It wasn't like Steve hadn't missed Tony while he was away. In fact, he could hardly think about anything else. He was ashamed of running away like this, but it was done and there was nothing he could do about it now. It was just... that kiss had been too much. He had never felt such an elecrifying, intense, delirious feeling. It was was like a fire was lit inside him and burned under his skin. It was the best feeling in the world and he wanted more. He wanted it so much it scared him. So he had panicked. Damnit he was supposed to be the bravest man in America and he had just ran like a coward. So, Steve had asked for the first mission avaliable and concentrated on doing his job. However the thought of Tony Stark kept interrupting him, kept forcing it's way through everything else. But it was too late. He would probably never meet Tony again and if he did, he would probably never speak to him. Steve cursed himself for what he had done.
But now then he had miraculously met him again that cold evening and were now in his house, kissing him. It was so unreal he could hardly believe it! That same electric feeling shot through his body and he kissed hungrily. His fingers run through that wonderful, dark brown hair, his chest pressed against that glorious body, until finally he had to break the kiss, gasping for air.
"My God.." Steve muttered. Tony looked up at him, with his ruffled hair falling in his eyes, his lips red and panting, his cheeks slightly flushed. Even with his sunken eyes. Even with his hollow cheeks. Even with his matt hair, not the smooth silky shine like last time. Even with his slight loss of weight, Tony was the most beautiful thing Steve had ever laid eyes on.
"What?" Tony muttered, blinking at him and Steve looked away, trying not to stare too much.
"Nothing. I just..." He paused. Then he looked into his eyes once more. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Steve froze. The words had slipped out before he could think. Had he really just said that outloud?
Tony stared at him with wide eyes, blinked a couple of times and then laughed.
"Oh my God, Cap don't say things like that, you're gonna make me blush!" He teased jokingly, but Steve could tell that the smile was genuine and it warmed his heart. He laughed as well.
"I think we both know who's better at pickuplines." At that, Tony smirked and raised an eyebrow.
"That almost sounded like a challenge, Cap." Steve swallowed.
"Like you would need a pickupline to seduce me."
In a quick motion, Tony pushed him against the wall and kissed him hard. Steve was alittle shocked at first by the sudden movement, but when his mind adjusted, he quickly reacted by flipping Tony around so he was pressed against the wall and kissed him eagerly. Tony's hands roamed through his hair, down his neck, down his back and Steve shivered at the touch. He wrapped his arms around his waist pulling him closer. Suddenly he felt Tony's tongue in his mouth and he breathed in sharply at the sensation, quickly following his lead.
How had they ended up in Tony's bedroom? Steve couldn't remember. It all happened so fast, it was all a blurr, but at the same time, it was like the whole world had slowed down in this moment. They kissed and touched and lost themselves in each other. Suddenly, Tony pushed him back on the bed and sat ontop of him. When he started undoing his belt, Steve reached out and grabbed Tony's hands to stop him.
"What's wrong?" Tony looked at him confused and slightly concerned. Steve looked away, feeling embarrassed.
"I... I don't..." He stammered. Tony just watched him. Finally he took a deep breath and muttered: "I've never..." Tony's eyes widened in understanding.
Ashamed, Steve sat up and hid his face in his hands. "God! I'm sorry... I don't think I can..."
"Ssh, stop!" Tony stopped him and carefully took his hands.
"It's alright, Steve. We don't have to do it." He smiled warmly and Steve felt his heart melt. "There's no rush."
Steve smiled and nodded. Feeling suddenly tired, he fell back on the bed and Tony settled beside him, with his arm over his chest. As if reading Steve's mind, he murmured: "I'm actually kind of exhausted."
Exhausted.. That reminded him. A silence fell over them, before Steve finally spoke.
"What happened to you, Tony?" He asked carefully in a low voice. There was silence again, and Steve could feel Tony tense up abit against him.
"Let's just say... I don't handle rejection very well. Believe it or not." He finally answered. Steve didn't know what to say to that. He felt guilty, sad, slightly shocked. Silence fell yet again and lasted for a while this time. It was Tony who first broke it.
"You know how everyone sings those sappy ballads about romantic lovestories with happy endings? Well they're not for me." He paused. Steve waited. "Whenever I were with men, they never cared about me. I was just an experiment for them to play around with while figuring out their own fucked up emotions. And I accepted it, because it was the only way I could be close to someone. Either that or young boys coming onto me for money and fame. And after a while, I got used to it you know.. everyone just fucked me and left me. And I started doing it myself. I know it's sick but every time I take a woman home, I wished she cared about me just alittlebit." He stopped and hid his face in Steve's chest. "Oh God why am I telling you this!"
The more Steve learned about Tony, the more he loved him and wanted to do everything he could to make him happy. Under all that flamboyant, confident fascade, he was just a normal, voulnerable person after all. He leant down and kissed the top of his head.
"Tony.." He murmured against his hair.
"I want you to know that you are the most wonderful man I have ever met. When I first met you, I envied you for being so confident and outgoing and imediately fell for you charm. I later learned that you have fears and insecureties like everyone else and that's ok. You opened yourself so freely to me without a second thought and I admire that about you. You do what you want and don't care what anyone thinks."
Tony laughed stiffly. "Well that's not exactly right is it? I mean.. I do care about what people think. Well, I care about what you think. I thought I freaked you out.. I thought you were disgusted with me. I thought..." He trailed off. Hearing the words felt like a cold grip around Steve's heart and he wrapped his arms alittle tighter around him.
"I'm here, Tony. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I really care about you. Even if this is all new to me." He tried to reassure him that everything was ok. He wanted him to forget every worry he had ever had and just relax. But most of all Steve wanted, more than anything to make Tony Stark the happiest man on earth. Tony nodded slightly and hummed a reply. It didn't take long after that, before they drifted into sleep in each other's arms.
The next couple of weeks, they went on many dates and it was wonderful. They went to café's and dance halls and sometimes just took walks in the city. But they always had to be careful. They could never hold hands and walk to close or never call each other sweet names or say that they loved each other. There were some stolen kisses in bathrooms and alleyways when no one was looking, but Steve didn't dare risk any more than that. It was a little painful to have to hide and supress their affection like this, but at least they were together. At least they had each other and could do whatever they pleased in the nights. Not everyone were as lucky.
This got more difficult however as the war started to get worse and Steve was frequently sent on new missions. He didn't get a lot of spare time, but every minute he got, he spent with Tony.
"Curse this damn war!" Tony muttered angrily as they walked down the streets.
"Curse the germans. Curse the brits. Curse the americans and every damn politician who started this."
Steve frowned at Tony's negativity. He shared his hatred. Couldn't this damn war be over already, so no more soldiers had to die? So he didn't have to witness his comrades getting killed and/or captured by Hydra..
"Wars don't last forever, Tony." He sighed, trying to think posetive.
"No but it sure as hell has lasted long enough. Why do thousands of people have to die, fighting for crazy dictators? It makes no fucking sense."
Steve didn't like the killing of good, innocent people either, but someone had to fight the damn nazi's. There was no way around it. Tony sighed, looking at his feet.
"Sorry, I don't mean to walk around with a stick up my ass." He said, before he looked up at Steve with somewhat sad eyes. "I just wish I could see you more."
Steve mentally cursed this wat yet again. "If only I didn't have to work so much."
That got Tony's expression to brighten and he stopped, grabbing Steve's arms.
"Steven Rogers, you're a genious!"