2There's a limit to the lives that I care about and that was already decided six years ago. Asking me for compassion is a mistake. After all, I have no heart or time to spare.
Was that true? Did she truly mean that? Thump-thump. Her hand went to the left side of her chest. Thump-thump. No, she felt it. Her heart was beating, but this wasn't the heart she was talking about that time. Thump-thump.
So where was the heart that she was talking about that time? It was somewhere else. But, where? If she couldn't spare her real heart for others, who could she spare it for? The answer was obvious; Eren. She would do anything for Eren and that was decided six years ago. But was it love? She questioned her very own thoughts. Confusion clouded her cold, beautiful eyes. Whenever Eren was in danger, the world became useless to her. Without Eren, her life was meaningless.
She would be delicate and pathetic. She'd be unable to protect Eren, or anyone for that matter. It was because of him that she was actually alive and worth 'a hundred ordinary soldiers'. It was because of him that she could fight.
Thump-thump. There it was. Thump-thump. The heart that she could spare was beating at the thought of Eren.
He was the key to the heart that she couldn't spare. He was the one she'd give all her time to, but at the same time, he was the one who didn't realize how she felt. To him, she was just an annoying sister always trying to protect him from harm.
Was her love one-sided? Or was her love really not love? Was it just obsession? Was she obsessed? Realization hit her harder than anything ever had before.
She was infatuated, not in love, with Eren. Thump-thump. After he saved her, six years ago, she became obsessed with him. Always wanting to be by his side, protecting him. At first, it was because she owed him. Then it was because she loved him, but now it was because she was fanatical over him. Thump-thump.
Her heart, body, and brain all agreed and this was the first time the three parts of her agreed. Thump-thump. But she had a heart. A real one. One that she had locked away six years ago. One that cared for people and things other than Eren. Her hands clenched by her side.
She would get over her obsession. Yes, she would still love Eren, but wouldn't be in infatuated. She'd live for herself. She'd smile for herself. Thump-thump. She'd revive her other heart. The one that she could spare and she would give her time for everyone. Not just Eren but for everyone and most importantly for herself.
She, Mikasa Ackerman, was obsessed, but she'd get over it. She'd help free humanity from the cage that they had been trapped in. Then she, and Eren, and Armin, and the rest of her comrades would live the life that they deserved. Humanity would be saved, and she'd have a heart and time. A heart and time that she could spare to anyone, not just Eren. Thump-thump.
A/N It's really short and kind of confusing, ne? Actually, it was supposed to be confusing for in this drabble, Mikasa is confused and I tried conveying that in my writing. Please review and tell me what you think!