Greetings, my loyal subjects, you may rejoice now for I have returned! So long time, no see, huh? It's just that I've been devoting my precious time to other fandoms and schoolwork lately. Well now I'm back, so let's get this party started! 2015 is gonna be my year, OUR year! Whoo!
Quick warning, though, because you might want to bring like a protective raincoat or something prevent your clothes from getting dirty. Seriously, why haven't anybody thought of this before? Pffht, ameateurs! XD
Paris, France: Joan and Saint-Germain's house
Three years have passed since the defeat of the Dark Elders, and all of our favorite immortals are gathered at Saint-Germain's newly refurbished townhouse for a grand reunion. The festivities were held in the dining room, which was bigger than the one they had before the Nidhogg attacked it. It now has shiny marble tiles on the floors and new wallpaper was placed up, much to Joan's delight. The immortals sat at a long table laden with an impressive array of aromatic, mouthwatering food and dishes, all thanks to Joan of course.
Seated on the left are William, Palamedes, Sophie, Germain, Joan, Nicholas, and Perenelle, Machiavelli, Billy, and Virginia. On the other side were Black Hawk, Niten, Aoife, Prometheus, and Scatty. Sadly, Marethyu couldn't come because he was too busy trying to repair a shadowrealm. Nevertheless, all of them wore joyous smiles, for they were happy with being able to catch up and have fun together.
Billy overloaded his spaghetti with an enormous amount of sauce before diving head-first into his meal. "Wow! You did an amazing job with the food, Misses Germain!"
Joan graciously replied back with, "Well, thank you, Billy! Eat as much as you like, there's plenty for everyone!"
The cowboy flashed a grubby smile before returning to scarfing down his meal.
"Billy!" Reprimanded Machiavelli the stickler,"Cant't you for once eat like your own age? Show a little class!"
Billy was quick to point out,"Hey, I might be over a hundred years old, but I still have the mentality of a teenager. Besides, this spaghetti is really good!"
Fortunately, his girlfriend Virginia was helpful enough to take a napkin and clean up his face. Niten took pleasure in feeding his wife, Aoife, some food from his own spoon. Even Perenelle and Nicholas were happily engaged in some light bantering. Scatty felt strangely lonesome, and sad as she watched all the happy couples being all cute and romantic together. She took her fork and roughly stabbed it into her salad, before bringing it to her mouth where she brutally chewed up her food.
Joan recognized the hostility in her friend's actions, but decided not to say anything. "Excuse me, but I have to go powder my nose. I'll be back soon," she said while getting up.
"Hmm alright, mon cherie,"resonded the count as Joan pecked his cheek."Just remember to be safe."
"Wait, Joan, can you bwing back some mow cwoissants?" Requested Shakespeare with a tightly stuffed mouth, as he held up the empty basket which contained nothing but crumbs.
Joan's laugh was a low purr when she replied," Sure, William! Just give me a minute." She then swiftly exited the room.
"You know, Germain, this is actually a nice, peaceful gathering you have here," remarked Prometheus, who sat across from the 'Master of Fire'. "It feels good to forgive and forget, doesn't it?"
The count swallowed a mouth full of duck before replying, "Ah, it sure does, Prometheus! Now that the threat of the Dark Elders are finally off our heads, we can have time to properly reconcile with each other. "Flashing a charmingly courteous smile he then added, "Have I ever told you what a great and wise master you were to me?"
"Once, I believe," chuckled Prometheus lightheartedly, "before you stole the Secret of Fire from me, that is! Which reminds me-"
He paused to partake in the wine from his glass. "-You never did apologize for that. Do so now and all will be forgiven, my friend."
Scatty, sitting next to her uncle, grinned with utter delight. She knew very well that the count would be too prideful to openly apologize in front of all their friends. The way his let eyebrow twitched was a tell-tale sign of his hesitation.
"Yeah, Germain, go ahead and tell my uncle how sorry you are," prodded Scatty in a jeering tone as she leisurely kicked back in her chair.
The Frenchman glared sharply at the snickering redhead before formally giving back his attention to the Elder. He managed to keep a calm countenance as he said, "I would love to, but as I clearly recall, I did in fact expressed my apologies to you already."
The Elder's laugh was subtle, yet menacing. "Pardon me, Germain, but do not remember anything of the sort. Do not try to play with me like one your instruments, now."
"You know I wouldn't do that, Prometheus," Germain pleaded as his hands flew up in a cautious gesture. "But believe me, I did apologize to you. I swear." It took ever power in his being for him not to falter under Prometheus's scorching gaze.
The Elder's face did not reveal anything that resembled anger, but his fists clenched tightly by his side as rage began to bubble within him. The lying, slimy, two-faced worm! He's trying to wiggle himself out of delivering justice! For that he must pay!
" Hey, Germain, can you please pass me the salt?" Asked Sophie.
"It would be my pleasure!" As he reached for the salt, a blob of mash potato came out of nowhere and hits the side of his face!
*Dramatic record scratch*
Gasps escaped the mouths of the other guests as they all stopped to stare at the immortal and Elder. Although when they thought about it, they realized that they all should have seen that coming. Germain and Prometheus were sworn enemies, after all.
The count froze as he used his tongue to slowly taste the mash potato. He then turned to look in front of him, where Prometheus stood with his hands firmly planted upon the table. Scatty appeared as if she was about to wet herself from laughter.
"That's what you get for underhandedly stealing the Magic of Fire!" Yelled Prometheus as he thruster a finger of accusation toward the Frenchman. " You are indeed the most despicable, infuriating little mortal I have ever had the misfortune of encountering!"
"Oh, Gods, here we go...", murmered Virginia while rolling her eyes.
The Frenchman simply narrowed his eyes like a hawk at the Elder and took out a handkerchief to wipe the food off his face. Soon enough he, too, was on his feet. "Oh, so that is how it's going to be, eh?" He then picked up a cream pie, reeling his arm back in preparation to throw it. "Will then, I sure hope you like pie!"
With an grunt, he launched the pie forward, successfully hitting its mark with a splat! His blue eyes sparkled upon seeing Prometheus receive a face full of pie. The Elder growled as he angrily swiped the creamy pastry off of his face, in order to reveal a hard mask of red-hot fury. It was in that moment that regret entered Germain's mind. He made some unforgettable mistakes over the centuries, but this one might actually get him killed this time.
"Oh snap! Things just got real!" Gasped Niten in astonishment.
Perenelle only sighed and shook her head saying, "Poor Joan, she worked so hard to make this dinner, and now these two bickering imbeciles are going to ruin it!"
Everyone else just sat there in silent astonishment, their mouths gaping open like a bunch of fish.
The count could not help but cower under the blazing red eyes of the powerful Elder. He grew even more alarmed when he saw Prometheus grab hold of a turkey bone. "So, Germain, you dare to strike against me, the almighty Prometheus?" He spat out furiously."You have made a grave mistake! Here, have a taste of this bad boy!"
Prometheus hurled the giant bone at the Frenchman, but he avoided it by ducking down just in time. Instead, the potato flew past overhead to hit Joan right in the chest, causing her to drop the basket of croissants she was carrying. Shocked and utterly offended, Joan looked up to scan the scene before her.
"All right, I want to know who in the world threw that this instance!" She demanded in a commanding voice.
Right away, all fingers were pointed directly at Prometheus, who was forced to gulp nervously. "Uhh...I'm sorry?"
Now that she knew who the culprit was, Joan's aura activated to engulf her body in a shroud of silver light as the strong scent of lavender invaded the room. She then reached out with one hand, her eyes narrowed in intense concentration. Nobody had the slightest idea of what she was trying to do. Things got even more interesting when the roasted turkey mysteriously lifted off the table apparently all by itself. Joan was then able to send the dead bird flying straight at Prometheus, with just a simple motion of her hand. The bewildered Elder didn't even had time to react before the turkey crashed into him, the force of it being enough to knock him against the wall!
Perenelle's hand instantly flew to her mouth. The count slowly rose to his feet, eyes bulging out like a dragonfly. Billy silently mouthed the word 'awesome'. Whatever the case, everyone's eyes ended up landing on Joan, their faces sharing identical expressions of fear and awe. By that time, Joan's aura had all but vanished while she stood there calmly dusting her hands off.
"Joan! Where the heck did you learn to do that?!" Exclaimed Germain while wildly waving his arms around.
Joan gave him an amused smile before responding,"Well, Francis, in truth I do have a lot of free time when-"
"FOOD FIGHT! Shouted Billy at the top of his lungs. He followed that by taking his spaghetti and shoving it into Machiavelli's face.
The Italian did not appreciate that at all, but his eyes grew wide in horror upon seeing the red sauce staining his fancy new shirt. His temper flared when he turned to yell at the cowboy, "Goddamn it, Billy! Do you have any idea how expensive this shirt was? Now you've gone and ruined it! By God, I'm going to kill you!"
Virginia cried out in distress as Machiavelli tackled her boyfriend to the ground. Scatty was quick to take up the call to arms, picking up a basket of rolls and chucking them at rapid speed. Everyone else scrambled out of their seats to take cover. Thus, began the most amazingly epic food fight in the history of the entire world!
With that first blow being dealt, war erupted amongst the party of immortals, and the dining room soon became a battlefield. Alliances were formed and boundaries were drawn, as each of them jumped into the fray. It was utterly incredible how a decent social gathering got out of hand so suddenly. Food are meant to be eaten, not used as ammunition! Being a group of immortals, none of them actually cared.
Prometheus came after Germain, of course, using a t-bone steak to smack him across the face! The count fell down hard due to the severe blow. His hand flew to his throbbing cheek as he struggled to his feet. He frantically looked around for a weapon, until his eyes landed on a long sausage which he quickly picked up. Shouting a war cry, Germain then proceeded to viciously assault the Elder with the wiener. Nicholas and Perenelle fought together as a team; the alchemist shielded his wife with a metal tray, while the sorceress took the offensive by launching a volley of tomatoes at the others. Meanwhile, Joan and Palamedes were squaring off in a fencing contest, using baguettes as swords. The Saracen Knight lunged forward in a bold move, but Joan cleverly stepped aside while also intentionally tripping him in the process. Palamedes stumbled a little before ultimately falling forward toward the table where his face landed on the chocolate cake. Therefore, it's not victory that's sweet, but really defeat. Virginia used her advanced agility and cat-like reflexes to skillfully dodge whatever was being thrown at her. She then took a nearby bottle of wine and smashed it against Black Hawk's back. Niten for his strategy, conjured up a katana to effectively cut and deflect everything that came his way. However, he wasn't able to stop the piping hot tea that Sophie splashed on his eyes. A single chair served as a shelter for Sophie, from where she would pick off individual targets using a slingshot and peanuts. In the midst of that frenzied scene, both Scatty and Aiofe jumped on the table, and rained streams of ketchup and mustard down on their enemies. They laughed with sinister delight as the adrenaline raced through their veins. Their reign of terror was abruptly cut short,though, when Billy jumped out in front of them, and soaked the sisters with two bottles of soda pop.
The only immortals not taking part in the festivities were Machiavelli and Shakespeare. The two of them hid under tables and ate all the scraps of food they could get. They took comfort in praying for the all the senseless fighting to stop soon.
While they were doing that, the battle continued to roar on without them. Food flied, auras clashed, plates smashed...it was total chaos! Casualties grew higher as morale sank lower. Eventually, there came a point where there was no more food to throw, not to mention any energy to throw it with! After what felt like an eternity of endless warfare, all of the immortals found themselves dead tired and unwilling to carry on the fight. They sure managed to make one heck of a mess in Germain's dining room! Why, not even the ceiling was safe from their crazy shenanigans! So at the end, they all gave up, being sprawled around on the floor and covered in many, many, many stains. As exhausting as it was, nobody could deny that it was indeed, the most fun they ever had in years.
"Whoo! GREATIST. FOODFIGHT .EVER!" Shouted Billy with enthusiasm.
"You totally can say that again!" Said Scatty in agreement.
"Are you kidding me? You people are barbaric! " Complained the Italian as he stuck his head out from under the table.
"Ah, would it kill you to lighten up a little?" Germain chided lightly. "We were just having fun! You do know what fun is right, Mac?"
"Ahh! There's a rat trying to eat that cheese over there!" Shrieked a girlishly frightened Shakespeare.
For Joan, there was only one thing on her mind and she made her intentions clear to everyone when she announced, "Nobody is leaving until this room is clean and spotless!"
Was that just awesome or what?! Answer this question in the review box, please! If you're still alive and reading this, then congratulations a I really appreciate your devoted readership! I work had to provide you guys with the highest quality of stories to tickle your funny bone and bring a little laughter into your most grayest of days! Unfortunately, I still have some other unfinished work that needs to be taken care off before I can return to this story full-time. Yeah, go fingure.
Again, please, please, please review! An artist is nothing without the praise and criticism of their readers. Trust me, there is no blow more soul-crushing for an artist than receiving no recognition for their work. If any of you have read the story, The Hunger Artist, then you can understand what I'm trying to say.
So...Thank you! You've been a fantastic audience! Thank you and goodnight, I am IOU! XD