The final bit of insanity is up, featuring all the characters who we have yet to see.
DJ was the ringmaster of a circus. It was a very small circus, more of a side-show, really. The only attractions were Larry, the giant venus fly trap, and Sasquatchwanakwa, the cheap Yeti knock-off. What could they do? Er, not much. Just stand there and look pretty.
The most interesting thing that ever happened is when the two got into a fight over who was better: Mozart or Charlie Brown. The Sasquatch threw punch after punch, but Larry simply swallowed him whole. However, the extra weight made him top-heavy, and he fell over and crushed DJ.
The animal lover was proud to have been killed by a animal. Well, a plant. Actually, a mutant plant. No, a mutant morbidly obese plant. Okay, he was killed by something. That's better.
Lightning and Jo had been on a romantic cruise together when the ship hit a glacier and started sinking. That's right, I said glacier. Not iceberg, glacier. See, their ship traveled on land for some reason. It was most likely due to the fact that B was the captain. Genius? Yes. Silent type? Definitely. Clever? Without a doubt. Seaman? Hell no.
The aforementioned couple stood at the tip of the prow as the boat tilted up. They hugged each other tight. "Kiss me, Lightning!" yelled Jo.
"Sha-I'll sha-never sha-let sha-go!" yelled Lightning, leaning in for the kiss.
"But I will!" yelled the jockette. She dropped him, and the jock fell down the deck, mouth still puckered. He ended up kissing the glacier and his lips got stuck to it. Jo laughed so hard and loud she started an avalanche and was buried.
Meanwhile, Blaineley was angry at Total Drama, and all the people on it. So, she decided to kill them. Her first stop was Tyler. "Any last words?" she asked as she approached the sportee with a knife.
"Don't kill me! I have incredible talent! Watch how far I can throw a football!" His throw went half a foot, but landed on a trampoline and bounced up and away. Car alarms and cat screeches were heard from far off in the distance. Tyler grinned sheepishly, and Blaineley finished what she had come there to do.
Next on her list was Gwen. But when she approached the goth, instead of screaming or begging for her life, all Gwen did was point and say "Look out behind you."
"Hah, you think I'm gonna fall for that? No one's that- - -unh." Tyler's football had traveled all the way around the world twice and come back. It hit Blaineley in the head and killed her.
Somewhere else in Canada, Sam was demoing a new type of videogame. Basically, someone else was hooked up to wires and placed in virtual reality, where all of their actions were controlled by the gamer.
Anne Maria was that unlucky person, and Sam was taking unfair advantage of that. "Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? Okay, now take off your shirt- - -" He was interrupted as a horde of zombies stumbled on-screen. The Sam-controlled virtual Anne Maria was no match for them, and she was quickly overrun and bitten.
Unfortunately, the real Anne Maria turned into a zombie too. She broke free of the wires and proceeded to eat Sam. Delicious. All that fat added a lot of good flavor.
Zoey was walking home through a dark alley, alone and late at night. Suddenly, she heard a clatter behind her and started walking a little faster. Footsteps chased her, and she ran. But the redhead was quickly caught and dragged into an old abandoned building. A rag was stuffed in her mouth, her wrists were hand-cuffed, and bungee cords were wrapped around her lower legs.
It was then that she got a good look at her captor. It was Sierra. "Finally, another former contestant to add to my collection!" She pointed to a wall, where Courtney was displayed in a glass case, also tied up and gagged. Zoey was stuffed in another giant display case.
"I must collect more!" moaned Sierra creepily. "Especially Cody. I NEED TO COLLECT CODY!"
Somewhere much less creepy, Leshawna was listening to some Beatles. They weren't really her style, but she liked this song. The ghetto girl started singing along. "Here comes the sun, da da da da..."
Attracted by her singing, and compelled by the lyrics, the actual sun drifted next to Earth. But then Leshawna started dancing. As soon as it caught sight of that, the sun died of shock.
Totally illogically and against all rules of science, physics, and Ezekielness, the sun was pulled towards the Earth and they collided with a huge explosion. Everyone died, including all the Total Drama cast members who were still alive this far into the story.
What? Happy endings are overrated. Geez. Or, as the late Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V would say, gosh!
THE (unhappy) END
Believe it or not, this is my first multi-chapter story I've finished. I have seven others in-progress, and most of them have been around for months. As you can guess, I'm too frickin' ambitious. Anyway, thus was fun, and I'd recommend checking out those other stories of mine. They're not as random, but they're just as crazy and funny!