The Day that Nothing Happened by Emachinescat
A Supernatural Fan-Fiction
SUMMARY: Set during S1. It is a day that the Winchester brothers never saw coming. A day… when nothing happened. At all. And the brothers have no idea what to do now. Crack.
A/N: *glances around nervously* I've gotta be crazy! My first dip into the Supernatural fandom and I'm doing a satire? All of these seasoned SN fans and their infinite knowledge of all things Sam and Dean are either going to be amused, angered, or amangered. But it's okay – the plot bunnies (nasty little buggers; I'm pretty sure they're demons in their own rights – have assaulted me and I must write what must be written. So I shall. And here it goes. Enjoy. :)
I know, I know, this isn't technically my first dip into the SN fandom… because of I'd Follow You Anywhere. But I wrote almost all of this a couple of years ago, and then forgot about it, and then just rediscovered it, and decided to finish it off and post it for your enjoyment. Like I said. It's crack. Pure and utter crack. Enjoy. Please review!
((Oh, and see if anyone can spot the Amazing Spiderman line hidden amongst this fic…))
The Day that Nothing Happened
It was a chilly night. The air was ominous and dark, the streets deserted. Not a sound broke the silence, not a whisper on the wind or a howl ripping through the night. And even though the atmosphere was perfect for an unexplained, violent, and incredibly gruesome death, there was none. No screams of anguish pierced the dark, no splashes of blood decorated the blades of crazed demons, spirits, monsters, ghosts, pagan gods, or nasty hillbillies with a habit of hunting humans. No, for once in the world, everything was silent. Everything was calm. Nothing happened, no exciting, bloodcurdling but oh-so-predictable introduction to an episode in the lives of the Winchester brothers. There was nothing… but normalcy.
The next morning, Sam and Dean sat across from each other at the table in the hotel room they'd rented. Dean was singing "Eye of the Tiger" and Sam was pretending he didn't exist, instead shuffling through the morning paper and clicking away on his computer. Finally, right as Dean was about to reach the best part of the song, Sam sat back and flung his body away from the table, nearly tipping the chair over in the process.
Dean glared at his little brother, indignation written over his face. "Really, Sammy?" he asked petulantly, not noticing at first the almost panicked expression on Sam's face. "Really? Right at the best part of the song? I even had a dance to go along with it; it involves the Impala, maybe I can show you sometime—"
"Will you forget about your stupid car and your stupid music for a minute?!" Sam demanded, face paler than it had been after his brush with death via a very angry chick named Mary chilling out in a cursed mirror. "This is serious, Dean!"
Dean brushed aside an insulted retort at Sam's dismissal of his baby and his music at the young man's terrified expression.
"What is it, Sammy?" he asked, moving closer to his brother. "Is it a demon? Spirit? Some son-of-a—"
"No, Dean," Sam interrupted shakily.
"Well, what is it?"
Dean scowled. "C'mon, Sam, stop being a pansy and just tell me. It can't be that bad, can it?"
Sam shook his head slowly. "No, Dean, it's… it's worse. It's… nothing." He shuddered.
Dean cocked an eyebrow and pretended that his mouth didn't suddenly go dry. "Nothing? As in…nothing?"
Sam nodded. "I've checked all over. No mysterious deaths, no maulings or murders, no missing people or monsters or impossible crimes. There's nothing… Nothing at all."
Dean cursed. "What the heck is wrong with this world?" he demanded, throwing his hands up. "No unexplainable murders? No supernatural activity? Nothing?" He sighed heavily. "Sammy, I thought I knew what life was about. Every day we wake up and find out that something has happened, something unexplainable that just happens to be on the front page of whatever newspaper we get. Or an old friend of dad wants us to help. Or dad sends us cryptic messages but refuses to see us because all Winchester men are cursed with asinine stubbornness – and supernatural handsomeness, to boot. But now, Sam – we have no leads, nothing to go after. Why can't people just follow the pattern? WHY?"
Sam chewed anxiously on his bottom lip. "What do we do now?"
Dean's eyes darted around nervously. "I… I dunno. We could, um… Or, if you don't want to, we could… well…"
Sam nodded distractedly, his fingers tapping restlessly on the table. "Yeah," he said. "Either one."
Two hours later
"I know, Dean."
"I want to shoot something."
"I know, Dean."
"Why isn't anything happening today?"
"I don't know, Dean."
Two more hours later
"Dean, you're going to get fat."
Dean glared at Sam from behind his double bacon cheeseburger. They were at a diner near the hotel, and they had been for the past two hours. And Dean had been eating the entire time. He'd eaten two burgers, a milkshake, a chicken sandwich, and, for some reason, the garnish off of Sam's tuna salad. Said he'd wanted to try something new, to spice up this boring day.
Sam wasn't impressed.
"Dean, I'm freaking out here, too, don't get me wrong," Sam said. "But we can't just sit here and eat all day. We need to get out. Live a normal life for once. Do… normal people things. What do normal people do, Dean?"
"Mrph-erf-errr-nerrph," Dean answered smartly, mouth full of burger.
"You're useless," Sam groaned.
Another two hours later
"Well, Google says that normal people don't google what normal people normally do," Sam informed his brother. "And I'm inclined to think they're right."
"This is ridiculous!" Dean groaned.
"Why won't something happen?" Sam agreed. "I'd even take a wraith or a demon! The unholy spawn of a wraith and a demon! Anything but this… nothingness!"
"We could prank call someone. I've heard about people doing that for fun."
"We don't know anyone who's not a hunter, and anyone who is a hunter would hunt us down and kill us for wasting their time," Sam pointed out.
"This is ridiculous!"
"You already said that."
"I know," Dean acknowledged. "But at least repeating myself is doing something."
The clock struck midnight. Sam, eyes drooping and heart desolate, absentmindedly scrolled down the computer screen, looking for any noteworthy news.
Did that say Man dies mysteriously in grave yard, police still searching for his other half?
"Dean!" Sam crowed, jolting his brother awake from his boredom-induced stupor.
Dean cursed. "Don't do that, Sammy!"
"It's Sam," said Sam dryly. "And some guy got ripped in half in a graveyard in Minnesota!"
Dean's eyes lit up, and it looked like Christmas had come early. "Finally!"
Grinning, glad that the horrifying day of nothingness had come to its oh-so-welcome end, the two brothers cleared out their hotel room, checked their ammunition supplies, picked out their fake IDs, and hit the road, hoping that a day where nothing happened never happened again.
A/N: Told you. Complete and utter crack. But fun to write. :O) Hope you all enjoyed that little silly story! Obviously, it was OOC, because, well, it's crack, and it's supposed to be. Honestly, I think that the boys would kill for a day off once and a while, but… This is a crack-fic. Heehee.
Please review! Thanks for reading! Love you guys!