A.N.: Baby steps, that's the only way I'm getting back into this. So…hi guys! Just a little blurb from last night's episode, cause Cas's face broke my heart and Zekes' reasoning is whack. That is all, hope you enjoy. Missed you all dearly. Spoilers of course for 9x03. No Destial, unless you chose to see it that way. :)

Cas or Sam? Cas or Sam?

He looks at Cas smiling into every bite of his burrito and feels sick.

He looks like a damn kid, in the oversized hoodie, relishing the safety and comfort of the bunker.

And Dean promised him he would be safe.


He can feel Zeke staring at him from behind, his presence both reassuring and foreboding at the same time.

He can't do this to Cas, but Sam…

There isn't really a choice, has there ever really been?

Not when it comes to Sam.

He briefly wonders if he's making the right decision as his formerly feathery friend looks up at him with joy and trust and…


Why does his gift horse always come with teeth?

He sighs heavily, letting the declaration from Cas about enjoying their talks roll off of his shoulders.

"Listen buddy," he pauses hoping that if he waits long enough maybe Zeke will change his mind, because Dean really, REALLY doesn't want to have to do this.

Silence from behind him, optimism in front of him, dread and resolution in his gut.

Cas looks at him with hope, waiting for what Dean assumes he thinks is a lesson in humanity.

"You can't stay." It drops from his lips like ruling, falling with all the authority of a death sentence.

The emotions are clear to read in his crystal blue eyes: Confusion, hurt, betrayal and finally acceptance.

As if he deserves this. As if Dean would condemn him to this if he had any other alternative.

It's a lesson in humanity all right; just not one Dean ever wanted his friend to learn.