Another Gunnerkirgg fic that just sprang out of me, kind of related to my last one. Takes place towards then end of the school term, Annie & Kat have already told each other of their feelings.
This one's a little depressing, sorry!
Kat shuffled about her desk space organizing things. Annie just sat on her bed feeling the weight of the awkwardness in the room. The room where she once felt so comfortable and at home was full of unspoken thoughts and feelings that heightened every time they were alone together. It was going to happen again. It kept happening. More intense each time.
She had to say something.
"So ~ So… summer's getting close…"
"Yeah," Kat responded dryly, "The year keeps flying by."
"Maybe this time… I could accompany you and your family for your vacation. I would definitely not miss it this time…"
Kat paused and stood from her desk for a moment, thinking, "…Paz suggested that I visit her family in Spain for the summer. I was thinking about it…"
Heavy silence again.
Annie stared and her hands that she tried not to clench too tightly, "Well… what is it that you want to do?"
"I don't know."
"No…well, I mean, I dunno. It'd be nice to… for us to finally be able to vacation together… I mean we've been trying since our first year… but Paz… I mean, she's my girlfriend."
Those words, that final word, stabbed at her chest and her expression darkened, "So break up with her."
Kat turned to face her and glowered, "Are we going to have to talk about this again? I'm sorry, I just can't right now, okay? I don't know how many times-"
"-You have to make it clear who it is you truly care for? Don't dwell on it, you've made it perfectly clear." She turned her face away from Kat, biting her lip to distract from the knot in her throat and the gradual stinging in her eyes.
Don't cry. Don't cry. Normal. Normal.
Her breaths were slow and heavy as she heard Kat approaching her. Soon the warmth of a familiar palm clasped her cheek. Kat turned her face to hers, "Annie… You know I love you more than anything…"
Annie melted. She didn't care if Kat was just telling her what she wanted to hear, she believed those words. She always believed them. She leaned into Kat's touch and grasped the gentle hand on her cheek, "I know."
Kat began to lean down and Annie tilted her head up expectantly, and their lips met. Soft. Warm. Bittersweet.
She let her fingers run through Kat's raven locks – an easy way to make Kat intensify things, she found. These sensations, still a little new to her, were too good to resist. The way Kat's hands moved about her waist and sometimes her thighs, their bodies pressed together, their hot lips and tongues teasing: eliciting soft gasps and muffled moans.
Her mind was completely blank before the sensations of Kat's teeth nipping gently at her neck and her fingers working at her buttoned shirt brought her back into reality. She suddenly raised her shoulders and backed away – as much as she could anyways with her now laying on the bed and Kat on top of her – and clasped her shirt close. Kat's expression was unreadable - her eyes glazed over with lust, "It's not okay?"
Annie's heartbeat was harsh in her ears, she felt dizzy. Hot. Kat in front of her, on top of her, looking at her like that… made it worse. She let go of her shirt, looking away coyly. No words were said. Kat kissed her lips briefly, her neck, worked her way down. Annie's mind went blank again.
It was a bit more than what she was expecting. She wasn't sure what she was expecting, anyways.
Annie could hear herself panting; there was a pleasant lightheadedness, occasional tingles in her spine. Kat held her and kissed her forehead, brow, nose, all over her face while she waited for Annie's legs to stop twitching.
What was that.
How did it happen? How did Kat do it? They did it? Kat did it. And she… she seemed to know what she was doing. That thought sunk Annie's heart into an unreachable depth. The knot in her throat was back. The sting. There was no stopping it now, she buried her face in her palms and let out a whimper.
Kat was startled, confused, "A~Annie?"
"Did you~ did you learn those things with Paz?" Annie said through her tears.
There was a pause, "…Don't talk about her now." Kat said almost coldly, though she held Annie's wrists tightly.
And they felt a wall, they both felt it. They were further apart than they had ever been.
Annie continued to sob. Her mind was racing, shattering, being built back up and broken again. The only thing that grounded her was the hotness of the grief on her face and the dampness of her palms against it. Kat simply laid on her chest – her hands still weakly holding onto her wrists – the genius at a loss for what to do.
Soon Annie was dressing herself. Kat sat up in the bed and watched her, clutching the bed sheet to her chest. She wanted to say something, but what could she say? She only watched with guilt as Annie put on her peacoat and walked out the door.
The Court at night was always the same. The rhythm of her steps against the pavement, echoing throughout the deserted place, felt comforting. She watched the vapor of her breath fade into the sky. She thought about what she had just done, a bit bewildered that it had happened at all. Though to many it's so normal, Parley and Smitty, the Donlans, probably the other kids in her class… People here right now are probably… And yet what just happened was so… crude, in the end.
She stopped at a bridge that overlooked an empty canal of concrete. She leaned against the railing, thinking and not thinking, hating the parts of her body that felt the fingerprints of the previous hour. Dirty fingerprints.
She wasn't sure how long she was there until she heard paws against the pavement trotting towards her. They stopped, she halfheartedly glanced to Renard who stood at a slight distance – seeming unsure of how to approach her.
"Did Katerina send you to fetch me?"
"Then you're here to make fun of me I presume." Her words dripped with bitterness.
"I would never think to do such a thing."
Annie realized then that Rey was just worried. Her expression softened and without saying anything she continued to look back out into the darkness of the canal. Renard trotted up next to her, leaning against her legs.
She thought to reach her hand down to scratch his head, but that hand felt dirty.
Everything felt dirty.