Resident Evil REwritten

Waking Up Dead

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfucker.


#2 Big Mistake


'...Let's get this over with now.' On my feet, I turned to the door, beckoning the others to follow me.

"C'mon, we're checking the engine car."

That perked them up. "Engine car? But isn't it locked?" Rebecca asked, looking perturbed.

I held up the keycard I just found. "And I now have the means to unlock it without wasting ammo. Let's get moving."

Out the door we went, then left to the locked door. I swiped the keycard, pocketing it as I drew my gun, and then-

Found myself face-to-mask with an Umbrella USS soldier.

. . .

In that ubiquous moment where we met each other's gaze, we had that moment that always comes when two soldiers of opposing sides make eye contact. More information was exchanged in that second, than two civillians could exchange with two hours' conversation.

I rushed forward, grabbing the forend of his MP5 and forcing it sideways as I shoved him backward, through the door into the engine car.

"LEECHES! GO GO GO!" I shouted for the other two, before I grabbed the guy's gun with my other hand and raised my boot, kicking him away as I took possession of his weapon.

He landed hard on the floor, and I instinctively turned to my right, knocking away a punch from the other soldier with my off-hand, bringing up the MP5 and jamming it under his chin.


One shot, and he dropped backwards.

I turned back to the other immediate threat, keeping the weapon trained on him as I called back, "Get in and get that door shut!"

Within another five tense seconds, Rebecca and Billy were next to me, the door slamming shut behind them. Good. "Looks like we've got ourselves a canary... Sing for me bitch, or I feed you to the zombies."

"Fuck you." He retorted, his right hand snaking closer to his sidearm-

I pulled the trigger.


His head snapped back, a small spray of blood oozing out of his gas mask as he collapsed to the floor.

"What the hell was that for?! He was-" I turned, grabbing Rebecca by the vest, pulled her closer and cut her off.

"They were Umbrella USS, and I have seen more than enough of their handiwork to know better than to let them live. If they're here, then Umbrella is trying to cover its own ass by killing everyone involved and destroying the evidence. And I, for one, am not letting them get away with murder this time!"

'This time?' She thought, her mouth already in motion.

She slapped my hand away, replying, "You can't know for certain! What if they were here to save these people?!" Damnit.

"Open your eyes, girl! They were a clean-up crew! THEY started the train! Humanitarians would've had more than just a pair of grunts with guns!" I hate naive optimists. Really, I do.

Cynical skepticism, skepticism, skepticism...

Billy cut in. "He's right, Rebecca. They're carrying just enough equipment to get in and get out, nothing for helping the wounded. Besides, the people on-board have long since been dead, they've got no reason to send aid now. And why would Umbrella, a pharmaceutical corporation, send armed soldiers to a train that shouldn't exist?" Aha, he was really on the ball.

There was an ominous silence that followed for several seconds.

"Why did you just gun him down like that in cold blood? He wasn't-" I sighed, (Groaned, really) remembering to be gentle with the rookie.

"He was just waiting for a chance to shoot us. I do not kill without reason, Rebecca; anyone working for Umbrella is going to try to kill us, because we've seen their dirty little secret. Remember that, both of you." I moved to the nearest dead guy, taking a knee and stripping the goon of his gear.

Let's see, here.

Kevlar tac vest, just my size, too. MP5 with light, plenty of ammo on the vest and other various items. Flashlight, knife, Sig P226,(Useful) medical kit,(VERY useful) a pair of hand grenades and an assortment of other goodies.

Billy began stripping the other Umbrella agent, relieving the corpse of its weapons, body armor, ammo and equipment.

While he was doing that, I began pulling on the stuff I'd salvaged off the goon, including a radio, (Tuned to the same channel Rebecca and Billy were on) the ballistic vest and other goodies. Once done and feeling much more like the soldier I was, I stood, then handed the SMG and mags to Rebecca.

"Here, you'll need this more than I will."

She took it with a light scowl. "Gee, thanks. I think."


"How far out are we from impact?"

Rebecca bit her lip, tensely staring at a keycard she'd found. "Fifteen minutes. But we can't cut the engine, and the brake system is complicated. We'll need to activate one at the rear of the train, then one here. Whoever designed this must've been a major idiot, or just a jerk." She indicated a console in front of her, and I took the proferred keycard.

"Got it. You two stay here, I'll radio you when I've got the rear brake ready." I turned, heading out the door, moving for the rear of the train.

Time to get things moving.

Starting at a jog, I got through to the next car, and as I stepped through-

"Grroaaaagh!" The seemingly-dead train worker lunged at me, clinging to my leg as I positioned my new Sig 226 in the path of his teeth, already reaching for my knife.

The instant the fucker's face collided with my gun, I flipped my knife and stabbed it through his left temple, giving a quick twist and ripping it out. Good to go.

Sheathing it, I kicked the body off my leg, starting off again.

This is gonna be a looong night, ain't it?


Down the hall, through the next door and into the passenger car; two deadheads up and shuffling around. Raising my gun, I put a round in both before picking up the pace again, hopping over the bodies still on the floor.

Now for the dark car. Clear, no bodies. I'm good to go. Through the next door, I stopped for a moment and took a breath.

Then I ran headlong at the nonfunctioning automatic door, stopping less than three feet away from it, pivoting, raising a leg.

And BAM! Kicking it as hard as I could. The door caved inward, flying back into the kitchen a good two feet before it clanged to the floor, a massive dent in its center. Stepping inside, I made a beeline for the next door, snarking, "Open sesame," Before giving it a solid kick to the doorknob. The lock snapped and it flew open, allowing me passage into the storage car.

Inside, I hardly took a step, before-


A pair of zombie-dobermans smashed their way out of their cages, growling. Eh, not all THAT impressive. Casually lowering my aim, I snapped the gun on target and popped both of them.

...What? Were you expecting some kinda great, big battle? It was a pair of fuckin' dogs! Eesh. Target practice, at this range.

After gathering a few choice goodies, I went through the last door, out into the rain.


No time to even enjoy it, either. Damn.

Welp, first things first.

Taking my knife, I pried the hookshot from the metal claws and hooked it to my belt. Okay, got that.

Right-o. Brakes.

I moved to the weathered console, plucking the keycard from my pocket, swiping it.


Two, three, eight times before it read, the bastard.


Rebecca was still looking over the console, waiting. Waiting. She had lost count of the minutes, tensely waiting for-

Her radio crackled to life. "Check-check! Rebecca, I've got the rear brake working. I'll be back with you guys in just a minute."

She nodded on reflex, flicking switches and hitting buttons, working the console controls, trying to figure out how to get the brakes working.

It took her a moment to finish the puzzle-like code, before she pulled the brake lever and-


"Oof!" She was thrown against the console, jolted forward by the train's sudden deceleration. She heard Billy stumble and catch himself, as they both turned to grin at each other, a wave of relief washing over them.


*Ker-CHKANG!* And both of them were thrown on their asses with the sound of snapping steel ringing in their ears.

After a moment, "Hey! You two alright?!" Roy's voice came through the radio again, and Rebecca picked up the device, responding, "Yeah, we're okay, but the brakes just conked out on us, the train's picking up speed!"

"Damnit." He summed up everyone's thoughts all at once, his sardonic and deadpan delivery matching her mood perfectly. "Definately not my lucky day... Both of you, move back to the darkened passenger car, we'll ride out the crash."


The two of them arrived within a minute; once they were inside, I directed each to grab a seat away from each other, and hunker down with their head between their knees.

"Get to a different part of the car, so at least one person survives if one part of the train collapses. Before we get any further, clear chamber and make safe whatever firearms you have on your person." Rebecca's head tilted, and she instinctively asked,


Billy answered for me. "Because we're probably going to get thrown around pretty bad, and the last thing we need is for one of our guns to go off unintentionally." He pulled the mag of his M9 and ejected the round from the chamber, catching it in mid-air. I had already done as much with both weapons.

Rebecca "Aha'd" and complied, before they found seats, both preferring to sit near the aisle.

I took my own seat, well away from either of them. "Alright, now double-over and put your head between your knees, then if you're feeling unlucky, kiss your ass goodbye. For the rest of your time aboard Hell's Express, try to think bouncy thoughts."


"Bouncy thoughts?" Billy parroted, turning to give me a strange look.

I nodded. "Yes. In the hopes that when we crash, you will bounce instead of turning into a stain."

Neither of them had a response to that.

We rode along for another twelve minutes, and I spent the entire time counting down until impact.

On the eleventh minute mark, I said, "One minute to go, thank you for choosing Hell's express! Now's the time to be kissin' your ass goodbye! And no, that doesn't mean you can kiss Rebecca's ass, Mulletman!"


*Bul-TSHCK!* A rumbling shook the entire train, as it crashed through something. The wooden barrier, I guess.


I curled myself up, doubled-over into a tight ball of muscle. Here's hoping, man.

'Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy... Think like a ball. Or should that be think with my balls?'

*BOOOOMSHCKA-BA-DWANG-KTCHSSSSHCKTNG!*(Crappy sound effects, I know. Audio department's got nothing to work with but a paperclip and bubblegum)

And as the train collided with something SOLID, everything was thrown ass-backwards, head over heels and basically tossed about like a ragdoll.

With US inside.




After being tossed around and bouncing off the ceiling, the floor, the seats, Rebecca's tits and every other solid surface inside the train car, I must've blacked out when my head hit something hard.

Ugh, fuckin' skull is killing me.

I blinked back the darkness, realising I was face-down on a concrete floor. I tentatively flexed my muscles, determining that nothing was broken or dislocated. Then pushed myself up, calling, "Oy, holler if you're dead!"

. . .

Silence, as expected. Damnit. Once up and on one knee, I glanced left.

The train; or what was left of it, anyway. Flipped, mangled, broken and burning. Smoke filled the upper cavities of the tunnel, blacking out the lights. Only the flames kept away the shadows. Looking down, I found my vest was intact, as well as the mags,(Good old HK, excellent German engineering. Sucks that they hate their civvie customers) I wasn't burning, my gear was still attached, and my guns were still holstered.

Drawing my new-to-me Beretta, I gave it a once-over. Only a few scuffs and scratches on the grips. I tapped the mag, racked the slide, checked chamber, and then got to my feet.


On my right, I saw a door as well as several scattered pieces of the train. Including the remnants of what was once inside it. I found Rebecca and Billy lying on the ground, both looking intact, more or less.(Meaning, no missing limbs or massive pools of blood)

I jogged over to Rebecca, who was closest. "Rebecca. Hey, Rebecca!" I knelt by her, giving her body a closer inspection. (Whilst also trying not to ogle and/or grope the more interesting bits) Some scrapes, a small knot on her head, the beginnings of a few bruises. Still breathing, so nothing serious, I hope. Her MP5 and SE2 were both still on her person, ditto for her medical gear.


Leaning down, I carefully checked her neck, feeling for any broken discs or sheared tendons.

Nothing, as far as I could tell. Strong pulse, regular breathing, no internal bleeding of the carotid, jugular, or aorta. Joints weren't out of socket, no bones sticking out, and nothing bent at the wrong angle. I held her head still, lightly slapping(More like tapping) her cheek. "C'mon, Becs, wake up. Wake up."

Several tense moments passed, before her eyes fluttered.

"Auuughh," She groaned, blinking before staring up at me. "Huh... Roy?"

I smiled. Yep, she was alright. "Hey, Kitten. You okay?"

"Think so. My backside is killing me."

Grinning, I got to my feet, offering a hand. "I knew you'd be alright if you landed on your butt."

She gave me the cutest glare as I pulled her up, heheheh.

Moving over to the downed Marine, I gave him a once-over before nudging his side with my boot. "Oy Mulletman, you up?"

He groaned while flipping himself over, wincing as he got to his feet. "Augh, yeah, I'm up. Fucked up, but I'm up."

I nodded. "Good. Alright, you two, we'll scavenge what we can from the wreckage and get the hell outta here. See any ammo in an open flame, spot a fuel leak, or if you hear something strange, creepy or anything you cannot identify, give a shout. If you don't know what it is, keep your distance and let me know."


THAT went well.(Surprisingly) A few boxes of various kinds of ammo, from 9mm and 12 gauge to some more 7.62 and even a handful of 45 ACP, though I've no idea where the hell that came from. Unfortunately, the hunting gun didn't come through the crash. A shame, that.

But, fortunately for us, we were all in one piece, our gear was intact, and we had a way to keep moving.(IE, the door, not the tunnel)

Suppressing a groan at knowing full well what awaited us inside the place, I grabbed the door handle. "Last chance if either of you wants to try digging a a path out of the tunnel and through the forest."

Glancing back, I saw the two of them share a look.

*Uuuuooogghh...* Just as an oh-so-very conveniently timed ominous moan echoed throughout the tunnel, originating from the way we just crashed in from. Cool beans, another fucking monster that's gonna hound us until morning.

Just my fucking luck.

"Uh, I'll pass, thanks."

"I'm good with not trying to outrun whatever's out there."

Well, that's that. I pushed the heavy door open, stepping through and sweeping my gun left to right, high then low, the white light sucked away by the darkness as the stench assaulted my nose.

"Clear. Keep it tight and watch your step." I hopped down into the knee-high water, checking right before turning left. Nothing but darkness; how comforting, in a horror game.

"Ugh. Why does there have to be a sewer?" Becs whined, pinching her nose.

I heard Billy chuckling, "Could be worse."

"Don't jinx us now, Billy-boy. Right, here's our way out." I stepped up onto the concrete platform, placing a hand on one of the rebar rungs. The other two quickly joined me, kicking waste-water and other things better left unspoken of off their shoes. "I'll go first. Both of you, hang tight right here until I give the all-clear, or you hear gunfire. And if anything starts sneaking up on you, get your asses topside. Don't try fighting anything down here in the dark."

And as my boots clanged against the steel, I pondered what I was going to do.

'Cuz I was still flying by the seat of my pants.


I tossed the trapdoor open, rolling myself up and over the ledge. When I landed in a crouch with my weapon drawn, I gave the foyer a quick once-over, before standing up and looking around for that damned camera.

Aha, found it. I lined up my sights and put a round through the device, before pulling my my radio and calling down to Becs and Billy-bob. "Oy, you two! Topside is clear, get up here."

Not even ten seconds later and they were both standing next to me, Billy kicking the trapdoor shut. Oddly enough, they both had semi-panicked expressions on their faces, completely drained of color.

"Something wrong?" I asked, concerned about something that could turn a veteran Marine infantry Lieutenant as white as a ghost.

The medic answered, "W-we heard something down there! It wasn't h-human!" She shivered, glancing towards the trapdoor.

Wasn't human? Oookay. "And just what did it sound like, exactly?" Eyeing the trapdoor in question, I moved over and found the latch that would lock it closed, sliding the bolt into place.

"Like something out of a horror movie, a screeching growl that echoed through the whole sewer." I stopped.

Screeching growl-?

"Fuck." I cursed, getting back to my feet. Gotta be a hunter, or something else nasty. Hopefully that trapdoor will keep it trapped down there. Heh, trapped. I crack myself up.

Rebecca didn't like the look on my face, apparently. "What was it?"

"A hunter, reptilian bioweapon created by Umbrella. They're about three and a half feet high, covered in tough scales with massive claws and big muscles. Nasty little fuckers." Shaking my head, I wondered if it might instead be a webspinner, or even one of the eliminators.

No. The monkeys wouldn't like moving through such dark, wet areas. Could be one of those big-ass spiders, but somehow, I doubt it. Gotta be one of those scaly bastards.

They both shared a look, before continuing to stare at me. "How can you tell?"

"Because there are only three of Umbrella's creations that make a sound that can be described as a screeching growl; one of which wouldn't be found stalking around in a sewer, and the other only makes noise when injured. Therefore, there is only one of the three left." Simple explanation, actually.

Becca shook her head. "No, how do you know about them? And how do you know Umbrella made them?"

Oops. Agh, damnit, how to explain this? 'Cuz I got nothing. C'mon, Roy, think! "The hunter alpha-variant is the first marketable bioweapon Umbrella has created; by injecting reptilian DNA into a human embryo and utilizing the T-virus as a bonding agent, they're remarkably simple to grow. They're intelligent, nocturnal predators that typically hunt in pairs, who can be found anywhere it's dark and above freezing. As to how I know all this..."

Trailing off, I considered my options on lies. The truth would be, ah-

Well, okay, even I barely believe it, and I'm the one living it.(Still halfway expecting to wake up any minute, now) So, no, not telling them that I'm from the real world. Priorities, gotta focus on my priorities.

"That's a long story. I'd like to explain everything, but we don't have the luxury of time on our side, at the moment. Once we're out of this nightmare, I'll answer any questions you have; until then, our primary focus is survival, and escape." I moved for the center of the foyer, beckoning the others to follow.

Just at the bottom of the stairs, I looked up, into the eyes of James Marcus.

"Welcome, friends, to the world of Resident Evil..."

And like that, lightning cracked the sky, thunder rolling in the distance as Marcus' recording began to play.


No more Tom or Randy, sorry. I'd originally planned for them to show up again MUCH later, as apart of the BSAA, but the gag joke I had wasn't worth the extra effort of scripting them in at this point.

Eh. I'm lazy.

Also, there's a Battlefield 3 reference in there somewhere... As well as a shout-out to RE4.

Ooh, ooh, and a reference to Avatar the Abridged Series, if you're keen enough to see it. Hell, I hear the guy's sarcastic, cynical voice every time I read it.