I sat and listened to that song one day, and I just thought, Hey, that could be about Lupin. So I just had to write this story, even though I don't usually write about him, or Sirius. But they fit together so perfectly…. Oh, well… R&R!
This story is a bit old, so I hope you like it even if my skills were a bit more...teenage-y.
Enjoy and comment!
Remus Lupin was at his best days a bit sad. But as it was getting closer to the full moon, he became downright depressive.
He was in love. And if it was one thing a werewolf should never ever be, it was that. At least that's what Remus thought.
*Sitting in a corner all alone,
Staring from the bottom of his soul,
Watching the night come inn from the window, window.*
He sat in the window, watching the moon rising in the sky. It was so close now. He felt like something no one would touch with a ten-feet-pole. He sighed.
When the moon was new, he could dream that maybe, just maybe, he had a chance to be normal.
But as the full moon came close, his heart fell. Dyeing a bit more with each day that passed. For every transformation, he lost a little bit more of himself.
*It'll all collapse tonight, the full moon is here again
In sickness and in health, understanding, so demanding
It has no name, there's one for every season
Makes him insane to know.*
He wished he'd never gone out that night so many years ago. The night he became a werewolf. He could feel the weight of too many years alone.
He took in his apartment. It wasn't really a place to live in, he reflected, it wasn't a home.
There were no carpets on the floor, no paint on the walls, no flowers in the windowsill. It looked like a basement, except it was on the 5-th floor.
Why should he make it look like a real home anyway? A werewolf didn't have the right to a home. Or a family.
He wondered what it would be like. He couldn't remember, it was so long ago they had sent him away.
*Running away from it all
"I'll be safe in the cornfield" he thinks
Haunted by his own
Again he feel the moon rising on the sky.*
He smiled bitterly to himself. Sirius. He had always accepted him. But how could he know anything about what happened to him. The need to run freely across the fields. To taste the blood of the hunt. To feel the freedom in his wolf-shape.
It was wonderful, it was disgusting. It was Heaven and Hell all mixed together, until he didn't know where one started and the other one ended.
*Find a barn which to sleep in, but can he hide anymore
Someone's at the door, understanding too demanding
Can this be wrong, it's love that is not ending
Makes him insane to know*
He was all alone in the world. The other wolves didn't want anything to do with him. Not when he was so much human. And humans didn't want to be near anything so wolf like.
He wasn't a human, he wasn't a wolf. He wished he knew what he was.
He could never be anything.
He could never have Sirius. Never stroke that black hair. Never touch that pale skin. Never taste those delicious lips. What would it feel like? To be loved. To whisper sweet nothings in each-others ears. To feel all the pleasures he had always been denied. To just be normal. To be like the Peoples in those stories he read. A single tear slipped silently from his eyes.
He picked up a razor blade. He had been thinking about it for a while now. It would be so easy. No more pain.
*He should not lock the open door
(run away, run away, run way)
Full moon is on the sky and He's not a man anymore
Sees the change in Him but can't
(run away, run away, run away)
See what became out of his man... Full moon*
The razor blade shone silver in the moonlight. Yes. Why not. What did he have to loose?
*Streaming across the bay,
the night is gray, so calm today
He doesn't wanna wait.
"We've gotta make the love complete tonight..."*
Love? Family? Sirius had Harry. Sirius had at last been cleared from all suspicion, as Harry had showed the Ministry a pensive with his memory of that night, of that damn rat. And Harry had moved to him. Remus had no one. Even Sirius seemed distant at the time.
*In the mist of the morning he cannot fight anymore
hundred moons or more, he's been howling
Knock on the door, a scream that is soon ending
Mess on the floor again...*
He put the razor blade to his arm. Should. Should not.
He pushed it down hard, and cut.
There was a sickening sound, and deep crimson blood started to drip to the floor where he now was seated. And even though the pain was so intense, the pain in his soul was worse still.
*He should not lock the open door
(run away run away, run away)
Full moon is on the sky and he's not a man anymore
Sees the change in him but can't
(run away run away, run away)
See what became out of his man*
With his last powers he slits the other wrist. Unable to hold it anymore, the Razor-blade clutters to the floor, stained with blood.
He can see a pattern in the pool of blood which gathers, slowly floating away on the uneven stone floor. As it slowly drains from his body, his vision turns read. A storm raging in his ears, and his head feeling like a drum. He sinks to the floor.
Sirius gathered his courage before he opened the door. Remus had given him a key to his place a long time ago. Tonight was the night! Oh, what if he says no! He tried not to smash the roses in his hands. In his head, he thought of what he would say. 'Remus. This might come as a shock, but would you please go on a date with me?' It didn't sound corny, did it? He was never good with words. Oh, he should never have let Harry convinced him to tell Remus. What if he lost him as a friend too? He pushed the door open.
"Remus?" He said. It was dark.
"Remus, it's me!" He walked trough the hallway, and to the only room in the apartment. He saw something… Someone was lying on the floor… It was blood everywhere.
"REMUS!" He shouted, dropping the roses. Rushing to the werewolf's side.
"Dear lord!" He pulled out his wand, and muttered all the healing spells he knew. He could only hope the blood-loss wasn't too big. Then he noticed the razorblade, shining silver trough the blood.
"Why? Remus." Tears fell from his eyes.
"Sirius?" He heard the voice like a whisper in the wind.
"Remus!" He hugged the other man gently.
"What are you doing here?" he whispered.
"I came for a visit. Remus, why? Why did you do it?" His voice shaking with worry and fear for the man he loved.
"Because I can never have you. Because I will never know love. I maybe should not have said that, but I can't think straight right now. Not that anything matters anymore." He smiled sadly. He felt like he was floating. He was dizzy, and saw the world trough a red mist.
"But you have me! You have love. More than you'll ever know" He cried. Remus smiled.
"At least I'll die happy." Remus said.
"You can't die." Sirius sobbed. His puppy dog eyes glittering with tears.
"I have no right to live. I am not a man, nor am I a wolf. I am nothing. I deserve nothing. I don't deserve you. You will find someone more worthy to love. You could easily have anyone you want." Remus said.
"You are everything. You are a wonderful friend. You're almost like a godfather to Harry. You are the only person I have ever truly loved. You can't die!" Sirius sobbed.
"I'm not worth it."
"I'm taking you to a hospital right now!" Sirius said determent. He gathered the werewolf in his arms, and made for the door, ignoring the small protests from Remus. He hoped that it was not too late.
A year later Remus sat in the couch in his and Sirius' house. He saw Sirius and Harry running out the door. Harry clutching a book to his chest, laughing. Sirius ran after, cursing the boy.
Remus smiled to himself.
That night a year ago... He had never thought he could ever feel so happy back then. He felt his heart swell with pride and love as he watched Harry and Sirius, his family. He put down the Daily Prophet, and went to the kitchen. 'Maybe I should make something extra out of dinner today? Wonder what's in the fridge.'