67I refuse to believe it's been 7 years since I posted this. I haven't written anything in a long long time, so I thought I'd workshop this story to get back into it. I didn't make any major changes, but I did add a chapter toward the end. The farther you read, the more changes I made.
TW, and I apologize if I'm not representing depression well. Please let me know if I need to change any insensitive paragraphs.
Grace held up a framed photo, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "I miss you, Harold. It's been three years. Everyone kept saying it'd get better, but it just… hasn't. I need you back, Harold." She shook her head and set Harold's picture back onto the bookshelf. No matter how much time passed, Grace refused to even consider putting it out of sight. She knew what Harold would say, that she needed to move on. He was gone and she had a lot more life to live. But he wasn't here. As selfish as Grace's actions might be, she was tired of being strong when no one else was willing to be there for her.
Walking to her desk, Grace made sure that everything was organized neatly. She wanted to make it easier for the officers who might have to investigate her house. Grace turned on her computer and stared blankly for a few minutes. The background was a picture of her and Harold on one of their first dates. He looked nervous but happy, and Grace was smiling for all she was worth. The pleasant memory brought fresh tears to her eyes, and she could barely see as she began typing.
Grace hesitated as she finished. Harold would never forgive himself if he knew what she was planning, but it wasn't his fault. She just wasn't strong enough anymore. For a moment, Grace felt a pang of sadness for her remaining family. She never spoke to them anymore, the few that were still alive, but she knew they would still be devastated. Once again, Grace had to shake the thoughts out of her head. They would just have to cope.
The weather was deceptively calm as Grace left her house and locked the door. She felt an odd flash of irritation. The sun was setting and the sky was annoying beautiful this evening. Grace didn't really think the weather would change to fit her mood, but maybe it could rain, just a little bit?
Grace slowly made her way to the park where she had first met her Harold, stopping frequently to notice tiny details along the way. She was in no hurry. Tears streamed silently down her cheeks. The night was cooling off quickly, but she barely noticed the chill.
Faint music brought her out of her stupor. Grace looked around and quickly located the source and let out a choked laugh. It was the ice cream truck she knew so well. The owner was packing up, but he stopped the moment he saw her. "Miss!" He exclaimed in surprise. "It's sure been a long time since- are you okay?"
"Oh, right, no I'm fine," Grace assured him, hurriedly wiping away her tears. "It's just, um, been a long week."
The man nodded sympathetically. "Well, in that case, I think I can spare a vanilla on the house for one of my favorite customers, even if you haven't visited me in forever. How's my other favorite doing?" He handed her an ice cream cone as he asked, and a fresh wave of tears threatened to fall. He seemed to notice. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to hit a nerve. You just enjoy that and don't worry about it."
"Thank you, really." Grace tried to convey her sincerity in that one small sentence. His kindness almost made her want to go back home and crawl into bed. "I have to go, I'm kind of on a tight schedule and-"
"No, no, go! That's totally fine," he interrupted, shooing her away with his hands. "Just come give me more business from now on."
Grace laughed and nodded. She turned and continued her walk down to the river, occasionally licking the frigid ice cream.
Once she reached the fence overlooking the water, Grace climbed the railing and sat on it, her feet dangling over the water. She ignored the wind whipping her hair around while she finished her treat. Did she want to do this after all? Sure, things seemed bad now, but did she actually want this? Or, if she went home now, would she wake up in the morning feeling normal? This was a big decision and something she had been debating for a while now. But then, as the sun slipped beneath the horizon, she realized she didn't want things to be normal. Her normal was waking up in an empty bed, living in an empty house, with no friends or family to fill her time. All she did was illustrate magazine covers, and even that had started to drain her long ago.
Grace let the last bite of the ice cream cone slip out of her fingers and took a deep breath. "I love you, Harold," she whispered. She pushed herself off the railing before she had a chance to talk herself out of it. Grace heard a distant shout as she plummeted the several feet to the river and wondered if someone had seen her fall. She felt bad if they had, but was glad that whoever it was hadn't been close enough to stop her. She was already in the icy water and sinking fast. She thought she could hear sirens, but the freezing water was making it difficult to think.
Grace's thoughts went to Harold, and the life they could've had together. The last thing that flashed through her mind as darkness closed in was the warm memory of Harold proposing to her. 'For better or for worse, Harold, 'till death do us part.'