A/N: Yes, I know I promised to update Moon and Shield. It's in the works; don't worry. I just have to type it. Anyways, this is what happens when I attempt to write crack. Also, congrats to all the lucky readers who had the day off like my brother.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroko no Basuke. I don't even own a pair of red-handled scissors. All rights go to their respective owners. I'm not making money off this. I also haven't seen this done before, but if someone has, then any parallels were completely unintentional.
Warnings: This is complete crack. As such, there is likely to be some OOC-ness. Such is life.
It was one of the last times the six were to ever hang out. Even people outside of the Teiko basketball club could tell that the Generation of Miracles was slowly drifting apart. Most of the six never even bothered to attend practice anymore. The only people who consistently showed up were Akashi, since he had to scare – er, encourage the other players to practice and improve their skills, and Kuroko, because that was his nature.
The occasion was a birthday, no one actually remembers whose it was (except that it WASN'T Kise's), but the weather was still fairly warm, school was still in session, and Kise had to make a random comment which sparked the entire Incident.
This time, however, Kise actually brought up a relevant topic.
"Hey, Akashicchi. What's up with all of our last names?"
Akashi, who had been looking over some documents, which likely contained information on their next opponent, looked up at the taller teen, who was leaning against a nearby desk in the class room they had commandeered. Staring at the blond with his heterochromatic eyes, the redhead didn't need to vocalize his question of, "You interrupted my work to bother me about last names?"
Kise, though slightly scared, continued. "Hey! It's a relevant point! Look at all of our hair colors and tell me that they aren't related to the respective colors in our last names!"
Before Akashi could comment, Kuroko spoke up. "Kise-kun has a point."
Of course, this prompted Aomine to jump in. "Wait. Kise actually said something relevant! Let me call Satsuki. She'll need to account for this in our next game."
Kise, riled by Aomine's teasing as always, opened his mouth to defend his ability to think – he did fairly well in class after all, but was stopped by Akashi.
"Ryouta. Continue your theory."
"Y-yeah. Um, see so Akashicchi has "Aka" in his last name and has red hair, Muracchi has "Murasaki" and has purple hair, Midoricchi has "Midori" and green hair, Aominecchi has "Ao" and blue hair, and I have "Ki," which could be from "Kiiro" and yellow hair."
"What about Tetsu?"
" Um… He has really light blue hair and isn't steel, "Tetsu," supposed to have a light blue sheen when it's high quality?"
"But that's his first name!"
"I know! But Kurocchi has a really descriptive last name, too!"
"Yeah! Because Kurocchi is like the Kuroko that control the puppets in the shadows! His passes are the strings with which he moves the puppets!"
"Midorima-kun, are you sure that Kise hasn't been reading your novels?"
"Of course, Kuroko. My novels don't wax poetic about puppeteers, or anyone for that matter."
Kise, blushing all the while, pouted. "It's true!"
"Indeed," Akashi agreed. "This bears some investigation." He shuffled his papers and set them down.
"Ne, Aka-chin. What are you going to do?" Murasakibara, who had been munching quietly in the background, was finally slightly vested in the outcome of the conversation. After all, it could affect whether or not he'd get more sweets.
"Well, I believe that Ryouta also has ideas on why this is the case. I'm waiting to hear them."
Kise's eyes widened to comical levels. "Akashicchi! You're really going to listen to me?"
"Of course. Is that not what I've been doing for the last five minutes?"
Kise looked slightly embarrassed, but was far more eager to share his ideas/conspiracy theories.
"Well, I thought that our ancestors had some really weird sense of humor, but then I realized that Akashicchi's family has been in the upper class for a really long time. Also, yellow hair doesn't run in my family. So then I thought that maybe some higher being was playing with our names, but then I thought that they would have more important things to do. I've concluded that the only possible explanations for this are: 1) I'm delusional and this isn't really happening, 2) this is just a really big coincidence, though I don't believe it, 3) all of our parents are on the run, hiding from the authorities and needed new last names 4) we're in some extra dimension and being watched for entertainment, or 5) aliens somehow affect our parents."
Kise looked around to see the responses to his conclusions.
Aomine was laughing, clutching his stomach and ready to collapse on the floor. Kuroko was expressionless as ever, but seemed to be amused while thinking the ideas over. Murasakibara didn't really care and had gone back to snacking because his last name didn't affect when he'd get sweets. Midorima was finishing off the wrappings for his fingers and was annoyed because of Kise's stupid ideas, although a few had merit. Akashi had on a look of amusement coupled with the calculating gleam in his eye that said the other team was about to be destroyed. Kise hoped that didn't mean that Akashi was going to punish him for his more extreme ideas.
Suddenly, Akashi stood, pulling out a pair of familiar red-handled scissors seemingly from nowhere. Everyone seemed at least slightly apprehensive with the appearance of the dangerous weapon in Akashi's hands, but were relieved, if slightly confused, as to why he was walking straight towards the blank wall.
"While some of Ryouta's ideas are ridiculous, there is always the possibility that they may be true. Excluding the idea that Ryouta is delusional for the moment, I can narrow down the possibilities further. I agree with Ryouta that the pattern our names fall under is not a coincidence, simply because it is too large of a coincidence to be one. Most last names are fairly generic and descriptive of a person's roots. Having such colors in our last names, even the correct kanji for the colors that correlate with our respective hair colors, is beyond a coincidence. I know for a fact that none of our parents are on the run from the government of any country at this point in time, and choosing such distinctive last names would make it that much harder to blend in, regardless. Therefore, we are left to test Ryouta's fourth and fifth ideas.
"Ryouta's fourth idea, that we are in a separate dimension, is easier to test. Theoretically, there must be some end to this dimension, and since we seem to be the stars of the "show," the dimension must be focused on us. Therefore, as we are all present, and assuming that the focus hasn't temporarily moved to other people for the moment, the end of the dimension should stop…here."
Akashi stopped five inches from the wall. Everyone's attention was on the pair of scissors the redhead held in his right hand. With a flick of his wrist, Akashi opened the scissors, angling the tool so that the tip of one blade rested against the air. Slowly, the captain dragged the scissors across the invisible plane in front of him, resulting in a horrific noise that shouldn't have occurred if the only thing being split was air.
A triumphant smirk unfurled across the teen's face as he proceeded to carve a door from the "wall," seemingly unaffected by the noise, unlike his teammates.
When the door was completed, the rectangle fell backwards, extending as a short walkway into the dark shadows that obscured anything beyond a few inches to the viewer's sight.
Turning back to his teammates, Akashi smirked. "Meet back here by 16:00. Pack an overnight bag. We're going to see what this new world is like."
The other teens nodded and dispersed. There was no arguing with Akashi when he got that look in his eyes. The same look that Julius Caesar, and other conquerors, no doubt had when he thought gaining new territory.
Taking one last look at the looming darkness before locking the door to leave and prepare his own bag (just to be sure that he'd have everything he might need, he couldn't leave it to the servants), Akashi whispered to himself, "Alea iacat est."
Across the dimensions, multiple people shivered. Something bad was coming. Others shivered in delight.
And that is how I just unleashed the Generation of Miracles on the Real World. :3
When peasants gained last names, I think they stuck with humble ones, given that one of my friend's last names has to do with rice patties.
"Alea iacat est." Trans: "The die is cast." What Gaius Julius Caesar said before crossing the Rubicon River (which is basically the only reason anyone I know knows about the Rubicon River) with his army and thus crossing the boundary line of Rome, which at that time stated that no one was allowed to have a standing army within the boundary of the city.
Please review? (And tell me if I screwed something up – it doesn't do me any good if you just leave it. That being said, you'll need to specify where I need to fix something.)