Clooney's ears are the softest thing ever, I really missed Clooney, but I haven't been feeling well enough to come over, I didn't want Derek's scrutiny on top of feeling so down. And now he's expecting me to eat a Morgan sized portion of mint chip, it's going to give me the worst stomachache…
"Eat up kid, you need the calories" Morgan tells me and sets down the two bowls on the coffee table.
"Yeah…" I scoop up a huge pile and start tackling the mountain of stomach pain he's dished out
My stomach is already hurting and I've only had 3 bites, I can't do this, I just can't! It's all too much and I start to cry and Clooney shifts his head into my lap and whines. I feel terrible I'm upsetting Clooney now. What kind of horrible person makes a Labrador retriever cry? Me, that's who!
Morgan's arm is around me, I don't know what he's saying, but he's stroking my hair and it feels nice, I wish I wasn't so sad. Oh god Clooney just howled in distress, I'm such a jerk making this sweet dog cry, I can't contain my sadness anymore and now I'm just sobbing and hugging Clooney around the neck. I can feel Morgan kissing my hair and now both of his arms are around Clooney and I, it feels so nice, if only I could actually enjoy this comfort when I wasn't sad.
We stay there on the couch for an hour and 3 minutes, and I just have no tears left to cry. I let go of poor damp Clooney and he runs away, leaving me like everyone else I love. So I just sit there with Derek trying to compose myself enough to apologise for breaking down like that. I'm really surprised, but Clooney comes back with a stuffed dog toy, which he drops in my lap and then jumps up on the couch and licks my face, then curls up to sleep.
Derek grabs some tissues and hands them to me as he pulls me into his lap and says "Spence, sweetheart, tell me what's wrong, I want to help you, let me help you." I blow my nose and dry my eyes. Too exhausted to do anything else I rest my head against his shoulder and say "tired" and latch onto Derek's shirt
"Do you want to go to bed, sugar? I'll carry you, okay?" He asks me.
"No! Want to stay here with you." I just don't want to be alone, I can't be alone, I've been alone for far too long
"Shhh, shhh, shhh, it's okay, you can sleep in my bed, you don't have to be alone, okay?"
I nod against his neck and he carries me bridal style to his bedroom. I'm still holding Clooney's stuffed dog when Derek places me gently on the nice warm bed, I think the electric blanket is on, I curl up in the fetal position and hold tighter to the stuffed dog, just wanting some semblance of comfort.
The warm bed and blankets feel so good. I don't like the cold. I never have, but especially since Georgia, it was so cold there, and I didn't have both socks on, my feet were so cold. I feel the warm body behind me and automatically move towards it, feeling relieved that Derek wraps his arms around me again, it feels amazing just to be held, I wish I could feel this safe and warm forever, I wish I could feel like this with Derek forever, it's so warm and feels so very nice ...