A Beware the Batman fanfic – Bring on the Badguys!
Written by WDCain Man
Disclaimer: Batman was created by Bob Kane and owned by DC Comics, which is owned by Warner-Brothers. No money is being made with this story. No profit is being made from this fanfic.
SPECIAL NOTE: Read chapter 16 'The Eraser' since I rewrote it entirely.
Confession time: I should have made Eraser Egghead since that version of a totally cerebral villain worked better with one of Vincent Price's famous role. I've also reworked the Eraser chapter so check it out after reading this one. Enjoy!
Bring on the Badguys!
Global Peace Agency anti-terrorism agent Katarina Armstrong, codenamed Spy Smasher, arrived at the luxurious Hotel Belle Monico. This was the final location given to her after leading her across the city for an hour. Typical cloak and dagger BS that was all a part of the job was something she was accustomed to.
The last time she was at a hotel this fancy was when she managed an operation to get proof that LexCorp was illegally selling weapons to Kasnia. Otherwise she could never stay at such an expensive money hole. The high rise hotel only catered to the rich and elite of the world.
"Of course he would stay in a place like this," she grumbled. "Ticks me off I'm going to offer him more tax dollars so he doesn't have to stop living the life of luxury."
The maître d'hôtel had the ushers bring her to the gold plated private elevator that lead up to the penthouse suite. When the elevator doors opened and the GPA member was introduced to a lovely sight.
She was an insanely beautiful Native woman with brown eyes, stylish raven black hair, and a dark blue pin stripe suit. The mini-skirt showed off her nice legs but it wasn't cut as high as the costumes worn by typical honeypots. She was strangely conservative despite her rare sexuality.
"Ms. Armstrong, Mr. Heed will see you now," she spoke with her authoritative Mohican voice.
Katarina nodded curtly, foregoing planting any listening bugs on her (she'd probably find them) and went into the luxury penthouse suite. It was beautifully well lit but not so the numerous computer screens could be easily read but rather to illuminate the numerous bejeweled Fabergé eggs that the main occupant seemed fascinated by.
He was a tall man but mostly due to his abnormally large bald head. His cream colored suit went well with his almost baby powder white skin while the bright yellow undershirt shined as bright as his confident smile. He lounged about lazily like the world just wasn't challenging enough. It seemed like he had to put effort to spare a greeting to the spy.
"Eggs-cellent evening, Ms. Armstrong. Are you here to beg me to find a way to overthrow yet another third world country or do you by chance have something more challenging for me to tackle?" The jovial voice was deep and oozed charm but lacked any real traces of kindness.
The spy master rolled her eyes. "We're still evaluating what went wrong with our intervention of Qurac before we plan a second wave."
"I'll give you a freebee, Ms. Armstrong. A communications disaster of this level is beyond accidental or by regular means. Therefore only super-human methods can explain it."
The government agent rolled her eyes. "We have yet to ascertain anything as preposterous as you are stating. Clearly the command staff were in the pockets of Qurac's military. We're researching their finances even as we speak. It won't be long before we find the ones who betrayed us."
"Don't you mean find a fall guy that you can pin the failures on instead of the actual culprit? Doing all this instead of hiring me to find the answers for the sake of the agency's eggs-ceptionally low ego will have consequences."
"Don't lecture me, Egghead!" she snapped. Spy Smasher stepped closer but stopped when Miss Bacon eyed her carefully, both her hands inside her inside her suit's jacket. A firefight here wasn't a smart idea. "I'm here to present another job for you on behalf of the Global Peace Agency. The leadership is prepared to offer you fifty million dollars if you accomplish it. Be a good egg and take it."
"If every GPA approved of this then it could only be one thing: Batman's identity." Egghead's oily voice curdled with anticipation.
"Good guess," Katarina raised an eyebrow. "How did you-?"
"It was only a matter of time. The world has changed. Eggs-cectable men like the Batman are the future of crime fighting and it makes sense for the Agency to want to get their hooks into him first. Just imagine what the Global Peace Agency could accomplish with a division of men like him. You could rule the world."
"Again, fifty million." The spy said the number like it should stun the detective but he didn't bat an eye. "If you can figure it out, Egghead."
"How eggs-citing! I clearly must accept the case now!" Egghead whisked around to work at one of the computers littered around the penthouse. "Miss Bacon will escort you out. My dear, kindly do so."
"Of course, Edgar." Spy Smasher flinched as the as the attractive secretary suddenly appeared behind her.
She made a mental note of potential meta-human abilities then turned away from the jovial bald mastermind. "Do the job, Egghead; and serve your country!"
"My dear Spy Smasher, whatever makes you think I'm only on your country's payroll?"
Katarina was about to scream questions at him when Miss Bacon slammed the door in her face. Egghead chuckled while his Mohican secretary gave him a tired sign. "You really shouldn't toy with the spies, at least not before they pay us, Edgar."
"But it's so much fun, my dear. Seeing them get all hard boiled like that makes me feel… all warm and gooey inside."
"You'll be a cracked egg if you keep this up. Batman isn't someone to handle lightly."
"Your concerns are welcomed but fret not, Miss Bacon, for this is a mystery whose answers I can eggs-tract." His smirk never seems to go away. "Besides, if push comes to shove then I am all too familiar with defending myself… with eggs-quisite means."
Egghead gestured to a roll of specially made eggs such as an egg-arang, laughing gas egg, acid egg, and knockout egg along with too many to mention.
"If push comes to shove then feel safe that the results will be… eggs-plosive!" Egghead chuckled while turning to his monitors. On them were the profiles of several Gothamites: Thomas Blake, Maxwell Cort, Vic Sage, Michael Holt, Harvey Dent, Alberto Falcone, Jacob Kane, and Bruce Wayne.
Batman was a mystery left unsolved long enough and it was due time for this tough egg to be cracked!
End Part Twenty…
So how well did I do capturing the charm of the late, great Vincent Price? There isn't much change here to the character but I think he could work well as an intellectual threat to the Dark Knight. My take for him was inspired by the fact that the CIA paid $80 million to Grayson Swigert and Hammond Dunbar to develop their "enhanced interrogation techniques" following 9/11 so I can see a super genius making a living coming up with unethical plans for intelligence agencies.
I almost put in a section about Olga, Queen of the Cossacks as his sexy maid since I can totally see Egghead being a polygamous dude in a relationship with two women at once yet I couldn't see how to work it within the story. Miss Bacon was nice since I had her know her BF's weird traits but learn to accept them.
Rewriting this chapter, I really regret not giving Film Freak his own look since he was also inspired by a Vincent Prince character. Though that would probably be funny seeing them meet up and thinking neither look alike. But then there are several things I wish I could change. Pierrot Lunaire should have been the Mime but I had no idea that she existed until the Lego Batman movie. I also should have got rid of the Chief O'Hara stuff from the Wrath chapter but I was trying to do an evil Alfred instead of a Bat-villain.
But those are minor mistakes so I won't be changing those chapters like I did by overhauling Eraser's. That was an error on my part since my take had next to nothing in common with the character. I much prefer my new version on Eraser so kindly read that chapter after this.
I actually really enjoyed this story and I think I have ideas for several more baddies from the Adam West show. I don't know if DC can use them since I've heard conflicting stories on who owns the original characters from the show. Tom King wasn't allowed to use King Tut but I don't know why. I hope DC could use these villains since I do believe there is real story potential there as I'll show in the upcoming chapters.
Until then, read and review!