry. I'll send the plans on a nearby planet. Hopefully, an old friend will find them"
Rosetta: "And what about you?"
Tinkerbell: "Let's think of the galaxy first"
The Princess walked over to R2-D2 and saved the plans in his memory, along with a message. "Help me, Hyacinth Kenobi. You're my only hope" she said before hearing two blaster shots from the door. It was Darth Vader along with two Stormtroopers.
Vader: "You're under arrest. Both of you"
Both Tinkerbell and Rosetta held their hands up as R2-D2 and C-3PO took the escape pods.
Later, on Tatooine:
Periwinkle Skywalker, a young girl with big dreams, and her uncle Gary Lars, an average farmer, were examining what the Jawas had for sale. Mary, Periwinkle's aunt, called for her.
Mary: "Peri, if your uncle gets a translator, tell him to make sure it speak Bocce"
Periwinkle: "Okay, aunt, I'll remind him."
Peri went back next to her uncle.
Gary: "I don't need a protocol droid"
3PO: "Sir, in my defence, I am more than just a protocol droid. I have been programmed for several secondary functions such as…"
Gary: "I only need a droid that understands the binary language of moisture vaporators"
3PO: "Vaporators? Sir, my first job was programming binary load lifters. They are very similar to your vaporators"
Gary: "One more thing. Do you speak Bocce?"
3PO: "Of course I do, sir. I am fluent in over three million dialects, including Rylothean, Huttese, Zabraki…"
Gary: "Alright, I'll take this one. Peri, take these two to the garage. I want them clean until dinner"
Periwinkle: "But I was planning to get some power converters from…"
Gary: "You can do that after you finish you chores"
Periwinkle: "Fine. Come on then"
She noticed that the red R2 unit was not moving
Periwinkle: "A bad motivator, I guess"
Gary (turning to the Jawa): "What did you just sell me?"
While the Jawa was arguing with Gary, R2-D2 sneaked out of the line of droids.
Periwinkle: "Uncle Gary, maybe we can take this one"
Gary: "Give us the blue one"
The Jawa, wishing to avoid any other conflict, did as it was asked.
At the garage, in the afternoon:
Periwinkle: "It's not fair! Maybe Gliss was right. I'm never going to get out of here"
3PO: "Is there anything I can do for you?"
Periwinkle: "Do your secondary functions include altering time, speeding up harvests or teleporting others away from stupid planets like this?"
3PO: "I'm afraid not. I'm only a droid and I'm not very knowledgeable about such things, especially on this planet. As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure which planet I'm on"
Periwinkle: "Let's just say that if the universe has a bright centre, you're on the planet that's the farthest from it"
Periwinkle approached R2-D2. "Well, if I want to get to the Jedi Academy, I'd better finish my job here. Let's see what's jammed in your neck cavity"
When she removed it, R2 projected a hologram of Tinkerbell Organa, the Rebel senator.
Tinkerbell: "Help me, Hyacinth Kenobi. You're my only hope"
Periwinkle: "What's this?"
R2 quickly beeped a message for 3PO to translate
Periwinkle: "What did he just say?"
3PO: "He says it's nothing, madam. Merely a malfunction, old data. Pay no mind to it"
Periwinkle: "Who is she?"
3PO: "I'm not quite sure. I think she was a passenger on our last voyage"
Periwinkle: "Do you think there's more to this recording?"
Periwinkle reached for R2, but he ran away.
3PO: "Behave yourself, R2! She's our new master"
R2 beeped a long message to 3PO.
3PO: "He says that he's the property of Hyacinth Kenobi, a resident of this part. And this is a private message for him"
Periwinkle: "I think he's talking about old Ben Kenobi"
3PO: "I beg your pardon, madam, but do you know what he's talking about?"
Periwinkle: "I don't know anyone named Hyacinth, but old Ben lives across the Dune Sea"
Periwinkle looked again at the hologram. "It sounds like she's in trouble. R2, play back the whole thing"
R2 beeped again to 3PO
3PO: "He says the restraining bolt has short circuited his
recording system. He suggests that if you remove the bolt, he might be
able to play back the entire recording"
Peri was still checking the droid, trying to find something useful. Right after removing the restraining bolt, the hologram disappeared.
Periwinkle: "What happened? Bring it back!"
R2 didn't get to beep anything as a voice was calling for Peri.
Mary: "Peri, dear! Come to dinner!"
Periwinkle: "Coming, aunt!" She turned to 3PO. "See what you can do about this little guy. I'll be right back"
3PO turned to R2. "Just you reconsider playing that message for her"
R2 replied with a series of beeps.
3PO: "I don't think she likes you at all"
R2 beeped again.
3PO: "No, I don't like you either"