Hiya everyone. Yes, I know that if I have spare time I should be working on Carousel, but I felt like I needed to write something else. This wasn't even a proper plot bunny - I guess the idea developed as I wrote it. MemoirsofaLostCause - yeah, this is dedicated to you. You are simply amazing, thank you so much, and I think you'll understand what this really is.

She pulled her hair out from its bun, shaking the last strands loose as she began to undress; pulling each item off slowly, carefully, but then discarding it on the tiled floor where she stood. It didn't make sense to act with such care, then indifference, but that was life. It didn't make sense. And now, it felt like nothing in her world did.

She stepped into the bathtub, not even wincing at the scalding heat before she slowly leant back, letting the water wash over her, hoping it could wash away her worries…better still. Hoping it could wash away her.

But no such luck. So instead, she sat up, and leant over to pick up her supposed saviour from the shelf. She slowly rotated her wrist, watching the light bounce off the knife's surface, casting a beam of brilliance wherever it was reflected. And then, she took one final breath…and slashed. She did it fast, letting her anger explode into that one swift action, and bit her lip to stop herself from screaming from the pain. But more than pain, she felt…release. As though her worries could be drained out of her body. And most of all, she felt in control. For once in her life, she could actually make a decision of her own. So she swallowed again, clasped the knife in her other hand, and once more, she slashed. And then she did it again, and again, and the more blood she saw, the more she cut, imagining her pain rushing out in that river of crimson. Before she could stop herself, she'd let out a wail of anguish, tearing through the night, almost sounding inhumane. And when the world began to swim, when she could cry no more, she dropped her tool with a clatter, and slowly lay back until she was entirely submerged beneath the water.

Ribbons of scarlet threaded their way out of her wrists, morphing into dusky pink swirls amongst the water until they eventually dissolved into mere memories.

Just as her dreams had done.


"And in that evening light, all I heard were your screams, filling the darkness until I came. And when I came, to save your dreams, all you did was slip away from me."

She slowly opened her eyes, wondering why her she felt as though she'd fallen from a building, and why her head was thumping, her body aching, and her voice was…gone. And then, she sat up, mesmerised by the sound of music. As she squinted, rubbing away the remnants of – tears? – from her cheeks, she simply watched and listened to the figure hunched over a desk in the corner of the room. The words he sang were beautiful…the haunting melody made a strange combination with his rich, deep voice, but that only made it more mesmerising.

And then he turned.

"You." She breathed, before she flung herself out of the bed, throwing herself into his arms, sobbing as she felt them tighten around her. And they simply stood there, rocking back and forth in each other's embrace until the last tears fell from her eyes.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"No." he pulled away from her, looking deep into her eyes. "Don't say that."

"But I didn't tell them. The truth, I mean. And if I did, we might have saved you."

"They wouldn't have bothered. Still the son of a death eater." He spat. She shivered at the malice in his voice, then looked down at herself, realising she was wearing nothing. He slowly unfolded her arms, so she could see the angry slashes on her wrists, scarred over.

"Why?" he whispered, tears choking his voice. "Why would you do that to yourself?"

"Why else?"

"I'd forgotten how contradictory you are."

"I mean it. I need you. I need to be with you."

"Don't say that." He brushed his fingers along her cheek. "Please."

"It's true." Her voice began to rise. "I need you! I can't be without you, and if I had only told them the truth - "

"WHAT TRUTH?!" He bellowed. "That I betrayed my family, my side of the war because I…"

"You what?" she murmured.

"Because I fell I love with you."

She began to cry again.

"No, don't." he pulled her close to him. "I'm sorry I shouted."

"I don't care. I just need to be with you."

"Please - "

"So what now? Where are we? Are we together?"

"We - "

Her eyes widened. "Am I dead?"

He twisted his lips. "Somewhere in-between. But - "

"I don't care!" she smiled, "so long as I'm with you. Why else do you think this happened?" she pointed to her wrists.

"It's not your time."


"I can't let you do this. Think about the people you're leaving behind."

"You left me behind!"

"I had no choice! I WAS KILLED!" he lowered his voice. "You do."

"No." she stared up at him, obstinately, so he scooped her into his arms and ley her back down on the bed, sitting beside her. Slowly, deliberately, he leant over her, brushing a stray strand of hair away from her forehead, and kissed her gently on the lips, before pulling away.

Suddenly, a chasm seemed to open behind him, a gaping blackness, where he stood up and leaned towards.

"Fight it." He said. "Keep fighting. You'll be back, when it's time, and I'll be waiting."

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too. Hermione." He stepped towards the darkness, and then –

He was gone.

She felt a dizziness wash over her, a flood of emotion, as her vision began to fade, but still, she heard his voice.


"Hermione. Hermione."




Someone was screaming her name. Her eyes fluttered open, vision swimming for a moment before the figures beside her gained focus. Harry. Ginny. Ron. Neville. Luna.

But not him.

"She's awake!" someone shouted, and the room erupted into chaos, papers flying, people shouting, people running backwards and forwards, the distinct smell of hospital and disinfectant piercing the air.

And somehow, she felt as though she were in the eye of the tornado of chaos – strangely calm, as though everything finally made sense. And she only uttered one word, before she closed her mouth, lips sealed forever until she was reunited with the one person she needed.


Yeah. That's it. If you don't really understand what happened, feel free to PM me. I'd love to hear what you thought of it, so reviews are appreciated!

Love you all,

Tris xx