Disclaimer: Named characters aren't mine. I'm getting tired of saying that, to be honest. I need to publish some original fiction so that they'll all be my characters.

Author's note: Makokam (FFN author 713889) is writing a series of Kick Ass drabbles (FFN story 9410186) and solicited requests and suggestions. I sent him a suggestion, but now I'm using it myself, on account of I suck. However, there's no reason we can't both use the idea and see how the stories come out different.

And another note: Story updated the day after I uploaded it. Some typo fixes but there are also a couple of dialog improvements at Makokam's suggestion.


"There you two are. Come with me if you want to live."

I stared at Dave's dad for a moment – he couldn't have said, "I always wanted to say that", he just couldn't have – before looking at Dave and then back at his dad. "What's the problem? Do you need help?" We'd just finished a night's patrolling and were on the way home after changing out of our costumes when the car pulled up beside us.

"Romeo here needs help. Get in. We don't have much time."

I didn't know what was going on, but to hell with it, we got in. Dave's dad looked kind of rough, like he'd been up all night looking for us while we patrolled. Go figure. And my ankle was hurting because I'd twisted it chasing some douchebag purse-snatcher, so I wasn't looking forward to the mile walk home from my safe house. And he probably wasn't going to betray his own son to Chris and anyway I was carrying my usual "civilian" collection of four lethal weapons besides my lethal self.

"What's going on, Dad? What trouble am I in that you needed to look for us all night to help me?"

"Look, I'm not stupid. I know what you two get up to even if you didn't trust me enough to tell me. Mindy, you've got stuff around here, right? A, what do you call it, a safe house. Do you have an ID that says you're sixteen?"

"Yah, a couple, with different names." I wasn't quite fifteen but could look older if I put a serious look on my face. "I'd have to go back to get them. But you need to tell us what's happening. Why is Dave in trouble?"

"You know perfectly well, Missy. Don't act stupid. I know you're not. Now give me directions to your safe house so you can get your ID with your name. Get clothes and stuff for a few days, too. I already got a bag for Dave. And hurry, we don't have much time to get you out of town."

I wasn't happy about not getting a straight answer, but I knew how to bug out. Even with my sore ankle I was up, in, out, and down in under a minute.

"OK, good. Listen, you two, we're heading out of state. You two lie down on the back seat just in case they're looking for you already."

I could see that Dave wasn't any happier about not getting an answer than I was, but we cooperated. His dad probably hadn't gone crazy since the last time I saw him a few days ago. We'd get the answers from him in a little while, once the danger was past. If there was any danger.

I had meant to stay alert for anyone shooting at us, but, well… It was late and it was dark and I'd been so tired lately and Dave was so comfortable to snuggle into…

It was daytime, maybe six-ish, when Dave's dad started poking us. "Wake up, kids. We're in Maryland, at a hotel. We have a few hours to kill, so we can all get some more sleep."

"Maryland? Why are we in Maryland?"

"Laws. Tell you later. I've been up all night driving while you were sleeping for two. Oh, and I got some takeout along the way. I didn't know what you'd have a hungering for so I got different kinds of things."

That was nice of him. I was hungry, hungrier than usual after a night's work.

We got two rooms. I was in the one by myself. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I didn't think I was ready to spend the night with anyone, even Dave. Even though we'd taken naps together a few times. And we'd just woken up from a nap together and Dave's hand had been someplace where I'd normally rip a guy's arm off for touching me there and, you know, a girl's allowed to daydream.

But I went to my room by myself, got a shower, ate, and got a few more hours' sleep before Dave called. "Can you be ready to go in five minutes? Dad just checked and the city office is open. He still wouldn't tell me what's going on – he just called me an idiot and careless – but he wants to get there right away."

So we all got going. I seemed to have eaten everything Mr L had gotten me, so I grabbed a muffin from the complimentary breakfast table and nibbled it in the car. It was strange: I was hungry and nauseated at the same time. I didn't think it was nerves. No matter how mysterious Dave's dad was being, I knew I could handle anything, so what did I have to be nervous about? Still, my stomach was flopping around as I ate.

We went into the office for permits and licenses. I hoped Mr L wasn't planning on having me registering my pistols. Never have, never will. Why would I want to tell them where to find me and my guns if they decided I wasn't allowed to have them anymore? Besides, I wasn't old enough to have them legally. Or maybe it was to register us as heroes. I'd heard something about some states doing that, but I didn't think–

"Good morning. I need to get a marriage license for these two idiots."

I didn't think. I couldn't think. I couldn't have heard that right. This couldn't be happening.

"Ah, yes," I heard the faceless clerk say. "One of life's happiest moments, or one of the most dreaded. Considering your girl's apparent age, it's probably the latter. I'll need IDs for them both to start with."

"Dave, show him your driver's license. Here's his birth certificate. Mindy, give him your ID."

In a daze, I just followed his instructions and handed over my "real" ID, the one with my real name and face but the birth date two years earlier.

"I see she's sixteen. Are you her father?"

"No, her father is deceased. Her guardian isn't here because we drove all night to get away from him so he wouldn't murder my idiot son."

"I'm afraid I can't issue a marriage license to a sixteen-year-old without parental consent, Mr Lizewski. Her guardian will have to be here in person. Some counties allow notarized statements giving permission, but ours does not."

"Unless she's pregnant. Which she is, and which is why we're here on the run from Marcus."

That finally broke through my haze. "What?! I'm not pregnant!"

"What are you trying to tell me? Marcus found your pregnancy test in the bathroom garbage back at your house. It's just lucky I was visiting when he found it because that's the only way we know why he's after Dave. If I wasn't there, the first we'd have known was when Dave was arrested or Marcus shot his dumb head."

"That was my friend from school's test! She asked if she could come to my house to do it because her parents would flip out if they found it. Just like you're doing."

He stared at me. His mouth was dropped open so I could count the silver fillings in his molars. "Are you sure? Really, really sure?"

"Mr L, I can tell you for sure that there's no way I can be pregnant, by Dave or anyone else." Oh, this was so embarrassing. Super-cool Hit Girl is a virgin. Well, maybe it's not so bad. Joan of Arc was a teenage virgin when she was burned at the stake… which isn't a great thought, considering that Marcus is really really pissed at Dave and probably me right now.

I finally noticed how Dave had stepped up next to me when I was being grilled. Protective. Supportive. And I thought about sleeping with his arm around me in the car. And I thought about some of the dreams I'd been having lately. It was a few years earlier than I'd planned, but it was nothing I hadn't thought about once or twice… a day… for the past two or three years.

"Mr L, take us back to the hotel. Come back with Marcus in two or three weeks. Come on, Dave. You've got work to do to get me qualified to get a marriage license."