There's a reason why religions, all of them, are grounded more in faith and belief than in knowledge.

Whether your god exists or not, whether you worship an idea or a concept or an ancient, revered figure, there's always a niggling doubt at the back of your mind. You kill that doubt through blind faith and belief. Because everyone, and I do mean everyone, needs something they can believe in, even if that something is their own self.

Young Harry Potter, at some basic level born from childish innocence, wanted to be normal so that his family, if it could be called such with any degree of seriousness, would accept him. He was a freak, and therefore they didn't accept him, because they prized normalcy. Of course, Harry didn't know that they sought normalcy to the point of abnormality, but that's not the point.

As far as Harry knew, religion, and believing in God, was normal. And so he did. For all of the wrong reasons, but he did hold a belief that there was some kind of higher authority that would someday judge him for being a freak and condemn him to hell, whatever that was. And he wanted to become normal before that time.

Harry had never had an option to choose what religion he wanted to follow, for he wasn't even aware there was the possibility of choice. That he could seek what belief most closely resembled what he truly believed.

His belief in god was born out of a wish for normalcy, a wish of acceptance.

One could call it fake faith, as he knew nothing of it other than it was normal to believe in God. Truly, they would be correct. One can't truly worship something without knowing what that something is, and for all that Harry could already boast a prodigious intellect, it didn't matter how smart you were if you didn't have access to the knowledge in the first place.

To blame for Harry's faith being false would be none other than the Dursley family and their obsessive hatred of all things magical. Which in and of itself had been born from fear. Many would think, later in life, that they had just been born evil or that they were just horrible people, but their fear was deeply rooted because, unbeknownst to just about anyone, of decent enough reasons to, if not forgive, then at least feel some pity for them.

Vernon Dursley had been told that his parents had died while getting mugged. Of course, he was told this after having the truth removed from his brain through magic. They couldn't, after all, let him know that he had been forced to watch as a man who eerily resembled Vernon's current width force fed his mother his penis while another took her arse and a third her vagina. He couldn't know because the men who had done it had worn black cloaks and white masks. The men who had done it had been wielding wands.

The men who had done it had waved said wands and forced him to watch it. Forced his mother to kill her father and then turn to do the same to him. The only thing that had saved the then young Vernon had been the arrival of muggle policemen forcing the hand of the British Auror Corps into action.

While a simple Obliviate had gotten rid of the memories themselves, the trauma and the hatred of 'wizards', most specifically pureblood wizards, had remained burning at the back of Vernon's mind. That was why when Petunia rekindled his memories by giving him an explanation about how her sister was a freak his hatred reignited, at its full potency, and transferred to every single one of them.

Petunia Evans had always been the target of her sister's angry tantrums. Lily Evans had been prodigious in the use of charms, and had made it a point to utilize magic to get back at her sister for the petty sibling rivalry that had always been their relationship. And their parents had encouraged it! It wasn't enough that Petunia had been denied the world of wonderment and awesome magic, but she'd also been forced to deal with her sister showing her just how far behind she'd been left!

Lily had always been the perfect little girl. Always been the one all the boys trailed after during the summer. Once they'd gone to a beach and despite Petunia going for a daring two piece swimsuit that left little to the imagination and Lily choosing a much more conservative one piece, all the eyes had been plastered on the redhead from the very first moment she became visible.

When they went to school together, Lily was clearly more intelligent than her, and it showed when the younger girl could do Petunia's homework with ease, while she struggled to keep passing grades.

Always so perfect, always the best, always her parents' favorite, always the most beautiful… It made Petunia sick just to remember her.

And of course, the brat had to have her sister's oh so charming eyes. The eyes that could make both boys and girls just stare for hours on end. The same green of the killing curse that had taken Lily's life, and had almost taken the freaky little brat's own. Oh, how she wished she could go back and take the kid to an orphanage.

She didn't truly hate him. Not as a person.

What she hated was what he represented. His mother had been powerful, bright and beautiful, and the brat was gearing up to follow in her steps. Inquisitive, curious and always eager to gain approval, he'd been the teachers' favorite. And it had shown on his grades until she convinced Vernon that it was destroying Dudley's self esteem to have the freak do better than him.

And on some level, it was. Dudley Dursley, truly, had the self esteem of a teenage girl. It was obvious why; the boy was overweight to the point he was a blubbering ball of lard already, he was almost certainly teased by the other kids at the school, was dumb as a rock on top of that and he was also rude and irresponsible to cap it off.

Despite being only seven years old, Dudley Dursley was already shaping up to follow in his father's footsteps, although he lacked the excuse of the brain damage an inexpert mind wiper had unintentionally harmed his father with.

All Petunia wanted to do was help him, and if it happened to help her deal with her repressed hatred, then it was only convenient.

They had to make the freak be less than Dudley, in an effort to make Dudley more than he was. It was the wrong approach, but can one fault parents for wishing the best for their son?

It happened to be that during one night of such disciplining, because the boy had actually managed to gain the attention of one of his teachers yet again, that Petunia's fears and hatred had been rewarded.

The door to her immaculately clean home was slammed open when a… blob of cyan goo, roughly the size of Vernon, came flowing through in a disgusting, disturbing display. Once it pushed itself fully into the living room, its face, strangely that of a mongrel of a dog, took shape. It didn't even open its maws or get rid of the dopey, dog-like smile on its face when it began moving towards Petunia, who was holding Harry doubled over her lap, having been in the process of spanking him a few moments prior.

She threw the freak at it, in an effort to distract the damnable blob of goo and then ran towards where her house had a back door to get to the backyard, which was, of course, immaculate and very well kept, through the Freak's efforts.

Now, the gigantic blob of goo didn't care that the thing in front of it was a little child, for it was an animal that gave no fucks about such things. Therefore, it turned to eat Harry, and the scared little boy could do nothing but run in the opposite direction of the thing, finally hitting a wall and nearly pissing himself in terror as the blob kept advancing on him.

Until a bolt of purple lightning came in through the same door the blob of goo had come through and fried it, making it explode and bathe the room in goo.

Hearing the cracking noise that accompanied the bolt, Petunia rushed into the room to find it covered in the substance that had formed the dog faced monster. And instantly, she seized on her freak nephew using his freaky freakiness. It surged the same way her sister's did, whenever she was scared beyond her wits, and solved his problems for him.

Enraged beyond measure, Petunia turned nearly purple and slapped Harry harshly across the face, beginning a long tirade of everything that was wrong with him. She was beyond panicked, beyond angry and beyond frustrated. Had she been in any other state, she would have first ordered him to clean it up, before beginning her tirade.

An odd feeling of coldness stopped her cold, however, and then she turned to look at the strangest pair of eyes she'd ever seen. The first thing she took notice of, were the purple irises. It was just that strange of a color for it. Next were the pupils. The white, strangely shaped pupils that seemed to be a vertical slit with a crescent below it. It was so strange that she didn't even scream at the freakishness of it.

The fact that whoever owned them was floating right in front of her, however, took precedence. Even over the strange, black and fuchsia outfit that the woman, for the dominatrix-inspired outfit she wore left nothing to the imagination, wore. It was simply beyond something Petunia could describe.

"I cannot forgive someone as wretched as yourself!" the woman said, passion dripping from her every word in a way that somehow both made Petunia aroused and terrified at the same time, "unfortunately for you, there is no one to save you from my wrath. I will punish you, and make you rue the day that you dared lay a hand on a child!"

Harry had never thought about religion more deeply than it being a normal thing that normal people have and thus he should have if he was wishing to become normal. At seven, he didn't need anything more than that.

As he watched with fascination as the woman roughly, with great strength and furious anger, unleashed hell upon the aunt that he'd desperately tried to please, he felt the beginning of the blind faith in something, or someone, that he didn't know religion involved. He didn't know who it was that he was seeing make his wishes, secret, repressed and ignored wishes, but wishes nonetheless, come true.

But he knew one thing.

That woman was his favorite person ever, and it didn't hurt that even his childish mind saw her as utterly gorgeous. With her lustrous, dark blue hair and that smile that showed nothing but unrestrained glee in everything she did, even as she used the flat of the serrated blade she held in her hand to discipline his aunt the very same way she had disciplined him before.

Harry didn't even feel the grin that formed on his face at the sight.

It was once she was preparing to leave that she bent down in front of him, putting the tip of her finger, her oh so soft finger, under his chin and tilting his head up so they could see each other eye to eye. "Are you alright, little one?" she asked, her voice soft and velvety, laced with true concern, not the malice that she'd just unleashed on Petunia.

"I… I am…" He said, intimidated by the first show of kindness his memory said he'd ever received.

She smiled, a saintly smile that was nevertheless tainted by the strange allure that permeated the aura she projected around herself. "That is good to know. You can call me Iris Heart, dear, what is your name?"

"I'm… I'm Harry…" croaked the little boy, looking at the woman like she was a Messiah sent from the heavens to save him from the pitiful excuse for a life he'd led at the Dursleys' mercy.

"Okay, then, Harry… If your aunt ever hurts you again, just call for me, okay? I will protect you."

"Who… who are you, really?" asked Harry, full of curiosity, "why would you help a freak like me?"

"I am a goddess, Harry. It's my duty to protect those who believe in me," she explained, patting his hair, "and you believe in me, don't you?"

"Y-Yes!" Harry nearly yelled, conviction flooding his words. "But… I'm a freak… wouldn't you care more about a normal family?"

The woman pulled him into a hug, and Harry felt his head rest in the valley of her sizable breasts, the feel of the cool leather against either side of his neck was a strange sensation, though. "Don't ever let anyone tell you what you are, Harry. Only you can decide that for yourself, okay?"

"Plutie, we have to go," spoke a voice that, while smooth as Iris Heart's, was not laced with the same strange, alluring quality that Iris Heart's held, but instead had an undercurrent of maturity and reliability that was somehow calming.

"But Neppy, the little one is scared…"

"It's a wonder he isn't terrified of you, knowing how you behave when in that form. The Hyperdimensional Dogoo was defeated and I, for one, could really use a good bath."

Iris Heart chuckled in a way that made shivers run down Harry's spine. "If you're so desperate to share the bath tub with me again, Neppy, who am I to deny you?"

The woman who was apparently named 'Neppy' shivered.

They left, behind them, a smiling little boy who waved as they departed, looking awed as neither of them touched the ground to move, instead floating a few dozen centimeters above it. Unbeknownst to him, Harry had finally gained something to believe in, thus derailing the plans and plots of many who would have sought to use him in his future.

All because an annoying, massively overweight crossbreed between a dog and a slime had made its way to Privet Drive on a warm night.


I felt I needed to do at least one stupid crossover that had no business existing, and I figured this one would be it. I guess I've gotta make one thing very, very clear:

This will NOT, I repeat, this will NOT, be a fic in which Harry gains an implausible harem from all the goddesses in the Neptunia series. I've seen this is common when dealing with crossovers with the Naruto and Harry Potter franchises, where the crossover character, usually a self insert wearing Harry or Naruto's skin, overshadows the other series' characters and gets a harem.

To put it simply: This here is canon Harry in terms of base. He doesn't have any weird powerups, doesn't have a ridiculous amount of raw power or any sort of innate super talent that leaves everyone else in the dust. I'm not saying he won't have his own advantages, but he won't be the be-all end-all Uberwizard that can beat up Voldemort with his ass while solving a Rubik's cube with one hand and doing trick beer pong shots with the other. The story is meant to be humorous, and the whole joke will be trying to spread the faith in Planeptune's goddesses in Hogwarts.

Right now, however, I'm debating having Nep Nep attend Hogwarts. Just to annoy the crap out of everyone.