Hoodies and Cocktails: A Masochistic Self-Insert Fic

zeno518 does not own Avatar: The Last Airbender or Legend of Korra. We all know this. I also don't own anything that resembles or is outright stated to be something that does not even relate to the above intellectual properties.

One last thing; Dramatic moments will become absurd quickly.

Chapter 2: Mexican Standoff

As he walked away from yet another quasi-succesful ocarina performance with a hat full of Yuans and a stomach full of that ramen he had heard about, he happened upon a man sweeping up in front of his store. Curiosity and a mild sense of deja-vu getting the better of him, he decided to see what the man was selling.

Eiji tipped his hat to the old man and took a peek at his storefront.

"Mornin' sir." he said cordially

The old man smiled and nodded his head. "Morning to you too, young man."

"Nice record players you're sellin' here." he says "What would you recommend?"

The old man's face brightened up and he leaned his broom against the wall. "Oh I have all kinds of models in stock at the moment."

Just as the old man was about to walk into his shop, a loud and obnoxious hot rod pulled up to the curb. Eiji's sense of deja-vu was coming back again.

The doors of the car opened and out came three thugs wearing clothes that were as useful as "Hi my name is X" name tags; a Firebender with a pencil thin mustache and a cut over his eye, a dopey looking Earthbender, and a classy looking Waterbender wearing an infinitely less awesome hat than Eiji.

The Waterbender walked towards Eiji and the old man with a thuggish swagger. "Mr. Chung. Please tell me you have my money."

Eiji tensed up a little and mentally groaned. It appeared that he walked right into the plot again. Almost as if some hack fanfic writer was keeping him from making his own story and utterly subjecting him to the torture of having to live out events that he had seen on television without any guarantee that he would survive to see the season finale.

The Waterbender grinned "Or else I can't guarantee I can protect your fine establishment.

The thug nodded to the Firebender who ignited a small flame and started to juggle it around.

Eiji decided that enough was enough, and that he might as well try to talk them down.

Eiji stuffed the wad of bills he had in his pants and put his fedora back on. The Earthbender pushed him out of the way and didn't seem to consider him a threat. As true as that assessment was, it was still a dumb move on his part.

Eiji saw that the trunk of the car was somehow open, and that the tire iron was exposed for him to see. Despite his firm belief that things like fate, destiny, gods, guardian angels, and numerous other things of that sort, Eiji decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth and seize the opportunity.

While he was grabbing the tire iron, he heard a cocky girl's voice. He now had an ample enough distraction, he charged in and took a swing at the Earthbender's dome. The Earthbender offhandedly grabbed the Tire Iron mid-swing, yanking it away with relative ease.

Eiji didn't even have the chance to make a joke or a plea for mercy, all he got was an earth pillar to the chest and about ten seconds of hang-time. Once he hit the ground all he heard was chaos and elemental noise. Well, at least for the two milliseconds that he was conscious.

When he woke up he found himself in a hospital bed, with a strange tingling sensation in his chest. It also felt wet for some odd reason.

He opened his eyes and looked towards his chest, there was a dark skinned woman with blue eyes laying her glowy water soaked hands on his chest.

Eiji groaned and looked over to the woman. "How long have I been out, doc?"

The woman hummed and stopped her healing therapy. "About a day."

She got up and walked over to a chart that was hanging on the wall. She took a pen out of her hair bun and jotted down a few notes. "You had some minor internal bleeding, a fractured rib, and a few other complicated names for simple injuries that could have been avoided if you hadn't swung a tire iron at an agitated Triple Threat goon."

Eiji nodded "Not my brightest idea."

The healer scoffed and then walked to the door of the hospital room "The person who brought you in to be patched up told us how you managed to direct an irate slab of stone into your gut."

The healer opened the door and standing in front of the doorway was an annoyed bald Airbender, and a teenage Water Tribe girl about to knock.

The healer either moonlighted as a psychic or she just had extremely good timing.

"Uhh..." murmured Korra "This a bad time?"

Eiji looked at the healer and the healer stepped in between the doorway and the Avatar. "After a day of treatment he's good enough to walk but not good enough for strenuous activity."

The healer roughly moved Korra out of the way and slapped a note-card to the Airbender's forehead

"Here's his prescription, dosage, and a signed document officially stating that he is now the Avatar, and by extension, your problem now Councilman." she sneered.

Clearly this healer was neither a fan of the Avatar or the Council. Eiji wondered why, but chocked it up to the Season 2 nonsense with Aang's family. Eiji could sympathize with the healer on that.

It was kind of a let down that Aang grew up to be a total prick. Of course, he wasn't around long enough for there to be an episode explaining and/or resolving the cloud siblings family issues. Nor was he in the know of how Katara felt about the situation.

Reeling in his wayward thoughts he turned his attention to a conversation he now had just missed. The expressions on their faces would have made him laugh if it didn't pain him to do so; the Airbender was red with rage and babbling incoherently while Korra looked positively derpy.

Eiji slowly and carefully got up from the cot and got to his feet. His gut hurt a lot but he still managed to rise. Of course once he found out that all he was wearing was pants, he admired his minimally toned stomach and lack of flab and then panicked on where his hat, money, and sexy clothes were. In that order.

Before he could ask, the healer slapped him with a bag. "Here's your stuff." she deadpanned,

Eiji looked at the bag and then back to the healer. "Much obliged." he said before getting his stuff.

He heard a masculine grunt of anger and then proceeded to walk towards Korra and the bald dude.

He noticed her checking him out, that's we though she was doing anyway, as he buttoned up his shirt and rolled up his sleeves.

"Like what you see?" He said with a debonair smile and confident tone

Korra rolled her eyes and chuckled. "You wish."

The bald guy scoffed and gazed down at the ocarinist "I fail to see why I shouldn't just toss him out on the street and leave him to rot."

That really struck a nerve. Before Korra could give a reason, Eiji gave a retort

"Wow, I didn't think that an Airbender could be a bigot." he snarked "I thought you skinheads were supposed to be all about peace, love, being spiritual, and all of that religious nonsense?"

The bald man growled and his face got redder. Both the musician and airbending master took a step forward and were both stopped by Korra.

"That's enough you two." she said

She turned to Eiji "Eiji, this is Councilman Tenzin, Tenzin this is Tendou Eiji."

Eiji and Tenzin got into another staring contest, a battle of wills if anyone had ever saw one. One whose authority had been challenged versus someone who despised older bald men that were taller and more physically fit than he was and had authority.

Korra on the other hand facepalmed "This could be a really bad idea"

Oh she has no idea.

Sorry for the long wait and the short chapter. I've been trying to work on this in-between my job hunt and my newfound social life, but Open Office had screwed up my first draft, and my second and third drafts we're deleted by my kid brother when he managed to get on my computer. I hope this chapter is worth the wait!

There's a new poll on my page to vote for my second fanfic to juggle around with. The options are

RWBY OC fanfic

Avatar: The Last Airbender/League of Legends Crossover

Korra/JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Crossover

League of Legends/Young Justice Crossover

and finally

Teen Titans oneshot that parodies Spellbound

I hope everybody had a happy halloween and is psyched for the holiday season!