Guess what? More Edward angst! (You wouldn't believe how many types of these plots are discarded!) Still, hope you enjoy!

Rated T for mild attempted suicide

The book hit the wooden floor with a solid thud. Hands folded, head bowed, and the floor creaked from the pressure put on it. The pressure was killing him, this new found weight of a horrible discovery-really, though, he shouldn't be surprised.

Alphonse Elric hated his older brother.

Al hated him.

It wasn't like his younger brother had said it to his face. Nor had he, well, said it. However, he had wrote it. It was in the book that fell loosely out of his hands, when his hands failed to grip onto it any longer. There was no mistaking the meaning behind Alphonse's harsh words that had been carved into the page. There was no mistaking the penmanship. It was his brother's writing. How could something so beautiful looking be so horrible?

How else was one supposed to take: "I hate my older brother"? This wasn't simply an over reaction. This was what Ed feared all along. This is what Edward had known all along. Still, he had picked up the book and began to read it. It wasn't Edward's fault for reading it. After all, the cover was close to his regular alchemy books. It had been left on his bed too. Was Alphonse trying to tell him something? Very likely. Edward stared at the floor. What was he going to say? What would he ask his brother?

Shakily, he picked down the journal and began to read the rest.

Dear Journal,

I hate my older brother. It's all his fault. Why didn't he listen to me? I knew it was a bad idea! Why didn't he listen? He never listens! Why did he have to be my brother? Honestly, I think I'm the older one! Why did it have to be me that got sealed in this darn tin can! I hate him!

Edward stared at the scathing words. Angrily, he chucked the book and it landed on the floor near the table. His anger flew with the book, leaving him with his self-hatred. Gripping his head in his hands, tears streamed from his cheeks and he softly muttered.

"I knew it"

Alphonse Elric walked through the doors of the barracks, carrying paperwork from the Colonel. Apparently he had been looking for Edward (who had felt like spending his day off at home) to give him some leads on the Philosopher's stone. Leads were always a good thing.

"Brother! I'm home!" He called out cheerfully.

He didn't get a response.

"Ed? Where are you?" Al called out, starting to feel a little worried.

"Right here Al." The voice seemed a little flat, but it was Edward.

Edward stepped out of the bathroom, looking like had just gotten out of the shower.

Alphonse shook his head. "I thought you had left. Oh! By the way, Roy left this for you. It's some leads for us."

Edward chuckled darkly. Alphonse looked at him strangely. "Are you okay?"

"Oh yeah. I'm good." Al wasn't so sure, but he figured he might be able to get it out of him later.

Edward took the papers quickly from Alphonse and walked into the office. Al was confused at first, but spoke: "Don't you want my help?"

Edward shook his head. "I got it. I'll tell you which ones were plausible."

What...? Al thought to himself. Since when did Edward reject him from helping? Still, something told Alphonse just to let it slide. Giving one last look at him, he went to prepare dinner-at least he could make sure that brother took care of himself.

After two days, Edward still hadn't talked to Alphonse about the journal. Maybe it was just best to leave it. Alphonse seemed concerned, but how could his concern be anything but a ruse? There was no reading the lines between those words. He was trying to hide how he felt, but he wasn't sure how good he was doing. Even Havoc had taken him out for a coffee to see if he could get him to spill! It wasn't happening though. This was Edward's fault and he would suffer alone.

However, after these two days, Edward was cracking. His precious shell was cracking. He had almost been caught crying in the boys bathroom an hour ago by Falman for goodness sakes!

It was around then that he contemplated ending it. Getting sweet release. It was understandable, really. The only thing he had left to live for had declared he was no better than trash using the written word.

Still, he wasn't going to just shoot himself, or swallow a handful of pills, no. He decided that he didn't want the others knowing what he had done, so he decided that the best way possible was to seek out Scar. He wouldn't hesitate to do it. Within a span of three minutes, he had made up his mind.

After sneaking out of the window, he spent the next few hours roaming the streets calling out insults. Some were against Scar, some against Ishval, and after a couple of hours, some scathing remarks about the Massacre. What could he say? He was desperate. As he crossed into an alleyway, he heard someone land behind him. It was about time, as Edward's voice was becoming raw. Scar should be completely...


He almost looked relaxed. No death glares or anything.

"What are you doing, Elric?" He regarded him.

"What does it look like I'm doing, retard! I'm here to take you down." Edward pretended to seeth.

" Interesting. Now why are you really here?"

Edward scowled. "What makes you think otherwise?"

" Your brother is not accompanying you, there is a telltale note tucked in your pocket, and your eyes are slightly red. Of course, there was the way you paraded through the streets insulting me and what I stand for while waving your pocket watch around." Scar just folded his arms.

Edward was becoming angry himself. "AREN'T YOU THE LEAST BIT ANGRY?!"

" It's hard to when one looks so pathetic."

"There is a State Alchemist letting you kill him! Here's your chance! Take it!"

Scar shook his head. "I have my honour. I feel no need to strike down a depressed child. I am not a noose or a gun. You will not find peace with me. Live to fight another day, and I will let you pay for your words then."

With this, he walked away, but not before smashing part of the bank beside them. "I will let them find you."

Edward stared, furious that his plan had failed. He slammed his head on the concrete.

"Dang it!"

To say that Alphonse Elric was having the biggest panic attack of the century was a bit of an understatement.

"HAVE YOU SEEN MY BROTHER?!" was the phrase that had been screamed into everyone's faces by the younger Elric for the past hour, as he rushed down every corridor searching for any sign of Edward.

This was exactly how Gracia Hughes was greeted when she walked in with Elysia.

"Alphonse, what is going on?"

"H-he's g-g-g-gone missing!"

Roy walked up to them. "It's true. We have a dispatch searching for him right now out in Central. Your husband's with them."

"Little brother disappeared? Like magic?" Elysia asked innocently.

Al put his hand to his forehead. "That's one way of describing it..."

Elysia pulled out a magnifying glass and notepad from her pink bag. "This is a case for the great Dectective Elysia Hughes!"

"Elysia..." Her mother called out weakly.

Elysia decided on the use of selective hearing-a trait she had learned from her father-and looked at Alphonse straight in the eye with her notebook and unicorn pen in hand.

"What time did you see little brother last at?"

Gracia went to stop her daughter, but Roy stopped Gracia.

"Gracia, we might be able to get something out of him. Since you two got here is the calmest I have seen him since Fullmetal disappeared. We might be able to get something out that makes sense."

Alphonse scratched behind his neck nervously. "Um, about an hour ago. He went to the

bathroom and, that was it."

Elysia turned around and looked at Roy sternly. "Have you checked the men's potties?"

Roy might have laughed if the circumstances were different. "Yes."

Elysia pursed her lips together. "Did you check the windows?"


"It's a princess movie standard. When you are in love, you climb out of windows to go see them. They use their hair to get out."


"Why do you think little brother keeps his hair braided! He uses it as a rope to go see Winry."

Roy fought hard not to snicker, as the mental image inside his head was just priceless. "Well," he lifted up his hands and dropped them "how could we not have seen it?"

She ran quickly to the boy's bathroom, with Gracia in tow trying to prevent her little girl from giving any of the men a fright. Roy looked at Alphonse.

"I know this probably isn't the time to say it, but if her clue helps us find Edward, I am renting every single princess movie, and reading every single princess book ever made."

Al just weakly nodded.

They were distracted by the mix of a 'manly' shriek, and Elysia happily yelling "I found a hair! I found a hair!" and Gracia trying to get her daughter to come out.

Hughes was worried. Where was that kid? Most of the men had suspected kidnapping, but after Falman had told him that he had heard someone crying in the men's bathroom-but had been too cowardly to confront the individual-he had his suspicions.

"Edward! Where are you?"

Havoc was standing beside him. "Shrimpy! Come on! Say something!"

After not getting a response, he turned to Hughes. "No response. He's not here...holy crap!"

One of the buildings looked smashed. This looked like a sign of Edward.

"Havoc! See if everyone's okay! I'll check the back!"

Havoc ran off. Hughes on purposely took the route through the alley. After seeing that there was no damage to the back of the building, he walked through the alley with some suspicions about where he'd find Edward.

There were three garbage cans knocked over, and a single one standing. A scrap of red fabric hung out of it.

Hughes smiled, crossing his fingers behind his back. Finally!

He went to open the lid. When he did so, Edward was staring at him like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Why the trashcan?" Hughes looked at him strangely.

"It was a fitting spot."

Hughes smile dropped. "What makes you say that?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Yeah, clear as mud. No, it's not obvious. Come out, and we'll talk." Reluctantly, Ed slid himself out of the trashcan.

When Ed sat down on the concrete sidewalk, Hughes slid down beside him.

"So why did you run away?"

"I wasn't running away..."

"What were you doing?"


"Okay...let me ask another question. What the heck happened to the bank? Did you need to clear your temper or something?" Hughes chuckled falsely.

"No, that was Scar. Thought it would be easier for you guys to find me."

"You want to tell me why you were near Scar, or that...he helped us find you?"

"Something to do with his stupid honour."

"Hang on, doesn't his honour involve blowing people up?" Hughes felt a sinking pit in his stomach.

"Yeah, but he thought fighting me was beneath him."

"You wanted him to fight you."


"Tell me, Edward, who did you want to win? What was the outcome you wanted?"

"Me of course."

"I don't think I would have found you in the trashcan if you were just blowing off steam. How much damage did you want him to do? Did you want...him to kill you?"

Edward scowled and put his head to his knees.

Hughes cussed. "Edward, how long have you been wanting this? Wanting to die?"

"For a couple of days."

"Edward, I know you are just a kid. I know you are stronger than this. What took you down?"

Edward wanted to keep quiet, but the words spilled out. "Alphonse told me he hated me."

"Did he?" Hughes didn't sound quite so convinced.

"I didn't come up with it. He wrote it."

"You seemed to accept it really quickly."

"Well, I wasn't surprised." His voice was practically a whisper now.

"Really? Because I'm shocked-"


Hughes stood up as well and grabbed Edward by the shoulders. "Now you listen to me. No one hates you, except the city dirtbags you've apprehended, and your brother is not one of them. Your brother was probably just mad (Edward went to open his mouth, but Hughes shushed him) and was blowing off some steam. If you could have seen how he reacted when you were missing, you would have blown off that idea so fast. I have never seen anyone, and I mean anyone in such a panic. So tell me Edward Elric, do you think he hates you? Is an outburst of anger really worth taking your life?"

Edward's lower lip shook along with the rest of his body. "But..."

Hughes lowered himself so he was eye to eye with Edward. "Edward, even if Al gets mad at you-all brothers do once in a while-you can still go to my house, or the Rockbells, or even Mustang's if you were that desperate. No more of this 'ending crap'. There is no release. You're done. There is no turning back from that mistake. No equivalent exchange that will bring you back."

Edward just stared at Hughes, though refused to meet him in the eyes. Not another word needed to be said. Hughes opened up his arms, and Edward rammed into his chest, crying softly, with his chest heaving. Closing his arms around the broken boy, he whispered words of comfort to the teen. No other sounds were heard. That was until he heard a sweet little voice. "Hey! I see him!"

Most times he would have been happy, but he really wasn't keen on having to give any form of explanation to Elysia.

"ED!" Now that was a better voice. He felt Edward tense in his arms, as he pulled away suddenly, wiping at his eyes frantically to avoid Alphonse seeing him in his state. Hughes inwardly wished they were twins, as it might avoid the big/little brother complex that got in the way occasionally.

Soon, the sound of clanking filled the streets, and before Hughes could blink, Ed was grabbed and given a hug that could be compared to Armstrong's regular ones.

"Ed! I was so worried! Where were you? I was so scared!" Alphonse sobbed in relief, holding his brother.

Hughes cleared his throat. "Anything you would like to say Edward?"

He turned to look at him.

"It's best if you tell him, or we might end up in this spot again."

"W-what spot?" Al looked at Edward.

Hughes smiled and went up to the others. "I think we should leave them alone."

"I solved the case, Daddy!"

"Yes you did. Now excuse me, I have some movies to rent?"

"Roy, what the heck...?

"Rapunzel's the best! I used it to solve the case!"

Hughes snickered softly, thinking up a night of blackmail to come.

When Edward was finished, Alphonse was stunned. He walked over to the garbage can that had been Edward's hiding spot and kicked it. "ALPHONSE YOU IDIOT!"

"Al, you weren't..."

"It wasn't left on that entry was it?"

"It was..."

"I-I-I w-was j-just a-angry that d-day! I-I-I d-didn't m-mean to l-l-leave it on your bed!" Alphonse stuttered.

Edward smiled. "Relax man, I get it now."

"Y-you almost died...because of me..."

Edward just walked up to Alphonse pulled him down to his height and gave him a tender hug. "It's okay man. I'm okay now. Accidents happen. It was silly of me to react that way. You were just blowing off steam..."

When Alphonse 'hugged' (crushed was more like it), Edward didn't have the resolve to tell him that he broke a rib. Still, there was something he had to say. One last thing to solve this once and for all.

"Al...just so I can remember this, I need to know something."

"What is it? Tell me!"

"Did you ever hate me..."

"No. Honestly, I might of at the beginning, but you were so could I hate the person who sacrificed their own arm for me?"

"Al? Thank you."

They were both silent, locked in an embrace. After about ten minutes, Edward had another question?

" did you find me?"

"Elysia thought you had snuck out the window to see Winry. You know, like the princess movies. She actually thinks you braid your hair to use it as a rope to sneak out to see her." Al's voice held some of it's usual mirth. However, it turned to a full giggle as Edward quickly unbraided his hair as his face turned as red as a beet.

"Um, well, l-let's go home." Edward quickly walked in front of Alphonse.

"Yeah brother, let's."

This idea popped into my head a while ago, but I didn't want to write it until I gave my fans of the Homunculi story an update (Homestuck fans, please calm down right now, especially if my friends are reading this story right now). I hope I didn't ruin the mood with Elysia's part-I just couldn't resist.