A/N: Part II of my Ed, Edd 'N Eddy Assassin AU (I don't have a name for this)! This one will be mutli-chapter, maybe 2 or 3 chapters. Small, I know.
First chapter summary: Eddward feels awful, apologizes, small RolfEd lime inspired by this pic: post/62468704362/kill-me-now (tumblr) forgot that this site doesn't let you post urls.
Eddward felt dreadful. No, scratch that, he felt disgusted with himself and so very guilty.
How could he have done that to his Kevin? To Nazz? All over some petty insecurities and a little jealousy. Okay, maybe a lot of jealousy; but that was beside the point.
After Edd has calmed down and realized the true extent of his actions, the smartest Ed couldn't even try to forgive himself. Guilt cut him so deeply, he couldn't even look at his lover without choking back tear
Ed and Eddy had tried to console him in their own special way. Eddy by saying, "That shovel-chin deserved what he got. He shoulda known better than to piss you off." Ed, by shoving a (stolen) chicken in his face excitedly. Thank god Rolf had come to take it back before the filthy animal soiled his tailored white suit.
Kevin stirring brought Edd back to the present.
"Kevin? Do you need anything?" Double D asked wearily. Kevin had been… apprehensive of him lately.
Kevin cracked an eye open at Edd's voice. "Some water would be good."
"Oh, of course. Right away." Edd rushed off, toppling the chair over in his haste.
Kevin chuckled, that man was always so eager to please. But push the wrong buttons and well… Kevin's new scar was proof enough of what the dork was capable of. If Kevin had been the real enemy he'd be a lot worse off than bruised genitals and a missing appendix.
Kevin's smirk faded. It had been a week since the fit Double Dork threw. Edd had confined him to bed and waited on him hand and foot. He knew Eddward was feeling like shit all week, but Jesus it's been a week for Christ sakes!
Kevin wished that Edd would just drop the guilt. He already forgave him, Hell he'd probably do a lot worse to Edd than what Edd did to him if their roles had been reversed.
Relationships were beyond hard to maintain 'healthy' in their line of work. Neither ever knowing if they'll be forced to betray the other, or come home in a body bag. Or worse, not come home at all.
Any more thoughts on the matter were interrupted by Edd entering the room with the water. He was smiling but it wasn't reaching his eyes.
"Yes Kevin?" Edd looked up seeing Kevin's stern expression and swallowed thickly, "What is it Pumpkin?" he tried to smile.
Kevin shook his head, seemingly to change his mind on whatever he was about to say. "Never mind."
"No work for us?" Kevin asked trying to change the mood.
Edd shifted, fixing his beanie. "Ah, no. HQ has been silent for over a month. Not that I'm complaining, but it is quite troubling not hearing from our sp-sponsers." Edd always had trouble talking about them. Those who stole them from their very lives like a thief in the night; forcing them to do unspeakable thing and be in unimaginable horrors.
"Yeah." Kevin closed his eyes leaning back into the head board. "Most of our 'jobs' have been for hire lately."
"How are you feeling Kevin? It's still rather early, perhaps you should rest more." Edd stood to tuck the red-head in, only to have Kevin grab his wrists and pull, bringing them chest to chest, Edd's lower-half off the bed balancing pre carelessly on his tip toes. "Ke-Kevin what on Earth-"
"Enough, Eddward. I'm fine; all I have been doing this past week is rest. Stop beating yourself up about it. You know I would have done much worse to you if our roles had been reversed."
It took a lot for Eddward to cry. Maybe he'd tear up at something super sweet, or something super sad, or even in pain; but he was a man dammit! He had pride, even though he 'took it up the ass' as many rude and vulgar people put it; but that didn't lessen his pride in being of the male sex one bit. But seeing Kevin's determined and accepting green gaze tore that so-called pride to pieces.
"I know dammit! I know! But I hurt you! How could I have hurt the man I love so goddamn much?" Edd visibly shook as tears barreled out one after the other. "I use to be Pacifist for fucks sake! I wouldn't even dream of lifting a pinkie finger toward to violence. Now-now I cut people open and shoot to kill! I even design and create weapons to do so, Kevin!" Kevin pulled him down into his chest, still holding on his wrists. "I hate this life! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!" Edd choked, "I want to go home; see mother and father."
"Shhshhhsh." Kevin gently rubbed his boyfriend's back. "It's okay."
"No it's not 'okay' Kevin Barr! I hurt Nazz t-too! I use-use to have wet dreams about her! How coul-could I have hurt my first crush?" Edd weakly pounded on Kevin's chest, limited by the position he was in and the fact that Kevin still held his thin wrists.
"You're not the only one who wants this all to be a horrible dream D. Everyone wants to go home. We all wish that Jimmy's dream was just what we all thought, a simple nightmare."
"I know, I just feel like I'm losing myself." Edd buried his head once more in Kevin's strong chest.
"I know babe, I know." Kevin maneuvered them till Edd lay at his side instead of awkwardly on top of him. Eddward still had his head glued to Kevin's chest trying to control the sobbing.
"Haven't seen you in casual clothing in a while." Kevin whispered softly pulling the iconic hat over Edd's eyes.
Edd giggled through his sniffles, "Yes, well Eddy said there's nothing to be done and I have no uncompleted projects at the moment, and someone had to take care of you."
"Mm." Kevin hummed once again closing his eyes to enjoy the peaceful moment while it lasted, "I think I might go see what Rolf is up to later. Maybe see if I can find the ever elusive Nat."
"Ed may be with Rolf. They've been spending an awful amount of time together as of late. As for Nat… who knows? He always seems to enjoy the missions he gets." Edd yawned cuddling closer to the sharp shooter.
"I reckon you haven't been sleeping much lately huh Dweeb?" Kevin hugged him close till only their bothersome clothes separated them, "Go to sleep Dork, you'll feel better."
Kevin didn't have to say a thing for Edd was already fast asleep.
He looked so goddamn small in his sweats and over-sized t-shit. Wait… no that's Kevin's t-shirt.
Kevin glanced at the beside digital clock reading 10:30 a.m. The red-head sighed, debating on whether or not it was worth getting up.
Edd's whispered snores made up his mind.
Carefully, so as not to wake his illegitimate wife, he somehow managed to pull the blankets over them and fall asleep once more.
Edd woke to an empty bed. At first he was disappointed till he found himself struggling out of the blankets Kevin had tucked him in tightly.
"Cure my insistence on purchasing these confounded – oh, there we go." Edd cursed finally standing on his own two feet.
Their wing was completely empty save for Jim the cactus, Edd's ants, and Edd himself. He thought that perhaps Kevin decided to go see what Rolf was up to after all and that a shower sounded lovely.
Kevin set the takeout he bought on the counter, still shivering from the more than surprising things he over-heard over an hour ago.
He had woke around six and not wanting to wake up his dork, dressed and left to go hang with Rolf.
Rolf's part of the mansion was out of the way, its backdoor opening to his farm much like the one he had back at the cul-de-sac. All the doors had been unlocked so he let himself in despite the warning bells flashing in his mind.
Kevin could hear murmuring coming from Rolf's bedroom, he thought it odd since the voodoo master had a shop just outside of town where he sold all of his creepy magic Kevin was terrified of. Though it could be one of the others asking for… stuff, or maybe, like Double D had said, it was Ed bothering Rolf about his chickens both dead and alive.
Kevin was about to knock on the slightly ajar door when he heard Ed speak. "O-ow." Okay, so it wasn't so much as speech as it was throat noises. "R-Rolf what are you doing?" Ed asked through stuttering and what sounded like nervous moaning.
"Rolf is showing you were the hens lay her eggs." Rolf sounded amused.
'What the hell is going on?' Kevin thought. He peaked through the crack in the door, eyes widening as he processes just what the hell he was seeing.
Ed was laying on his side, head buried in the sheep's wool pillow, wrists tied to Rolf's metal barred headboard with what looked like Ed's tie. The largest of the Ed's was letting out pitiful mewls into the over-stuffed animal skin pillow.
"Do not hide your voice from me Ed-boy." Rolf gently pulled Ed's chin from the pillow the same time he pulled apart Ed's shaking legs.
Kevin wanted to look away, run away screaming, anything to get him away from the scene that will be forever burned into his retinas. Forever.
Rolf's coat and hat were missing; at this angle he could see that Rolf's pants were undone and his sash slipping from his waist.
"NGH! This feels weird Rolf." Ed's own shirt was wide open and hanging off his broad shoulders while his pants slipped to the floor after Rolf had adjusted his position so he lay between Ed's legs.
"But it feels good yes?" Rolf asked kissing and fondling his partner's member, the other hand went behind the both of them.
"Ah! I-I guess s-so, ow, Rolf." Ed murmured unsure of himself. He tugged a little on his bindings, eyes widening.
Kevin couldn't really see what Rolf was doing to Ed from this angle, but he had a pretty good idea judging by Ed's expression; it was the same look his Edd had the first time they did the horizontal tango. Kevin blinked trying hard to make sure he wasn't breathing loud enough for the other two to hear him.
"R-Rolf, NGH! It hurts a bit." Ed closed his eyes, "Ow…" Ed once again buried his face into the pillow.
"If Ed endures this Rolf will give him one of my chicken ghosts?" Rolf leaned down to nuzzle Ed's neck.
"R-really Rolf? I'll g-get m-AH! my own chicken ghost?" Ed looked up, his hopeful green gaze on Rolf's smiling face.
"Yes." Rolf claimed Ed's mouth briefly.
"Okay." Ed's face became determined, "I will endur-ahhhhh!" Ed's determination deteriorated as his head fell backwards with a drawn out moan that seemed to please Rolf greatly.
"Rolf has found you pleasure spot."
Kevin heard or saw no more as he booked it, missing Rolf's eye shift to the door with a knowing smirk broken by another moan on Ed's part.
It wasn't until he was outside in the garage where everyone kept their vehicles, did Kevin realize he had moved at all. Kevin shook and shuddered violently.
Fresh air, yes he needed fresh air. Kevin hopped on his motorcycle and rode like the Devil was on him.
"Edd did say they were spending a lot of time together."
"Kevin, is that you?" Edd called from somewhere deep in the house.
"Ya, bought Chinese so you don't have to cook tonight if that's alright."
"That's quite alright Pumpkin."
"You won't believe what I hope I will never see again."
"What's that?" Edd sounded closer, perhaps the bedroom?
"Rolf and Ed are an item." Kevin shuddered again setting the table.
"Really? Are you sure you're not just jumping to conclusions?" Edd peaked into the threshold.
Kevin met Edd's gaze with a deadpan, "Edd, I saw them. Rolf said he was going to show Ed 'were the hens lay her eggs'." Kevin shuddered. He's gotta suppress that memory.
Edd blushed, "Oh my. I hope Ed's alright, he's so very innocent." Edd sat down at the table.
"Ed's a big boy, he'll figure it out eventually." Kevin laughed suddenly.
"What's so funny?" Edd asked gathering up food.
"Between you and Ed, Eddy's the only one of you not getting laid." Kevin whipped away a tear.
"I wouldn't say that."
"What do you mean? Eddy's single and has no sex appeal."
"It's been four months since our last rendezvous Kevin."
"Four months huh?" Kevin had an expression of mock thought, "Maybe I should skip dinner and go straight-"
"Perhaps later Pumpkin. I'm starving, besides I have something planned later." Edd interrupted.
"Oh, okay." Kevin deflated, the earlier excitement going out like a light.
"Kevin I have these new blueprints of a forearms you or Eddy may be interested in and-" Edd changed the subject, effectively distracting Kevin's mind entirely.
A/N: If this chapter didn't make sense please read "Ed, Edd 'N Eddy Assassin AU (I don't have a name for this)" yes that's its real title. If you can't find it, let me know and I'll send you the link.