For you, the love between me and Jesus may have seemed as something natural from the beginning. Even I sometimes have problems understand that he love between us grew to what it was. When it eventually became we, it felt so natural and certain. Let me explain it all for you; me and Jesus had been best friends since we were children. We protected each other and the other one was always there as one fell. You perhaps have heard the rumor about Jesus' mother, Maria? The one that says Jesus was a child she got from an affair outside her marriage with Josef? You and I know that it isn't true. That Jesus is the child of God. But no one else wanted to believe it. So when we turned seven years old, and it was time for us to start in school, the other ones talked behind his back and teased him. They called him nasty things and sometimes even hit him. I was always there, defending him. It was never a question, whether I should take his fights or not. I just did, I saw it as my duty since I had always been taller and more muscular.
When we got a few years older, fifteen or so, it was time for us to meet girls and it was then I found out I was that way. I never felt attracted to any of the girls, but when I saw an attractive man, my heart pounded like a hammer. It scared me, because in school we had always learned that being like that was against God's wishes. It was supernatural and the punishment would be immediate death and a direct line to Hell. The worries ate me up from inside and I had to tell someone. Jesus. When I told him I couldn't hold the tears, they ran down my face and I started to sob. But Jesus understood, like he always did. He took me into his arms and held me as he whispered that it was okay and that an as wonderful person as me never could appear in Hell.
I think it was somewhere there I started to love him. But, of course, it is hard for everyone to admit that you are falling in love with your best friend. So I pushed the feeling away. Instead, I wasted my time and love on other boys while Jesus laid his time and love on girls. It actually went on like that for quite a long time, about four years or so, before something suddenly happened. My head and heart got filled to the top with love and thoughts of Jesus and I couldn't think of something else. I am truly sorry, someone else. I didn't feel a thing for any of the boys I met at the secret SWAG meetings I went to, I felt as negligent about them as I felt about girls. It was all Jesus for me. But how does one tell? The easy answer is- one doesn't. I didn't because I laid all my trust in the words he always told me when I whined over some unimportant boy; "Fear not, love will come to you". He'd always been right before and I hoped dearly he would now.
And I had been right to trust those words. After a short while, I realized Jesus always walked or sat a few centimeters closer than before and when our skin brushed against each other by "accident", I couldn't always tell whether it was or not, it was always for a little longer than earlier. First, I didn't dare to take it as signs, I thought it was merely a step in his campaign of pleasing his Father. He had been awfully kind and familiar with people because of that for a while. Besides, he was after all The Son Of God and therefore he could not, by any chance, participate in the greatest sin of them all in God's eyes. But he started saying things, things not even a doubting person as myself could misunderstand. I began to suspect that he felt the same way I did so I carefully made an attempt to show what my heart told me. I think he got my wink pretty fast and I got his when he didn't run off by the time he understood. Instead, he got more distinct with his hints and after a while it was more like an unpronounced pattern of moves we shared than unassuming flirting.
Even though we practically were lovers by that time, our first kiss was a very big thing. It was because I think it was there both me and Jesus were born for real. We started a new life there and then, in Gethsemane July 19th year 20. Even though I kiss him at least three times a day, I will always remember that kiss. It is memorable therefore our lives started with it, and I am very certain our lives will end with a similar kiss. I can't tell when, but you will see that I am right.
Authors note: Of course, I don't own any of these characters. I have borrowed them from the bible and a little bit from the Swedish version of Jesus Christ Superstar (from 2008). If someone religious feel offended by the way I write and present Jesus and Judas, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I never have any intentions in provoking anyone. I just want to show you how I see the relation between these two. I hope you enjoyed it.