Disclaimer: I do not own High Mountain Rangers. Nora and Adam, however, belong to me.

Reborn

Chapter 7 Letting Go

Robin slipped her foot into the stirrup and grabbed the pommel of the saddle, lifting herself onto Merry's back. She tugged on the reins and directed her brown and white paint horse toward the meadow behind the station. After last night's conversation with Jesse and this morning's phone call with Cody, she needed to get away and think. Both men reported that Matt would never return to the mountains he'd once called home. The survivor's guilt had engulfed him, refusing to let up as the years passed. Now it was deeply seeded inside of him, and Robin despaired of ever seeing him again. It was time to let him go.

Tears burned behind her eyes, but she blinked them back. Not here. Not this close to the station where anyone could decide to join her on a horseback ride. Robin breathed deeply of the mountain air and pressed her heels into Merry's sides. The horse quickened his pace and the former ranger sighed with relief as the old station disappeared behind her.

Robin guided Merry to one of her favorite spots, one Cody and Matt had shown her shortly before the disastrous drug bust. Reining in her horse, Robin slid to the ground and took a seat on a large, sun-warmed rock that looked out over the bubbling mountain stream. The water danced over the rocks and Robin leaned back, allowing the sun's warmth and that from the rock beneath her to seep into her body. It was only then that she permitted her mind to slip back to one of her last happy memories with the Hawkes brothers.

"Robin, you should join us."

The blonde ranger turned from digging through the trunk of her car to see Cody Hawkes standing beside his horse. He offered her a hopeful grin. "I packed more than enough food and I'll show you some of my favorite spots."

Robin considered his offer. She did have the day off, but she knew Matt had really been looking forward to spending the day with his little brother. She hated to intrude on their time together.

"Cody's right; you should join us." Matt appeared in the doorway of the barn leading his horse out by the reins. "I can saddle your horse while you change."

Robin chewed her lower lip as she studied Matt's face. He seemed hopeful as he offered her an encouraging smile. "Okay," she finally agreed. "Let me change."

"And grab your camera!" Cody called after her. "You'll want to take pictures of the scenery."

Robin waved her hand behind her as she hurried up the steps to show that she had heard him. She was back outside five minutes later in her hiking gear with her camera in her pack.

Matt, true to his word, had saddled her horse. He handed her the reins and climbed onto his mount.

Robin swung gracefully onto the back of her own horse and guided him toward the trail. Cody was several yards ahead of them.

"Come on, slowpokes!" he yelled playfully.

"Let's get him," Matt smirked at Robin before they both nudged their horses forward.

They had finally caught up to Cody on the trail and the brothers had taken Robin to some of their favorite places. She took a lot of pictures of nature, sneaking in some of the brothers when they weren't looking her way.

Cody was right about the amount of food he had packed for lunch. Matt and Cody each ate two sandwiches, while Robin only managed one. They snacked on chips and apples before clearing away their mess.

Robin wandered to the edge of the stream and knelt down, sticking her fingers into the flowing water. It was ice cold and her fingers were soon numb. She pulled them out of the stream and wrapped them in the warmth of her other hand.

"The source of this stream is high up in the mountains," Matt informed her as he appeared and knelt at her side. "That's why it's so cold."

Robin shivered. "How did you guys find this place?" she asked curiously.

"Cody and I found it one day when we were exploring back when I was barely in my teens. I was spending a few weeks with Dad in the mountains on my summer break. That was a great summer." Matt's voice took on a wistful tone.

Robin chanced a glance at her boss and friend. She knew he had gone to live with his mother in the city because he thought she needed him, yet he loved his father and little brother, too. "Must have been hard to feel like you needed to be in two places at one time," she said softly.

Matt looked up at her in surprise. "Sometimes," he admitted with a shrug as he looked back down at the water. "But my mom needed me; my dad was always able to survive on his own."

"But you still missed him….and Cody," she replied.

"Yes," Matt answered simply, looking up to find his little brother aiming the camera at them.

"Say cheese," Cody grinned cheekily.

"Toad!" Matt yelled as he pushed to his feet.

Robin laughed, secretly glad she'd have a picture of herself and Matt together.

The laughter and happiness of that day faded into the background as Robin shook herself from her memories. She longed for a chance to finish her conversation with Matt and had assumed then that they had plenty of time ahead of them; time they had been cheated of just a week or so later.

Her face felt damp. She touched it with a sun-warmed hand and was startled to find that she'd been crying. Drawing her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around her legs and pressed her face into her knees. Sobs shook her shoulders as she let out her grief and misery; she hadn't cried like this since just after the drug bust. She knew she had to let Matt go, but it was so hard to do. Her heart felt anchored to him; he had been the only man she had wanted since the day she first met him.

Oh, there had been dates since Matt had gone to San Francisco and even some boyfriends, none of whom lasted past the first month because they didn't measure up to the former leader of the High Mountain Rangers.

Robin wiped her nose on her sleeve and sighed before looking up into the blue sky. Clouds scudded by all white and fluffy in a perfect blue sky. "Why?" Robin asked brokenly, her voice rough from her tears. "Why did they have to die? Why does Matt have to blame himself?"

No answers came to her and neither did the peace she so desperately sought. Letting out a deep sigh, Robin pushed herself from the rock after glancing at her watch. She knew Bryce would be worried about her if she didn't return soon. Kneeling by the stream, she splashed her face with the ice cold water. A shiver ran through her and once again she pushed away the memory of that day so long ago.

Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Robin mounted her horse and turned him back toward home. "Let's go, Merry," she urged into the paint horse's ear. "Take me home."

Bryce, Izzy, and Jesse were unloading Bryce's truck when she arrived at the barn. "I was getting ready to come look for you, Birdie," Bryce scolded.

"Sorry, I lost track of time," Robin apologized as she led Merry into the barn and saw to his needs before rejoining the men outside.

Bryce excitedly showed her what they'd purchased and explained the deliveries they were expecting in the week ahead. "Jesse knows exactly what he's doing. The cabins are going to be incredible!"

Robin nodded. "I can't wait to see them completed." She felt her brother's concerned gaze on her and forced a smile, hoping all evidence of tears had been washed away by the freezing water.

Robin threw herself into her work and the rest of the day went by rather quickly. Supper was a quiet meal; everyone was too exhausted to put much effort into conversation.

"We should head to bed early," Jesse finally announced. "When that delivery of logs arrives in the morning, I want to get right to work."

They all agreed and rose sleepily to their feet. Bryce took care of the fireplace before moving to follow his sister up the stairs. "Robin," he called softly, his fingers catching on the sleeve of her sweatshirt.

She turned and looked at him with wide blue eyes. "Yes?"

"Are you sure you're okay? You looked upset when you got back from your ride today." Bryce shifted anxiously from one foot to another. He knew coming back here to Tahoe, and especially the ranger station, was bound to have brought old memories to mind for his sister.

"I'm fine. I was just saying goodbye to an old friend the only way I knew how." The lump from earlier reappeared in her throat and she swallowed hard.

Bryce's hand moved to squeeze her shoulder. "If it's too hard to stay here…" he began.

Robin shook her head forcefully. "I want to be here, Bryce. This is home to me. I belong here."

"Okay," he smiled gently. "Well, then goodnight. I'll see you in the morning. I have a feeling Jesse is a hard taskmaster."

Robin grinned slightly. "Oh, you have no idea."

To be continued…