"And so that's basically pretty much all you need to know about puberty, both magical and mundane facts about it," Dumbledore finished, putting away the wand he'd used as a pointer and smiling kindly at Harry. "Does that answer your questions?"
"Yes, but it raised so many more..." Harry said, "like... is it moral or ethical to dose everyone in the school with anti-conceptive potions?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I wouldn't be able to say," Dumbledore said, shrugging, "but it does sound like a fantastic idea about something we're not doing, right?" he asked.
"Right," Harry nodded, "isn't it against the rules to have sex at all?"
"Not between consenting adult students," Dumbledore explained, "which are admittedly few, but there are cases like that. It's also practically impossible to completely curb it in the entire school. As you might already have noticed, Hogwarts is massive and conceals so many secrets even from myself that it's impossible to know everything that's going on anywhere at any given time. I'd rather have a secondary defense to fall back to," Dumbledore said. "Never put all your eggs in one basket, I say, that's the one sure fire way for the Easter Bunny to steal them."
"Easter? Do we celebrate Easter here?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, no. But why waste an excuse to eat gigantic chocolate eggs?" Dumbledore asked, looking at Harry like he couldn't understand the very notion of what he'd just described.
"Anyway, sir, I had other questions..."
"Care for a game of Dance Dance Revolution, Harry? It is simply a delightful pastime. It used to be so hard to train my footwork so that I could remain agile and fast on my feet. Truly, this has been one of my wiser decisions," he said, stroking his beard.
Harry frowned. "I suck at rhythm games..." Harry admitted.
"You're afraid of facing this decrepit old coot, Harry? For shame."
At this, Harry forgot about anything else, and scowled. "Oh you did not just do that."
"I did just do that. What are you gonna do about it?" Dumbledore taunted, smiling widely.
"You're going down, old timer!"
"Okay, I've discovered a lot of things. Amongst them the reason why I get erections, the reason why people don't get pregnant at Hogwarts, the reason why Dumbledore is no longer allowed to introduce new holidays and, more importantly, I've learned why one must never accept a DDR challenge from Dumbledore. The man, to put it in simple terms we all can understand, rocked the fuck out and schooled me," Harry said. "Did I miss anything?"
"Yes! You didn't tell us how awkward the conversation was!" someone asked.
"Oh. A lot less awkward than I'd thought it'd be. I mean, I thought it would involve all those sorts of weird analogies about birds and bees and all that crap but... he stuck to the facts, didn't stutter or slur his words, was totally professional the whole time and he was clearly not embarrassed at all by the topic. I'm wondering where the rumor of The Talk comes from, if this is really what it's like. Maybe it's just Dumbledore that's like that, but I think more people should really stop being such drama queens and stop acting like it's the most embarrassing and awkward thing in the world. Because it's not. And I'm disappointed about it."
"No, really, tell us how you REALLY feel," someone else told him.
"Well... I feel kinda cheated, actually-"
"... I was being sarcastic," that same person said.
"Yes, I know, I'm just turning it back on you," Harry said. He'd learned from the best how to counter Sarcasm. Noire was fond of it when speaking to or about Neptune, and it was painfully easy to turn it back on her. Much like Neptune and Plutia, he did agree that Noire blushed quite prettily, both in anger and embarrassment, even if he didn't get the same amount of enjoyment that Neptune and Plutia did out of it. "Anyway, does anyone know where Neptune and Plutia are? I kind of have to find them..."
"I think they were heading to the seventh floor..." someone said.
"Well, they're no doubt getting their butts kicked in the colisseum, then. Might as well leave them to it, then, I'm going to sleep."
"In hindsight, we shouldn't have taken on two enemies at once," Neptune said, as she threw herself to the ground to dodge a swipe of the energy scythe that had just sliced through where she was. She rolled along the floor to avoid a barrage of pink spheres that left small craters that quickly disappeared from the colisseum floor.
Plutia took a deep breath as soon as she got a long enough moment of respite. "Processor Unit Ins-"
She was prevented from starting her transformation sequence when she had to throw herself aside to dodge a mysteriously threatening pink beam of death. Then she saw dozens of ominous pink spheres dotting the formless sky above her. She looked to Neptune to see if she could get help blocking, as she knew she was far from agile enough to dodge, only to wince as she saw Neptune dodging and jumping around yellow blades of lightning, clearly panicked as she was trying to avoid both pain and paralysis.
"I think it's lights out for me," Plutia admitted, as she saw the spheres suddenly begin moving at her, their speed increasing a little every instant.
"Ah, crap," Neptune said, mostly to herself, as her katana was knocked out of her hands by the black metal miniature bardiche her opponent wielded. "Please don't break my butt."
Well, she did get her wish granted.
Her butt wasn't broken, at least.
"So, we're really, REALLY rusty... either that, or we're not as strong as we thought we were," Neptune said, frowning and shaking her head. "No, I refuse to believe that! The cinematics for our attacks can get really massive and impressive!"
"It's not as easy without a turn based combat system," Plutia said, as she rubbed her aching body. "Why are we not fighting like that, again?"
"I don't know!" Neptune said, frustrated, "but we have to get used to fighting like this! At least anything that comes from our world would be as out of their depth as we are, so even if something does cross over to cause trouble, they wouldn't be too problematic to deal with," she said, "but it seriously sucks! I think we could even get defeated by the people from here in a real fight, and that's even accounting for the fact that their spells barely affect us... At least our stats still mean something."
Plutia moaned in pain as Neptune raised her voice. She had a mild concussion as a result of getting dozens of smacks to the face.
"We should start lower. Maybe we need to do some grinding?" Neptune said, rubbing her chin, "I just want a victory," she said, frowning a little, before turning around.
The preproom of the colisseum wasn't very large, it'd fit twelve people at the most, but it did provide a full bar, along with a robotic servant, as well as a large console with which to select what fight to engage in. There was also an entrance that lead to the stands from it. It was a much more interactive and three dimensional user interface than she was used to, but Neptune had quickly learned how to navigate this dimension's Colisseum.
She couldn't quite use her home dimension's anymore, since Arfoire's death took the Gamindustri Graveyard down with her, and that's where the arena had been. She couldn't use Plutia's as much as she wished, either, as she did still have a country to run and, unlike this world, Plutia's Gamindustri had, in fact, synched up its time passage with Neptune's home.
Here, she could spend as much time lazing around and playing without any ill effects, because of the massive time dillation, but she was also much weaker due to the lack of Shares as well as the different combat system. It was annoying, but she'd have to deal with it. At least her powers were steadily increasing as the people of Hogwarts started to believe in her divinity, and started playing with the consoles she was distributing. Normally, it'd be impossible to put so many consoles in the market so fast, but Neptune had entertained the idea of expanding Planeptune's market outside Gamindustri ever since the world known as 'Earth' became a regular vacation spot.
It was incredibly convenient that she was immortal and incapable of aging in this world as well, as it would've been odd to age up and then come back to Gamindustri looking different. Though some part of Neptune did feel a little sad that she wouldn't be able to grow boobs. She'd wasted a chance in Plutia's gamindustri. If she hadn't taken the CPU Memory so damn early, she would've been able to grow to adult size!
Then again, it was a risky move, considering she knew a great deal of her fanbase in Planeptune, what little there was of it, was composed of lolicons. She couldn't afford to lose any support at all, though being the only other adult CPU might in and of itself garner quite a bit of support.
Neptune turned to the console where she had just picked a fight against a pair of little girls, much like herself and Plutia, only to get their asses kicked.
She sighed, before choosing a fight randomly. There were thousands of fights, and going through each and everyone to try and select one was pointless. The grand majority of them were low level fights, and chances were that choosing any fight at random would likely land her a very low level, easy kill. So she did exactly that.
The random selector went off, and started cycling through fights, before it landed on one.
Neptune frowned. "Fusion Warrior! God of Destruction! huh..."
There wasn't a ranking listed for the fight. Neptune wasn't sure what to think, but she roused Plutia and gave her an energy drink, which tasted horribly, to pick her up. Deciding that they at least had to win this one so they wouldn't keep on losing.
The gates to the arena proper opened, and Neptune and Plutia stepped through.
Unlike the last time, they weren't on the standard colisseum. Instead, they were in a square stadium, standing on a perfectly square, perfectly well cut arena with white tiles. Soft-looking green grass surrounded them five meters on every side, and behind that were small stands, clearly not intended for very many people.
Then two men descended from the sky, one clad in orange and blue, and the other in blue spandex. One was fairly tall, and the other was a bit on the shorter side. Both had wild, spiky black hair.
They looked at each other for a few seconds and then the taller one threw an earring like object to the shorter one. Seeing this, Neptune noticed that the tall one had an earring on his left ear.
Immediately after catching it, the shorter man put the earring on his right ear.
They seemed to be pulled towards each other, and as they crashed, they exploded in blinding cyan light, forcing Neptune and Plutia to cover their eyes to avoid the display.
Soon enough, it receded, revealing a man in blue and orange, wearing a color inverted version of the tall man's outfit, though using the shorter one's gloves and boots. He also had both earrings. He had a confident smirk on his face, but he lost it after a few seconds, taking on a serious scowl instead. He leaned forward a bit and bent over, almost as if he was making a great deal of effort. He clenched his fists, spreading them slightly.
With a grunt of effort, he exploded into golden light. His hair had changed to the same color of the aura that now surrounded him. Shortly after, he exploded into golden light again, and bluish lightning began to crackle around him. Another explosion of golden light, this one far more intense and powerful than the others, obscured him, and when it receded, his face had changed, revealing neanderthal-like features coupled with hair so long it was past his waist, almost reaching the back of his knees. His muscles were also bulging and straining the fabric of his clothes.
Finally, he exploded once more, this time colored fiery red, once more blinding both goddesses.
This time, however, he hadn't grown bigger and more menacing. If anything, he'd grown slimmer and less threatening, his hair returning to its base, but colored in magenta, almost red, same as his eyes.
He crossed his arms and smirked confidently at them.
"We're going to get our asses thoroughly kicked again, aren't we?" Plutia asked, turning to Neptune.
"Totally," Neptune agreed with a grin.
Harry smiled and shook his head, before grabbing each one of the godesses with one arm, swinging them onto his shoulders as best as he could, and dragged them to his bed. He couldn't go into the girls' rooms, but they could go into the boys', so it would have to do.
They must've been so tired after training that they barely made it to the common room. It didn't help that Neptune had been losing sleep, lately, because she had to catch up on several releases that'd happened since the last time she'd returned to Gamindustri. Far be it from her to not keep an eye on what the local industry was like. By taste testing it, of course.
He put them both on his bed, undressing them as best as he could. He didn't have their pyjamas, so his would have to do. Fortunately, he was only slightly bigger than either of them, so it was easy to put them on something comfortable to sleep in. He decided that, since his bed was occupied, he'd pull an all-nighter. He had lots of homework to do anyway.
However, when he tried to disentangle himself from them and leave them, he felt their arms, stronger than anything so small had any right to be, grab onto each of his wrists and pull him down.
It was an uncomfortable position, sprawled out amongst a tangle of limbs and torsos. He was also half out of the covers, which wasn't good in a drafty castle's lower floors. Even worse, Plutia was drooling on his arm and Neptune had stolen the pillow.
It was still the best night's sleep Harry'd had since he'd arrived at Hogwarts.